Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Can we give our storys again?
June 10, 2006
7:38 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think it would be great for all of us to give our storys about why were here and how far we have come since we have gotten here. Last time we did that was in July of last year I think if you all wouldnt mind it would be good to do it again.

June 10, 2006
7:40 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Heres mine

Randomwomen2
1-Apr-05

I am 21 years old almost 22. The abuse that took place in my life started when i was 3. My mother had me when she was just 16 and she left my real father who was the only good thing in my life. She met my exstep father when i was three and things started to happen. My earlist memory is of him lifting up my night gown while we were watching a movie. My mother new about it all along and did nothing to stop it. It stayed like that for years then when i was 8 I got in trouble so my punsihment was to have intercourse with my so called father. Then drugs got interdused and ofcourse they made me use them too. I was already use to drinking alchoal.i started that at 6. I thought that my mom didnt know about it for the longest time cause she was on drugs and usualy tied up and blind folded but i was wrong cause one time i was in there and she didnt knwo and she asked my ex step father to come and get me. Even my trips to the coast was hell. I remember them shuving a turkey baster down my throught because i refused to drink so they made me. when i was 11 my mother left me and whent to california she was gone for a year. When i was 12 i had a miscarage. When my exstep father heard that i was pregnet he told me too tell people that i got pregnet from a boy at school. I finaly spoke up and he got sent toprison for multipule counts. I didnt tell on my mother though i dont know why but i didnt know she has heppititas c and is dying. So here i am now 10 years later trying to finaly deal with this.

Now I am doing so much better I have come along way in the past 13 months I finaly realized that it wasnt my fault and Im feeling at peace. I still have some bad days and sometimes some bad weeks when I am working through a new memory but now I know that I am not alone that I have all of you to support me. LOVE YOU ALL. JULIE

June 10, 2006
7:52 pm
Avatar
sleepless in uk
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Aww Random ((((Random)))

I am so very sorry for what you have been through....you are amazing to have survived and be raising your boys in such a positive loving HEALTHY way...you really are inspiring and always so kind to people on this site.

I am afraid that right now I am not nearly so brave as you and cant bring myself to talk about everything...I have said stuff about where I am now and my marriage and how unhappy i sometimes am but I cant really talk much about some other stuff...I am getting there though and I hope one day I will be as strong as you are

You should be very very proud of how far you have come and you are so very young..

with much love and admiration

sleepless

June 10, 2006
8:53 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Not everyone will be ready sweetheart. I am not always healthy in the way I have raised my children though. they watch a lot and I mean a lot of TV. I feel like I am just not there the way that I need to be. They know I love them but I dont have the energy to do much with them excepft for holding them on the couch and things like that.

June 10, 2006
8:56 pm
Avatar
chloeysmomma
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

my story ok i was 9 when i got molested by my dad s dad i ran away alot due to that at the age of 15 and i was also raped and at age 16 i moved out and age 19 got pregnant by a random guy age 24 got married to first guy that came along been married and in a semi abusive relationship but things are getting better with counseling etc i still have nightmares of my sexual abuse and iam addicted to coffee and also sometimes i get depressed and i am codependant whitch i dont like ok thats my story

June 10, 2006
9:35 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It sounds like you had it hard sweetheart were you ever diagnosed with PTSD?

June 10, 2006
9:44 pm
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I originally came to this site b/c of a drinking problem. I have since quit drinking(sober for 3 months now) and am now dealing with the problems and pain that caused me to drink. I have also been diagonosed as being bipolar and am on medicine to control my moods. I would have to say since 2004 when I found this site, I have grown a lot as a person and am stronger thanks to all of my friends here that support me. I have a lot of other issues, but feel at this time in my life, I don't have the time to deal with them.

