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can you have a relantionship with your sexual abuser?
July 7, 2008
8:01 pm
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loopy
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i was sexual abused by my father 10 years ago,my sister recently try to take an overdose and she said she was sexual abused too.
My mum as gone off the rails but i have in a funny sort of way forgiven my dad for what he as done and all i want is for him to be more of a dad then he has ever been.
My other half and members of his family think it is wrong for me to have any contact with him, i don't know what to do.
all i want is a normal day to day caring and loving parent.
They think i need counselling not sure?
I wish is felt anger towards my father it would make this a lot easier

July 7, 2008
9:05 pm
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Randomwomen2
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This is so hard sweetheart I too was sexually abused by my father. Im not angry at him im afraid of him. It is really your choice if you want to have contact with him but please dont allow him to be around any children just for safety sake, he could do it again you just dont know sweetheart. Did he ever go to jail for his crimes against you and your sister?

July 7, 2008
10:09 pm
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_anonymous
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loopy- I think that you might find the best answer to your question in therapy.

What you want and what he is are 2 different things.

You want a normal father in your life. Your father is not normal.

It is best for anyone who has been abused sexually, physically or emotionally to seperate from their abuser so they do not subject themselves to further harm and so they can work on themselves.

July 8, 2008
3:22 am
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loopy
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it's so hard. i feel that i am forced to make a decision that i don't want to make.That means i will have no father and no mother.
My dad was not convicted for his sins

July 8, 2008
3:32 am
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loopy
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It's so hard i know it's wrong and no my dad was not convicted but i just feel that everybody wants me to disown him i feel really upset

July 8, 2008
8:30 am
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alicenwonderland
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Loopy,

I think therapy is a very good place to start and who says that you have to make any kind of decision immediately. You are in control of your life, not anyone else. You can make this decision when YOU are ready after you have all the information and thought about the entire picture not just what is in front of you at the moment. I think therapy might give you some direction.

Please look at your father as he is and not how you would like for him to be. We all have a fantasy of what we want from different people in our lives-father, mother, friends, significant other, etc. and we often tend to shape people into the mold that we already have inside our minds and turn a blind eye to things that do not fit. We all want the love and acceptance from our parents and my dear friend, it is normal for you to want that from him. Please remember that your emotional and physical health is the most important thing and if this man cannot give you those things as he is at this minute, then you have to do what is best for YOU. You are the only one who can figure that out. You deserve to be loved in a healthy way and to give your love to another person as well. Just please spend some time actually looking at the man and not the fantasy that you have for him.

Love starts with loving yourself and that means understanding that you deserve nothing less than the best from life.

Stay strong and keep posting...

July 8, 2008
9:23 am
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loopy
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thankyou for your reply alicewonderland it makes sense what you are saying i am going to have some counselling think it will help.i wish i could think with my head and not my heart i don't want to rock the boat and hurt peoples fealing but i am the one hurting at the end of the day

July 8, 2008
10:57 am
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alicenwonderland
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Loopy,

It is so hard not to let our hearts out-talk our heads. My own little stubborn heart just refuses to listen to reason quite often. Since we cannot control our feelings, but we can chose what actions we take because of them. I usually base my actions on my head I know she is the one who tends to get me in less trouble.

I will share with you one great lesson that I have learned in my own road to recovery. I like you held everything in because I didn't want to "rock" the boat, but by holding all that in you are doing three very damaging things: You feel miserable, you assume responsiblilty for everyone else's happiness, and you rob other people from knowing the real you. The wall you are building just keeps everything in and everyone out. That is so unfair not only to you, but to those who care for you. You are a great person and should shine your light to the world.

We all have the right to express our feelings, opinions, and thoughts and while I think it is a wonderful thing to be "kind" in relation to others, it isn't fair to you to take everyone else's hurt-even thought often times as codies we want to. Hurt is a part of life, but so is joy and you are letting others problems rob you of your internal joy. Even in this bad situation, you should be able to find some peace for yourself.

Good luck!

