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C.A.T. - CONTINUED ASCENT TRAINING - SININHO
April 29, 2007
6:38 pm
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Rasputin
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Sini...checking on you. How is your back. We haven't spoken here for a while. I hope you're doing ok!!!

April 29, 2007
7:18 pm
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(((Sini))) I hope you are feeling better....gg

May 4, 2007
1:00 am
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(((((Ras)))) and ((((GG))))!

I´m fine, tks! Hope you´re ,too! It´s not usual for me to stay up so late but I had the post done yesterday and couldnt sleep so here I am with M on my lap!

There´s been so much to do and some sleepless nights. Then when I take the "Amplictil" I sleep too much and get behind with chores, forgetting doctor´s appt, etc. Now for two days I had two electricians almost demolish my modest home cuz of poor old wiring. And still one light goes on and off at a whim. Just like my head lately. What a mess.

You´re so sweet to remember me. I intend to just keep on this momentum. Since the Ikebana experience with flower arrangements I´m decided that no matter what a modest place I rent, it can still be comfy, clean and beautiful. Just not elegant with a lot of second hand materials and unfinished borders, old windows. Im trying hard to see the beauty of it. An old house with an automatic around the clock self dirtying feature giving the house a touch of dust, turmite, cobwebs, white kind of lizards, when not less desirable insects that self invite themselves through the cracks under the door, while presenting some nice old features like hand made colored tiles.

Admiration! Learning about the trees and flowers around me, while Mitzie chooses which tree to climb. Thats what riding a bicycle and following a pet allow you to contemplate while we dont normally don´t see whats around us when we drive and walk fast.

Keep well, dear cyber friends! Hugs,

May 4, 2007
1:14 am
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Here´s the post I typed yesterday and couldnt post!

Listen to this, girls. Gonna have the flirt guy right upstairs from me now 😉 He and gf rented the large room above me so he can do some quiet work. Next I know he´ll be sleeping over, maybe moving in, then the girlfriend, they just need a couple more rooms. I can see him coming late at night and early in the morning to get a cup of sugar at my door... Then what? He´s such an enchanting blackmailer; he isnt really handsome!

Gosh! I probably would give him a cup of sugar, cuz he and his girlfriend do so much for me!! I guess I´ll just have to remember the flirt guy as the f*rt guy every now and then not to fall into every web he spins. We call guys like this “a chunk of bad road”. I know... probably Shaney is smiling from ear to ear, more like lol, LL is rotflol, I only get Ras and GG to empathize with me. You, bad girls! Imagine if I get to be the next one hearing all the noise from the making whoopy upstairs :O

About Mitzie, I didn’t know cats are so human like. I look at her expressions, and for goodness sake, if that isnt the way we frown, become upset, happy, sad, and the like, then Im totally misreading her. She acts like a little monkey sometimes imitating things I do, then like a kangaroo other times, standing on or kicking with her back paws. She´s the show of life unfolding.

Other than that, still feeling like 80+ y.o. cuz of my back and headaches. Cured one this morning while sipping coffee in the front garden. I learned an itsy bit about a wonderful art, good for relaxation and peace, which I highly recommend, and you may very well know: Ikebana (ike=life, bana=flower). I never thought I could do a flower arrangement. Not only I did it but could not find any fault with it! And they were all different. Not the usual assembly line stuff I create. I realize how much we are missing from nature´s truth and it´s natural intrinsic beauty.

I´ve been seeing a girl friend who´s been sick. She´s a single working mom and quite stressed. Her daughter, though very sweet and smart, seems hyperactive and is seeing a psychologist. I think they have some work to do. My friend is inclined to go the multiple intelligence route for the daughter´s school challenges, such as standing still more than 5 mins. I recommended Howard Gardner and Joseph Renzulli. I hope she can find their theories helpful. I think anything but a psychiatrist at 7 yrs of age. nd managed to get along with Mitzie. She and Mitzie incredibly managed to get along, and now she got a cat, too, but it´s iffy whether she won´t treat it as a doll and get quite scratched. I´m to be the cat´s godmother. Any ideas?

