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Can anyone help me? I'm scared of my thoughts
April 13, 2007
5:16 pm
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Open Window
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I haven't talked on this side before. I guess the word support is really calling to me. I've been writing on liberation and feel maybe that wasn't working. I feel like such a mess. How does a person find the help they need. I tried turning to someone but it didn't work. How can a person admit to whomever that they really are messed up. I feel so alone. I feel like I shouldn't have anything to make me feel the feelings I'm having. I wish I had someone to call on to get me through this. I'm waisting way too much time trying to mask all the bad thoughts and feelings that are spinning around in my mind. Does anyone have any suggestions? I keep searching everday! I need a new escape route.

April 13, 2007
6:22 pm
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Rasputin
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Hey OW~ Welcome to this site!

Opening up and being vulnerable are not an easy task. However, we are all dysfunctional hurting bunch of friends here coming to love, hug, pray and support each other.

No one is gonna ostercize you or judge you here if you open up and tell us details about your life that would only enable us to dig deep into you life and give you the needed help.

Awaiting a more detailed and open post from you!

(((Hugs)))

April 13, 2007
6:25 pm
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hopeful for change
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O.W. if you are reaching out and not getting the help you need, you have to keep searching until someone listens.

If you are having bad thoughts and feeling depressed for no reason maybe you should check in with your doctor for an anti-depressant, and get started with a therapist and get the help you need. And ofcourse come here and talk whenever you want.

hope all is well. hopeful

April 13, 2007
6:32 pm
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Anonymous
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(((Open Window))) You´re hurting from your own feelings and thoughts, and that´s sad. That can be depression, maybe a crisis. The thoughts race non stop and feelings are all hurtful. I´ve been through this. Some people believe in first getting to "rock bottom of oneself" to start asking for and accepting help. I´m not sure. The way down is veeeeery deep.

In any case, each one of us has a tolerance level for negative thoughts and feelings. Many of us look for organized religion, and it helps. In my case, I grew accustomed to repeating the words and singing the hymns and looking (unfortunately) to the people in the church and not HP. After a while none of those inspired me, nor gave me strength.

I could say I hit my rock bottom when time and opportunity came to make some decisions about therapy, work and activities (meds stayed the same). I searched my heart and made some changes that I thought were the most important to me. With each decision I made that helped me, I went a step further to change what needed to be changed and implement my decisions / plans. Slowly my feelings came alive, enthusiasm came back, I adopted a little cat that gives me a lot of joy, and I´m starting to feel better from depression. These last two weeks I´ve seen positive changes in myself.

Much of the help and inspiration came from the threads here. Where once I became irritable easily, I started to observe the feeling. I decided I was a creature made in the image of HP, that couldn´t have totally disappeared. I unburied it, claimed mine and then, with the support here and other places, made the negative uninvited to my person temple, you know.

I think the big turnaround was about two weeks ago when I thought I had lost my little cat inside the house. I thought I was such a lousy cat mom to leave it unattended so long, she had already been abandoned, and was just getting to know me and my place. A knot formed in my throat and for a moment I thought I was gonna cry. Then I realized I was a person again with feelings I had long forgotten. Then I was full of joy (soon found kitty playing). You see, when we are sick, it´s very hard to have feelings for anyone, any creature, even a sweet starving child. It´s like pain makes us also irrational.

Remember, if you´re diagnosed as having depression, that sikckness is a pair of dark glasses or a closed window that shows everything in a negative way. Know that neither dirty glass windows, shades, nor dirty sun glasses apply to you. I hope these ramblings inspire you to seek your own therapy, medication, whatever, just as long as it shows you the path to a squeaky clean window that opens to meadow with a rainbow in the sky. After all you are Open Window.

hugs,

April 14, 2007
7:52 am
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I need to see a doctor, because I realize that the thoughts I'm having are getting worse and worse.. i feel like my symptoms come from a long list of codepenency symptoms. I think in my lifetime i have had all of them. I spent the last 20 years of my life taking care of a long list of people. My kids, husband,my mother, Now all of a sudden its like I can't take care of anything. My mother died, I was taking care of her in my home 24 hours in a bed. i seemed to make it through that, but now I am dealing with the estate mess. My sister is really difficult. She has been very sick most of her life. My mother thought I would be fine dealing with her, but for some reason its like memories of my early life have flooded in and won't leave me alone. Why are they here now. I think I am suffering from a combination of anxiety or depression. I feel like I shouldn't have either, but the thoughts won't leave me alone. I don't want to do any things I normally spent my time doing. I feel like a big faker!! I have to spend my whole day acting like nothing is wrong. Why when I tell my family something is wrong it is like they don't believe me.

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