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Call with ex tommorow, here I go again!!!
August 7, 2005
5:25 pm
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exoticflower
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Lolli, the hard part is resentment and love for him mingling...the call itself would not be so hard if I where not in love with who he was innitially, it's just so hard to say "I was going to marry this man, and he was different then". He was really wondeerful at a time before his first relationship...bad mix, I guess, me with so many emotionally bad situations and him never having a partner to see any negative paterns with before. When we met I was at 50 plus partners, and he a virgin, I guess what I must remeber is that abusive behavor is not choosie, anyone can be an abuser...I think for my past I tend to feel deserving or like it is my fault.

August 7, 2005
6:04 pm
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mamacinnamon
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EF:

NO NO NO... No blame to take here.
Move on and have a wonderful life, you and baby girl. 🙂

It gets to be old hand once you get used to it. You are doin great.

August 7, 2005
6:07 pm
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exoticflower
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Mama, I have to hold tight to that old hat theory, god knows I wll have to do this forever and I think I have been avoiding that fact. So it gets easier, right? Thanks for that.

HUGS! EF

August 7, 2005
8:32 pm
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Rasputin
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Flower,

I am thrilled that call went well with Ex. I was keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

~Love, RAS~

August 7, 2005
8:56 pm
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jamaicanwife
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I'm glad you get a few weeks break - that Dr. Jekyll is a real charmer. Don't forget that Mr. Hyde lives in there, too. Virgin or not.

August 7, 2005
10:00 pm
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exoticflower
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Sad truth, I am hung up ion that sweet virgin Dr., and forgetting to hate hte monsterous cheating Mr. Hide that has hurt me. Am I so stupid as this? Two seconds of kindnessa dn eh is all I can think of...JW, you hit the mail before I saw it, I am a wreck now.

August 8, 2005
4:10 am
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jamaicanwife
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I remember one evening years ago, my husbands best friend came over to the house. We were fighting almost constantly at the time, barely speaking, and I really couldn't stand him. He never touched me unless he wanted sex, and he would usually grab my breast - charming, I know, he's still like that - and when his friend was there, he just came up behind me while I was cooking andhugged me from behind and kissed my neck. Man, I had almost seen the truth, but it was another6 or 8 months before I was able to accept that the man who could do that was not really him.

I'm still married to him, so I guess I still expect something to happen, right? Don't be too hard on yourself.

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