June 10, 2006
9:53 pm
Avatar
tiedupinknots
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

oh big hugs to all of you. You make my problems seem small. Don't worry too much about the TV thing. Kids watch lots of TV. One thing that is nice I do with mine is I just walk around the block or down to the beach with them once and awhile. The walking helps me feel healthy and sometimes I feel my kids are like dogs and they just need to be run! lol

I also talk to them a lot about all these things. I believe it is okay to talk about these issues. Like drinking and drugs and abuse and feelings. It is not healthy to lock that stuff up inside. My husband and I fought in front of them, now they can see the process of healing from all of that.

No skeletons allowed in my closets. I'll talk to anyone willing to listen and sometimes it is so wondeful. I meet the most incredible beautiful giving loving people. People I never would have met if I had not been willing to share my tale.

Don't be afraid. Fear is just fear. Once you see that nothing will happen when you are ready to share, you will be free to start doing the real work.

It is all an illusion to keep you trapped on this physical plane. You have to work through it if you want to get to the higher levels. Yes it is hard work but you are worth it. You are valuable. Be the best you can be and stop beating yourself up about things that you had no control over. It was not your fault. Value yourself and others will too. 🙂

June 10, 2006
10:28 pm
Avatar
smarterone
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Random, i never knew your story, but let me tell you this, based on reading your posts, whether it be about you or helping someone else, I cant believe your age. I thought you were older because of your maturity and advice. I want to commend you on coming this far and becoming the person you are. Great to know you. Donna
My story: I actually started posting as the nickname"delicate" a year ago when I was living with my b/f mikey and a mutual male friend who I baby sat for while there. I was there because I had picked up and left my apt and belongings cause my son was and still is a crack user, and i had allowed him to run me (being my youngest son, 30, i know a man,not to me,) my son then lived on the streets and i hid.and i was enabling him. My stbx husband, was incarcerated in 2000, still there with another 3, bad marriage, plenty of fear, visited 5yrs. mostly out of trained fear, then we go to the beginning of my life, with aphysically abusive childhood due to a raging jealous father. I dont remember much. I had to leave the "delicate" home when my b/f and i got an apt, Short time later, we took son back, for a couple of months, he was doing great, last week he took off to go out and never camae back, one week later he is back and asks for a tickt to Detroit, with some other female user. It is is birthday and he felt i should get him the ticket, after one day of his abuse, we gave him the money. Today, the next day, i found out from a text he sent that he didnt go on the flight, thanks to my reminding him he will be stranded out there. Well, now im in fear again, cause he became like a cancer, cant leavae thehouse afraid of being robbed or coming home to him. Calling the cops, i cant do, but i have given him 5 years of trying and i have lost everything.

June 10, 2006
11:16 pm
Avatar
chloeysmomma
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

yes i have ptsd

June 10, 2006
11:56 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

isnt it amazing all of our storys are so diffrent but yet we come together so nicely here well at least most of the time. Smarterone I do understand my children are 2 and 3 yet but they will always be children in my eyes even when they grow up and have children of there own. chloeysmomma I also have PTSD its not a nice thing to deal with but we make it through some how

June 11, 2006
12:01 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

By the way a lot of people think that im older than I really am. I have had a person actualy argue with me about my age on a diffrent site. It was so funny

June 11, 2006
8:03 am
Avatar
snowlover
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow Randon..I also thought you were much older. Im very impressed with your maturity and the wonderful advice you give here.

When I was 21 I could barely make it work on time, let alone take care of 2 kids and a husband, have another on the way, and still have time somehow to be so supportive of others.

I'll post my story after the coffee has kicked in a bit.

Hugs....Snow

June 11, 2006
11:38 am
Avatar
revelation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

RW, good idea, when I read your story, and the fact that you are nowable to write about it all. well its such a good sign that you are getting through it and will come out the other side.
I may post my story here...but awww, yts just to long and hard and sad! You are a strong person, and so young too, fair play to you.

Rev.

June 11, 2006
11:56 am
Avatar
codep
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I too thought you were older random, you are very insightful for your age and that is a blessing, If I knew even half the things at your age as I do now maybe I wouldn't have wasted so many years of my life.
Also, thank you to all who are sharing their stories, I know it's not easy sometimes to come out with traumatic events that have happend to us, sometimes when I tell my story it's as if I"m speaking of someone else, like it didn't even happen to me.