Hope youre sleeping tight! Hugs and good vibes!

May 4, 2007
1:42 am
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(((Ras))) Tks for checking on me and not giving up!

So you´ve been to your buddy´s for a beer? Well, that´s what summers are for! I didn’t like beers until Carnival in Brazil and Alt Beer in Germany for two reasons: thirst and flavor respectively. I unno… if you find the right beer, we´re gonna have to watch you closely 😀 In the end, youre not missing anything, in my opinion!

I can´t believe I haven´t written since the 26th of April! Where was I? Well, for starters I had a long busy weekend making my home pretty for an ikebana lesson. Forgot the doctor´s appt on Monday, Tuesday was a holiday with no power at night, Wed flew by and here it is Thursday and I can´t sleep until I reply to your post. Sitting will be easier than standing to wash a bunch of coffee cups, etc. at 21:00 o´clock. I was so tired and had plastic gloves on for a change so I was dropping everything.

How could you manage the mom and 2 kittens in a smaller apt? I guess they just couldn’t run too far from your reach! Mitzie gallops in and out now. Hard to get her. Yesterday she ran under the rain, climbed a bald slippery tree and managed to get down and gallop back. Still, I´ll be less worried after spaying when she becomes homier. Is PP 5 months too? That´s a coincidence. She´s such a well behaved princess, though, I mean, most of the time.

You will be a Spiritual therpaist? That´s gonna be in demand, I think. It seems you´d be a facilitator to people who need to listen more to their inner voice, which is almost everyone. Our world is so rational and pragmatic, we´re truly getting sick of it.

Your work seems challenging in that you have temporary assignments at various different work environments. The req´s and demands must change a lot from place to place. On the other hand, yu get to meet different people and get a broad experience.

You´ll be volunteering? Gosh, that´s nice. I can say from experience that talking to a caring person can make a huge difference for a person. May HP lshed ight in your path so that yu do not absorb other people´s problems. Hopefully you´ll see how important 5 of your minutes can be to someone!

Hope your friend gets better! When we care, it´s as important to us as it is for the other person to be ok. And may you keep your purpose strong and not spend your pennies all in one dollar store so you can get to college before you even dream of! TAke good care and tks again for being there! Hugs,

May 4, 2007
11:15 pm
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My Mitzie kitty has put me into spinning around her. But Ive been very happy she´s around. Now Im wondering (again) if this raise in energy and motivation can be called hipomania. Since I got that diagnosis as "suspicion" of hipomania, I´ve been suspicious myself.

Its not a label discrimation, as much as a wish to know what my actions, behavior and thoughts are based on. I forgot twice to go see the med´s psychiatrist. As Im in a free govt program, the psychiatrist told me I may be dismissed from it. Which would leave me in the hands of local govt doc´s where I live. I said thats what I prefer would happen, at this point. I just cant see myself doing analysis oriented therapy and taking about four hours+ to see the doc´s at tthe hospital for the rest of my life. Plus with a change of doc´s every semester since its a university hospital. It wears me out, makes me anxious, tired, unmotivated...

Of course, she asked me to come again cuz she has to speak to her super and do a closing interview. Or maybe try to convince to stick with them for whatever their agenda is...

But I could be getting loose from both doctors (analyst kinda and this med´s one) based on an episode of hipomania.

Right now Im already thinking of advertising again and making plans to get more students in the next few months when some finish their time with me. Being proactive, thats a good sign. I have been good with my class appts, too. Just a bit forgetful so I need to write things down. Which means I have work.

If it is hipomania, its not bad at all. If it is Mitzie, much the better! If its me growing, its the best!

Any thoughts?

May 5, 2007
3:11 pm
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bump...

