Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Can a 13 year old have consentual sex with an adult?
October 21, 2011
4:17 am
Avatar
Olivias Changing
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 158
Member Since:
January 5, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know what the law says but I want opinions from real people.

October 21, 2011
6:41 pm
Avatar
haythere
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 108
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The title of this thread is disturbing.  The answer is NO.

October 21, 2011
7:47 pm
Avatar
Olivias Changing
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 158
Member Since:
January 5, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well obviously I'm disturbed or I wouldn't be here. I struggle every day to figure out where my responsibility lies. I found out last night that what David did with me he did to his little brother Daniel, my foster brother. I was on a website that said I needed to ask forgiveness from my molester for my part and to those who were younger that I did not protect. Am I disturbed? Definitely. I am so full of anxiety that I can barely breath. I expected answers. Thought someone could say something that would tell me definitively that I am ok, that I didn't leave a trail behind me as messed up as me.

October 21, 2011
9:05 pm
Avatar
haythere
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 108
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You asked a question, an opinion.  I answered.  If someone violated you, the answer is still the same.  You are a victim.  I'm sorry to hear that happened to you, but I'm also sorry that whoever victimized you had other victims.  It does not matter what the person who perpetrated the crime may say, they are wrong.  How to proceed from here?  It is quite clear to me, but I do not walk in your shoes.  I wish you peace and I hope you find your way.  

You do not need to ask forgiveness from your molester, you were a victim.  If what you say is true, this person needs to be reported to law enforcement and let them deal with the consequences......

October 22, 2011
2:59 am
Avatar
Olivias Changing
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 158
Member Since:
January 5, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It's too late to report it. I tried. He served his time for some of the others and is now free. Doesn't change what I allowed to happen. You are right I asked . I didn't mean to come across as harsh I was just a little irritated that so many people looked at the post and the one response is that my topic is disturbing. Today I am not quite as panicked and I realize it might look like someone asking permission. I appreciate your answer. My brain knows the answer as it pertains to someone else but my brain seems to be stuck at 13 when I thought he was, I don't know, my boyfriend but not that exactly. I just thought having a discussion with out my past in it might help to see what people really think, maybe to change the way I think. I just didn't want to add the whole story because I didn't want it tenderized to make me feel better. I was the oldest, I was 16 when it ended because a 6 year old told. 16 is almost an adult. I should have made someone listen to me because there are now 6 of us that I know of. My guilt eats at me every minute, right now it's consuming me. Two days ago I was coping but I am so hurt for Daniel. He was my little alli and he was so angry at me when I left him. I wish I had known I would have fought for him.

October 22, 2011
6:51 am
Avatar
zarathustra
miami, florida
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 562
Member Since:
October 13, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

olivia, i apologize but i am rarely online anymore, wish i could have responded MUCH sooner,

 

i know you very well, and you know me, and i care about you very much so you know i say this with love when i ask, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKIN MIND???!!!!!

 

how the hell is ANY of this your fault?????????

no it is NOT ok for a CHILD to have sex with an adult, its barely ok for a child to have sex with another CHILD. at 13 you are in full swing of puberty and at the mercy of raging emotions, not to mention you have NO concept of time or responsibilty. not to say adults do either.

 

olivia, how the hell is any of this your fault? my dear has any word i have ever told you sunk into your red head? FUCK DAVID. he is an asshole and YOU KNOW IT.

let me put it to you this way, because for some reason i will never know victims try to make themselves out to be the bad guy.

 

you know i come from a "rough" backround. is it my fault my father beat my mother, my brother, and me? is it my fault i saw things my father did that i will NEVER repeat to anyone? no.

 

but it IS my fault that i am violent, that i EVER did drugs, that i have taken a blade to my wrists and other parts of my body. but you know one thing i NEVER did, take advantage of a person. and i had oppurtunities, EVERY man does, LAST FUCKING NIGHT i tucked in a friend who drank too much. i could have easily locked the door and done unspeakable and evil things. and you know what? according to you it would have been HER fault. you were young, you were scared. stop fucking blaming yourself woman. DONT YOU DARE ASK FOR FORGIVENESS FROM THAT BASTARD. what the fuck do you have to be sorry for? people like that make me wish there was a hell so he could burn there for all eternity, and you know i would be there too, and i wouldnt care because i could beat the shit out of guys like him in hell!