July 8, 2008
11:21 am
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_anonymous
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loopy- You are stuck in trying to define a role. Sharing genetic material with someone doesnt make them your parent. When a man sexually violates his daughter he does not perceive himself as being a father or you his child. He thinks of himself as a male and you are just another female. Highly impersonal. When a man sexually violates his child he does so because he views the child as someone who has no rights or feelings of their own. People like this have a sense of entitlement. They feel that they are entitled to have anything they want and people are just tools to get what they want and if they dont give them what they want they have no use for them and dismiss them from their life like they never existed.

Yes, you needed and deserved to have a father.

July 8, 2008
1:16 pm
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StronginHim77
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In response to the question which is the title of this thread...

NO. You cannot have a healthy "relationship" with someone who has such serious, mental health issues.

I join others here in hoping that you will seek qualified counseling/therapy to help in your own, emotional recovery.

What a shame that he has never been confronted with the legal consequences for his crimes against you and your sister. He needs those consequences. Also, every child he ever meets (or has contact with) is at risk for future molestation. And the evil continues, unchecked...

- Ma Strong

July 8, 2008
4:25 pm
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loopy
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thankyou for all you conmments and support it all amkes alot of sense i am seeking counselling i have made an appointment so i am on the read to recovery just hope my sister can will think the same way and seek help too.She is at a different stage in her recovery she still wants her daddy in her life.
The reason why i am not sending my dad to prision is because i can't emotionaly cope with it maybe selfish but it's a risk i am willing to take.MAybe that will change in the future.

July 8, 2008
6:16 pm
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StronginHim77
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Loopy -

As you move through the process of recovery from the crimes committed against you (and your sister), there will come a day when you will be strong enough to (1) confront your abuser and (2) initiate the legal consequences which he deserves, thereby protecting other helpless children from becoming his victims. Because molesters NEVER STOP, until someone breaks the silence and TELLS the TRUTH.

- Ma Strong

July 8, 2008
8:00 pm
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soofoo
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Loopy,

What you went through was horrible. You should feel no shame for wanting a dad. There is always denial in these situations because they are impossible to face all at once.

It is NOT WRONG to want a dad. You ought not experience any shame over that.

Please remember that what he did was wrong and the feelings that you have as a result, ANY feelings whatsoever are NOT wrong.

My father tried to have sex with me when I was 18. He had been in prison most of my life. I was old enough to stop him, to not let him and back away, but I was in total denial about it for years, because I wanted him so badly to be my dad. If I had been younger I can only imagine the lasting damage it would have done to me. I wanted a daddy too, especially since my mom had abandoned me. I chose to pretend like it didn't happen and went on trying to make this true sociopath a loving father for the next 10 years. Finally, he stole a very large sum of money from my sisters and I and disappeared from our lives forever. Thank God. I will never speak to him again, but my situation was much easier than yours being that a) he disappeared, and b) he hadn't been a major influence in my life since he had been separated from my mother and in prison for the vast majority of my childhood. So I can totally understand the longing you feel. You are normal, and if you had a normal dad, your longing would be a great thing. It would be love. So please, please do not feel shame for this part of you. You need to love this part of you, and give it everything your dad cannot. Love to you.

July 8, 2008
10:29 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Actually I have a relationship with one of my sexual abuseres my mother she never went to prison either like she should have. Is it a normal relationship? NO. I can never have a normal relationship with her cause there are so many things we dont talk about like my whole childhood. I just thought I would share

July 9, 2008
4:58 am
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loopy
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Felling really low is there a right from wrong when you want to build a relantionship with your father even thou he abused you.Can you forgive someone for this kind of crime if you think that you can deal with (block it out)the abuse in your mind?
I have so many questions and i don't think i will ever get the answer or the answer that i want to hear.is it right to say that if i was abused i will abuse other because that scares me.

July 9, 2008
9:13 am
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alicenwonderland
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Loopy,

Often times, the answer we get isn't the one we want to hear. Taking care of you means to say (or do) what you need to say (or do) realizing that the other person is also entitled to their response. We don't have the right or the ability to control other people's thoughts, behaviors, and feelings. It is a big enough job to just take care of our own...

The hard part is that we have to be ready to accept that response wether it be what we want or what we don't. This is the cornerstone for any "real" relationship. Isn't that what you want? A real realationship with your father? If it's "fake" then it may cause you more harm than no relationship at all.

