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CAMER and Atalose sharing life’s mysteries and recovery from codependency…
July 29, 2009
3:34 pm
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CAMER
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this is a tough one...and i know the ol' marriage saying "thru good times and bad".....but finances are a huge thing in marriages, and alot of causes for breakups too! If your hubby doesn't want to help with finances or listen, what else can you do??? it sucks, cuz i bet you have to pay for part of these debts too. Maybe cut up the credit cards, cancel them or what not. Nobody needs added expenses in todays day and age.

July 29, 2009
4:36 pm
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Lanigirl
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Hey Laugh,

Tell me, what do you think about counselling?

It sounds like both of you have very different ideas on finances and it's out of sync. Does it reflect your marriage in other areas or is that way off base?

July 29, 2009
5:22 pm
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laughalot
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September 27, 2010
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Camer - Fortunately or unfortunately he has maxed his out and it is the only one he has. The rest are mine that he use to have access to but doesn't anymore. This is definitely one of the "bad" times. Stay single sister!

Lanigirl - I am in counseling and we have just recently talked about both going so I guess it is time. We had a short, long-distance relationship before we got married (like idiots) and I am now finding that we are not in sync in probably every aspect of our marriage. In his mind things are fine but not mine. We also don't see much of each other because of our hours so that makes things even more difficult - we hardly communicate at all.

July 30, 2009
12:12 pm
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atalose
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Laugh….yes finances can be deal breakers in marriages especially if you both can’t come to a happy medium. Does he work and pay on those credit cards? How about suggesting he used just one credit card for “future business purposes only” and that he alone will be responsible for that. Other credit cards should be used for only emergencies that both of you have decided on.

When two people have two different spending/saving styles compromise needs to be implemented other wise it’s time to make all finance separate.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 30, 2009
12:20 pm
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atalose
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Lani,

Glad you are in counseling and even if he doesn’t go it will be great for you. Sounds like you did what many of us codies do, put the cart before the horse with this relationship then marriage. What I have discovered with long distance relationships is they work because one or both people rather like distance with in their close relationships. It would appear that pattern continues into your marriage with you not seeing much of him because of work hours. That doesn’t appear to bother him as much as it bothers you, so I am guessing that he is the one who prefers quick limited intimacy. That’s why it’s good you are in counseling, maybe work through that issue to see if it’s something you can accept or not.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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