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cant get over boyfriend!!!
November 5, 1999
12:41 pm
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fay
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i was going out with my boyfriend for 6 years. I am now 22 years old. We broke up about 2 1/2 months ago. It ws bascically mutual, he is the one who brought it up. However, i have been talking about it with my friends that i wasnt completely happy and unsure if i would regret it if i were to brake up with him. well we talked about it and we decided to brake up. at first i wanted him back right away. he didnt. after about a month i started to get over him (i thiught). i dated some guys something that i have never done before. but recently all i have been doing is thinking about him and wanting him back. I htought that i was strong but i think i was just covering it up. i dont know what to do it distracts me from my everyday activities. i call him and write him letters. he says maybe in the future we will get back but not just yet. bu then he hgives me mixed signals. he showed up last week at my apartment at 1 in the morning. just to sayhi to my roomate and i supposedly. he tells me he still loves me and he also calls me somtimes. i just dont know how to get himm off of my mind.. any adivice??????

November 5, 1999
1:02 pm
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Snow
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Hi Fay,

I know what you're going through. I went out with the same guy for 9 years (from 15 to 24) then we broke up. For me, it wasn't that I wanted to get back together because I knew that we shouldn't but I really really missed his friendship. He was my best friend and I really missed him. I also missed his family. They had become my family too. The hardest part for me was accepting that I didn't belong with him anymore. It was definatly a territorial thing. I wasn't able to face that someone else could be in "my" place. It takes time to heal. You will though. It doesn't help that he keeps stringing you along. That may be a control thing for him. You have to decide if your mental health is worth that. It's hard to let go, but it's the healthiest thing to do. I speak to my ex now. We can be friends because I've dealt with all of that. It took me around 3 years to do it though. There will always be feelings for him. He was a major part of your life for a long time. Space will probably do you some good. I hope I've helped you a little. It's something that takes time to deal with. You can do it. Keep writing here and others will help too. Best of luck.

Snow

November 5, 1999
1:55 pm
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everblue
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Hi Fay,

Oh man, do I know what you feel like right now! It seems like nothing is ever going to be normal without him around, right? I have a similar experience, and it has taken me over a year to really start getting over my ex. The breakup was a little different than yours, because my ex gave me no warning, no explanation, and hasn't spoken to my since. You have one good thing on your side that you are still speaking. You have the chance to at least maintain a friendship. However, for now I think you should treat it as if you plan not to get back together. Unfortunately, the main thing to ease this hurt is just time...just waiting it out. I think it will help you to avoid talking to him for a while. Tell him that he cannot show up at 1:00 am, or unannounced. He has to make plans with you to see you. When you find yourself thinking about him, turn on the tv, read a book, go out for a walk - don't avoid your feelings, but don't dwell on them. Spend some time distracting yourself. You may be surprised to find out what kind of things you enjoy when you are your own person. I wish I could tell you it will all be fixed overnight, but time is the main ingredient in healing... Good luck. Please post here whenever you need to, there is always someone to listen.

November 9, 1999
6:09 pm
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Snow
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How are you doing Fay?

November 15, 1999
4:44 am
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Ava
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Fay,
I feel for you. I'm in the same boat as of seven hours ago. My boyfriend of three years and I broke up. It hurts so bad. Let me know how you are coping. We can support each other. The only thing I know is, when a break up occurs it's because one or both of the people were unhappy. Happiness is important. It's all about your health. I hope you can see some tiny aspect of positive hope in all of this. I know how hard that light at the end of the tunnel can be to see right now but it's there. I don't have any great theory to live by, I just know that you will be okay. Believe in yourself and know you aren't alone.

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