May 5, 2007
4:04 pm
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Shaney
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I just refuse to believe all that hipomania crap. Based on how you've been feeling for QUITE some time now, don't you feel this hipomania stuff is just a bunch of crap? Look, you're busy now, proactive, finding good in the small things, busy working, loving and being loved by Mitzie, you lived through another robbery without falling apart, you're spending good time with family, you're spending time alone and actually enjoying it, you're rising in the morning and being productive during the day, you have a sense of humor, and you more positive than I've ever seen you be! What the hell is wrong with that? You're actually LIVING now, instead of struggling to survive! Hipomania? Bullshit. Those are my thoughts :o).

May 5, 2007
5:06 pm
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(((Shaney))) Youre as eloquent as ever, but what almost convinces me that youre right is how you care to observe and remember to remark my thoughts and feelings. Ive been forgetfull, short term memory forgetfull. But maybe thats all. Maybe Im just happy, as we say it, happy from life. Not scared to live so much. Less jittery though as hypervigilant as always.

Tks for taking the time from your busy weekend to write me. Lets hope your TLC and companionship will hasten the pets´recovery. Enjoy your pets, home and, why not, your work. Wondering when is Pet Mom´s Day 😉 I noticed you didnt mention the other issues, so I hope they are also being resolved as your money, time and energy allow.

((((((((Shaney)))))))))

May 5, 2007
5:17 pm
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Shaney
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You yourself admit that these doctors have just made you anxious, unmotivated, and tired....but what I've noticed most of all, is you were self-doubting when you relied too much on their opinions of you. And YOU of all people have proven over the last few months, to be VERY intuitive. Once you began to trust your own instincts and act on them, you began to relax enough to actually enjoy life around you. You weren't as preoccupied with the clinical terms and buzz words for your behavior, when you left that analytical evaluation crap behind.... you were just YOU, and you've been okay ever since. Life isn't always great, and we struggle sometimes, but the difference between your attitude then and your attitude now, is night and day. I sense joy in your thoughts now. That's a wonderful wonderful thing, sini. And it's YOU instincts that have led you here. Yeah!

May 5, 2007
9:54 pm
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Hey folks,

Long time it's been that I thought this thread was dead. I hope you are doing better with whatever challenges you're facing right now. I'm happy Sinni for doing some interesting hobby the flower arragement. This must be real fun. I love gardening and every thing that has to do with botanicals.

So Sinni...you've been having tough time with that hypomania thing. I'm sorry to hear that and I'm no expert, but I hope with all heart that you can pull thru coz you really possess such a wonderful soul. You really don't deserve it and I expect whether it's true or not you will be healed so fast.

Shaney I hope your problems have gone better or at least something good have emerged from them.

I have shaven PP today with the help of my friend. It's very hard to have a furry kitty. Yet, I Love her so much. Cats capture us with their sweetness and the moment we get hooked, there is no stopping point.
Almost like when we fall in love with a man whom we just started dating. We can't stop thinking about them till we fall in love with them head over heals. Life is funny, isn't it?!?

gg, how is it going. Hope things are better with you. Haven't seen you or talked to you for a long time.

Hoping my sweet cyberfriends will have beautiful and sweet dreams! (((Hugs)))

May 5, 2007
10:20 pm
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((Shaney)) I did try hard to get out of my inertia and act a little, but was quite lost. I didnt trust anyone, of course not myself to start with. Then I couldn´t take the anxiety. Got med´s that didnt settle right with me and said enough.

Slowly I started to plan and dream about getting somewhere. The ball started rolling, I started making the first crucial decisions like Im not gonna drop my students. Once I knew what was important, it was going down like a pin ball. I hit obstacles but I kept going.

Mitzy was a turning point. I can now understand people´s feelings for pets. Gosh, as a kid, catas were a pest in the backyard. Now Im totally endeared and amazed at Mitzy. I already wake up earlier and the day is short for all I really want, yes, want to do. Letting any creature into my life was a major step. When the kids and I found her, I heard myself happily laugh after a long time. It surprised me.

I realize Im settling down. Never wanted to do this. Settle down here - only - in this small town. I just realize local people´s addresses didnt make it into my address book, nor deep in my heart. Thats how I missed on the simple but good life here, secretely waiting for my grandma to move on to the next floor and have my sieblings let me move into her apt in this about 2 million people city.

Now she´s gone and her apt is legally left for the "use" only of her about 92 y.o. sister. Since my aunt is a long bad story, my sieblings and I have just agreed on leaving it shut.

Oh, Shaney, I remember when I posted about not getting any replies to my post, when I asked people if they understood me, when I found it hard to open up and be vulnerable, when I asked what people thought of my story, my thoughts and diagnoses. I totally depended on it.

Im more myself and thank HP, AAC and many people for that, but I include thanking myself. Im feeling like Im climbing vertically but can trust HP to hold me by His rope.

Thanking especially some people, like you, (((((Shaney)))))

May 5, 2007
10:36 pm
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((Ras)) Good you checked in again! You can see about my update above and read on the last line...

Thanking especially some people, like you, (((((Ras)))))

After sharing some of our posts, I saw in you some of the things I needed to be part of a forum like this, which is my first and only. I saw your sincerety, vulnerability, empathy and kindness. I didnt realize I was so far "gone" that I needed to work my way back to a more humane behavior. Before I was led to believe I ought to be just pragmatic. I tried and was hurting for that. Im still more of the blunt kind of person when I want to fix something or control it. Thats when I remember all lthe pain we all go through and the reasons that brought us here. And then I admire the people here even more.

So youve shaven PP? I thought you wouldnt do that for the winter. Oh, sorry, youre moving into summer, :O I gave M a bath today. Sorry to see that her paws are not as white as her chest and snout from playing with dirt so much. Otherwise she is still her pretty black lusterful low haired, though. Jumping twice as high as before, feeling bigger and heavier. And showing she knows it, too, by trying new stunts!

(((Ras)))

May 5, 2007
10:54 pm
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Shaney
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I'm reading a success story, sini. I really am. It should make you so proud to have come this far because of your own will and the will of your hp. You had hopes and beliefs, and you followed the path towards those beleifs. This is your step by step success story of climbing upwards. You're right in the middle of it, and you're doing great. You inspire me.

Mitzie was a turning point for you - for sure. We all want to love and be loved, and what finer form of love than the love of a loyal pet. I'm so glad that you have eachother. It's amazing what our pets bring to our lives... and I'm so glad that you accepted her into your life. We're all better people because of our pets, I think. I really believe that.

I remember your plan to move into your grandmas place. Maybe it was a blessing to you, in some indirect way, that that didn't happen? I remember you speaking of it, and kind of stressing about WHEN and IF it was going to happen. Sometimes our wishes don't come true for a good reason - a reason that we really don't get until later on... then bam... the reason becomes clear. "I realize Im settling down. Never wanted to do this. Settle down here..." When I read this, I feel as if you a speaking with a sense of permanance. Is this true? Or are you referring to settling down, as in your heart or mind? I'm just curious.

I remember your posts before - and I remember you feeling misunderstood. And honestly, I couldn't understand where you were coming from back then (it seems like so long ago) but I kept reading because I was so intrigued by your creative way of writing. I just always felt that there was someone very interesting underneath all of that sadness and frustration. And here you are! I KNEW you were interesting, funny, creative, kind, insightful, and witty. And I'm glad that we're friends. I can't imagine not having you to "read" most nights. You've made a difference in my life, I should be thanking YOU. :o)

May 6, 2007
7:45 pm
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Thanks (((Sini))) for your kind words. They really touched my heart and made me cry. Oh hon, you're a sweetheart!!!!Bless you!!!

I believe the more vulnerable and open we are, the more we can get help. Of course you will always get clicked with certain people more that others - that's natural - the bottom line is - If you're worried about your self-image...you won't get help or get any better. I believe we should NOT judge one another. We don't choose our family of origin and pretending that things are ok will do us no good.

I'm so proud of you Sinni for being transparent and vulnerable. After all, it's all anonymous here.

