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Calling a discussion about the guidelines on this site:
December 18, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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I
found some info. about this guideline. I have noticed that people
here are ignoring it. I was wondering what other people thought.
"site coordinator 19-Feb-07

Hi
Folks!

Please hit submit
after you read this thread to let me know you have read &
understand the following:

It is NOT
PERMITTED to post your email, IM address, real name, etc anywhere
or anyhow on these threads. It is also not permitted to tell
friends, family, co-workers, or acquaintences about this website.
Once you find this site, it's yours, and only yours. Links to your
personal information or webpage is also not permitted."

December 18, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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puptent,

Where are you
seeing that people have ignored it?

December 18, 2010
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chinadoll, read the "to Bill99....'inner'" thread on
12-07-10

December 18, 2010
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puptent,

In my experience
(and I have been here for quite sometime) the SC is usually on top
of things like this and handles it accordingly.

I just have to
wonder a little why you felt a need to post this rather than
contacting the SC directly about it?

Just strikes me as
a little odd is all ~

December 18, 2010
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TBT,
I chose to post it here because I want to discuss it with people
here.

December 18, 2010
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TBT,
what you say strikes me as a little odd because people posting on
the lib. brew thread "in this moment" are saying something
different. Please go read that thread and you will see what I
mean.

December 18, 2010
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It No Longer Matters
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Puptent, I will try to answer some of your questions from my
perspective. That is all it is...my perspective.

For, I assume
years, someone ran this site. I don't know if it was a he or a she
(I always assumed the Site Coordinator was a she) and I assume they
had some sort of psychiatric or psychology background. I am not
sure.

For a long time
the SC monitored the threads and if things were veering to far off
or people weren't actually using the site as it was intended they
would intervene. Occassionally someone would post that donations
were needed to maintain the site and we could go to a paypal
account and donate.

About a year ago a
man started posting here. He had some claim that men were
mistreated and he attacked the SC and threatened to sue. I forget
all the details, except his name, Paul Elam (MALE spelled
backwards). He made big threats to sue and take this site to the
medical board of some state. Some people who were banned went to
his website to attack this website and to talk about how badly they
had been mistreated.

Again, I am fuzzy
on the details because I tend to "not pay attention to shit unless
I step in it". At some point we received a message at the top of
the that donations were no longer neeeded. Before all of this
happened if something was way off on a thread you could click on a
link to report stuff to the SC. She would look at the thread in
question and make a comment if people needed to get back on track
etc. Now, many of us have experienced reporting somethingn to the
SC and getting a "canned email" back that our email was received
but nothing has been done about it.

I have seen on
various threads like the one you mentioned where people have
started giving out personal details and contact information. I have
stopped posting on those threads. There are always some who want to
push to the outermost limits of what is allowed.

I don't know if I
have helped you or not in understanding the history of this site as
I know it.

Peace,

Bitsy

Bitsy

December 18, 2010
12:00 am
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truthBtold
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puptent,

Oy! I see what you
mean now. I typically do not read that thread but took a look at it
just now.

RE: SC. I sent an
email back on 11-23-2010 (I had to check back in my deleted folder)
wanting to express what an overall supportive vibe I was feeling
from the site and how much I appreciated it and was learning from
it and got an auto response.

I didn't think
much of it at the time, actually - but now, it does seem to make
sense given what everyone else is saying about the absense of this
site being monitored.

Thanks for
clearing that up for me!

December 18, 2010
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Does
anyone have any suggestions for an alternative site should this one
go down the tubes?

The one thing that
I have liked the most about this site was its strict adherence to
anonymity and non-censorship (except in the case that would
compromise the anonymity.)

Any
ideas/suggestions?

December 18, 2010
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chinadoll
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puptent, yes, I read that thread between inner and Billy. And I
remember Billy posting on another thread that he was wrong to do
that. It also appears that I have not seen Billy or inner here ever
since. Not that I care. Just my observation.

tBt, I have not
noticed that the SC has intervened for quite some time. Actually
ever since it was said that donations were no longer needed, it's
been like how we've desribed it: Lord of the Flies. I donated once
or twice when donations were requested to keep the site running. I
can't really afford to, but I would probably do it if it meant that
a moderator was available.

