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Cactus - Prickly Or Not!
January 24, 2005
7:13 pm
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princess44
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Hi Cactus: I wanted to thank you for your response to my question regarding herpes. I actually laughed and cried. Thank you so much for helping me with this I am so stressed to tell this very nice man about the whole thing. He thinks I hold the moon and stars. Will see if this all changes. I think I'll wait for a little bit longer since we just started seeing eachother. All I know is he said he wanted to kiss me Saturday night but wanted to be patient. Good sign, right? Thanks for your comments that this does not erase all the goodness and other attributes in me. I just now hold a responsbility and how I handle it tells alot about me as well. Boy, I fluctuate between courageous to just plain
chicken! Thanks for uplifting me and making me laugh. The horizantol mambo......you're also right for a long time I didn't give myself permission to think of any fun. I have punished myself for two years. Love your sense of humor. Bye for now.

January 24, 2005
9:27 pm
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princess44
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January 25, 2005
9:25 am
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Cactus
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Hey princess44,

Sorry it's taken so long to respond work sometimes gets in the way. Glad I could brighten up your day a bit. You can ask any of my friends here on the site about me, I may not always tell you what you want to hear but if I do respond I try and be as positive as I can. What brought you here? Was it just this current relationship or was it something else?

This guy sounds very nice, just be careful you ladies always seem to lead with your hearts while us guys lead with other "vital organs". It's good that you're taking your time to get to know him, once you've performed the act everything changes. Pay real close attention now to things about this guy that might annoys you (if there aren't any then you're fortunate) and tell yourself that this will probably never change. Then ask yourself can you live with this.

Keep us in the loop as to how you are doing. You'll know when it's the right time to tell him. A word of advise though it's not when your underwear are around you ankles (ha ha, but seriously). Have a great day.

-Cactus

January 26, 2005
1:16 am
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princess44
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Hi Cactus: Thanks for your interest. I learned through marriage counseling(which didn't work) that I was the classic co-dependant personality. My counselor didn't state it that way, but it became more obvious over time. My conclusion now, it's part of my personality so I just now have to be careful who I end up "loving too much". What about you? How did you find this site? I found it after entering co-dependant personality. One very personal question, thank goodness for the anonymous nature of the site, you mentioned you lived with the herpes virus with your mate. Was your entire intimate relationship full ( sorry but curious if oral sex is o.k.when not broken out, or is it risky? You know receive/give? I feel really strange asking a stranger something like this, but hey to late to turn back now, right? Anyhow hope you get this thread and can further enlighten me. Keeping my composure in California. 🙂

January 26, 2005
11:28 am
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Cactus
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Hi P44,
Yeah! It's a real bear to be co-dependent but it's even worse when your world is constantly screwed-up and you don't know you're co-dependent so at least you're informed. In a former life I was a counselor and let me tell you contrary to popular belief we don't know everything. Some of the most screwed up people I know are counselors. I got out of the business because I got tired of listening to everyones problems (20 years worth). Every once in awhile I was very impressed with clients who could step away from their own crap long enough to ask me how I was doing. That always made me feel good.

Hey girl don't be shy ask whatever you want. Even if we were face to face I wouldn't be shocked by your "oral sex" question, I'm actually very impressed you asked.
I don't know how long the ex had it before she told me (the women was a pathological liar) but I believe when it got bad enough (outbreaks) she went to the doctor was diagnosed THEN she told me about it in somewhat an accusatory fashion. Well as I said I was clean but our sex life which definitely had it's problems (intimacy/sex issues on her part) wasn't that affected. When ever she had an outbreak she kinda backed away from sex instead of being honest and telling me the real reason which didn't make me feel good. I'm sure she was self conscious but I trusted her enough (boy what a fool I was) to take care to not infect me (I never wore a condom).

Regarding "oral sex" I could wake up in the morning (we didn't live together) with my face buried in her crotch and go to bed the same way but I can't recall one time her telling me to not do that due to an outbreak. She wasn't at all keen on returning the favor which there in lay some of the intimacy issues. Have you had many outbreaks? Are you taking the medication prescribed? I hope this helps you. Like I said in my earlier post having herpes makes you more aware of your body, the importance of proper nutrition, exercise and stress management. So if you think about it you are forced to do things to give you a longer more full life. How can that be so bad.

In response to your question how I found the site, the readers digest version is that I dated a girl for 4 years she was seeing other guys behind my back. Her friends (were our friends) knew about it but did not tell me and i've terminated contact with them because of it. We work together part of the year and she told me she wouldn't talk or contact me unless it was work related and even though she's mostly stuck to that over the past 7 months recently she's called me to ask me stupid questions she could either e-mail me about or speak to someone else. Yesterday I was at the site she works at and I went into her office to look for a pen well to my surprise when I opened the drawer I found a picture of her and the new boyfriend. I will admit even though I knew they were together (I don't know him personally) it was really a shock to actually see him. Of course the first thing I started doing is comparing myself to him (i.e. looks, build etc,etc). I know I shouldn't have done that but I think that's just human nature. I'm better today and had no problem sleeping last night. Although I have kind of a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach right now it's nowhere near what it would have been 7 months ago. I firmly believe the man upstairs guided me to that drawer so I could get some closure so for that I'm grateful. My heart aches a little today but I've definitely come a long way in my recovery and this is just another transition phase to pass through.

Well enough about my boring life how's things with you and the new beau? Fill me in.

-Cactus

January 26, 2005
12:22 pm
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starryslp
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Cactus....I think it shows how wonderful you are that you share with us and are always putting things in perspective.

Has anyone told you today how much you are appreciated?

January 26, 2005
12:38 pm
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Cactus
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Hey Starry,
Thanks today is definitely one of those when I need to keep reminding myself I am a good person (I know that I'm just being a goof today). I'm glad to hear from you I've missed you. I see your other post, I will respond. When do i get the virtual house tour, huh?

-Cactus

January 26, 2005
2:43 pm
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starryslp
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Buddy...You know you are great....I am so grateful we are friends..your words, both good and bad have always inspired me...even if I got offended...the best kind of friends are the truthful ones!!

We all really need you here.
I see people all the time asking for your advice. You are a good guy!

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