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Can anyone give me information about 'fantasists'?
April 20, 2004
6:40 pm
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Kessie
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I have recently met someone who was described to me by a doctor friend as a fantasist. I know he makes things up and tells a lot of lies, (boasting about grand jobs and having a very wealthy background etc.) Can anyone tell me more about this disorder, - do fanstasists believe the things they boast about, for instance. When challenged this person immediately changes his stories without any embarrassment.
I have searched on the 'net but cannot find out anything so far.

April 20, 2004
7:55 pm
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Zinnie
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Hey Kessie my friend...

Well, would my crazy cousin count?

I had never heard of it described as such, with a name, but what you are describing is certainly him.

I know when my Grandmother passed away seven or so years ago, I saw him at the funeral. He is telling me how he has purchased a ranch out in Los Lunas, New Mexico and my husband and I need to go out and see it, etc.

When all of the stuff happened, and I had to go out there and take care of packed up his house, I was shocked! I was expecting - I don't know... acerage? It was essentially a lot, roughly 100x60 maybe, with a trailer on it.

Sadly, this was the tip of the iceberg with him.

Is this what you are experiencing?

Z.

April 20, 2004
8:14 pm
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dmuller82
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yes my friend they are out there. I have to agree with Zinnie though ans say that I have never heard it decribed as such..... I've always found that these types are people who lack self esteem and need acceptance so they make up stuff and conjugate stories in their head to appease their lack of self esteem. It's horrible rut to get into and I really feel for these types for they have very little self worth.....they are also the clingy types. Typically though they are very good people who will do just about qanything in the world for you. I hope this helps.
-D

April 20, 2004
9:10 pm
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Wanttobewell
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Yeah,,they're out there alright.. I've just never heard of that name. I've always just called them braggerts. I've known one really well, my 2nd husband. This was just one of his wonderful points. He would actually lie to friends in front of me about all sorts of things. He brought some furniture home one time and my friend came over. She was asking where he got it and he made up this story about getting it at a really pricey furniture store,,RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. To say I was flabergasted would be an understatment. I know I just sat there with my mouth open.

When his mother bought him stuff, he would call all of friends and tell them all about it, how expensive it was, etc. It was just weird. I'd say low self-esteem was the major part of it. Why else would someone do such? Also, he was the type of person who would lie about things that really didn't matter at all and would defend that lie to the death if need be if you called him on it. Very strange, as I began to believe in the end that he believed his own lies, or so he seemed to. It was realy pretty sad, and I felt sorry for him (of course)! W.

April 21, 2004
3:14 am
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Kessie
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What you say confirms something for me - thanks. The reason I asked?

Well, you remember my alcoholic, David? He lives in a very small community out in the country. But this 'fantasist' and his wife moved into a small rented cottage right opposite him. They were never friendly until one night David had an accident and the chap had to take him to hospital. Then suddenly after that he was never out of David's house. I just thought to start with that he was a very good neighbour, but then a couple of incidents when I caught him snooping around Davids house when D wasn't there made me suspicious.

He tried to throw suspicion onto me at this point, but I told the police and they said that there was nothing that I could do but I should mention something to D in case something happened later and D wanted to know why I hadn't said anything. I took their advice but D wouldnt believe me, and turned on me instead.

The housekeeper and I caught the neighbour in the house on another occasion when David was away, and he said he had taken D's dogs for long walk and was just bringing them back for him, but it was raining hard and the dogs weren't even wet, - no mud on the floor or their feet. The lights were on upstairs where D keeps all his papers etc.There have been numerous further incidents when Philip has lied 'obviously' about small things .

He tells stories about how he is the director of a big IT firm, has 'thousands of people working for him'. He says he is a 'consultant' ; His latest job is 'wiring a big opera house'. (He actually works as a driver for a car hire company now, and I think he originally trained as an electrician) He claims to be a very good neighbour - but since he moved to the hamlet he hasn't had a single visitor from his family, or friends from his former address, and he has changed his telephone number to ex-directory. He claims a very wealthy background but he clearly hasn't any such thing. When I tackled him about the intrusions into D's house he flatly denied it (even though Mrs C and I had caught him) He seems completely unembarrassed when he is challenged about the things he says, merely changes the story.