 

olivia, monsters are to blame for the evil things they do, not the victims of their crimes. and you could argue all you want that monsters are not born they are made, i do not allow that to be an excuse, i could easily be a very bad monster, but as you once told me, i am like sully from monsters inc. very scary but all i want to do is play with the little girl who warmed my heart.

October 24, 2011
7:43 am
Avatar
Olivias Changing
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 158
Member Since:
January 5, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know what is true for others, I just need to figure out what is true for me. I let too much happen. 16 isnt exactly a child anymore. If it had started at 16 would I be seen as a victum or someone who consented? Does that make sence? I called him to pick me up when I fought with my mother. There were times I wanted him around. i knew it was wrong but sometimes I needed the trade off, someone who wanted to be around me.  I was so upset with Davids mother for not protecting me and for Vivian who was my age but Daniel was after or during me. That makes me as bad as his mom.  His step children were during me. Again as bad as his mom. I am as bad as all the people who ignored me.

October 25, 2011
5:34 am
Avatar
zarathustra
miami, florida
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 562
Member Since:
October 13, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

first off 16 is totally a child. and you WERE NOT 16. thats like saying "oh 21 isnt a child, so its ok for me to be married at 15." your saying if you were 16 it would be unforgivable, but you were 13, uuuuhhhh ok.

 

in my opinion you are an adult when you understand that your actions have consequences, and i dont mean if you dont do your homework you get an F, i mean you dont have sex without a condom because of diseases, and because of pregnancy, and your scared of pregnancy not because "oh no! i cant have fun anymore!" but because your bringing A LIFE into the world and your life isnt even started yet. 13 is not an adult, by ANY means. 16 is not an adult, by ANY MEANS. sure a 16 year old can be put into adult situations and come out fine, but that DOESNT MAKE THEM ADULTS.

 

and david was the only comfort zone you had as a child, OF COURSE he made you feel better. just like how DRUGS were a comfort zone for me. yes they were bad but THEY MADE ME FEEL BETTER. you are NOT a bad person because you were brought up that way!!!!!!!!! do YOU molest children? do YOU take advantage of them???????? no!!!!!!! when someone should have been there for you, you were alone and the only company you had was that bastard. and you feel bad because you found out he did it to other people? so do you think i should have killed my father as a 13 year old because i found out he beaten other people and did worse things? should i have had him arrested? probably, but you know what, ITS IN THE PAST. the PAST is behind us. stop letting things that MIGHT have been mistakes chain you down. just do good with your future. i personally do not believe in forgiveness, i have never forgiven myself or my father for anything, but i STRIVE for it by TRYING to do good now.  i refuse to be a copy of my father, i will NOT be a product of my childhood. do not become one of yours!!!!!! cmon olivia, you know i am right, man i wish i was there to smack you across the head for talking so much crap about yourself.

 

love you, you damn stubborn mormon red head woman.

October 25, 2011
6:33 am
Avatar
Olivias Changing
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 158
Member Since:
January 5, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I keep waiting for the day when things will be better.

October 25, 2011
6:34 am
Avatar
Olivias Changing
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 158
Member Since:
January 5, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

And I love you too Sully

October 25, 2011
7:37 pm
Avatar
haythere
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 108
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hey there Olivia, you were a child.  Someone older than you took advantage.  You sound like you didn't have a lot of positive options, so you took the one that may have made you feel wanted.  Not the one that was best for you.  This David person was/is a predator, he is responsible.....and has twisted things to make you feel guilty, thats what they do.....twist things, so they make the victims feel like they have done something wrong.  He is the guilty one, he needs to be held responsible.  As easy as it maybe for someone like myself to tell you this, YOU ARE NOT THE BAD GUY.  

It sounds like you are a college student, with lots on your plate.  Your school should have some psych services available, perhaps you could check them out.  Maybe a professional could help you sort out that you were the victim, not the one responsible for others being abused.  Cut yourself some slack.  Take care.

