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called me, left me a message crying
August 9, 2008
10:59 am
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suzieQ_85
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he was saying how i cant do this to him, how he needs to talk how he cant face his neighbor anymore how i cant go from being so incredibly submissive to just not calling him. that i cnat go from calling him so many times to nothing.

i know he is sick but i have loved him.. and it hurts me to hear this.
staying strong gets harder all the time

August 9, 2008
11:10 am
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Giggles_29
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((((Suzie)))) I am sorry that you are struggling with this right now. YES it is hard, and yes it doesn't make it any easier when he is calling you and leaving you messages, however, I can assure you with time, it does get easier. The wanting and needing to call does dissipate. I hope that you can stay strong for yourself. Just hang in there. *hugs* @--]----- Giggles

August 9, 2008
2:16 pm
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autumn128
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Suzie,

Don't contact that man. I reapeat, don't contact him.

If you take him back, he will know that you will tolerate this kind of behavior, and he will walk all over you.

Remind yourself of all the terrible things he has said and done to you.

It's not YOUR fault the neighbor isn't talking to him, it's HIS fault.

Autumn

August 9, 2008
2:53 pm
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suzieQ_85
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oh i wont take him back but him crying like that it just cuts right through my soul...

August 9, 2008
3:21 pm
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StronginHim77
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Believe me...right behind all that crying is PURE, BLIND, SELFISH RAGE. As in "How dare you leave me? How dare you take back control over your life and your choices? How dare you refuse to take my abuse? I WILL DECIDE...NOT YOU. HOW DARE YOU MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS AND TELL ME "No!"

Don't be sucked in. The Rage is right there, waiting to surface. If you maintain strict "No Contact," thereby taking back the reins in this situation, the rage will erupt. Translation: his mask of self-pity will crumble, revealing him for what he truly is: selfish and controlling and abusive.

- Ma Strong

August 9, 2008
3:30 pm
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PreciousG
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(((SuzieQ)))

Do not call him or text, or e-mail. I repeat no contact. You can do it. I know it is tough but you can do this.

Did you listen to what he said? "being so incredibly SUBMISSIVE to just not calling him. that i cnat go from calling him so many times to nothing."

He is crying because you took your power back. He is crying because he is starting to get the message that you will no longer be SUBMISSIVE.

I know that it is difficult to hear him cry but just try to remember what is really going on here.

How do you think the conversation would go if you did talked to him?

Again great job thinking before you act!!! GO SUZIEQ!!!

August 9, 2008
3:58 pm
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suzieQ_85
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i just called his sister to tell her i cant meet up with her tomorrow and again she started about how hard it is on him and how he wants to get closure and was i sure i didnt want to talk with him? or email him and tell him i was having a hard time as well.

she said he calls her talking about what i have done to that whole neighbor thing and about how he wants closure and to vent. and i couldnt hear it... couldnt. i just told her: i cnat talk with you about this now. and i hung up and then i was doubting myself again and feeling bad for him again. i almost called him but THANK god.. i had already dialled his number and then i went like: NO NO NO and i called a friend instead.
thank god!!!!!

you are all so right but god is this hard, not only to deal with a break up but also someone hoovering and manilpulating/

thank you all, you are great, help me stay strong.

August 9, 2008
4:22 pm
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_anonymous
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suzie talking to his sister is 3rd party contact. Ma Strong is right if you fall for his bull shit he will end it with you on his terms.

You dont need to pity him he is a full grown man not an infant.

His tears are not from emotional pain but from being angry and feeling out of control.

August 9, 2008
6:10 pm
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grannygirl
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Suzie,
I am beginning to think that maybe you should not be keeping company with his sister at this point. It's obvious that she is trying to be a good sister to her brother and try and remedy his ..."pain", but at the same time she is not being a very good friend to you. In her mind, she would probably like to see you kiss and make up so that everything can be the way it was. Maybe you should consider cutting her off, atleast for now. There is (and always has been) a conflict of interest where she is concerned. Good Luck.

March 14, 2010
12:31 am
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twistedtwitch
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I am having a hard time with the No Contact thing... can some one help me understand why better...

If you allow only respectful contact.. and stay honest, strong and loving...

With NO PLANS of TAKING HIM BACK...

then is contact okay?

Sorry to complicate things, but I have always wondered if it was possible to be detached with contact... or is it just tooooo risky.....

?

March 14, 2010
8:48 am
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CAMER
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if you have no plans on taking him back....then don't talk to him.

I think with no contact....its easier not to hear the other voice......you could get manipulated back into the relationship, hear the empty promises and what not.

So thats why NO contact is better.

March 14, 2010
10:28 am
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haythere
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What you have done is huge for yourself. No contact would be the ideal thing so you don't find yourself getting sucked back in. Especially since he will find ways to twist and blame you, whether he goes and gets help now or continues to use.

My son is an addict and we never severed contact with him. While he was in rehab, he would call to talk. You know, there had been so much drama just before we took him and we had so much pain of our own to deal with. His calls were exhausting. I really would have rather not spoken to him for awhile. But because he was our son I choose to continue to support him that way.

I think as you continue on your journey to recovery you may just find that no cpntact is the healthiest thing for you. You need to be selfish and protect yourself right now. You've made your statement to your ex by leaving. I don't think there is much more to say. This is about you now. Do the best you can and take care of you.

March 14, 2010
11:10 am
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Mugsie
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Twisted,

NO contact is the best option for you. Keep your mind and heart focused on yourself and try to push the thoughts of him out.

Detachment with contact only adds to the misery and drama for all parties involved.

March 15, 2010
9:24 pm
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Lanigirl
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Twisted,

There must be some good reasons that you aren't together with this person. A toxic relationship didn't get to be poison overnight and the odds are that it won't change much.

Instead of thinking about how you can help him, help both of you by staying away.

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