I just turned 34 and sometimes I feel like I haven't learned a thing.

I was beaten out of my mom's belly by my dad when she was 6 month's pregnant. He was an alcholic and drug abuser as was she.
The dr's gave me a 30% chance of surviving when I was born because I was a preemie and a child born to an addictive parent. I was abused before I was even born.
Dad left mom took me and my sister got remarried, step mom did unthinkable abusive things to us.
instead of leaving his wife he left us girls, dropped us off at my maternal grandmothers doorstep at the age of 4, This is such a long story and I'm trying to be short here but basically in short, thruout my childhood I was beaten, raped, emotionally abused, got pregnant and prostituded myself all by the age of 13. As an adult, I've been married 5 times some abusive some not, I have 5 children from 3 of these marriages and I dont have any of my children with me, not b/c I'm a bad parent but because when things get bad or uncomfortable I run away from everything and leave everything behind. suprisingly enough I haven't gotten involved with drugs and alcohol. relationships and sex are my addictions to take away all of my pain.
what I've learned is that my behavior is b/c of the trauma in my life, It's not an excuse but merely a reason. I always try and take responsibility for my actions and I'm always willing to learn and grow and change but it's so hard when you've had no roll models and it's all you've ever known, lived and been.

June 12, 2006
1:09 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((CODEP))))) im sorry for all the pain you endured sweetheart. I am so glad that you are here with us on the AAC

June 12, 2006
1:45 pm
Avatar
mamac
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

At 1 month I was shipped to a foster home. Both my patents in a metal home. I was conceived there, how shocking huh. My sister in same home. I had a chance to go back to my dads at the age of 7 but he wanted boys instead of girls. I grew up depressed unloved and unwanted by all. I had serious drug problem for years. Didnt know how to cry or even laugh. Still find it hard to show emotion, crying was a sin where I came from. I was very sexually active at the age of 15 until I was 20. I was looking for love and didnt know what it was. My "parents" who adopted me very cold and unforgiving of any wrong doing. my pictures were taken off the wall when I got pregnant at the age of 18. Mentally abused by everyone my whole life, but smarter now not to always beleive them. Had few freinds, betrayed foten and accused of being to nice. Now I am cold and unfeeling toward mean people. If somone betrays me they are not even in my heart anymore. I wish wasnt this way but it is. I can let go of anyone at any moment, I just have aweird way of"forgetting them". I can even forget my own father. I refuse to think about anything painfull for to long. When somone I love dies I disconect from them and dont let myself think of them ever again. Somtimes its hard though. I have forgotten acctual people I have known in my life because I can just "put" them out of my mind.It is not a gift a curse I beleive. You know how they say you can forget tramatic events in you life, well I forget people I have "loved" if they hurt me. I have forgotten most of my chilhood that is bad. I am sure one day i will remember but I dont want to. Gees I guess I am screwed up huh. I dont like fighting and violence, or guns. I love animals and children and people until they hurt me. I guess you could say I have an on and off switch in my head tht I can turn on and off whenever I want. But on the flip side I am very loving, and feel much.
I have 3 girls and would die for them. My sis and I are very close and she is my only real friend. I am not one of those people that need a whole lot of friends in my life. Or is it I am just scared of people. I dont always know how to talk to people but can write much better, if I could write all the time and never talk I would have lots of friends. Oh well just rambling now. Just part of my story, would be here all day if I tryed to tell all....

