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Building a Lovely Life
January 31, 2009
8:53 pm
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bonni
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Dear Friends,
I have lost some threads that were dear to me. One I started - letting go of clutter and there were some self-care, loving yourself threads that I found supportive and healing. I thought of searching them out and pulling them up, but I thought I would weave them together. It fits with a new theme I have for the new year, visualization and positive affirmation.

It is a good thing to let go of clutter - physical and emotional. We have to release the things that hold us back and make room for joy in our lives. I still want to do that. It is healthy to take care of and love ourselves. I want to do that.

I like to have a plan. It is who I am and who I have always been and that is a good thing.

I keep hearing the value of affirmation and visualization. I caught part of a radio show, I hear some pieces of old ones from classes I've taken and books I've read here and there. The universe is telling me that this is the path to what I want.

So, in order to build the life we want (the one I want is LOVELY, btw), we have to be able to visualize it, create it in our minds. Once we do this, we will unleash the power of our subconscious to build this life with us. Our conscious mind partners with the unconscious and we build it.

We can't forget that negative affirmations are just as strong as positive. And we can impact others with these too, especially those of us who are parents. I can tell that the image I have of certain people helps persuade them to conform to my image.

I know this is a little rambling and not really a question. Its really an invitation. I know some of you are on this journey, trying to get control of the chaos at home and in our heads, trying to rewrite the self defeating scripts given to us by our parents and/or our abusers.

So, close your eyes and visualize the life you want. Try to be quiet and thoughtful for more than a few seconds. Sit with your thoughts. What about this image is most compelling to you? What do you love about this life you imagine? Focus not on a complete picture, but on the little things. What kind of music runs in the background? What food is waiting for you in your clean refrigerator? What book are you reading?

bonni

January 31, 2009
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red blonde
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Bonni -

I am with you on this!

Red!

January 31, 2009
11:36 pm
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_anonymous
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bonni- I did this a few months ago. I am now living the life I imagined. On a horse ranch in the town where I grew up surrounded by my child hood friends. With my children and pony. The rooster wakes me up in the morning. I am back in school doing post graduate studies. I do volunteer work with Occupational therapists so severly disabled children can ride horses. I work out every day. My kids and I go camping, fishing, hiking. The book I am reading has to do with research so I can promote the field I spent a life time working in.

January 31, 2009
11:39 pm
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bblue
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Ok bonni this sounds good.

My first visual is sitting on a comfy leather chair curled up in front of a fireplace with a glass of red wine and my lap quilt. It is peaceful and relaxing. This is the first moment I want to get to. The rest of my life I don't know yet.

And I too have lost some of those very good threads

BBlue

February 1, 2009
12:00 am
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chelonia mydas
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Hi Bonni,

This is a wonderful thread! I love the visual of weaving the threads together that have brought you comfort and healing. What a great idea.

I'd love to join you here.

I've been trying to beautify my life too for a while and not having much success either. Although in the past 2 weeks I've been trying to imagine how I want my house to look. I think I really need to get a plan in my head of how I want it to look, because right now its such a hodge podge of stuff and not really stuff I like, but stuff that others didn't want that I took because I needed it and couldn't afford to buy it.

I did get some new sheets to use as sofa and chair covers. They were on clearance. The have the same daisy pattern some are in blue and some in green.

I struggle with computer games... I spend wwwwaaaaayyyyy too much time with them and i know it is holding me back from reaching my goals, but at the same time I'm too overwhelmed to stop. Right now I'm avoiding getting upset about things at work. But I also think that if I stop wasting time on the computer, maybe my accomplishments around the house will make me feel better. But then I just fall back into the computer and being dissapointed that I've wasted yet another evening online.

So maybe this will help inspire me to unplug and really build a lively life... as the title says 🙂

Thank you for creating this wonderful space for positive change for all of us.

February 1, 2009
9:09 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Bonni, I have missed you and the threads so much. I am glad you are back and starting this one. I have been playing with the idea of doing a detoxifying cleanse for some time. Last Wednesday a friend gave me a 7 day pass to Planet Beach. One of the things you can do is get in a steam pod thing that goes up to 118 degrees. It is supposed to pull the impurities out of your body. I have had some skin eruptions under my arms and was about to make an appointment with the dermatologist. In just a couple of days they cleared up. I decided if the steam was cleaning my body I would go ahead and spend the money on the detoxifying system and do a membership. Makes sense to cleanse with herbs the inside and pull the rest out with steam. No? During the two week period I am to eat whole foods as close to organic as I can. No alcohol, no caffeine, no red meat. I am eating lots of fruits, veggies, lean proteins, and whole grains. Can I really afford it? Probably not but I haven't really done anything just for me in quite a while. I want to feel better.

