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Can you teach me?
October 27, 2008
7:26 am
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Binky
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September 30, 2010
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Hi! I am very new to the term codependent, however I've lived a long life of these behaviors! I'm reading the book, Codependent, and I see myself, and the 3 therapists I've had in the past years, and the work they've done with me so very clearly. My biggest question, block and difficulty is this. What is the difference between finding yourself codependent, and gathering a plan to recover from that, and blaming my behaviors on someone else?
In detail, I've been married 15 years, when in charge of the bills, and under great emotional stress, I did not pay the bills, and I spent money on household and children things that while they were reasonable to purchase, they were not reasonable at all because the bills were not paid. I then lied to my husband, and MYSELF, thinking I was going to pay them, and not getting there. I've created chaos, and I am not happy with myself, of what I have done. My husband, who obviously is angry to say the least, found me reading this book, and feels that I'm blaming my lies, and my financial infidelity on him, and his issues. I do not know how to find the balance here. I know I can't live for, or about his feelings, but that doesn't take away the real adult responsibility of hurting him, and healing from that as well. How do I explain this? How do I respect being sorry and owning this entire problem myself, and dealing with the fact that I need to express it in a way that isn't MORE hurtful? He is a human, and he has his own issues to deal with for sure, but I don't have any feelings that I wouldn't have gotten to this place entirely on my own. I've tried to explain that yeah, he can make it easier or harder for me to make my changes, but he can't do it for me. How do I heal wounds I've inflicted on others while healing my own? Any input? Thank you!

October 27, 2008
2:59 pm
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truthBtold
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September 27, 2010
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Binky,

I hope you don't take my response as simple and trite because it is not by any means.

From the tone of your post and from the title as well, it sounds to me like you are looking too hard for the answers to come from outside of yourself - you know?

I would suggest that you take a time out from reading for now and just concentrate on relaxing, stretching and meditating.

From my experience, this has helped.

Just take a time out to get really quiet and open with yourself.

Usually the answers to your own questions will just naturally surface and give you some non-judgemental insight.

Just my slant.

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