Bitsy, I remember
that time when that poster named Karma-something-or- other flooded
the site with these really hurtful, women-bashing type posts a few
months ago. Total baiting, people got drawn in, trying to defend
themselves. Brought out old wounds for many. Basically told us that
all of the abuses done to us was from our own doing. We "asked for
it." Then, he kept attacking. It was like new ones being posted
from him every 2 minutes. I contacted the SC, as others did, and it
was all removed in a matter of minutes. Peace was restored. If that
happened now, I am not sure if it would be stopped.

There will always
be a few that break the rules or step over the line, here, in real
life, anywhere. Especially for those who have difficulty with
maintaining boundaries to begin with--which it appears that many of
us here are working on.

Personally, I
don't pay too much attention to rule-breakers, unless something is
done that affects me directly.

If a person has a
problem with me, take it up with me, that's always been my
philosophy. That way a resolution can be made, if possible. Talking
to other people behind my back and not directly to me is not going
to solve a problem someone has with me. And before anyone gets
stung by that, I am not accusing anyone of anything, just speaking
in general, please!!

I guess, because I
have been in the military for so long, we learn to "stay in our own
lane". Or as Bitsy puts it, "not pay attention to shit unless I
step in it".

puptent, what are
your thoughts about this issue? What are you hoping to take with
you from this discussuon?

December 18, 2010
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Bitsy, thank you for giving me this info. Are you saying that
this site used to be moderated and is no longer a moderated site?
Are the guidelines just a guideline, and basically it is up to
people to decide if they want to follow them or not?

December 18, 2010
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TBT,
thank you for reading that thread and helping me to understand what
everyone is talking about. Like you the one thing that attracted me
to this site was the anonymity rule and non-censorship. Which is
exactly my point then why are people posting their real names,
info. where to find them and now trying to enforce
censorship???

December 18, 2010
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chinadoll, people here have thrown the guidelines in my face
one minute then they throw the guidelines out the next. I read the
concerns that others had on the "in this moment thread" and it has
caused me to wonder. Just wanted to hear how others felt about the
situation. I hear references to "Lord of the Flies", "Inmates
running the asylum" which tells me that chaos might be setting in.
So, I am thinking that if things are falling apart it might help to
discuss it to find a way to pull it back together again.

December 18, 2010
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TBT,
you are the second person who I heard that has a concern about this
site "going down the tubes" as you put it. Do you really think that
this will happen. You said "Does anyone have any suggestions for an
alternative site should this one go down the tubes?". I don't do
you?

December 18, 2010
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chinadoll, I am with you on the donation thing, if that is
causing a problem I would rather just send one.

December 18, 2010
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puptent,

Not at the
moment.

I think I did run
across a site once sort of along these lines....I'll have to go
back through my MASSIVE, (way too long "Favorites") to see if I
saved it ~

If I do find it,
I'll be sure to post it here ~

I think (if memory
serves) that it had something to do with a Greek/Roman take on
therapy as the motto for the site....or something like that from
the SC on the splash page ~

December 18, 2010
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puptent, I feel like things were a little chaotic here and
there, in very small doses, for a while, but nothing huge. Nothing
that would raise a ruckus. I think most people were able to handle
their little conflicts and squabbles amongst themselves. Not until
the thing that happened the other day about BFG, where she turned
on all of us.

Usually I can tell
when something is bad ju-ju. Perhaps, the reason I was blind-sided
about BFG is because when someone is feeding you the poison (or the
BS) in spoonfuls, it doesn't taste as bad as if they are pouring
down your throat.

If this site were
to disappear, I am not sure what I would do next. There are only a
very select few that I would want to keep in touch with. A very
select few. I enjoy talking to almost everyone, don't get me wrong,
but only a very few I would truly miss if I could not talk to you
all anymore.

