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can you be good mates with an ex
November 28, 2001
6:19 am
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sapphire
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Hi everyone! I would really appreiciate some advice. I was seeing this wonderful man for just over two years, we had a very stormy relationship we would fall out then get back then fall out etc. I love him dearly and he loves me dearly we never lived together but saw one another regular. Anyway we have decided the best thing we can do is part as lovers and remain good friends because one thing we can do is talk very opnely and honestly about our feelings and life in general. We just cant get on as lovers yet we can as friends. Anyway i am going to see him on sunday and were going out for a meal its his birthday he is 45 and i am 38. We have just recently broke up but want to remain friends. The chemistry between us is electifying but we decided to also stop the sex. Can ex lovers remain good friends. I would miss him dearly if i had no contact with him at all and he feels the same, we simply just cant get on as lovers and its confusing me to death why we cant yet as mates we are great. Help im very confused. sorry if this sounds all gobbeldy gooch to you all. thanks sapphire x

November 28, 2001
8:43 am
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sapphire
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Blondie hi thanks for your reply.
No neither of us has met anyone else to be honest we are not bothered just yet about meeting anyone else. I will take your advice on that video, we have such a good time together but as for a "proper" relationship we always end up falling out. So being friends is our only option and i do hope we can remain that way. As for when he or my self meets someone else well time will tell how we both feel then. But your right when you said sexually friends i wondered if u can be just sexually friends. It works for you as you have said. I love this guy to bits but cant see us being together as a couple. So maybe we should just enjoy the friendship and see what happends. As for sunday im looking forward to seeing him as for shagging like rabbits i wouldnt say no to it lol. Thanks again and ill let you know how sunday went. And thanks for the advice and what you said about you relationship. You sound a very level headed woman. cheers sapphire x

November 28, 2001
12:16 pm
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Molly
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I wonder sometimes, that little head often takes over where the big head leaves off. Some guys will say they are just going for coffee, and a movie, and will see just how far they can push it, then say its just physical, but them some guys can be friends. Just protect your heart. You will know for sure, if he pushes the issue, you say no, and he does call again, or you never hear from him again.

November 28, 2001
3:10 pm
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sapphire
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blondie yes i know the sexual friendship will have to end we both know that and sooner rather than later, and yes its going to be rough because you cant just turn of your feelings for one another. We live about an hour from each other so we dont get to see one another locally in the area.

Molly if anyone is doing the pushing for this sexual friendship its me and not him, he is the most caring and kind guy you could ever wish to meet we just simply can't get on as lovers but mates where great. strange i know but i think for me its the first time i have ever trully loved someone and yes he loves me what really gets me down is we both love each other yet we simply cant get on as lovers. I know its weird and we have talked about it so many times over and over but neither of us can find the answers, thats why we decided to become mates. thanks both of you i just feel very confused at the minute. cheers sapphire xx

November 28, 2001
4:05 pm
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artist 2
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What a drag to have a best friend and know you'll part one day... sad, but if you can take it... I surely couldn't... Brave ones!

November 28, 2001
4:49 pm
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mari
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Hi Sapphire. I tried to be in a relationship like that. I have to be honest, it completely tore me up. We are no longer together and no longer friends. We tried to be friends that also "just had sex" but were not boyfriend/girlfriend. Jealousy got the better of both of us several times, but we always came back to each other because we truly were best friends. I'll tell you this, having a relationship like the one you are in really hinders ever finding anyone else. You just sort of get comfortable and never look elsewhere. Also, after a period of time, you really don't want anyone else but that person. I think you're really brave to attempt this, but I have to tell you, it's the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I no longer even speak to my ex-lover/friend. It just became too painful. Now, it hurts to know that we can't even talk. There are so many times during the day that I'll hear something that would make him laugh and I can't call to share it with him. I'm not saying that you personally can't handle this, you may be a much stronger person than I am. I'm just recommending that you be VERY careful not to get too attached. It's a real heart-breaker.

November 28, 2001
4:57 pm
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turnip62us
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I think Mari nailed it. It's gonna be really tough. And this might sound sexist, but remember that a lot of guys want what they can't have. You might suddenly become a "challenge" again.

November 29, 2001
4:07 am
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sapphire
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Artist2 not sure if i can to be honest.

Mari Your words are a great comfort. I to will switch the radio on or tv and see or hear something and i think oh ill just call him and tell him about it because we always use to do that but then i hold back because im not sure if its the right thing to do anymore. I know deep down in my heart this is going to be very painful for both of us and i dont think i am strong enough to deal with it. I am going to see him on sunday its his birthday and we are going for a meal, this will be the first time we will see each other as friends and not lovers, im not sure how its going to be but my gutts tell me to end it totally because the pain will be to much for us both. I will see what happends on sunday.

Turnip yes i hear what your saying like i just said above i think the best thing we both can do is stop all contact for both our sakes.

I know one thing i am going to feel very bereaved and miss him like hell. But whatever we do theres gonna be pain. I think with chrstmas near by as well isnt going to help us both.
cheers to you all sapphire x

November 29, 2001
7:24 am
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turnip62us
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Wise decision...you're a brave person!

November 29, 2001
10:55 am
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mari
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Hang in there Sapphire! And best of luck to!

December 3, 2001
8:49 am
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sapphire
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MMMMM blondie you was right girl yep we did shagg like rabbits. It started of fine we chatted and had a nice meal and talked about keeping sex out of the equation and concentrating more on being friends. It lasted for 4 hours, trouble was it was'nt him that started it, it was me, thought oh what the heck life is far to short lets just enjoy each other and if it ends totally then so be it. We did talk afterwards and we both felt that maybe we were fighting against our feelings instead of recognising that there for real. We have both been hurt badly in the past and i think we have a big barrier built up between us not wanting to get hurt again. Thats proberly where the fall outs start. Why is life so damn god confusing sometimes. It might seem trival to some people but thank goodness for this site at least we can blow of some steam. Going to hire that video and watch that, might give us both some ideas hey who knows. cheers sapphire xx

December 3, 2001
1:05 pm
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Molly
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Well at least there are two people walking around light on their feet, with a great big grin, some one has to do it.

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