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CAMER and Atalose sharing life’s mysteries and recovery from codependency…
July 23, 2009
12:18 pm
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atalose
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I didn’t want to high jack 2B’s thread so I will begin a new one.

First of all I agree with you that posting on these threads are to learn about ourselves more so then to give out advice. I have gained far more then I could ever contribute.

And regarding making that call, yes, I too would have made that call out of guilt, feeling alone and that awful feeling of less then. Key word for me is “would have” meaning past tense. Today, no I would not make that call even if I felt lonely. I am learning that my issues are just that mine and mine to own. Rather then be an emotional “reactor” like the volcanic response I used to take. I have learned to sit with those feelings and allow myself to feel them. There is nothing wrong with feelings sad and there is nothing wrong with feeling lonely at times, they are healthy emotions. In the past I did just about anything I could think of to stop those feelings believing it was wrong to have them.

I apologize for not knowing your story or why you moved from MA to NH in the first place or why going back home is not something you can do anytime soon. I’ve come to believe that my past history and all of my decisions and choices have made me who I am today. The things I have learned about myself with those choices are priceless. In hindsight yes for sure I would not make some of the choices I did but then again if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be where I am today and I just don’t believe I’d be healthier. I think my codependency would have ruled my world regardless of who I married or got involved with, where I lived or worked.

Recovering from codependency has taken me from being a pessimistic to an optimistic. I’ve learned that feelings are not facts and that it is ok to actually have feelings that may be negative.

And as you mentioned there are often many times I go back and refer to threads, read them over and over in order to change my own thought process.

((CAMER))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 23, 2009
1:42 pm
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CAMER
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(((thanks Atalose))))see, that is me, i'd make that call, cuz i feel like i can't sit with myself, i feel alone, i feel like i deserted my family and friends back home, i feel like i deserted myself. I know i can't change things. I basically had a house in MA, me & bf were talking about a "change of scenery" and possibly moving to the next state over where living is cheaper, not so much commercialized, cleaner life, less people a more woodsy neighborhood....after thinking things over for a few months, i decided to sell my home, funny thing is it sold at FULL price in one day, so i was happy for that, i instantly landed a good job (but, huge but, gave up a job i was at for 18 years, job security, well not really, the company i was at laid off 200 people since i left, but my "old" job is still there, so if i didn't leave i'd still have my job making great money)..........now fast forward, i am barely making ends meet, i quit one job cuz of the crazy hours, to work at another job that let me go, to being unemployed for 6 months using my savings for survival, to getting a State job, that i hated, but it paid bills, to find another job working with animals and was let go, to being unemployed again for 6 months, draining my savings..to finally getting a job, that barely covers my bills, i still come up short every month, but i somehow survive....selling items on Ebay and Craigs list has helped alot.......Anyway.....after being in NH for one year, i said to my bf that I didn't like living here, i miss my family, i miss my friends, etc...and told him i was putting the house up for sale, this is back in Sept 2007..........and its still up for sale..........so this i guess is the path I am one, people look at the house, they like it, but i am up against alot of other cheaper houses, being a buyers market, theres way too many houses up for sale and not enough buyers.

One good thing i learned from this, is as quick as i Left MA, yes, it was my bf's idea, but i agreed fully to go to NH also......I decided that whether or not he liked it, i said I am moving back home to MA, i didn't think it would take this long though to "still" be selling my home. I learned that I have choices, i don't need someones ok to do anything in life, i knew i wanted to go home, so i put my house up on the market, now i just wait.

Sometimes i feel so lonely here though, yes, i see my family a few times a year and my long time friends a few times a year, but its not like when i was living in MA...i could see them pretty much anytime, now i have to make plans, cuz its a 2 1/2 hour trip away.

Why did i move here??? at the time, i hated driving in traffic with my job, i knew my job security could be lost with the company and layoffs, i guess, maybe mid life crisis, thinking i could work part time in NH and still be semi close to home.....my thinking was way distorted back then, yep hindsight gets the best of me.

I guess what i really feel is alone, i feel like i can't drive to my friends house, i can't drive to my mom and dads or my sisters, who were all just in driving range, not 2 1/2 hours. My job now is good, but i work alone....so i have no coworkers for friends. I really don't have any friends here, just the ones from back home.