PP looks funny and more slim afer being shaved. She was so relaxed yesterday when my buddy & I shaved her, like someone who was receiving a massage...very relaxed and delightful.

We are almost in the middle of springtime and the weather is getting warmer. I want to buy some plant pots and plant something on my patio. I asked my buddy to bring anything he wants to plant on my patio as well. I told him we can collect whatever herbs we want, make our supper and have it on the patio. He thought it was a brilliant idea.

So you bathed M. I don't bathe mine. According to what I know and been told...cats are self-cleaning and they don't like water. Mind you, when I take a bubble bath, PP sits on the tip of bathtub admiring the water BUT not venturing or plunging. Sometimes she gets her tail wet and she starts to roam around chasing her wet tail and I start to laugh at her. What a funny kitty PP!!!

(((Sini & M))) Rest well and be stress-free!!!

May 6, 2007
7:49 pm
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BTW: Sini, If you can bump up your original post and want my feedback, just re-post/re-paste it and put my name on the outside so that I can identify it easily and give you my input.

I don't get the chance to read or notice all posts!

(((Sini)))

May 7, 2007
7:17 pm
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(((Sini))) R u ok???

May 7, 2007
8:17 pm
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(((Ras)))

Ive been at my sister´s... as usually on weekends. Since I havent been there for two weeks, I was missing them a lot.

Getting in touch with my feelings was a big part of getting where I am. Those who came before me, like you, helped me on that. I hope I don’t have setbacks. Yes, after all its anonimous here, but mostly, there are nice people here, too.

You are going to plant an herb garden on your patio? How nice to have a patio and on top with herbs. How nice of you to offer some herb space to your neighbor.

So Kitty is fur-ready for the Summer! Did you hear cats like catnip? I thought they have thorns in them… I don´t plan to be bathing Mitzie anymore, I guess. Some people are for it, others not, I guess the thing is she isn´t getting used to the once a month bath and I don’t wanna bathe her more often.

And you got a bathtub, too? How fortunate! I´ll imagine I am soaking in ita when my muscles hurt…

Keep Happy!! 😀

May 7, 2007
8:44 pm
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(((Shaney)))

One more step along the way for me, eh? Tks to us, AAC and its nice people. I got stuck a while in the whining and learned helplessness, but, yes, the little faith I had helped me take some action and the ball started rolling.

Well, Im glad Ive accepted Mitzie in my world cuz she awakened the humane and human sides of me. Sometimes she scares me cuz she jumps at me and bites with those tiny teeth, but they are love bites, for sure. She doesn’t know her teeth are sharp and her energy high.

The plan to move into my grandmas place is remote right now. Maybe it was a blessing! I guess I mean settling down anywhere isn’t in my plans, but now I feel like I have a home with Mitzie. The fact that the house is sometimes dirty cuz of her makes it a home. A house that is used. I think settling down in my mind and heart will take some time, but I can settle down anywhere now that I know how to make a house into a home.

It´s been a while we around, right? Considering all the changes and things that have happened… You´ve been a great cyber friend. Always fun to read, considerate, insightful and to the point. You’re a lot to contribute here. I, too, enjoy reading you, my friend! Tks.

Maybe it´s time to start another thread? What should I call it? I foresee a challenge with my therapy and professional progress, besides overcoming the backache and the anxiety which has mostly moved to bedtime now.

But with help here and there… I can do this, I can do this. Tks.

I hope your pet-children are coming along. Theyre very loved, and that is gonna make all the difference!

May 7, 2007
8:46 pm
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Could you help me in any way Sinni? My thread "How do u deal with OCPD co-worker???

I like and trust your feedback!!!

May 7, 2007
8:52 pm
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b4 I go to bed!!! (((Sini)))

May 8, 2007
9:17 pm
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(((Ras))) I dont see your post. How did it go? Keep well!

May 8, 2007
9:20 pm
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Well if you just read that post...you would have seen the answer.

Wohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. All for the best!!!!:)

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