Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Call with ex tommorow, here I go again!!!
August 6, 2005
8:07 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So, tommorow I have to do the call again for my daughter. Last week he got in touch two hours later than we had schedualed the call, after I had reserved myself to enjoying the peace, I have no doubt because there where boundaries and as SD said, I gave him rules and he didn't want to play.

\That was a REALLY long sentance, sorry.

Any-hoo...I tend to get worked up around the call and am doing so now. I wonder if he has some evil plan up his sleeve the way he makes some sort of trouble every single time we talk for any nessacarry reason, or if it is just his nature or if I am looking for trouble, but his mother is coming to visit baby girl Monday, and that makes me TWICE as nervous...if I know him, he's really going to want me to snap so that I can look bad or ruin the visit or something... I used to think I was so paranoid beofre my therapist sat me down and said that the suspicians I had that he was crazymaking and manipulative to hurt me where NOT crazy in her proffessional opinion, and not to beat myself up. I have a session with her Tuesday, but until then could use some extra guidance and support. I just dont, DON'T want to get sucked in, I just hate that this has happended so often. New Years Eve, Baptism for baby, even the night he asked me to marry him, any any ANY time anyone else is going to be around me and may have a possitive experiance. I just don't want to do it this time, and am really trying to brace myself and stay really un-bitter and really possitive. I hate this feeling I get in my gut every time we have to converse about anything!

August 6, 2005
9:02 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I want to mention too that we are pretty much NEVER in contact except for these calls...the first time he called and gave me a toung lashing when I hung up at the end because he didn't feel it was enough time, the second, well, I mentioned that. I just know him, nothing can ever be simple, somehow i have to be a bad guy, and I'm JUST NOT!!!

August 6, 2005
9:03 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Beautiful Flower,

Take a deep breath. Have some silence at your place and have conversation with HP. Imagine that you are talking to your best friend and talk to Him about how nervous you are. Tell Him how you feel, that you're tense. Right now I am as nervous as you. I have to write letter to my parents and I am nervous. I started off by writing beginning and then I stopped and opened my PC with all those interesting threads. So, I think I will continue to write it tomorrow.

So, I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. And remember honey you're not alone. Just be kind with him and his mom. Do it at least for the sake of your daughter.

(((Hugs))))

August 6, 2005
9:06 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have no problems being kind to his mother, or ANYONE, until he is done turning me inside out. I really do need to sit down and just give it up to my higher power though, you are right. This is a big struggle I just can't take alone.

August 6, 2005
10:13 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Flower,

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I am feeling nervous. I have to write letter to my parents and I feel overwhelmed.

~RAS~

August 6, 2005
10:16 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ras, you should maybe start a thread about it, I have some things to add, and i know a few others here are doing some family of origin related exercizes too... I would love to give you some imput, you are always so kind in your own! I have some insight here, but I know others have tons more, and the point is to share, not just give...as you a giving loving codep must know...c'mon, babe, you can give, GIVE!!!

August 6, 2005
10:18 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know this freaks you out but try to minimize him. Try not to give him so much importance in your life. So the phone call- its just something you have to do- like a chore- and when its done you can cross it off of your list- w/ a big black X- even write DONE after it. I don't know if you're a list maker but I am and I love to cross things off of the list as I accomplish them. Put him at the bottom of the list- the least important chore. Even little bitty things like this will help. Just an idea. SD

August 7, 2005
12:08 am
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ya'll, I hate to do this, but I'm boosting MYSELFP up, I need it. Thaks, y'all.

Hugs, EF.

August 7, 2005
12:35 am
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

SD, must have cross posted...THANKS, thats JUST how I need to look at it! Hugs, and THANKS, ef.

August 7, 2005
12:40 am
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

btw.sd had the right idea...anyone got anything in supprot there?

August 7, 2005
7:49 am
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Exotic,

I wonder if there is any way that you could ask someone else to be in charge of these phone calls?

Perhaps your mother, sister, girlfriend, etc. could come over for these sheduled calls and handle them for you?

Just let your ex know that these calls are hindering your recovery and you want someone else to handle them.

Is this possible?

