Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Building "me"
June 7, 2009
10:50 pm
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Without going into too much detail - I am struggling to break free from old habits, thinking and really find out who I am - independent of my dysfuntional family. I seem to be my worst enemy and really seem to be at war against myself often. But yesterday, I decided to quit standing in front of the speeding train I knew was barrelling toward me - I emailed my therapist and told her I had decided to make some positive changes and I would see her in 2wks. She responded with perhaps the most theraputic thing she has said to me -"Good -kick ass doing it!"

That simple phrase has been fortifying me for the past 24hrs. I think, for the first time, I can do this.

June 8, 2009
10:22 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you think you can, you will! 🙂

Moon & Stars

June 8, 2009
11:33 am
Avatar
caraway
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

cpt1212,

Sounds great! Keep us updated on your progress.

Cary

June 9, 2009
9:53 pm
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

This process sucks. I'm comitted, I'm doing what I should and then today comes along and its back - the spiral, the depression, the I don't care - I don't want to be here. I battled to finally get out of bed today and go to work and now I am fighting the urge to get pass out drunk and forget how hard this is instead of working through it. I can do this today, but I just can't keep doing this.

June 10, 2009
12:05 am
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Remember, Rome wasn't build in a day. You have been this way for a long time and you can't turn it over in a day. Keep faking it till you make it and remember to write down 5 things you did each day and pat yourself on the back before you go to bed. I think it's awesome that you are on a new path, this is a beautiful thing and I wish you all the best!!! I remember many times you've posted here feeling really awful and here you are, ready to spring despite the difficulty. Celebrate this. Find support groups like AA so you aren't so alone in this. Keep posting. We are here cheering you on!!!

(((cpt1212)))

June 10, 2009
2:18 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for remembering. I don't think I need AA - doesn't everyone say that? But it is just something I have started doing in the last several weeks - you something about replacing one habit with another.

June 10, 2009
10:00 am
Avatar
stressed mommie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know exactly what you are feeling, I am right there with you. I have always been the "Black Sheep" and it is because I let everyone walk all over me and all I do about it is cry and feel sorry for myself. I have two children, one who I have spoken about before, he is in love with an addict and I am watching it pull him down with nothing I can do about it and the other child is my daughter, she is strong, very self willed, and has done nothing wrong her whole life (according to her); she has twins who are my life and she uses them to make me do what she wants, so I am trying to break this pattern in myself so I don't have to spend the rest of my life feeling like I did the first half. We can do it! I am just taking it day by day, I have my good ones & my bad ones...

June 10, 2009
11:14 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cpt1212,

I don’t think you want to replace one old bad habit with a new bad habit (drinking), that may end up with you spinning your wheels in the sand and getting no where.

Out of all your old bad habits which one bothers you the most?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

June 10, 2009
11:13 pm
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hiding under the covers and avoiding work for weeks. I don't do that any more. Also, I guess I used food as comfort, but I had gastric bypass last august and that is no longer an option. I walk now but at night when things get tough that is not an option.

June 10, 2009
11:44 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Capt1212))), Wow, good for you!!! How far you have come!!? I hope you are really congratulating yourself for all you have accomplished. Here's another 24 and so many more!! Wow, I'm so moved by your progress!!!!

June 11, 2009
12:13 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Really - that seems so hard for me to believe. Thanks though, and I'm gald that I could give you inspiration. I just don't always see the progress.

June 11, 2009
2:32 am
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cpt1212,

It's true! You are probably too close to yourself to see the huge change, but I saw it as I read this thread! When you are ready, just read some of your earlier posts. You are a renewed being! I feel the energy and desire to do for you whatever it takes. You are struggling, actually more like striving, and your perspective is completely different now. It gives me great pride in this site and love for all who find it and share their experiences...

June 11, 2009
2:41 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you thank you thank you. You have no idea what an impact you have made on me - what a motivation - I feel like I am spinning my wheels or traveling backwards. You have given me the motivation I needed. I definately don't notice the growth. Thank you, again. If you don't mind I might ask your opinion on something that has happened recently.

You are correct, this site is amazing. Some nites I would have not made it through.

June 11, 2009
9:35 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cpt,

Fantas is right, there is so much progress in you……..I think you have really come a long way. You are moving forward even if it may not feel that way. You truly have accomplished a lot!!

I think we wait for some big epiphany to happen and we lose sight of all the mile stones we make along the way.

Keep up this great work you truly are inspiring………

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

June 12, 2009
4:16 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I make progress then I realize - I am actually doing this - and I find a whole new way to screw up! Lately I have been drinking myself into oblivion - something I have never done before. How do I just stop and accept myself and not try to ruin myself?

June 12, 2009
5:05 pm
Avatar
Xerxes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cpt,

As the wife of an alcoholic I just want to say thank you for taking this issue about yourself and your life so seriously.

Do you ever get excited thinking about how this day (or evening) is a new one and you get to make the choice that will make you feel so strong and accomplished when you come out on the other side? Life is an amazing journey and when you kick this "pink elephant" you will be able to share in these threads in another way - on the other side.

Keep caring and reaching out. We are all here for each other but can't know you are in need unless you tell us.

June 12, 2009
8:58 pm
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am completely embarrassed - I have been drinking quite heavily each night this week and have sent many drunk rambling emails to my therapist! I don't even remember until the next day when I get a reply and think, "what is she talking about?". And then I see what she replied to. I just want to cancel next weeks appt after my horrible behavior.

June 13, 2009
2:13 am
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Do NOT cancel!

Drinking is just another symptom of th problem, same as food was.

What you are describing has a name. It is called Cross-Addiction.

Your drinking is a means of self-medication for your problem with depression.

You CAN do this without alcohol. You just have to make the decision to do so!

You may feel you do not need AA. Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic. But there are many AA meetings that are OPEN meetings that you do not have to "join" the group or even commit to going to regularly. Maybe simply taking the step to attend ONE, just to see if it will help. I know for me, when I am alone at night and the crazy starts calling, TALKING to other people and LISTENING to others stories helps tremendously. An AA meeting might give you a safe, alchol free place to vent to REAL LIVE people, people who can talk back, can go with you to have coffe, keep you company, give you suggestions, share thier experiences, their stregnth and thier hope with you, so that you KNOW you are NOT alone. Because that is what depression tells us, that we are all ALONE. But you do not have to be if you choose not to be!

Good luck! I hope you find the solution!

F2c

June 18, 2009
2:35 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I didn't cancel - and she was more than great and I was grateful that I went. I have really been blessed in finding a therapist - especially when I read about others experiences.

Lately, I have wet eyes - but no tears. I have not cried in years. I am afraid of it, but think it would be a relief - I don't know how.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111062
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38622
Posts: 714414
Newest Members:
sharoongreene, edenjames666, Sebastian Payne, Tia Phillips, NancySparks, Seapristes
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information