October 26, 2011
12:38 pm
Avatar
zarathustra
miami, florida
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 562
Member Since:
October 13, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

lol heythere olivia IS a student right now, but she is also a full grown adult and just going back to school to finish, she is a mom and everything,

 

but olivia, stop assuming one day you are going to wake up and a great guy is going to bump into you and then your going to hit the lottery and then david gets hit by a bus (ok, that one is something I want to happen)

 

things CAN get better, it doesnt mean they will, and it takes alot of freakin effort, i would LOVE to have a woman right now, a woman who is nice to me AND wants to have sex????????? sign me up! but she isnt going to walk up and knock on my door and take off her clothes. i have to look for her, date her, be nice to her, romance her, work hard at school, make sure dana aproves of her, and THEN make some baby me's. plus knowing women she is going to want me to get back in shape, i dont look that good naked right now lol.

 

olivia, your back in school, i know for a fact there have to be men there. TALK TO ONE. ASK ONE OUT. you would be surprised how many would say yes. HANG OUT WITH CLASS MATES! HAVE SOME FREAKIN FUN!

 

your amazing olivia, dont ever forget it.

October 28, 2011
3:18 pm
Avatar
Olivias Changing
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 158
Member Since:
January 5, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't want a man, I don't have time for one and I just have to make myself happy which is what I'm struggling towards now. I just have to figure out how to let this go. It is silly to be this consumed. I hate being in the same town as him. My panic from the other day is easing.

October 28, 2011
5:59 pm
Avatar
haythere
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 108
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi olivia,

Great name by the way.  

I am a mom of 2 adult children.  I have never suffered the kind of abuse that you have.  But I would like to share with you what I have always encouraged in my daughter.....and it sounds much like the path you are seeking for yourself.  That you can take care of yourself, not have to depend on someone else "to be taken care of".  

Get your education, be able to support yourself, find whatever means you need to resolve this issue from your childhood.  Be the person you would like to be, then if you find that relationship that complements you, that you want because it makes you happy and doesn't take from who you are, but helps fill your life out, be open to it.   I have always believed that a woman (or a man for that matter) can make much better decisions about relationships if they are already feeling fulfilled.  And then finding that complement to your life becomes the icing on the cake.  

Yeah, I know sounds pretty idealistic, but it worked for me.  Been married for 30 years, my husband & I are not perfect and we make each other crazy from time to time, but our lives are far better with each other, than without each other.  I sincerely hope you find your way thru this challenge, you can do it.  

October 29, 2011
1:56 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Olivia my answer is no.  I teach high school math.  Because of nature and its plan to procreate, these kids look sexually mature and some of them are.  They think they are wise, knowledgeable, that their opinions and beliefs are fully formed.  In reality they are naiive, ignorant as to how the world works and the people in it interact, and their belief system has just been born.  They are easily manipulated.  I have a class right now of 22 at risk kids who at this point do math willingly and aren't even tardy to class anymore because they don't want to disappoint me and want to show they respect me.  Wasn't that way in the beginning- they were hostile and ugly and rebellious.  They hated me and all I stood for.  Like I said, they are easily manipulated.  Just yesterday one comes up to me and says "Ms free I got arrested yesterday" and we talked about this for some time.  In the beginning she wouldn't have so much as recognized me as a human.  To her in the beginning, I was a teacher, camp enemy.

 

Work on forgiving yourself Olivia.  At 13 you didn't "let" anything happen.  You were not knowledgeable as to how the world works and how people interact.  Your world was fantasy and much of what you thought you knew was not actual.  Right now, in retrospect, you can see that there are thingds you could have done and or said.  But that wasn't the case at the time, you had very little experience with life.

 

Adults who interact with young people are in my opinion, incompetent.  They can't have a relationship with their peers because they believe they are inferior.  a healthy person is an equal.  These people, in my opinion, live mentally in the same world as these kids.

 

The only person you owe an apology Olivia, is yourself, for blaming yourself.