I have been eating healthy for a while now. Yesterday when my stepmother came over she asked if I had lost weight. What better compliment can you get?

I am really focusing on deep breathing technigues. Deep in through the nose and out through the mouth.

The life I want? I want enough and I want to be content. I want blooming flowers in my yard. I want the humming birds to come to the feeder. I want the sun to shine on my face. I found a song that pretty much sums it up.

Do you dream , that the world will know your name?
So tell me your name.
(Tell me your name.)
Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
(Anything at all.)
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel.
(I wanna feel.)
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive...
To know I'm alive.
(To know I'm alive.)

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.

Do you believe, in the day that you were born?
Tell me do you believe.
(Do you believe.)
Do you know, that every day's the first of the rest of your life.

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.

This is to one last day in the shadows.
And to know a brother's love.
This is to New York City angels.
And the rivers of our blood.
This is to all of us, to all of us.

So don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cuz I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.

Yeah, you can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies.
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side.
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know, No I don't wanna know, no.

Don't tell me if I'm dying.
Don't tell me if I'm dying.

------------------------

Bitsy

February 1, 2009
11:26 am
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bonni
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((Red Blonde, Destiny, BBlue, Chel, Bitsy))

Thank you for joining. This is kind of an intimidating journey to go alone. Its scary for me to let go of excuses for not living a life I love and deliberately set out to create a life I do love. I am afraid to tackle some things. I know now that I can't let that fear keep me from tackling the rest.

Destiny, you inspire me.

BBlue, I'd love to be sitting on the couch across from you, reading a book.

Chel, I too feel like I need a great plan. Its overwhelming. So, I ask you to pick one room to focus on today. Go with the one that is already closest to where you want it, or is the place where you spend the most time. I can see where you'd want to work on one giant plan that flows from room to room. Maybe you could carve out a little place from stuff you already have where you can sit and think. For under $10 you can get a spiral bound sketch book. You could collect your ideas/vision inside this book. You can use pictures from ads, catalogs and magazines or even your own drawings. with post it notes, you can tab off a section for each room. Just an idea. Maybe I should do this myself? You've inspired me.

Bitsy, I have missed you. I feel like we are on parallel paths in many ways. I have thought about detoxing. Not quite ready to let go of caffeine. I rarely have alcohol any more. I do eat more organic, when I can, more fruit, more veggies. I'm baking my own bread now, using whole wheat, flax and spelt flours. Much better than store bought IMO.

I'm so glad to have company in this. Thank you. My goal for this week is to construct 10 positive affirmation for myself and two to direct toward each of my girls and their father. I'm going to work on my control journal today.

bonni

February 1, 2009
11:28 am
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bonni
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Also Bitsy, good thought on the steam. I don't have access to that now, but my day spa does have a sauna. I could spend time there. I also have started using epsom salts when I bathe, the magnesium is supposed to draw toxins. I drink alot of hot tea. Mostly with sugar and caffeine, but I can tell its superior to sodas, which I mostly avoid.

bonni

February 1, 2009
12:52 pm
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StronginHim77
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Dear Bonni,

I have not posted to you in a long time and am somewhat "out of touch." Are you still with your husband? And how are your girls? Did you finally decide to separate and start a new life on your own with the children?

Please bring me up to speed.

- Ma Strong

February 1, 2009
1:15 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Bonni, when using the epsom salts, stay in the bath no longer than 20 minutes, then shower. Otherwise your body starts reabsorbing the toxins. Good luck to you. We are all getting better and better every day.

Bitsy

February 1, 2009
3:27 pm
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Bonni,

What a wonderful thread. You are so creative.

Wishing you all the best,

PreciousG

February 1, 2009
5:06 pm
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bonni
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Hi StrongInHim,
I am still with my family. My girls are my first priority and regardless of what I want, they need their dad. They need us to do what's best for them right now. Besides, chances are that he'll be in Afghanistan for a year soon, and if we separated, I'd end up having to take care of his home and mine. Between that threat and the economy, its kind of dumb to make that kind of move right now.

I am focusing on building a life I want where I am willing to make changes. I'm not willing to destroy three people's lives on the off-chance that its even possible for me to be happy. In the end, happiness really is a state of mind that has little to do with circumstances. I'm going to try to carve my happiness from what is.