I remember, back a few months ago, my bf went out with his buddy, they were having a great time, etc.....and i felt so alone here, i felt abandoned cuz HE was having fun and I was alone with myself. I remember he said he'd call me later.......and i couldn't wait till later, i had to call him, and give him a rashing of sh** cuz he didn't call me sooner, geeeezzz i feel like i felt so desperate.

What i am getting at, is i feel that moving here, i let my guard down, i should have thought it over more, should have thought about my great job, my close knit family, my friends, my making money and knowing i could survive and not struggle....and moving here was good for one year, then things came crashing, and of course when i want to move out and sell my house, i can't.

Ok, i am rambling..one good thing for this though, is now i want to move close to my family, buy a home in MA thats only a few miles away...that is the good of this, going back home and living alot closer to my mom & dad. B4 i used to live an hour a way when i was in MA.

I guess what i need to work on is ME, and my self esteem, and not feeling this silly guilt, and knowing that i am ok to just "be" an feel my feelings.

And yes, i too go back to alot of threads, and re read them and see where i was at in that point of my life.

thanks for starting this post 🙂

(((camer)))

July 23, 2009
4:14 pm
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atalose
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CAMER,

I have found that in order to know what I really want in life I had to experience what I know for sure I don’t want in life.

I don’t ever want to be married to a selfish controlling jerk again.

I don’t ever want to give so much of myself up for another person that I don’t know myself anymore.

All this is to say that maybe it’s more important to recognize what we don’t want in life, then to itemize the details of what we do want. We can’t go back and un-do life all we can do is not repeat what has not given us happiness.

You have discovered many things about yourself today that you didn’t realize when making the decision to move away. Sounds like you are moving in the right direction to head back near family. I have no doubt that next time a major decision faces you, you will not be wearing the old glasses but instead a fresh new pair that comes with a new approach of thinking and decision making.

What’s BF’s thinking on moving back to MA?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 23, 2009
4:25 pm
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CAMER
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(((awww thanks Atalose)))

I don't want to make a huge decision like I have in the past (moving) without thoroughly thinking it over, i didn't do much homework, re: taxes (very high), jobs avail (not many), being too far from home (feeling isolated)...i need to think, ask, and re think.......when i think back now, i did have a "doubt" about moving, but I still went thru with it, thinking that i'd like it and its a good change.

I too don't want to lose me in a relationship, i sometimes feel that way, being the people pleaser.....i am setting good boundaries and thinking more of Me and saying how I feel without caring of what the other person thinks. I do this alot with friends, family, bf....always trying to keep "them" happy, when its me that should be happy.

I don't even know if i ever want to be married, i hear alot of horror stories, yet i see alot of good marriages but how happy are they?? I guess now, i am happy being "not married" I am ok with that.

My biggest thing, is i want things now, i want to move now, i want to go back to my hometown now, but i can't. I have to sell this house, and until it sells, i just have to wait it out. I am happy that i do have a job, being healthy, still have my phone and email to call friends and family, so its not "that" bad.

I just have a tendency to beat myself up and go back to May 2006 and keep asking "why the fu** did i move, why, why, why?".....and i know I can't take it back or change things.

I was talking to a coworker last nite, i miss my old job in MA, with the friends there too.,, someday we will have a get together, which will be fun and I look forward to it.

thanks for letting me talk and vent, it helps me out...and i'm telling you it does take away that "alone" feeling. 🙂

(((to Atalose, from Camer))))

July 23, 2009
5:52 pm
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Camer - I am new to this site and pretty much just read and take it all in. I understand how you feel about your situation. My situation is different but kind of the same.

My husband and I moved 3 times in 4 years from Denver to FL, CA,and now AZ for different reasons. (My family, his job, economics, etc. - long story). He was the one that wanted to move to AZ and since he had pretty much moved twice for me, I agreed (having doubts but not speaking up). We bought a house and I lived here by myself for the first 6 months while he was still in CA trying to find a job here. (I agreed to that but hated every second of it). My job commute is 1 hour each way (winter time it is 1 1/2 hours to get home). We live in the burbs (we have no kids) so I have one friend in our neighborhood. I don't hang with friends at work because it is too far. My husband is in the restaurant business so we only have part of Sat. and all day Sun. together and that is it. My friends are all in Denver and there isn't a day goes by that I don't punish myself for leaving there. I don't like it here, we are totally upside down on our house so there is no selling it. My husband has a million friends from being in that business and works 5 minutes from home. I resent him because things are wonderful for him and they suck for me. How warped is that? When he goes out with friends I too get an attitude. I know I got myself here but now I am feeling I want out - The state? yes. - The marriage? Honestly I am on the fence. He doesn't understand why I can't appreciate what we have and just be happy. There is more to the story but don't want to babble. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Atalose - You sound like you have been through some stuff and really worked on yourself to makes things better. Your advice to everyone seems to be right on. I admire your strength and determination in freeing yourself of this codependent thing!