Forgiveness can be a wonderful healer, but to "block out" what has happened just to have a relationship with him is not true forgiveness. In order to forgive, you must acknowledge what happened, deal with YOUR pain, and then when you are ready let the past be the past. I don't agree with the old saying "Forgive and Forget". I think if we forget the lessons that the past has taught us, then we run the risk of repeating the same mistakes and ending up in more bad situations. In all this, please remember that you and your physical and mental health are the most important things. Please don't let your desire to have a father in your life overshadow what is "healthy" for you.

The potential is there for the abused to become the abuser, BUT you CAN choose to end the cycle of abuse with you. While some people can do this without professional help, getting therapy actually increases the chance that this will not happen. The key is that if you decide that the cycle stops with you, then it stops with you. You have all the power.

I was physically abused as a child and I suffer from the same "raging" that my father did, but I decided that I didn't want to be like him and took charge of my anger. With help, I was able to learn how to rechannel that anger and not lash out at other people or become violent.

I wish you luck, dear friend, in finding what it is that you are seeking. Love starts within you with the love you have for yourself. It is where the healing process begins...

July 9, 2008
11:43 am
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soverysad
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I was abused by my step brother...I do not have a relationship with him and do not feel the need to have one. I have forgiven him but that does not mean I have forgotten. When certain lines (boundaries) are crossed I think it is almost impossible to have a "normal" relationship again. However I see your need for a father figure in your life and I do not need a brother figure, so it is possibly easier for me to draw those lines....

July 9, 2008
12:32 pm
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soofoo
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(((Loopy)))

I think it's very dangerous to block things out. You would be teaching yourself not to trust yourself. This will make you very confused and also susceptible to more abuse not only by your father but by others. Please, Loopy this is not the way.

Everything you deny and push down in yourself gets bigger and more ugly with all the force and pressure of that denial. Does that make sense? That's why sexual abuse and particularly incest gets so very damaging to people. The act hurts and then the denial of the act keeps that pain inside, gaining pressure and causing all kinds of psychological damage that can last your whole life if you don't come to terms with it.

(((Loopy))) Can you see a therapist?

July 10, 2008
3:46 pm
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loopy
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really bad today bottle of wine sounded nice at 8 this morning what would that achieve the pain of what as happened in my life wont go away with alchool that dull ach will still be there hopefully a better day tommorrow.counselling in a few weeks

July 10, 2008
3:49 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Sweetheart im so sorry that you are hurting. Believe me I do understand. (((Loopy))) Have you tried writing about the actual pain sweetheart? You can journal them on paper or you can write about them here. I know this has helped me tremedously. Sweetheart there is life beyond the pain.

September 12, 2009
3:09 pm
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SkaredeeCat24
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LOOPY,
I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL. I TOO WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED BY MY FATHER. MY SISTER WAS ALSO SEXUALLY ABUSED BY HIM AS WELL. IT HAS BEEN WELL OVER A DECADE AND WE HAVE JUST RECENTLY COME OUT WITH IT. NO ONE BUT HER AND I KNEW AND AT THE TIME THAT'S WHAT WE WANTED. HOWEVER, A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO, I HAD MADE A COMMENT TO MY MOTHER THAT HAD TIPPED HER OFF THAT SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT WITH ME OR MY SISTER. I HAD FINALLY COME TO A POINT IN MY LIFE WHERE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE IN THE DARK WITH THIS SECRET ANY LONGER AND FELT THE TIME WAS RIGHT FOR MY MOM TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

MY SISTER AND I WERE 11 AND 9. ME BEING THE OLDEST, I FELT MORE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO US. I FELT MORE GUILT, ANGER, SHAME AND CONFUSION. FOR THREE YEARS THE ABUSE CONTINUED. AND THOUGH IT MAY NOT HAVE BEEN TO THE SEVERE EXTENT OF WHAT SOME MAY HAVE SUFFERED, I BELIEVE ABUSE IS ABUSE AND HURTS NO MATTER THE EXTENT.