December 18, 2010
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chinadoll, I can hold my own when it comes to some of the
personal conflicts I have encountered. What bothers me is that I
have no idea what a thread contains until I read it. I don't feel
safe when I read threads where people are using this site to hook
up. Especially when women are starting threads about being sexually
abused then a male comes on trying to proposition them for sex.
Then I am like WTF. Is a deeply wounded female opening up about
sexual abuse an invitation to start talking about having sex with
her. Is this a turn on? Witnessing this type of victimization is
not healthy. Then the threads turn into chit chat with people
flirting. It's like get a room, counseling, something.

December 18, 2010
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Well,
I found it but evidently it has changed.

Back then it
appeared to be a free site where I could view the various
forums...but now, its quite pricey $$$.

Here's the link
anyway:

http://www.mytherapy.com/about/

Then again,
clicking on the other site associated with this is:

http://www.mentalhealth.com/p16b.html

http://mytherapy.com/discussion/

...might still be
the free site I originally hit on.

IN ANY EVENT - how
I first found out about this site (the one I originally referenced)
is because I did a google search on: "pros and cons of online
support groups" and hit on this with a very informative
guideline/article about it all, only I can't seem to find it right
now?

Hope this makes
sense as I am a little confused myself about it all right now but
maybe there is something here as a viable option?

(Just throwing
what I know at the time out there ~)

The thing that I
DO remember is the Greek or Roman God graphic...for what its worth
~

December 18, 2010
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OK -
Here is the link about the site talking about anonymity:

http://www.mytherapy.com/discu.....C_ID=16314

December 18, 2010
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TBT,
thank you for the info. Do you know of any free sites.

December 18, 2010
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puptent,

You're
welcome.

I think this last
link
http://www.mytherapy.com/discu.....C_ID=16314

...might still be
a free site and that the founder, Phillip W Long M.D. may have
launched the other site (mentalhealth.com) as a paid
subscription...from the best I can tell thus far????

FYI.

December 18, 2010
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Hey I
googled pros and cons of online support groups and got this
article

http://users.rider.edu/~suler/.....group.html

The Psychology of
Cyberspace

"Online Therapy
and Support Groups

Although there are
so many support groups covering what seems to be every imaginable
topic, a person may still experience difficulties in locating a
group devoted to a particular issue, especially issues that are
rare or very specific, but sometimes even those that are fairly
common. For example, one eQuest participant, a college student,
could not locate a group that addressed the topic of test
anxiety.

After joining a
group, the next challenge is to evaluate whether it is appropriate,
and, if so, to integrate oneself into it. Participants in eQuest
are encouraged to quietly observe a group for a week or more, in
order to get a sense of its members, how it functions, and its
norms about appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Doing so will
help the person decide whether to stay in the group, and, if so,
how to introduce oneself to it. That first post to the group can be
a crucial first step in the integration process, and should be
considered carefully. Whether the group offers a warm and
supportive reception to that first message, responds with criticism
or an off-putting comment, or completely ignores the message, can
have a big impact on the newcomer. The newcomer should consider
friendly, unfriendly, or mixed reactions as possible indicators of
deeper dynamics within the group. Because the personality and
operations of online groups differ widely, even among groups
devoted to the same issue, participants in eQuest are encouraged to
“shop around” to find a group that is the best fit for themselves.
For example, some people may decide that they have a decisive
preference for groups that employ either synchronous or
asynchronous communication. Others might decide that they simply
don’t like any type of group that relies on text communication.
Concerning all aspects of the group experience, eQuest participants
are instructed to trust their “gut” reactions. If something about a
group doesn’t feel right, leave it.