July 23, 2009
5:54 pm
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Hi Cami and Atalose,

Cami: you are doing a great job with yourself and your house will sell. Keep the faith.

Atalose: Thanks for such good advice with Cami...I learned something from your post..."Recovering from codependency has taken me from being a pessimistic to an optimistic. I’ve learned that feelings are not facts and that it is ok to actually have feelings that may be negative."

This is what I am discovering now. It is okay to feel and that my feelings don't define everything about me and it is okay to feel negative too.

Thanks again.

Love, Z

July 23, 2009
6:10 pm
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2BHAPPY
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This is a great thread..I get to know both Camer and Atalose a bit more..My two favorite people on this site.

You have both come a long ways..your experiences and all has made you who you are today..both strong, loving and supporting women.

I wish I could write more..but I am at work.

Camer...I will be very very happy for you once you find your way back home (meaning once you sell your house)

Take care and I'll be back later.

Finally got a renter and we are signing the paperwork.

 

 

2bHappy

July 23, 2009
6:23 pm
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CAMER
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awww thanks everyone....Laughalot, its a pleasure to meet you, i've been on this site for about 5 years, going thru ups and downs of codependency...I hope you can keep posting and we can support eachother thru the similiar experiences we are having.

I too, pretty much every day, resent where i live, i hate it, but i keep smiling, keep going to work, keep the happy face when deep down, i regret moving here. And yep, it was my bf's idea, but i had a choice, I should have said NO. I didn't, and thought that things would be better, even so, i doubted it, and talked myself into moving here still, why?? maybe the newness of our relationship, I've only known him for one year when we "talked" about moving. So know, you are not alone.

Zebra & 2b, thanks for the positive insight, you both get me thru the tough times. I can't wait till the day "i go home"....i'll be doing major happy dances!!! you both are incredible!

((((wishing you all a peaceful day))))

July 23, 2009
11:22 pm
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atalose
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CAMER…..impatience, yes that’s me too, I usually want everything yesterday! Keep faith that your house will sell and life will fall into place how you want it to. 2 ½ hours is not all that long, how about making plans for some weekends to head back home. Get the feel of things there again, check out job prospects, visit with friends and family. You could leave after work on a Friday and have the entire weekend to do WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

Laugh….welcome and glad you found us. When I was married I moved from NY to MI then to GA then to IL then back to NY. My ex was in the hotel business, he was the one with the friends, he was the one going out and I was the one left to do just about everything by myself. Nothing is more lonely then moving from Atlanta to Chicago in December. Living in the burbs of Chicago I don’t think I met a single neighbor until spring! I was living the exact life my controlling husband wanted. Me at home with 2 kids, no car so no place to go. He only socialized with people from work, neighbors and friends outside of his work were not important to him so there for they were not needed and if they were not needed by him they certainly were not needed for me. After several long very long and lonely cold years in Chicago I was no longer on the fence about my marriage, I would have jumped off a cliff to get out and I did, not jump off the cliff got out of the marriage.

Zebra….what I have discovered for myself is that I needed and continue to need to reprogram my entire thought process because after all it’s our thoughts that bring about our feelings. I grew up in a loving home but one where alcoholism was present. Both my parents grew up with alcoholic parents, my mom is/was a classic codependent and my dad had a little bit of both codependency and alcohol issues. Did I ever think I came from a dysfunction alcoholic family, heck no because there was no violence no car crashes or arrests but looking back today plenty of the typical codependent/alcoholic behaviors and thoughts. I’m learning what is healthy and normal compared to what my upbringing and thoughts have told me. Example: my upbringing taught me to think that I need to put everyone first before myself other wise I am being selfish. Today my healthy self knows that I do need to put myself first in order to then possible help others. Just like on an airplane, the oxygen drops and you are taught to put your mask on first then your child’s. When we retrain our thoughts are feelings following right along.

2B….I am so happy you finally have renters that’s great!!!!

It really is a great pleasure to share with each and every one of you. Growing together can only make all of us stronger. One of us is not as good as all of us!!!!!!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 24, 2009
9:55 am
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CAMER
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(((again Atalose, i have to give you a millions hugs))))

And yes, I have to change my thinking, and I know someday i will move back home, it'll happen, i just have to bide my time and think good thoughts and be happy for what I have, and stop the bashing, cuz i can't change things, i can't change the past, just move forward with a better attitude. ONe thing that keeps me happy is looking online at house that I can possibly buy, i like to see what's out there, my options, it gives me a good feeling, its just waiting for this one to sell, heck, i've waited 2 years, so I guess I can wait that much longer.

I'd like to know this common theme of "moving"...why does it seem these men like to do the moving, and drag us ladies with them?? My now bf did the same thing when he first got married, him and his then (ex) moved to TN from MA for about 2 years, she got home sick and then they moved back, again, he said they did it for a change of scenery. I just wonder why men can't stay in one state, and stay put...and it seems like the women are never the ones to bring up "oh lets move to so and so"....well, it seems that way that once we hate where we live, yep we want to go back to our original destination.

I wish i was stronger back in the day when i did move, now I can easily say, "yep, i am moving back home" without a care in the world, I guess i am growing stronger and wiser, sometimes i just don't see it, and i tend to bash myself on mistakes i made in the past.

Ok, i am yapped out...just wanted to share, talk & vent.

much love to all! camer

July 24, 2009
12:44 pm
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Hi all,

wow,, Cami,,,
i didnt know all that about ur situation,,, i HOpE your house sells soon.. gf... Im sorry u are apart from ur family ((hugs))

i just started counseling for code..last week,,, she said she doestn THINK i am codependent,, (she does not know me well at all 🙂 )
she will say i am before she is done with me..
i think alot of codependends are born under (cancer) sign... Is there a connection?

anyway,, im not as experienced as Camer and Atalose,,
but i Do Know about moving.. this is my third move in only 7 years,, (alot of diff reasons) but , im finally back i my hometown... BUt im not happy with the house/location of it and style of it.. i wanted to move in a hurry.... (super mitigating circumstances).. so that i didnt take enough time in picking a house i ReaLLy loved...

anyway,,, i guess i cannot afford to move again,, financially, or emotionally,,, im soooo drained,, this site helps Alot!

((hugs to all))

July 24, 2009
1:03 pm
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Camer & Atalose - Thanks for the welcome!

Camer - I was thinking the same thing Atalose said about the weekend trips. That would keep my spirits up. Maybe I missed this part but will your BF be moving back with you?

Atalose - How long were you married before you jumped ship? I am really confused about everything at the moment. One minute I hate him and the next I love him. I never really thought of him as controlling person until now. I guess because he has always been the "bread winner", I felt I had to follow and my opinions didn't really matter. Between following these threads and reading "Co-Dependent No More" I am started to voice my opinion whether he likes what I have to say or not. I guess it is a step in the right direction.

I am glad I found ya'll. Thanks so much for the support!

July 24, 2009
1:35 pm
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atalose
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CAMER….We moved often while he was working his way up the corporate ladder. All our moves were always promotions for him. I was never asked nor did we ever sit down and discuss any of them. He would come home and “inform” me that he was being transferred to ____ and that he needed to be there to start by X . He would head off leaving me to do everything involved for the move. And the perfect little codie that I was, was like O OK then I just shouldered all the stress and frustration of doing it alone.

I believe it was after the third move that I began to realize that I was pretty much alone in the marriage but my fears of going it alone with 2 kids and not having “his” money for financial security of sorts is what kept me stuck.

inner………. That’s great you are going to counseling keep that up because you know it’s taken us a long time to get to this point in our codie lives. All the years of learned unhealthy behavior and beliefs. So undoing all that takes a while. It was Bitsy on these threads that worded recovery like this: Recovery is giving up everything you know to get something better you don’t yet understand. I’ve lived in several houses I rushed into and ended up feeling unhappy about. If you can’t move then move those thoughts and make some changes to your home you can afford like painting, new curtains things like that can make a big difference. After my divorce I remained the home I shared with my ex and hated it but there was no way I could move. So I began to make small changes with paint and new curtains and bedding. I painted the shutters on the outside of my home and that made a big difference along with some new inexpensive shrubs. I saw being miserable for almost 2 years until one day my best friend showed up at my front door with a paint brush!!! LOL

laugh…I was married for 15 years by time my divorce became final. My divorce took almost 3 years to get, controlling men don’t give up easily! There is nothing that says that today is the day you need to make a decision regarding your marriage, you don’t have to by tomorrow or by next week or next month. All you need to do is focus on you and beginning your new non-codie always agreeing and having no opinion life. I am glad you are voicing your opinions because those opinions matter, they matter to you and that’s all that counts right now. I am glad you are here……

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 24, 2009
2:21 pm
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CAMER
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hi Inner...yep I am a cancer, the homebody type girl, the sensitive girl, sometimes in my "shell" type of girl. And yes, I am codependent. Funny thing is though, i know alot of cancers (not sure if they are coda or not) but they are so NOT like me...one of my ex best friends, borrowed money and never paid it back, another guy i date who was a cancer, treated me like crap, well i guess i let him, and another, cancer friend, I helped out with a loan, and he took me for over $2k...I guess, alot of this says that I should have been stronger, and not so giving with the above mentioned people...but the 3 were all Cancers, and I myself, would never ever rip off a friend or anyone, like they did to me.

Ok back to this thread, yeah, i am trying to get back to my home state...and yes, I miss my family, but now times are tough, financially and all, and my mom,dad and sis "said" they would visit me this summer, just "waiting" for that to happen, cuz when i think of it, all the previous visits was when I went "back home" to visit "them"...and they haven't come up here to visit me in 2 years!!! whats up with that??? So I am in just a funk now and hope they hold there word and come here and visit me this time.

I am glad your back in your hometown Inner...and yeah, sometimes we get anxious and pick things and buy things then don't like them, another coda trait, yet I am happy you are back home. And thats where I will be someday to...back to my hometown.

Laughalot, i am not sure if my bf will go back to MA with me, at this point, i kinda don't even care, I guess i still blame him for this "silly idea of moving"...yet, i never stopped myself from doing it, i wish i said NO back then. But the thought of only working part time, the thought of living in a woodsy area, the thought of a newer home, and the thought of still being semi close to home.....NOT.....what my dreams were and what reality was, was very different. My bf loooovvveeess living here, i hate it, so i am not even sure what our future holds, all i know is **I** want to set my goals now, and thats to go back to my hometown, and stay put!

And yes, i voice my opionions now, loud and clear, whether he likes it or not, i see myself finally being true to myself. I even tell him, ever since we "moved", my thoughts, feelings and everything has just changed, I guess I am not the same girl as when we first met. I think he liked the girl he met, back when we were in the honeymoon phase, and I always just agreed or tried to make things work. Now i just say what i want, and if he doesn't like the answer...well, what can i say?? In that sense i have become stronger.

Atalose...my bf had this "idea" that moving would be great, being in a cleaner state, less money for homes, and still not being too far from family......and I could work part time and make ends meet..NOT, again, NOT, i am barely making ends meet. And i know for a fact, i thought, "ooohh this'll be great"...yet i still had the denial going on, cuz i did like where i "did" live and I loved my job..and made good money and had job security.
And i think deep down, i was hoping my "old house" would NOT sell, and then I could just stay put. Well, it changed the day my "old house" was on the market, I received an offer at full price and signed the papers and knew i had to leave....so my goals thereafter was just find a cheap house, a good part time job, etc...and that was fine and dandy for one year, then the jobs came and went. And of course when i wanted to move, my house would not sell.

I have to stop freaking repeating myself, so much. This is getting crazy.

Ok, lets make this more interesting....when your "guy" said that he wanted to move, did any of you have any "doubts" about making that move?? and when did you realize that moving was not making you happy??

July 24, 2009
2:29 pm
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CAMER
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yes, atalose, i like how you said "make some changes to your home you can afford"..... and these past few days i was out in the yard, just cleaning up brush and sticks, just making the yard look more presentable..(with a tornado last year,and hiring for "cleanup" most of the yard looks good now, but still, it'll never look perfect) But, its that...me being out in the yard, cleaning up, doing this for me, building a lil' tent like scene so i can burn some brush some nite, it was cool, it was fun, its a good feeling, taking pride on making this house, that will eventually be sold...make it look all the better. Plus it lets me know i can do this, i can fix things, make things better, etc...all good for my self esteem.

ok, i'm gonna shut up now 🙂

July 24, 2009
3:52 pm
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atalose
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CAMER…..I think with every single move especially the first one I had doubts. I started out un-happy because I was moving away from my family and friends and the only life I knew. It never got better from there, but I did find ways to bring happiness to myself by meeting new people and getting involved with groups. My problem was that I was only allowed to do things during the day and not in the evening where my choices would affect my husband. I was told over and over again that he was not a baby sitter!!!

Anything we can do for our self esteem is like a nice rush, it feels good and the more we do the better we feel. After my divorce I really needed a new bathroom as that was the only room we hadn’t spend any money on. I had gotten some estimates that were between 5 and 7 thousand dollars, about 5 to 7 thousand out of my budget so being on the high of the new and improved me and with some fixing and repairing experience I under took my bathroom. I got a new vanity and sink for 35.00 at a garage sale. Home depot had toilets on sale I think I paid 69.00. A going out of business flooring store had those peel and stick tiles on sale and all I needed were 3 boxes at a cost of 45.00, add some paint at 50.00 and waaaaaaaallllllllaaaaaaaaa I had a new bathroom. My friend’s husband installed the vanity and sink and toilet and refused to allow me to pay him but let me buy them dinner one night.

I have learned that even with the smallest budget making small changes my self means the biggest difference to ME and that’s all that matters.

And NO please don't shut up.....or set your house on fire with ur lil'tent in order to move quicker then you want!!!! LOL LOL LOL

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 24, 2009
4:28 pm
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CAMER
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((atalose))) you are too funny!! with your last comment...cuz that "thought" did cross my mind!!!

its fun "burning brush"....i didn't think i could do it cuz the pile, i swear was at least 8'tall x 15' wide, this is the pile the landscapers left over after clean up....and yep, i burned that whole freaking pile......yay Cami!!!all by myself.............bf was working nites so he couldn't help me. Anyways, i am starting my last pile for burning, and i am looking forward to my next "burn party" 😉

Yeah, i wish too that i had some coda meeting near me, being in the boondocks, they are all 2 hours away....back in MA, i attended my meeting faithfully every week and loved them. That is one thing I am
going to persue, when i move back, is attend meetings, i already know there are some close to where I plan on moving.

Yay for you on fixing up the bathroom, that is awesome!!! and you can do so much and not spend alot with all the Home Depots and Lowe's out there.

thanks so much for sharing, and I feel so good right now, i feel at peace knowing that i do have plans down the road and my self esteem feels pretty good right now.

((((atalose))) fr: Camer!!

July 24, 2009
4:54 pm
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OopsADaisyFuentes
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Atalose..everytime i read something from you...i have one of those a-ha lightbulb moments..or at the very least..you shake something loose in my attic of a brain and remind me what I already have known but have so quickly forgotten. I love love love the analogy of the oxygen masks on the plane!!! I've heard that before and that is sooooo true. if i went to help someone else get their mask on but passed out before i was able to help..how would that help either one of us? it's ok to take care of me..and then help others..its healthy and something i need to work on each and everyday. thank you for being a light in my life!! ((((((atalose))))))

July 25, 2009
4:21 pm
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atalose
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CAMER…when I was a kid they used to allow open burning and I remember that smell, to some it may be awful but I used to love it. Around here today you’d get arrested for open burning, I miss it. Isn’t it a nice feeling to be able to look forward to your move. And you are already planning on CODA meetings and keeping yourself emotionally healthy that’s great. I’m sure there are many other things to remind yourself of that you will be looking forward to.

It’s hot here today but I got done what I planned on so now I can relax and maybe get a little sun.

Oops……I know for me I’d hear something a few times and then hear it again and have one of those a-ha light bulb moments. Guess when the light bulb goes on it’s because we are ready to really hear it, we are ready to accept the true meaning behind the words. Awww thank you for allowing me to be a light in your life I am really glad you are still here and posting.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 26, 2009
10:20 am
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CAMER
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Atalose, yep we can have "open burning" here, but with restrictions, has to be after 5pm and you have to get a burn "permit"...which is no big deal, i am just glad i can have my "burning" party at some point.

Yes, i figure if I have dreams and goals (moving back to my home state) i can add to the dreams, by fixing up around the house NOW...and plan for the future, going to Coda meetings, wow I miss my Coda meetings in MA, they were my weekly must have.

Thanks for all your positive insight!! And have a great day relaxing and taking in that sun!!!

