loopy,
I have een avoiding my childhood abuser for approx 30 years. During this time I exhibited extreme angry and self-destructive behavior. It really wrecked my life, legally, emotionally and in both of my marriages. Only until I was able to confront my abuser and tell him my feelings was I able to let go of my hatred. Most of the time abusers have been victims themselves. I am sorry for the pain you have endured and the betrayal of trust you lost with your father. Just remember that only you can stop the cycle of abuse from continuing. God bless