Lolli

August 7, 2005
10:47 am
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lolli, I know it sounds horrible, but no one else will do it. I have a fairly small support system here in my hometown. My sister lives in NY, my best friend is in CA, my mother is no longer with us, my only two close friends are my roomate and an ex boyfriend, neither of which are willing to speak to him under any circumstances. This burns me up really, I can't begin to say how selfish I think it is, but it is what it is and I know that they have every right not to involve themselves with him in any way if they don't feel comfortable doing it. I am working on getting a mediator for it, but as of yet have had no luck. I just have to be STRONG, and have not doen a good job of it so far! At any rate, 3rd times a charm I must hope.

August 7, 2005
10:50 am
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Also, he feels that I am unwell and crazy, HE does nothing wrong and is only a wonderful contribution to my life...very emotionally abusive and oblivious to it. He actually talked me out of 2 therapists sayinhg that they where not helping me becasue there was emphasis on him and he has never had any negative effect on me to recover from. THat thread "Why is it always about you" I think, describes him well. At any rate, there is saddly no talking to him.

August 7, 2005
11:09 am
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Flower,

Tell us when you have done with it how it went, honey.

~I Love you~RAS

August 7, 2005
11:57 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

EF:

Remember.... if he doesn't follow the rules the conversation ends. Be kind enough to say goodbye so you didn't hang up on him. Be polite... use simple words that cannot be misunderstood; like, you are not following the rules we agreed upon. Oh, and make everything a WE type thing. YOU and HIM so that makes everything just as much him as it does you. The rules WE agreed upon instead of the rules I set forth. See what I mean? Hard to argue with something you did yourself.

You will do just fine. Remember buttons are easy to push, even on baby girl's part. lol. BEEP! BEEP!
(just wanted you to smile).

You'll do fine.

August 7, 2005
12:24 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

And I did, Mama, you have been so FUNNY lately!

I just found out that he is staying at his parents place though, which helps me a ton...he'll be on his best behavior there! The truth is at this point I don't care if everyone thinks I am evil, just that he isn't a pain in the ***!

The WE thing is really very helpful too, god knows he wouldn't argue with anything HE agreed to, you know, being perfect and all.

I'm actually feeling pretty good about things now, so I should be fine. Thanks all! I'll let you now how it goes and then banish to the bottom drawer of my mind, not much else I can do with it!:)

August 7, 2005
12:26 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Exotic (and all)

So many good thoughts and suggestions here. Before I even read the posts, I was thinking detachment. Have no expectations good or bad. Detach, if at all possible from yourself, your feelings--for the duration of the call. My sister used to go through the same thing that you are going through. The entire household would get wound tighter than a yo-yo in anticipation of the "phone call" from stbx and his family. Now it is old hat. So think about the future of these calls, friend. You will get used to it. This is just an adjustment period.

You are finding your groove, sweet flower. You are really blossoming.

With love, 2b

August 7, 2005
12:30 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2b, HI!!! thanks for your advice, I really am doing the work for him again, arent I? So nice to hear from you, and thank you for the compliment as well. I like to think I am coming along, but knock on wood for overconfidence!

August 7, 2005
12:58 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OK< its time!!! Wish me LUCK!!!

August 7, 2005
1:07 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lord Give Beautiful Flower Patience!

August 7, 2005
1:27 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

GOOD LUCK FLOWER!

Keep us posted.

August 7, 2005
1:50 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OK, she fell asleep so he will call later, but it's Dr. Jeckle all the waqy with his family around, so nothing for me to fear. He was gracious and firnedly and on his best behavior...further proof for me to feel ok, too...I'm NOT crazy, he becomes a different person socially than he is with me! So, now I feel great and positive and like this can me as simple and cordial as it needs to be...I only wish he would move in with them!

August 7, 2005
4:59 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What a relief, it actually went WELL now that he has people around...and he'll be there another 3 weeks, so I hve nearly a motnh of decent treatment to look foreward to, which should help so much in my healing time!!!

August 7, 2005
5:03 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Glad to hear things went well, Ef. I know how much you dread the "call" every week. You're doing great! Keep up the good work:)

August 7, 2005
5:15 pm
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

EF,

I too am glad that things went well for you.

I can't imagine having to go through that every week or two.

Keep up the good work.

(((hugs)))

Lolli

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714257
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information