Once they have
joined an appropriate group, eQuest participants report similar
experiences about the pros and cons of an online support group, not
unlike in-person support groups. It takes time to feel comfortable
about participating and to develop a coherent image of who the
different group members are, more so than in a face-to-face group
where visual appearances help solidify one’s impressions of others.
Some report problems in identifying with other group members who
seem very different from them. Many appreciate the level of sharing
they experience in the group, the support members offer each other,
the lack of criticism and judgment, and the diversity of
information related to the issue being discussed. They are
impressed by the variety of personal perspectives that different
group members bring to the group, which often is the byproduct of
the group being online and drawing members from diverse geographic
and socio-economic locations. Some worry that they don’t have
anything significant to offer the group. Often the stories told by
particular people have a big impact on them, usually people with
whom they identify, or people who are mastering dire versions of
their own situation. Despite the diversity of people, backgrounds,
and experiences being discussed in the group, the eQuest
participants were most impressed by the therapeutic factor that
plays an critical role in all support groups: the realization that
other people share the same difficulty, that one is not alone in
struggling with a problem. Some eQuest participants, not fully
understanding the potential power of online support groups, were
surprised or caught off guard by the intensity of their emotional
reactions to experiences within the group. Curiously, almost all of
the eQuest participants who were college students, although quite
active in cyberspace, knew very little about online discussion
groups. As such, the support groups were a new experience for
them.

Aside from the
group itself, eQuest participants were also influenced
significantly by one-on-one relationships that they developed with
other group members. Contact with those people outside the group,
usually by email, helped them on a more intimate level of sharing,
while also assisting them in better understanding and adapting to
the group as a result of mentoring from these people.

In some cases,
eQuest participants were concerned about the beliefs and
information promulgated by their groups. One college student, who
had taken a course on autism, questioned some of the “facts” about
autism endorsed by a group devoted to this issue, resulting in a
negative response from other members. Another person, a “cutter”
who wanted help with her self-injurious behaviors, worried that
detailed descriptions of the stress-reducing aspects of cutting
might trigger members into pursuing this activity. She also
perceived another group as endorsing and perhaps even idealizing
cutting as a type of fashion statement, not unlike various types of
body piercings.

Such reports point
to phenomena that deserve careful study by researchers of online
support groups. Although the emphasis on peer-to-peer help can be
very therapeutic, some support groups might develop blind spots and
promote misinformation if they are too rigorous in their need to
reject professional knowledge. They might reinforce their
maladaptive belief system when they selecting pick and choose or
reinterpret findings from the body of scientific research. Blatant
hostility towards authorities and the stifling of opposing ideas
within the group may be symptomatic of an overly rigid belief
system. Research on “ideology” in successful self-help groups
suggest that each group develops its own particular system of
beliefs and attitudes that serves as an antidote to the maladaptive
beliefs and attitudes that perpetuate the particular problem shared
by the group members.

The vast number
and types of online support groups provides a fortuitous
opportunity for researchers to study the role of ideology in
support groups, including how people join groups that either
reinforce or remedy the maladaptive beliefs underlying their
problem, and how groups may develop different therapeutic
ideologies that address the unique needs of their particular
members or the unique aspects of a specific variation of the
problematic issue."

This is just part
of the article. I have looked at support groups for families of
BPD. A few of those sites have separated the BPDs and family
members of BPD discussions, because of the flame wars that have
resulted in mixing the two in discussions. Alot of the BPDs won't
allow the the discussions to go on, or try different attention-
getting and distraction methods.

December 18, 2010
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bevdee, thank you for taking the time to bring this valuable
information to this thread. I am interested to find out your
opinion about "Aside from the group itself, eQuest participants
were also influenced significantly by one-on-one relationships that
they developed with other group members. Contact with those people
outside the group, usually by email, helped them on a more intimate
level of sharing, while also assisting them in better understanding
and adapting to the group as a result of mentoring from these
people."if you think it would be more beneficial if we were allowed
to do this here or do you think it would cause more
harm?

December 18, 2010
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TBT,
thank you. I will check it out and tell you what I think. This is
the only online support group I have ever participated in. I feel
comfy here. But, if this place is going to end someday it is nice
to get references about others out there.

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