 

free

November 6, 2011
5:17 pm
Avatar
Olivias Changing
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 158
Member Since:
January 5, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi everyone I am sorry I havent posted for awhile, I have been on reading and rereading your posts and trying to process everything. I am greatful for your responses and I am trying to take them to heart. I think Free, you are very right, I am trying to analyze this situation with the knowledge I have now instead of what I had as a thirteen year old. Haythere, I need to hear its not my fault. I may tattoo it on my forehead backwards so I see it in the mirror every day. I think I am a little OCD. I am obsessed with watching kids and trying to decipher what decisions their minds ar capable of making at each age, to see what decisions I was capable of. I don't know if this sounds corny but maybe the abuse wasn't that bad because the part that consumes me is what he did to the other kids. The part where I was 10 years older than the little 6 year old that made someone listen. At thirteen I can almost forgive myself for but at 16, when it ended, I can't help but feel I share part of the responsibility. I shouldn't have lied when his mom told me to. He might still be in jail now. It kills me to think he is very likely doing it now. It makes me sick when he looks at me.

Hey Z  thanks for always being here. 

 

Liv

June 7, 2012
12:51 am
Avatar
ShiningLight
Admin
Forum Posts: 572
Member Since:
February 9, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

As underage, a 13 year SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED to have intercourse with an adult unless if that 13 year old has a sexual related or behavioral problem. Sex is biologically and psychologically a need but there are lots of things to consider before engaging yourself to that level. If you are already sexually active on that very young age then you might have something in your past or you just have internal problems causing you to engage on having sex with an adult. Are your parents aware of your actions? Have you done it many times before? Have you had an affair with someone older than you before? Or do you have any traumatic experience in the past? Have you been sexually abused before? Ask yourself with those questions cause you might be need some professional help.

June 8, 2012
7:30 pm
Avatar
blanket
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 31
Member Since:
May 17, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect defines child sexual assault as: "Contacts or interactions between a child and an adult when the child is being used for sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or another person when the perpetrator or another person is in a position of power or control over the victim." Sexual abuse has been defined to include inappropriate physical contact, making a child view sexual acts or pornography, using a child in making pornography, or exposing an adult's genitals to a child.

August 23, 2012
10:01 pm
Avatar
OneFoot
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
August 31, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

bevdee is posting as blanket

August 24, 2012
3:47 am
Avatar
onedaythiswillpass
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Who cares if Bevdee is posting as blanket? Only you do. Act your age, not your shoe size.

September 2, 2012
9:12 am
Avatar
heroworshipper
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 47
Member Since:
May 14, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Exactly onedaythiswill pass!

November 7, 2012
1:38 pm
Avatar
kotanmj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
November 7, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I was sexually abused as a child.  I sought out my abuser because I craved the attention.  I spent years living with the shame of knowing I had sought the attention.  It took many years of listening to others tell me it was not my fault and having me say, "of course, that is true" all the while knowing better because I chose to seek the attention.  I enjoyed the attention. Finally, after many years, I understood the truth.  I was still the victim, regardless of my actions because I was too young to make ADULT decisions and the adult in this situation was responsible for the abuse, not me. 

Honey, you did not do this.  You were seeking attention and seeking love which was obviously missing from your life.  You should blame those who did not provide you with the proper type of love and support, not yourself. What finally cured me was when someone said to me, "If this were happening to another child who is just like you, including all the parts you are not telling me today, would it be THEIR fault or the abuser's fault?"  I knew then that it would not be that poor child's fault because they could not know any better.  This meant it could not be my fault, etiher.  Even at 13, 14, 15, 16, etc.  When a trusted adult takes advantage of the lonliness of a child and the need to be loved, it is the adult who is wrong, not the child.  Teenagers must never be responsible for adults.  All adults are responsible for all children, not the other way around.  

 

I hope you are able to forgive yourself for what you think you did and place the blame firmly and soundly in the lap of the perpetrator, not yourself.  Healing can not begin until you understand it is not your fault, regardless of your part in it.  You were a child.  Look around at 13 year old children today and ask yourself, "would anyone of them be ready to make healthy choices in your shoes?"  When you realize that they are not capable of taking the burden for this heinous crime, you will come to forgive yourself.  Until then, whenever it gets too bad, take that hurt child and hug them as the adult you are today, providing loving support to the child she is today.  You will learn to heal that child and the adult heals right along with her. 

 

My best to you and your inner child. 

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
31
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110928
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714213
Newest Members:
LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080, laticia1
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer