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came out of hospitol after miscarriage to find my partner masturbating to porn in my living room
June 8, 2008
7:09 pm
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eurogurl
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ya, im so sick and angry, i want to leave him for good.
hes cheated on me twice in the past, and i get pregnant with our child, almost die, come out of the hospitol and come home to see him in my living room masturbating while looking at other women.
|He had an issue with masturbating online ( his cheating ) with other women while we were engaged and he promised he would never do it again, and i dont beleive the loser has until i found out hes watching porn. I told him i wont stand for this, it hurts me and im afraid it will lead back into cheating .
Well i come home, sick and on meds having gone through the only miscarriage of my life, and see that through the front window, i was shocked and sick to my stomach, ithrew up and i smacked him across the face and told him i was done with him.
he didnt even come after me, he just said "i wasnt cheating"
I called him a dog, and selfish and said i was done, but i dont know what the fuck to do, im in love with him and i just lost our baby...
god help me

June 8, 2008
7:29 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Excuse me, how did you get home from the hospital? Shouldn't he have beeen bringing you home not at home doing this?

Bitsy

June 8, 2008
8:05 pm
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StronginHim77
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There is no future with this man. I know that is not what you probably want to hear, but he is not there for you, emotionally. Without affection, attention and emotional support, there is no genuine intimacy between a man and a woman. Men who get caught up in masturbating to internet porn usually have intimacy issues. They prefer "fantasy" lust to connecting with a real woman...because they are INCAPABLE of sustaining a genuinely intimate, communicative relationship with a woman.

I do feel bad for you, especially over the loss of your baby. That would be a crushing blow, no matter what the other circumstances in your life might be. Do you know a counselor or therapist who could help you through this traumatic time in your life? Sounds like you could really benefit from some support.

- Ma Strong

June 8, 2008
8:29 pm
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CAMER
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keep re reading your post, and know that this man "you do not want" and why are you so afraid to leave him??

June 8, 2008
8:42 pm
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sad sack
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Eurogurl,

I am so sorry that you suffered a miscarriage. I am also sorry that your boyfriend (husband??) was not by your side supporting you through this emotional event.

I can understand you being upset that he was emotionally absent while you were suffering with such a painful loss.

And yes, the timing of his adventures in self-satisfaction couldn't have been more insensitive.

However, I do not agree with Ma (sorry Ma) that masturbating should be a reason to ditch your partner (cheating, yes; masturbation, no). I don't have any statistics, but I can guess that most men (and many women)engage in masturbation. And many view photos or images while they are doing it.

I understand you were upset that he cheated on you in the past. But I don't understand why you are linking the cheating with the masturbation. They are two different activities. And I strongly believe that one does not lead to the other.

Since you mentioned that you loved your partner, I would encourage you to seek out counseling. Naturally, this is an emotional time for you. You need to address the loss you suffered and the issues you are having with your partner.

Eurogurl, I wish the best for you and your partner. And again, I am so sorry for your loss.

sad

June 8, 2008
10:25 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Eurogurl, I am sorry to hear about your lose of the child.....this is a sad event for you. I am sure you must be angry too.......I have had a miscarriage before and I can relate to all the emotions. I suggest you do not smack your boyfriend across the face again though.......next time he could come after you and this is how people get hurt. Please take care, horsefly

June 9, 2008
4:14 am
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DorisDay
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Eurogurl:

I am so terribly sorry this happened to you. I wondered too why he wasn't with you to bring you home from the hospital.

I never conceived, but tried my best with my husband. I came home one night after work, and we were both aware it was my time for ovulation. I approached him to have sex and he sheepishly stated: "Oh I can't...I just masturbated."

I was hurt beyond words. Yes, I know we all masturbate..but the fact he couldn't wait until I got home to make love to me in hopes of conceiving a child crushed me beyond words.

I cannot imagine your pain. If you could see him through the window, I am certain others could, too.

I am so sorry for the loss of your child.

Please let us know how you are doing.

June 9, 2008
6:56 am
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Eurotrash
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Eurogurl,

You have my eurosupport during this difficult time. I can only imagine how difficult it is to lose a child. We didn't even know you were pregnant!! I wish I had some wisdom for you, a secret but I don't. Have you thought of getting counseling for yourself? I can understand your hurt at seeing him watching pornography, but smacking someone for that seems a little extreme.

I hope you will get help for yourself and your violent impulses.

June 9, 2008
3:07 pm
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Giggles_29
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Eurogurl, I am sooooo sorry for your loss and cannot even imagine what you are going through. Please know that you do not have to stay with this man. You deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who will support you emotionally through times like this. You don't deserve to be going through it by yourself, he seems like he will never be able to support you emotionally. I am learning the hard way myself about this. I have just come to realize I have no future with my daughter's father either. He is very emotionally unavailable right now and needs to just focus on himself.
I hope that you have someone you can talk to about what's going on. Please just know that you will get through this no matter how bleek it seems at this moment. Please repost and keep us all updated. You are in my thoughts šŸ™‚
@--}------- Giggles

June 9, 2008
3:55 pm
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meanie_on_a_stick
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first off i have lost 4 children so i know the pain that you are going thru .. theres no words that can be said or typed that will make you feel any better right now. the fact that the man you are with just happens to be a major asshole just makes things worse.

secondly .. there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. its hard to just leave everything you know and walk out especially after losing a child.. your mind is not even straight right now. you cant even morn the loss of your child because this man has your mind all torn up .

i can tell you how to fix this asshole and make him suffer for what hes done... but your not in the shape right now mentally or physically to handle him. and NO IM NOT TALKING HOMICIDE lol not yet anyways lol. a little ipacac maybe here and there ish .. but ill talk to you about it later .

right now is a time when you should morn your child .. as hard as that is to do you have to do it. you cant avoid that. and basically for the rest of your life he will be labeled asshole who wanked off off the couch while you were going thru a misscarriage and thats gonna suck for the both of you if you stay with this guy. if you have a mother go to her. if not maybe a sister or a best friend and stay with them if you can for a few days. let that sick perverted asshole jerk his meat off right off his balls for all you care. you will handle him and his nasty ass later.
right now take care of you . and your baby ( funeral arrangements or memorials or whatever.)

im so sorry that this has happened to you .. like i said before there are no words .
god be with you and guide you.
im sorry about the harshness of my post it wasnt directed toward you in anyway it was anger towards men who think the only thing important is .. UMMM THEM.

take care and know that god has to get his angels somewhere. you were just blessed to be the mother of one.
i have four waiting on me. šŸ™‚

June 9, 2008
5:16 pm
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nappy
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What I don't understand is that you want to be upset because he was watching porn but not upset that he wasn't there for you in the hospital, or was there to take you home.

"i smacked him across the face and told him i was done with him. he didnt even come after me,"

I don't understand this either, you slap him across his face but you still wanted him to come after you. And do what?

Is this about his porn, or his respond to you as a woman or a mate?

Nappy

October 27, 2011
12:05 am
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dontucareatall
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I would like to say that I am sorry for your loss... I just went through something very similar today.. I had a natural miscarriage (meaning i dilated fully and passed the baby and placenta on my own without anything for pain) This has just been 7 hours ago. When I came to bed tonight i wanted to talk to my husband about getting a tattoo in memory of out loss, but to my utter shock he is sitting in bed with his laptop watching porn!!!!!!!!!!!!! How uncaring it seems..Ā  I didn't say anything to him. but i feel so betrayed so lost.YellYellCryCryCryCryCryCryCry

October 27, 2011
11:38 am
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samantha2
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Eurogurl, I feel so badly for you. The loss of your child must be a horrible experience - I have to wonder with the others why he was not at the hospital with you? This man seems to be concerned only with himself - I know you can do better. Everyone here is eager to give you support and comfort as much as we can.

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