The point of this rambling tale is that David is losing his mind as the alcoholism progresses, and he has got it into his head that the neighbour has been 'sent' to be with him. (This is what the neighbour has told him) He hangs on his every word. The neighbour has keys to D's house, and to his flat in London. He has access to all D's papers and accounts. Lately he has given D a computer, but he has put a password into it so that D cannot use it without the neighbour being there. He is also changing D's phone for him, and doing little bits of 'rewiring'. David told me - with some admiration - on Saturday how the neighbour is so 'aware' of everything going on in his life. The neighbour seems to control a lot of what David does.

I have told my doctor friend. She says that Philip is a fantasist. David is very ill, and will die soon. He is also very wealthy. I am very suspicious now, and it all seems very far fetched, but I am beginning to think that this neighbour is kind of sinister. David's housekeeper has recently lost her old car which has become unroadworthy, - and she is seventy. She told me yesterday - and was very upset about it - that David says he doesn't need her so much there now (after thirty years) as Philip and Sharon are there to look after him.

I realise this is none of my business, but D's (one) relative lives fairly far away and doesn't know what is going on. I only recently discovered the extent of Philip's involvement as David and I have been less friendly since I managed to detach myself from him, but all the same I cannot help feeling concerned.

Incidentally - for anyone who has followed my saga with David, I had lunch with him last Saturday. I prepared myself for the possiblility of him being unpleasant, but although he was pissed as a rat, he was amiable and friendly. He was just about comprehensible; and I am pleased to report that I really do feel that I have escaped those 'codependent' feelings now.

April 21, 2004
7:14 am
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Wanttobewell
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Hi Kessie,,,I remember what you said about the lunch. I'm glad you've escaped your codependent feelings about him. Your thread got me to thinking about my ex. I looked up pathological liars,,sounds exactly like what you describe. W.

April 21, 2004
11:40 am
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Kessie
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Yes, thankyou W, Dm & Z I just looked them up as well - talking to them and about them makes me feel so confused, and depressed. I don't know why I bother - I mustn't feel concerned, walk away. They deserve one another.

April 21, 2004
1:28 pm
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sue2001
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I understand your concern Kessie, I would be worried too. Your story could be the plot to a good thriller. and that is SCARY. The neighbor may be more than just a pathalogical liar. You don't have any financial links or anything with David do you. I hope not.

Don't get yourself down over this though. You are past the codependant feelings of the relationship right. I would hate to see them resurface for being concerned.

Good Luck
Sue

April 21, 2004
4:48 pm
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Kessie
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No I have no real links at all apart from the so called 'relationship' we had over the past two years. I really thought I had got out of it all. But this situation is so bizarre. I feel as if I have to justify what I say even though I'm telling the truth - and that is so silly.
Even here, where no-one knows me - I still feel as if I must say listen to me, this is really happening. These two are so plausible in their different ways that I feel as if it's me who's mad.
Presumably everyone who has had dealings with a compulsive liar must know what I mean; but this is the first time in my life that I have really come across it.
When Wtbw described the 'furniture' scene with her ex, I understood it completely - it just takes your breath away.
But what do you do when someone flatly denies something irrefutable? Do you challenge them? or simply walk away? I think I know deep down the answer to this - get clear. But the injustice of being thought a liar just is so unfair.
I suppose it's how conmen get away with things.

April 22, 2004
2:18 am
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Zinnie
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HI Kess,

I must agree with you that it sounds as if the neighbor has found like he has found a "sure thing" and latched on in the hopes that David will soon depart this earth, and he will be the one to gain.

Sadly, things of this nature have been going on for centuries, but it does not make it any easier to accept.

I know in dealing with my cousin, everything is a big conspiracy. I sat there in that court room and listened to the entire trial. Yet, my cousin will make all of these crazy allegations of stuff that he says happened at trial, and I will disagree, because after all - I was sitting right there... and he is huffy and puffy that he is 100% right.

My Mom also does this, a version of it anyway. But, she is so adled I think from booze that she has no concept of much reality. But, she will accuse me of lying about things, that she flat out does not remember. Then, I feel exactly like what you say - I'm having to justify myself, and I'm not the one telling tall tales.

I guess you can report this to the police, and to his remaining relative, but other than that - sadly there is nothing else you can do.

Z.

April 22, 2004
9:25 am
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Kessie
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Hi there Z. I already discussed it with my police friends, and they say that there is nothing that can be done, - but I think if anything untoward happens that comes to light after D's death, his lawyer and his executors will investigate. At least I'm not the only one to notice, David's taxi driver and the lady who helps clean his house both say that Philip has a screw loose, and there is 'something wrong' there.

It's just all so bizarre!

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