NONE THE LESS, HERE MY SISTER AND I ARE, 24 AND 22; MARRIED AND TRYING TO PUT IT BEHIND US. BUT BECAUSE WE TRIED TO BURY IT AND FORGET; WE ARE NOW LIVING A LIFE WITH TRUST ISSUES, CONFUSION, HURT, ANGER, SHAME AND BLAME. I BLAME MYSELF MOSTLY. MY SISTER WANTED TO TELL SOMEONE, BUT ME BEING OLDER AND WANTING TO PROTECT MY MOM'S FEELINGS, I TALKED HER INTO KEEPING IT SECRET.

SHAME ON ME FOR NOT COMING FORWARD. SHAME ON ME FOR LETTING IT CONTINUE FOR THREE YEARS. SHAME ON ME FOR STILL WANTING A RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR FATHER. BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT HE DID, I STILL REMEMBER THE FATHER HE WAS BEFORE HE BECOME AN ABUSER. AND I THINK OF ALL HE DID FOR US AFTER THE ABUSE STOPPED. I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I SHOULD FEEL ANYMORE OR WHAT I TRULY WANT. BUT I DO KNOW THAT NOW MORE THAN EVER I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY FATHER OVER WHAT HAS HAPPENED. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AFRAID OF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AND MY SISTER. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AFRAID OF WHAT WOULD HAPPEN SHOULD THIS INFO CAME OUT. BUT NOW THAT IT IS OUT, I FIND MYSELF AFRAID OF "WHAT IF IT NEVER DID?" I FINALLY TOLD MY HUSBAND OF 2 1/2 YRS, WHOM I'VE BEEN WITH FOR 4 YRS, WHAT HAPPENED TO ME; IT WAS PROBABLY THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE. AND WHEN I WAS DONE SPILLING IT HE TOLD ME SOMETHING THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING I TOLD MYSELF FOR SO LONG. " IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, NOR DID YOU DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE IT. AND NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU WERE, NO ONE IS OLD ENOUGH TO COPE WITH SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON THEIR OWN." AFTER I CRIED FOR AWHILE, HE LIFTED MY HEAD AND KISSED MY FOREHEAD AND EXPLAINED THAT IT WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA TO GET SOME OUTSIDE HELP. BUT FOR SOME REASON I PUT IT OFF. EVEN AFTER 12 YRS OF TRYING TO BURY IT AND FORGET I STILL WASN'T READY TO DEAL. THE BREAKING POINT FOR ME DIDN'T HAPPEN UNTIL JUST LAST NIGHT. I FINALLY FEEL AS IF I'VE HAD ENOUGH. I WANT HELP. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL ANGRY OR SHAME ANYMORE. I WANT TO HAVE A NORMAL MARRIAGE WITH MY HUSBAND WHO I LOVE AND CARE ABOUT. NOT AN ANGER FILLED ONE. AND NOT ONE THAT IS LACKING IN THE TRUST FIELD.

SO, IF YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR ME OUT THERE ON HOW TO ACHIEVE THIS GOAL, PLEASE FILL ME IN. BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF TRYING TO BURY IN THE BACK AND FORGETTING. IT'S TIME FOR THIS SKAREDEECAT TO MOVE ON WITH HER LIFE.

September 13, 2009
1:57 am
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trainwreck
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SkaredeeCat24
My first wife was sexually abused by her father. It was a factor in our marriage. Our marriage was disfunctional because of it.Your marraige will suffer from this if you don't address it. How can any person feel sexually free in them selves when they were abused. Please see a psycologist for this. You said this monster you call a father did this repeatedly.You were taken advantage of. Why are you blaming yourself for your fathers perversions. If you don't address this you are destined to allow this to happen to your children.He will and probally has abused many others since no one stopped him. You being worried about having some kind of relationship with your father should tell you there is something very disturbing. You are encouraging his perversion. This man needs mental health since he did it to you and your sister then he probally did it to many others and you are accessory to his perversion by keeping your mouth shut. I hate to be so blunt but this is no small matter and should be addressed as a serious problem that will get worse. If it was up to me he (your father) would either be in jail or in a mental asylum for treatment. This is a sickness that if not treated only gets worse. You said this was going on for three years, how could your mother not know. You say mom found out, did she expload and put him in jail. This angers me on so many levels.I cannot have any smypathy for your father other than he is one sick puppy. You are damaged also by first blaming yourself and not getting help earlier. I don't give a hoot who finds out. Get this into the sun light and now. Get professional help now!!!!!!!!