(((camer)))

July 28, 2009
1:34 pm
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CAMER
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ok........Happy Dance time, since this thread is kinda sorta about me!!

Another showing on the house 2morrow, the people who came by last week, want to "re see" it...I guess they want farm animals on the property, I own about 4.5 acres, and living in NH there are plenty of horses, sheep, goats, cows and what not, so perfect atmosphere, in the boondocks.

So far 2 people looked at the house, this year, and people #1 came back a 2nd time, but still were not quite sure if they wanted the house. And People #2 came by last week, and want to come by 2morrow....aahhhhhh, i hope and hope and wish upon a star that these people love it enought to buy it. I know the 1st couple, liked it alot, even for a 2nd showing, but they wanted me to still drop alot on the price, which I can't...so be it.

Lets hope and pray for this one!!

I feel really good today, (((autumn)) gave me a boost!!! and I am starting to face all my "so called fears"....i have this thing about wearing my glasses, when i wear my glasses, all of a sudden the words "ugly" come to mind. So today, i put my glasses on, went to Walmart shopping, and ran a few errands, with the glasses on, and didn't have a care in the world. Geeeeshhhh, such
silly things make me so afraid that people will think I am ugly, when all and all, its just a fear i've had since i was a kid and kids used to make fun of the gal with the glasses!!

Ok, a victory for me today!! wearing glasses and looking F I N E!!!

ok, time for me to do something productive.

((((hugs to all))))

July 28, 2009
2:12 pm
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Camer - I am happy dancing with you and keeping my fingers crossed they want to buy the house! Hold on to your happy feeling. As you can see (and I am sure you look sassy in your glasses!) facing your demons can be so empowering.

Keep on dancing and keep us posted!!

July 28, 2009
2:36 pm
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atalose
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CAMER:

Check this out: http://www.webhamster.com

And dance dance dance.

I am so happy that you wore your glasses!!!! As laughlot said, I’m sure you look sassy and smart and sexy!!!! way to go.

Great news about the potential buyers, I am crossing all my fingers, toes and what ever else I can think of and wishing you the best with that outcome.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 28, 2009
2:59 pm
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awwww ((laughalot & Atalose)))) you gals Rock!!!!! thanks for the positive vibes. I am happy today, I started my day off wearing my glasses, saw a bunch of people in the store, didn't hide in shame...yeah, it sounds silly, but its a demon i've had since childhood, that needs to be broken!!

My fear is that, when people see me with glasses, I think that they think "wow, that girl is ugly or a dork"..........yeah, its the silly stupid negative thoughts in my mind.

And most of all, i should not care of what others think, i am me, and thats who I am, a girl who has bad sight and needs glasses, just like a million other people!!! and yes, i wear contact lenses, and feel so much prettier, but i need to beat that damn eye glass demon I have!!

thanks honeys for the support!!!!

oooh yeah, and then after all my shopping and sporting my glasses, I get "the call" about the house showing 2morrow nite.

YAAAAAAAAA Baaaaaaabbbyyy!!!!

July 29, 2009
3:28 pm
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Atalose - I am directing this to you since you have been married before but anyone else's advice is most welcome too!

I have been married for 5 1/2 years and our problem is money. When we got married I/we had no debt. Now, we have way more credit card debt than I am comfortable with. He is NOT uncomfortable with our debt and just figures it will get paid off sooner or later. He charges whenever he feels it is necessary (like playing golf). I have asked him repeatedly not to charge that we need to pay cash or we don't need to have it. He says "OK" but then continues to do it. His dream is to open a restaurant. Now he is pursuing investors to make that happen. He recently charged $1500 in 2 months wining and dining "potential" investors which I had no clue about until I got the bill. He says it is the price of doing business and he is going to make the rest. thing happen no matter what it takes. Because I am not a risk taker and have an office job and would prefer to save money and pay our ccards down first, he says that I am content "letting fear control my life" and letting life pass me by (by not taking risks) and he is not going to live his life like that. If it is both of our money, shouldn't I have a say in how it is spent? He says if I can come up with a better idea that will secure our future than he will listen, otherwise it is the restaurant. And, he is a good husband and I should feel lucky to have him!

Since he didn't tell me about the charges and just brushes it off and says it's no big deal, don't worry, I feel like he has no regard for my views and will just forge ahead as he wants. His controlling nature is getting the best of me.

I am totally confused. Thanks for listening.

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