June 12, 2006
2:02 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think we would all be here all day if we were to try and write all of our storys. Thank you for sharing your story sweetheart. You are loved very much here

June 12, 2006
2:10 pm
Avatar
ggfred4
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Right now I feel so sad for all of you and don't feel worthy to write my story which is so small compared to yours. But, I will try because I can't stand the way I feel. I am much older and just started dealing with things the last five years when my memory began kicking in sexual abuse by my father. I was also hit on by almost every babysitter's husbands. That is all I remember, yet I can't stand myself and almost ended my life a few months ago, but didn't because of guilt about my family. I have a hard time making and keeping friends, yet yearn for someone to care and listen to me. I just started counseling and the counselor said I was co-dependent and recommended a book. I fit the symptoms, yet I can't identify with it yet. I do try to please people to make them happy since I feel it is not possible for me. I also do it so they will like me, but I know it is not the real me. I do not know who the "real me" is.

June 12, 2006
2:20 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

That I think is one of the primary goals for people that are either code or have been abused well I think for a lot of people. Its the question "Who am I?" It can take a long time to figure it out but it is so worth while. Dont feel ashamed of feeling suicidal I have been there and done that. I am very happy you found us here sweetheart ((GGFRED)))

June 12, 2006
4:22 pm
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ok, so my story is...I was born and when my father saw me he didn't believe that I was his child...but we will get to that later. My parents were divorced by the age of 1 and I was forced to live with my alcoholic mother who beat me regularly. When I was three years old I was raped by one of the drunken buffoons my mother brought over but barely talked at this point. Finally my mother put my hand to a stove and burned me so bad that I ended up in the hospital. I then went to live with my dad. He was very sweet at first but so controlling. Developed Borderline personality disorder. He grounded me every day and I was never allowed to see my friends when I turned nine. I became horrible at school but was still dancing at this time. I was a ballerina. Anyway, I had a siezure when I was 13 because I was epileptic but no one realized it, flipped over the back of my chair and screwed up my back. Haven't been able to dance since. I became a cutter and tried several times to commit suicide. then I was sent to a theraputic boarding school which saved my life. I met my boyfriend who is also my best friend there and many other members of what I now consider to be my true family. My father finally lost his mind and we have been estranged because he wanted me to quit going to school, seeing my boyfriend and working because he thought I was emotionally immature and needed to be disciplined more and spend time learning how to be a better daughter( his words not mine). So I left and now his brothers and sisters and mother are taking care of me financially cause they are all very supportive of me. I am still with my bf after five years now and going strong. I am doing so much better with all this and as a matter of fact, I am taking my first jazz dance class this summer in almost nine years. I am writing a lot and seeing a therapist and stuff. Its good. And a lot thanks to you all.

June 12, 2006
7:20 pm
Avatar
shyshy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ok, here's mine. I'm 40 years old. Family all dead and gone. My parents died of cancer and out of six brothers five died of AIDS. I have one brother left.

I was married for 15 years to a gay man. We separated four years ago and divorced three years ago. Once we separated I started dating his brother. That's the guy I'm dating now who is soon to become my ex.

June 12, 2006
8:35 pm
Avatar
lightchaser
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi all. Lots of sad stories here, but such strong women! Here is mine. When I was 6 my parents divorced and my mom moved us out of state. My dad was great and I saw him often, but not enough. had a stepdad I loved who left us. Moved in with my grandfather who sexually abused me and every other girl and boy in my family. Was sexually active by the age of thirteen. Looking for love I guess. My first real love was when I was 15 and he was 14, he beat a man to death one night and slit his throat. I kept with the relationship with him until I was 19. In between I had been with several guys, all drug users, some physically abused me, all emotionally abused me, all of whom ended up in prison or dead (2 died of suicide). I married at 20 to a man I thought was the answer to my prayers. Things were okay until we got married than the alcoholism took over and the verbal/emotional abuse started. I endured this for 13 years until we had a baby and I saw how this was damaging to her. 4 months ago I left when my H got violent with me once by pushing me into the refigerator hard when he was drunk. So over this 4 months we have been off and on, but he has told me that although he loves me he isn't going to change and I should never have asked him to. We will be getting a divorce soon. Thats it in a nutshell I guess. I have decided if I am strongly attracted to a man I must stay away because there is something seriously wrong with them. I am experimenting with going for guys I think are NICE, What a concept huh? Nice? Thanks for all your stories everybody and thanks for listening!