I expect that my bitterness over being abandoned will always be a barrier in the marriage. I can't imagine anything he could do or say that would make up for how he left us. It wasn't just the physically being away, it was the whole not noticing I was suicidal and barely functional for months.

hope you are well.
bonni

February 1, 2009
5:25 pm
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bonni
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Thanks Bitsy,
I didn't know that about the toxins going back in. I don't have enough patience to soak 20minutes anyway. That gives me a great excuse to not linger.

We ARE getting better and better every day.

bonni

February 1, 2009
5:25 pm
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bonni
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((Precious G))

February 2, 2009
2:46 pm
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truthBtold
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Hey Bonni!

Oh How I Love This Thread!

Manifestation!

It WORKS - by skippy!!!!

I know because there have been many of job interviews which I have had and I have gone into the interview thinking and feeling 'AS IF' I was already offered the position and that the interview was just a simple formality.

And was hired.

This has happened more than once.

Several times, actually!!!

(My sister even mentioned once that she never knew anyone who could get a job from the newspaper.)

Claiming it!

We just have to claim it.

Claim it, own it, EXPECT IT!!!!!!

(Destinystar is living proof of that also....and hey - with a name like 'Destinystar' - why not?)

Maybe we can start a little experiment of sorts here?

Sharing our claims & ownership of our future envisioned and witnessing that it really can kind of all shake out to be that way.

This is exciting!!!!!

February 2, 2009
3:20 pm
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bonni
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((TBT))

February 2, 2009
7:22 pm
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bblue
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Ok now that I am done relaxing - my goal for this year is to work on myself - make me a priority and give ownership of my spouses troubles back to him.

all the details not there yet....
I want to find relaxing and peaceful in my life for more that 5 minutes at a time.

I have started by getting rid of clutter - my house is and was a haven for junk - I started on my bedroom and am down to the last corner and sorting out the top shelf in the closet. I dust and clean it weekly and I actually enjoy being in there now. And I threw lots..

Someone had posted about the clutter in your home being a reflection of your life - they are right... Can't find the post right now but will put it up again when I do..

Take care and bonni good ideas

BBlue

February 2, 2009
7:53 pm
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Sink is clogged and can't wash dishes. Plumber coming tomorrow. Oh! How about washing them in the bathtub?

Bitsy

February 3, 2009
8:01 am
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bonni
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Yesterday, I began to have this image of a blank canvas. I think that is a good place to start.

bblue, I have heard before that our outer clutter reflects our inner clutter. sounds like you are making progress.

bitsy, sorry about your sink. hope its something easily fixed. I would go with the bathroom sink, rather than the tub, but it depends on your layout. Hope you don't have many dishes. Good to have a small stash of paper products for just such an emergency.

bonni

February 3, 2009
9:37 am
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bonni
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I have most of the rest of this week to work on my vision. I don't have a plan yet, but I'm working on it. I'm on a break now. It ends in seconds. I'm doing 5 minute intervals.

bonni

February 3, 2009
9:52 am
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bonni
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Ok, so for this hour, I've been running cleaning intervals: 10 minutes in a room and 5 minutes of rest. In the next hour, I'm going to focus on my home office area. I think after that, I should take an hour to read. Maybe this is a good way to achieve balance, deliberately switching activities at hard intervals.

bonni

February 3, 2009
8:15 pm
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bonni
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so, everything kind of fell apart when I laid down to rest. I fell asleep for about three hours. I was tired, so I guess its a good thing.

February 4, 2009
1:04 pm
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bonni
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today, I am consciously choosing to do nothing. I think that is going to be ok.

bonni

February 4, 2009
1:12 pm
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Bonni,

If you fell asleep for three hours you were exhausted and your body needed it. I am glad you are focusing on yourself. I am too. It is amazing that since I only focus on Cat and me what has come my way. I am still living lifestyles of the poor and impoverished but opportunities are there that I never saw before our never even had. I am working on selling insurance. I am working on getting my real estate brokers license, I have been offered a couple of other opportunities. I worry less about what people think of me. I haven't heard from my friend D in well over a week but that is OK. I was tired of that pain and hurt anyway. I am meeting new people and being invited to do some things. The next thing I want to focus on is making my house a home and a haven.
Take care my friend. We have come a long way. Every day in every way I am getting better and better and so are you.

Bitsy

February 4, 2009
1:48 pm
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Bonni,

Thanks for a great reminder. I have allowed myself to be consumed with fear and dead of late. I am going to step away from the computer, close my office door, stretch out on the floor, and visualize that "Lovely" life and a future full of hope.

Thank you for taking the time to compose such a thoughtful thread.

Cary

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