Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
But I'm soooooooooo nice why is he doing this to me???
May 23, 2007
9:10 pm
Avatar
AQueen
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ever have that thought? Why is he treating me this way after all I've done for him? All the sacrifices I've made? Well it's because he's controlling/non responsive and you're compliant/avoidant. He doesn't care, that's just it. He may act like he does but he doesn't. It's all about him all the time and when it's not about him he's angry or he's faking to be happy although he's really upset that the focus is off him. Many codependents are compliant/avoidant. We comply we do and we do and we do for these men. We love them too much, we care too much, we worry about there feelings too much. We are avoidant when we don't focus on our own feelings, it's all about him. Did I make him mad, will he call me, does he care, is he cheating, it's all about worrying about him instead of focusing on ourselves. There are two types of controlling/non responsive. There are aggressive and there are coercive. Aggressive run right over you. You say no I can't do that they don't listen, then run right over your boundaries. Coercive's will talk you into bending your boundaries. They charm and con there way into getting us to give up our boundaries. My counselor joked today and said that someone once told her she had the boundaries of a cattle rancher in Montana, far and wide. Boundaries are healthy, boundaries are necessary. Our boundaries allow us to set limits on ourselves which is totally healthy. Too nice and no boundaries, that's what controlling/non responsives look for. Don't think non responsive means they are emotionless or anything. It just means they don't listen when we say no, they run right over us. They do what they want and dictate how the relationship will go. I feel many of us here are compliant/avoidant. Just some stuff I learned at my support group today.
AQueen

May 23, 2007
9:12 pm
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I used to ask that and my best friend would always say one thing...because you are so nice, that is why he is doing this. Because he can. Enough said right?

May 23, 2007
9:43 pm
Avatar
fred888
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It's true for me, not really in my marriage but definitely effects me a lot professionally. And I always feel guilty when I say no to anyone. I feel bad when I say no to buying the big issue. I have got much better at saying no, but I haven’t got rid of the guilt that follows. Not that saying yes makes me feel any better, then I just feel stupid or change my mind half an hour later and look indecisive. Any ideas why saying no can cause guilt? Basically it's choice between feeling guilty or feeling stupid.

May 23, 2007
10:29 pm
Avatar
At_it_Again
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh good grief, I used to be famous for this! With my current relationship, I still did too much at the beginning but not near as much as I used to and I'm slowly but surely taking my power back.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information