June 12, 2006
8:59 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

my story. it's like a storybook compared to what i've heard. my mom had a violent temper, was emotionally absent, never truly abusive, but i learned very early that i had to please them to survive. i'm stubborn and strong willed and apparently quite difficult to love. don't know now if its me or them. over and over was the message that my only good quality was my intelligence.

didn't understand sex. couldn't find a book that adequately explained orgasms. so i started experimenting with random guys. tried to figure it out. got acquaintance raped. thought i was bad and that drove me into a mildly slutty lifestyle. woke up one day and said, no more. took a few years and got on track.

all my relationships have been with unattainable men, except the attainable ones, who i quickly dumped. dh was very persistent and ended up a very healthy wonderful relationship.

and then he left to go overseas. i didn't see it coming. i'm a planner. i'm supposed to be SMART. evidence right here to the contrary. didn't know i was going to be abandoned with two little girls. i'm supposed to be independant and suddenly i'm all alone and needy? everything my mom and grandmother went through in their abandonment issues came to live in me. i mourned him as if he were dead and now he's home. all the kings horses and all the kings men can't seem to get my heart back together again.

i came here, because while dh was gone, i developed a thoroughly codependent relationship with our dear friend. all the chemistry, the anxiety and on top of all that, when he was in the right mood, he was amazing to me, catered to my needs, took care of me. but he's bipolar and the moody that goes with it, the challenging distant crap that is magic to the codependent relationship. so, this is my journal in a way. no evidence. i get to think through my thoughts.

comparatively speaking, i've had a pretty easy life. no room to complain. still neurotic, codependent, obsessive thinking, hyper self critical. sorry for the long post.

RW, you are wise beyond your years indeed.

bonni

June 12, 2006
10:04 pm
Avatar
Jenni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ok. Got married at 19 and had twins. Had another at 20. Husband, (now XH) was an alcoholic/addict. Married 7 years. During this time was when I discovered I was codependent. Learned this in Al-Anon. Light went on upstairs, and I took the kids, left and got divorced. XH went on to bigger drugs, and ended up in prison for 5 years. He's now out and clean for 6 years. We have somehow remained friends.

Was alone for about 10 years. Never had any other serious relationsip except for my previous marriage, until about 3 years ago. It seemed so perfect during the first year. Then I gradually began to notice my codependency resurfacing. I had thought that I was "cured" from this when I divorced my XH. Now I know it's something that goes with me everywhere.

Things with the new guy felt weird, as if not everything met the eye. Something was hidden, that wasn't out in the open. I had later suspected substance abuse. Was engaged the last 2 years out of the 3 that we were together.

He is a single father of 2 with full custody. He had to move to another state to make a better living. At this time, my girls are all in high school. He wanted the girls and I to all pack up and go with him and his kids. I didn't feel it was right to uproot my girls at this phase of their lives. He waited another year or so, during this time, building up resentment about my staying behind. And finally it came to a head, when I suggested that maybe we should be just friends for the next year, than see where we are both at in our lives.

Meanwhile, the twins graduate, and the youngest will next year. We spoke a couple of times a week on the phone and had a few occasional e-mails. His computer breaks down, and e-mails stop. His phone service disconnects his phone, no more calls or text messeges.

So this is where I'm at now. It's been a few weeks now with no contact, and I'm surviving. It's not that bad. I do still care, and wonder if he's ok, but my world is not crashing down around me, anymore. I'm beginning to love life, again, and getting back into some of the things I had left behind, when I met him.

I'm now 38 years old, with 2 graduated kids, and one more to go. These were the days I had been waiting on, for 18 years, BEFORE I had ever met him. So damn it, I will not let it go to waste! 😉

That's my story and I'm sticking to it! 🙂

Jen

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
33
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110935
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38541
Posts: 714220
Newest Members:
jessicawales, documentsonline, SafeWork, thomasalina, genericsmartdrugs, 才艺
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer