Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
can men and women just be friends?
August 13, 2001
12:21 pm
Avatar
mel2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Do you think men and women can just be friends? My boyfriend has this "girl" friend since they were little kids. He says they are just friends, but they call each other at least once a week. About three years ago he wanted to date her, but she just wanted to keep it friends. Now she is remarried, but they still talk. What do you think?

August 13, 2001
12:29 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

When I was about 10 years younger, I used to think so, and really hammered the issue. The truth is, I don't really think so, at least on the one on one issue. If your in a committed relationship, the two of you should share that friend ship. Otherwise it is likely to cross the line into intimacy, conversations are very intimate, those conversations should be with your mate, however you say he is just a boyfriend, no committment, makes you wonder if he is holding out for the best offer, maybe she will date one of these days,

August 13, 2001
2:33 pm
Avatar
kafka
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I tend to agree. I have a great friend who is a woman (been so for almost 20 years) and try as I might not to, I've fallen head over heels for her. I'm totally in love as much as I've tried every trick in the trade not to "go there". Now I'm pretty much having to cut off the friendship in order to save my marriage.

August 13, 2001
2:56 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So many times, too...what I've noticed is - women do things to get at other women. It's a kind of ego boost - at someone else's expense - that they do. I see men who get caught in all that crossfire - thinking that the woman that's the friend is just truely interested in them as a friend or otherwise. And the committed partner - knows what the woman is up to but gets called the green-eyed monster if she says anything. Men get used and tossed around - all the time lapping up the attention from both and the ensuing cat fight that will happen if things develop. Then if the "friend" snags the man - they usually dump him later because it was only the thing of getting at the other woman or just seeing "if" they could get the man away from the committed relationship. It all becomes - just a game.

So - while I think there are exceptions - I find this to be more the rule and men really should be aware of what women do sometimes and why. Women "know" other women. And the subtle ploy can be so covert that if you aren't listening and watching carefully - you'd miss what's really up.

The bottomline is "respect" for your partner. I dare say - men would have a cow if a woman had a male friend that stuck to them like glue. Some men might be okay with it, but most wouldn't. Been in that situation before and it's a crack-up. OH, what's good for the gander isn't good for the goose, eh?

August 13, 2001
3:33 pm
Avatar
mel2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for your input. He has asked me to meet her, but that was when I first found out and I was very insecure and unsure of all of this, but now I want to meet her. If they are such good friends, maybe I can become her friend too. I am just very insecure about this. I blew a gasket on him about 3 months ago about it and he told me he wouldn't talk to her anymore, because I gave him an ultimatum, me or her. But he still has been talking to her and not telling me about it. He finally fessed up the other day when I asked him if he was. So I don't know what to think. I think he just didn't want me freaking out on him anymore so he didn't tell me about it. But I know damn well he wouldn't like it if I was talking to guys that I've known for a long time.

August 13, 2001
3:54 pm
Avatar
kafka
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Unless they were gay, of course ;-]

August 13, 2001
4:31 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I disagree!!!!

I say this because with the exception of my older sister and a few friends from elementary school, my friends are almost exclusively male. There was one infidelity incident, an isolated drunked mistake, that was never repeated, and that happened when I had been dating my boyfriend about 3/4 weeks, so we weren't committed at that point.

Since one unfortunate incident with a girl-friend stealing an ex-boyfriend, I have always lived with all males. I go to bars with all men, I hang out at home with all men. They are all also friends with my husband, but I socialize with them independently, go over to their houses, talk on the phone, this is something like 10 guys we're talking about here.

I guess I agree with Molly, both of you should be friends with her together. Interestingly enough, my husband has a lot of female friends, and he actually socializes with them exclusively, being that I don't care for that little group. Weird.

August 13, 2001
4:37 pm
Avatar
mel2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks you guys I really appreciate this. Also thanks Cracker. I agree with you about the men looking for chicks, but women are right up there with them when it comes to looking for roosters man. Believe me I know a lot of women that aren't just nesting. But I guess if you are with a person with integrity, honesty and wants to be with you, then that should be what you focus on. I also need to work on my own insecurity.

August 13, 2001
6:58 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mel2,
I'm in the middle of a separation, after 15yrs of marriage, 2 daughters, because my wife can't stop flirting, saying they are just "friends." Well, guess what, now she has a "friend" that she was sneaking around with, going out to dinners, movies, concerts, golfing, etc., while never telling me, but saying she was going out with "friends". After I started getting suspicious, after a year and half of this, I confronted her best girlfriend. Well, guess what, they are not just friends, at least he isn't. He has been wanting to start a serious relationship with my soon to be x for over a year and a half, while we were married. She insist she doesn't want a relationship just a friendship. She is so full of crap it is unreal. So, my vote is, there is no way to be just friends with the opposite sex, unless it is all together as friends. If you can't be friends together, then there is something to hide, or more going on. Wake up and smell the coffee. Your first instincts are probably right. It took me this long to finally smell my coffee, and it stinks..........
Randy

August 13, 2001
7:22 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think that men and women can be friends, so long as there is no chemistry between them. (So see Cracker, I *am* agreeing with you here. If the chick or the dude is ugly, why would you want to hook up with them? Ugly = no chemistry = no hooking up = platonic friendship.)