September 13, 2009
11:46 am
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SkaredeeCat24
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TRAINWRECK, YOU'RE RIGHT. A MARRIAGE WILL SUFFER FROM SOMETHING OF THIS DEGREE AND ALREADY IS. MINE.

MY MOTHER DIDN'T KNOW BECAUSE SHE WORKED TWO JOBS AND MY GRANDMOTHER WAS IN HER FINAL STAGE OF CANCER. SO AT EVERY AVAILABLE MOMENT SHE WOULD BE AT HER MOM AND DAD'S HOUSE TENDING TO HER. AT ONE POINT WE DID MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO TELL HER AND FOR A LITTLE WHILE IT STOPPED FOR ABOUT TWO MONTHS, BUT SOON AFTER IT STARTED UP AGAIN. IT WASN'T UNTIL 2 1/2 YEARS LATER THAT IT FINALLY STOPPED. I WAS TURNING 14 AND I GUESS HE FIGURED WE WERE OLD ENOUGH. I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN HIS MIND FOR HIM TO FINALLY STOP. I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE TRULY DID STOP.
ALL I KNOW IS BEFORE HE BEGAN THE ABUSE HE WAS MY IDOL. I COULD COMPLETELY DEPEND AND TRUST IN HIM. BUT DURING THE TIME THE ABUSE STARTED TILL ABOUT 5 YRS AFTER IT STOPPED, I TRULY DESPISED MY FATHER. TO THIS DAY, THE SMELL OF OLD SPICE MAKES ME NAUSEOUS AND LISTENING TO PAT BENATAR PUTS ME IN A FOUL MOOD.(I USED TO LISTEN TO HER CD AFTERWARDS) IT WASN'T TILL RECENTLY (ABOUT 5YRS AGO) THAT I DECIDED I DIDN'T WANT TO BE ANGRY ANYMORE. I DIDN'T WANT TO BE HATEFUL TOWARDS HIM, NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE MAY DESERVE IT. I WANT TO FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET. YOU'RE RIGHT, HE DOES NEED HELP. HE IS SICK. AND NO MATTER WHAT HE'S STILL MY FATHER. HE'S HELPED ME GET THROUGH SO MUCH IN THE LAST 5YRS AND I DON'T KNOW IF HE DOES IT BECAUSE HE WANTS TO HELP HIS CHILD IN NEED OR BECAUSE HE FEELS GUILTY FOR WHAT HE'S DONE AND IS TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR IT. OR MAYBE HE FIGURES IT WILL HELP HIS CAUSE FOR ME TO KEEP QUIET IF HE HELPS ME AS MUCH AS HE CAN. I JUST DON'T KNOW BECAUSE I CAN'T TRUST HIM LIKE I USED TO.

September 13, 2009
1:28 pm
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fantas
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(((Skaredeecat24))),

I'm so sorry this happened to you and like your husband says, it isn't your fault. Your father is sick and perverted and needs a lot of jail time and help. Through therapy, you will learn to accept both the father who was good and sick at the same time. The two aren't mutually exclusive and they don't negate each other either. No person is all bad or all good and we are rewarded or punished according to our deeds. He is still your father and a pedophile at the same time. You can be grateful for the father he was and abhor the abuse he inflicted on you, your sister, and I can guarantee, many others.

It's great that you wish to forgive your father. This doesn't mean he still shouldn't receive the consequences of his behavior. What, when, and how to confront, report, etc. will all become clear as you deal with this with the assistance of someones who understands sexual abuse. What does your mother think of all this?

If you are strong enough, perhaps you can ask your father to report himself instead of you having to do it. If he is as loving a father as you seem to think he was before and after the abuse, he will take this route. If he insists on anything else, then you know he is still as sick as he was then.

As for your father stopping to abuse you after a certain age, some pedophiles are attracted to children of certain ages. It is possible that after you hit puberty, he was no longer attracted to you and moved on to others who were younger. If you have children, he will probably molest them at the same age he did you and your sister. Actually, I can almost guarantee it. Pedophiles never get cured.

Keep seeking help. All the best!

September 14, 2009
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