Hey Cracker, if you're so happy banging all your hot female friends with your 9" penis, how come you are spending so much time on this site? Shouldn't you be off getting laid rather than hanging out on this forum with a bunch of chicks who are so ugly that their friends don't even want to bang them?

*wink*

August 13, 2001
9:00 pm
Avatar
panda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It's funny because me and my ex fought about this off and on during our whole relationship. He told me that he had no female friends and i thought it was sort of odd. He said that If he was friends with a female then it would cause hard feelings if she ended up falling for him or him falling for her then one of them had to end the friendship because of it. Like you are basically saying the person isnt good enough to date. just be your friend.
Yeah well I was his girlfriend so it didnt seem to bother me as much...

BUT when i did find out he was hanging out with another girl.. I knew something was up. Even though he TRIED to say they were only "friends!" Hilarious

Later to find out he was f*cking her for a month. In A way i think it depends on the person and their level of maturity wheather they can be platonic friends with the opposite sex

. There is this rule though that has been stated: If you are a female with all male friends whom you are atracted to.. you deffinately should not have a boyfriend. likewise with a man. While You can be friends with the oppsosite sex.. if you are attracted to them.. the "friends" thing sort of defeats it's title. I had to learn the hard way.

August 14, 2001
12:08 am
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Panda,
Welcome to my world. Sorry you had to learn the hard way too, but at least it didn't take you 15 yrs to figure it out.Lucky you.
Randy

August 14, 2001
12:08 am
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Panda,
Welcome to my world. Sorry you had to learn the hard way too, but at least it didn't take you 15 yrs to figure it out.Lucky you.
Randy

August 14, 2001
12:29 am
Avatar
malaikau
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have had mostly male friends all of my life. Some of them hit on me, and I took lots of them up on it, and then we moved on and continued to be great friends. Can't friends have sex? What's the big deal unless you're in a monogamous relationship? Just be safe. . .

August 14, 2001
9:27 am
Avatar
sue2001
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MY number one best friend in the world was a guy. I loved and do love him so very much... The last time I saw him was about 6 months before I met the wonderful awesome man that I married. ;( He came over and asked me if I was seeing any one I told him yeah, I was dating a guy. He said that he had fallen in love with me and could I see us as a couple ever. I told him no. He left and married some girl the next day. I have never seen him again. BTW we had had sex together and he was ugly... So cracker you can bang your ugly friends.. and because I didn't see us together because he was ugly I missed out on most likly the best relationship that I could have known... It is too late now.. I don't know what point to make that is just what happened to me.

August 14, 2001
9:59 am
Avatar
sue2001
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

p.s. 97% of all of my friends period were guys. Even in school except the one friend mentioned above I see all of my highschool frineds still (on occasion because I moved away). My friends now are all men. I don't have and I have never had really close relationships with women. I don't really like women for the same reason that someone mentioned above women "know" women and try to get at them.. I have caught myself trying to do it and I have had women do it to me. The one woman that I trusted for my "best friend" I have to say hurt me all though to hear and believe the story she didn't do anything wrong BUT she didn't do any thing write.. to put more into crackers line of what he said men will go astray because it is the natural thing to do. but is it natural to do it so close to home? I mean if you are having a serious relationship is it natural to look for strange in the same circle of people. and go for what will hurt the most if it was found out. ok so go have an affair get your rocks off but why do it when #1 will most likely be found out because even if we say we don't MOST women tell at least one person.and so it goes and most women enjoy juicy gossip and there ain't nothing like Knowing and telling that someone screwed someone else's man... I do it. At break at work.. the boss is sleeping with so and so but who isn't he sleeping with.. you know that sort of thing... is it a mental power thing that you just did your wifes best friend...I reckon all of this could have had it's own thread....sorry guys

August 14, 2001
3:10 pm
Avatar
sally-anne
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
August 14, 2001
3:16 pm
Avatar
sally-anne
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I had 2 good male friends once. I was in a relationship at the time. But they were friends of both of us. I really believed it was platonic. Then when I broke up with my boyfriend, they moved in. I was shocked to find out that the only reason they hung out was because they had the hots for me. It was a real shock. I couldn't believe I could have been so blind! From experience, I now believe that platonic friendship only truely exists if you know the guy with your partner. Then he is usually more your partner's friend than yours. If he is exclusively your platonic friend, then he has the hots for you.

August 14, 2001
5:06 pm
Avatar
mel2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ranmar, I have been reading your threads for about a month now and I'm so sorry. Thanks for the input. I guess I get the picture. So they are pretty much having an affair over the phone it sounds like and they do meet each other once in a while for a drink. Do you think calling her and confronting her would do anything? Maybe I could get the truth from her.

August 18, 2001
12:15 am
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mel2,
The unfortunate part is that they get into such a denial state, that they truly start believing what they are saying. The way I found out was asking one of her now x best friend what was going on, telling her it was to protect my kids as well as me. The friend broke down and told me they had been seeing each other for almost a year. Then I looked up her cell phone bills, and sure enough, the same number appeared almost 2-5 times a day. I called it, and he answered with his name, which is who I was told it was. When I confronted my soon to be x, she said it was just a good friend. When I told her that I didn't believe it, and showed her the bills, and then found out all the times she said she was going out with her girlfriends, she in fact was going out with them, and having him meet her there, then they would take off on their own. They went golfing, to concerts, eating, drinking, together, and she still denies there is anything going on. She does admit he wants it to be more, but she says she doesn't. I told her if it was so innocent, why did she have to hide the truth from me, and why did she manipulate and distort it? Why did she use her girlfriends as a cover for herself? I guess what I'm saying is yes, you can confront her, but be prepared to hear that you are crazy, you are imagining things, and that there is nothing going on. Trust your instincts. If you think it's going on, it probably is.......Good luck. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life, but I'm finding out it is survivable. Keep me posted if you will, either on your thread, or mine (Help Me Please x3). I am anxious to hear where this all heads for you. I wish you the best..I truly do.......Randy

August 18, 2001
10:33 am
Avatar
johnnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Gee, I'm in this same situation at the moment. My husband has a girlfriend who he did work with. She became ill and he went to her apartment over 40 times. He says to take care of her and clean the place, which I think what he did start out to do. She's 26, he's 52, she has a 6 year old who is usually around. She's back to work now but still not able to have her position back so she's working in a different location now. But there are still the phone calls, and he emails her everynight. She does drop into his work at least once a week. I keep a running record of his milage on his car and I know he's only going to work and back. I have read some of these emails and I don't like what I read. He tries to meet her sometimes but her answer is always no. He sends her sexy jokes and porn picturs and they seem to have a code when emailing. I am broken hearted. He thinks there is nothing wrong with men and women being friends. I get such crossed signals, most of the time he is so wonderful to me and caring, says he will never leave me because he cares so much, and our sex life is great. But I'm almost to the point I can't handle this relationship with the "girlfriend" any longer. We have been married 29 years and I love him so much even though he's an asshole. What do I do, what do I say? I have decided I'm sleeping in another bed starting tonight. He is having minor surgery on Tuesday so I can't tell him to get out at the moment and he probably wouldn't anyway. It's going to be up to me to leave and I have no where to go and very little money. Can someone please give me some advice.

August 19, 2001
8:22 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes, what you suspect is going on, most likely is going on. Since you have been married for so long, spousal support can be had for quite a period. Have you worked or are you working now? Start setting aside whatever you can, on your own. Protect yourself financially by knowing what you have and what you will need. You have to start making preparations,,,,,,,,,just in case. Believe me, once you know everything you have and are entitled to, you will feel better. Even schedule an initial consultation with a family law attorney, in confidence, and find out your rights and what to expect. You don't have to act on it if everything blows over, but, as in my case, when the reality hit, I wasn't in total shock in not knowing what to do or where to turn. Better to be prepared than get caught with no preparation......Good luck and keep us informed.
Randy

August 20, 2001
4:03 pm
Avatar
mel2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ranmar,

Yeah I think he truly is in a total denial state about it. The other day I threatened to call her husband and let him know just how much they do talk and always just at work. Never at each other's homes. And when they meet for drinks, it's always just the two of them. I don't think her husband was ever there when they met for drinks. He countered with threatening to break up with me. HELLO!!!! Who is he really in love with here. Man the more I talk about this and think this through the more I know he is in love with her and will always be. Very protective. He has kept cards and letters from her from 3 years ago when she was divorced. He asked her out, but she turned him down. Just wanted to be friends, not the sexual thing with him. But I think an affair happens in the mind. You don't have to be having sex with them. Just talking on the phone with someone of the opposite sex regularly when you're in another relationship is having an affair to me. I went to a counselor today just to think things through. This sucks realizing that the person you love is in love with someone else that they can't have. Ranmar you are a very strong person and I totally respect you and your opinion. How the hell did you get through the first part of this crap?

August 20, 2001
4:46 pm
Avatar
mel2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Listen

He's my boyfriend, I'm not married to him. She is the one married though. I don't have any idea where they meet for drinks or when or how often. He says it's only been a couple of times in the space of time we have been together (10 months). For birthdays!!! Whatever. I'm sick of this crap.

August 20, 2001
5:37 pm
Avatar
mel2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes I've told him and he lied to me and said he wouldn't talk to her anymore, but still was. Now I've just succumbed to it and it's eating me up. So now I do have a choice to make. It's a tough one, but I need to make it before I slowly go insane. Thanks for all the input. I really appreciate it. I really feel a lot better. You guys are awesome!!!! I don't know if I'm strong enough to say either her or I because I guess I already know the answer. That hurts!!!!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
35
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110924
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38537
Posts: 714209
Newest Members:
delight1080, laticia1, Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer