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Brynnie's a grandparent
May 2, 2007
11:22 am
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Our first little grandchild is here. She was less than six pounds, but my H and I were near enough to the delivery room we heard her first cries -- and we both felt as connected to those cries as when our own children were born. It is such a miracle!

Her face is so tiny and mobile....her lower lip comes out, bitty chin begins to quiver, and this little wavery complaint just fills your ears. She stops only long enough to choke a little and do it again. Her cries seemed to last forever.

Finally, when we are positive her lungs could not BE any clearer, they wrap her up tightly and feed her. She looks like every other newborn, except she has this unmistakeable flame hair color that marks her as our own. Just wonderful.

May 2, 2007
11:54 am
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Randomwomen2
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(((Brynnie))) congratulations sweetheart

May 2, 2007
11:57 am
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atalose
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Congratulations, how wonderful for you and your family.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

May 2, 2007
1:11 pm
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Your description made me smile. Congratulations Grandma Brynnie! Your family has been blessed with a beautiful miracle.

May 2, 2007
6:55 pm
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on my way
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How very sweet! Congratulations!! and when she looks up at you at the time she recognizes you and she smiles, it will fill your heart with such joy!

May 2, 2007
9:41 pm
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(((Brynnie))) prayers and best wishes for you and your family, especially the new addition! congratulations!

May 2, 2007
11:56 pm
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Congrat´s Brynnie! The show of life never ceases! May this miracle bring you and yours much happiness and inspiration!

May 4, 2007
9:47 am
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Congratulations on the new arrival, enjoy because life is too short.

May 4, 2007
4:23 pm
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Our son possessively tries to make sure she only sees his face when she opens her eyes. He says she stares very very hard at him and then the tremendous effort just....crosses them.

There is a double cowlick on top of her little egg head that makes a little spray of hair stand up like Alfalfa's.

Is this fun, or what!!!???!!!

Thanks for the good wishes guys.

May 6, 2007
12:12 am
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OMG I held her for a while today (actually I did a load of very tiny laundry for the peanut). She has all these quirks of expressions on her tiny face....there's fear and unhappiness, then little traces of haughty and snotty, followed by sneering and impishness...and on and on. It's like a kaleidoscope of emotions on a newborn's face. How fascinating!!!

May 12, 2007
8:50 am
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readyforachange
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That's so sweet Brynnie. I needed to hear that, my 13 year old daughter is giving me fits (still), and now my ex wants to have dinner with me. Can you believe it? Please.

How are YOU?

May 12, 2007
12:00 pm
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Hi ready,

The baby's grown alot already. She's not drowning in her clothes. She opens her eyes and "looks" more...fun.

I babysat all 3 girls for about 3 hrs 2 nights ago. The 5 yr old has some angry feelings and I got the brunt of her naughty behavior. We had to change the 2 yr old's big girl pants three times. Then my H came and took the 2 of them to the park one MORE time and the baby woke up, so I changed her my first time, and then tried to make 2 tablespoons of breast milk LAST for about the last 1/2 hr before they got back and rescued me. So....all in all, it went pretty well (gasp)>

I could use some advice for dealing with the 5 yr old. She CAN be fun to be with, but these changes are just too much.....she was very belligerant with me, bossy, and told me she didn't like me and I was mean. I had to physically stop her from pushing the stroller -- too fast, too reckless -- she ripped off the new tags on things her mum had just bought and some baby gifts -- made naughty spitting noises, pushed her sister -- it was almost constant and I was horribly overheated and had to be on guard for her next antic -- the worst thing I did was tell her if she were my little girl I would spank her right now (but didn't). I also made her go to her room (where she lay comatose on the carpet for about 15 minutes). AND I threatened to call her mother -- that was the only time she decided to straighten up and behave!

She said she only liked her own Grandma. I said I understood that totally and that was cool but I also still liked her and wanted to just be her friend. She has given me hugs in the past, but she didn't want me to even touch her in passing this time.

I was really having trouble LIKING her. She couldn't have been any less endearing. I felt so bad. I think I told her I didn't like her much either when she said she didn't like me. I could have handled it so much better. I was trying to help our son and their mother to have time alone to maybe talk. Instead I just frustrated a little girl even more.

Right after she decided to be good, she was bringing her sister (AND me) pieces of fruit from the fridge to cool off and I was thanking her and we were getting along pretty good. But it was also too late to "take back" the phone call I made, so when her mother returned, she ultimately got her to say she was sorry. It really wasn't comfortable for either of us.

I wish I had some calming strategies to deflect her angry feelings if this ever happens again. I just didn't have enough patience. I felt tired and crabby myself.

Maybe RW has ideas -- I read your thread, RW. I liked the idea about getting a plan in your head for any possible scenario. It seems like a good plan for virtually anything!

And, FINALLY, ready, a response to what is going on with you....why is it necessary to have dinner with him? I wonder what it signifies for him. Will you be impressed because he is spending money on you or that it is so civilized, or is he trying to "court" you again? I realize it is neutral ground. And in a public place so "scenes" are less likely. But it just doesn't seem like it should be necessary to make it a "social event" if you are just going to discuss parenting things. It seems like it would be more appropriate to have a third party there, like a counselor, or someone else who is completely unbiased and cares about all of you.

One thing I am starting to "get" about teenage girls is that fluctuating OVER-confidence to puddle-on-the-floor in seconds....GOOD GRIEF! Maybe you could just say this to her and that all your communicating from now on will have this "pause" factor .... like no one gets to reply for 10-15 seconds to what they just heard and are upset about. I know. Sounds stupid. But maybe I'm trying on some ideas for dealing with this angry "little" girl.

May 13, 2007
5:40 pm
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readyforachange
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Happy Mother's Day, Brynnie! My day has been good...the kids are on their best behavior, and no contact from the ex!!! Yeah!!! Hope you're having a good day...

May 23, 2007
2:12 pm
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Brynnie, I haven't talked to you in awhile but congratulations and I miss talking 🙂

May 24, 2007
11:17 pm
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readyforachange
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Brynnie, how are you? Been very busy with the end of the school year. One more day and it is summer vacation!!! Hope you are enjoying that little grandbaby!

May 27, 2007
7:49 pm
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She is over 7 lbs now and nearly one month old!! I saw another newborn this week -- nearly 9 pounds at birth -- HUGE compared to our little one! She is getting weaned, so I have given her a bottle twice.....and I think it's possible she might have smiled.....her hair is so fine and blond and barely there...she stares at our faces alot...I can't wait till I know she recognizes me. I wonder what color her eyes will settle into -- hope they are this electric blue like my H's!

Anybody sick of me yet??? Help, I can't stop....it is sooooo fun!!!

Her name is Lizzie.

May 27, 2007
8:01 pm
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Congrats on becoming grandparent and cute name!!!

May 30, 2007
12:01 am
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Thank you, Ras.

There are some very sad parts to this story. We keep hoping that the love we feel will help resolve some of the really confusing parts.

I declined babysitting her children tomorrow. She's gotten a job as a bartender. When she first asked if I would babysit Lizzie, she was talking about an 8-5 job and it didn't include watching her 5 and 2 yr old. I told her I was so honored that she would ask me to watch Lizzie. The older girls are really difficult to handle for me. I feel badly about it, but I do not want to watch her older children at the end of the day when I am feeling my lousiest -- my meds make me "dizzy" and "drowsy" and I get horribly tired and I got "cross" with her older children already trying to care for them. They are so needy for attention, and I do give them that, but I get no time to me with our grandbaby....my H seems to think we need to take every opportunity to watch the baby we can....I'm not happy. I want to just be with our grandchild and enjoy her baby-ness (selfish I know).....I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings....I really don't like that our son met her in a bar and got involved with her and is now a father. (I don't think he is very happy about how this happened either, but he really loves this chid and is trying very hard to be a good father.) This is her THIRD child by THREE different fathers....I'm sure she wants to be married (who wouldn't want the help and support?)....but they don't get along....it's SO not my business...our son is old enough to deal with this and make the decisions himself...we are not trying to "parent" him anymore than he is asking us to do so....we're just trying to support him. He's really trying to be a good father.

When she announced her "job" she seemed to enjoy the idea that she'd be there "working" while HE was stuck home with the baby.

It didn't set well with me. She seems bent on playing games. I do not want to be a part of them, and I'm not sure how to step "away" with graciousness and dignity.

Is the only way....to just get very "humble"....say nothing....and take every opportunity to help raise her children because the baby is our own grandchild??

I feel ultimately that I am being "played".....if that is true, then our son is being jacked around as well, and he's been SO incredibly good and kind to her.

We love this baby......but this situation is so uneasy. I keep praying for the right words.

OK I'm done. My combo of drugs ALSO renders me anxious and paranoid at times 🙂

May 31, 2007
12:32 am
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bump

need some real input and advice -- it is difficult to see this clearly.

June 3, 2007
3:13 pm
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readyforachange
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Brynnie...long time, no see. Glad you bumped this thread up!

It is a difficult situation. I think the best thing you can do is love your son and your grandson, and be as supportive of the situation as you can. That does not mean you have to meet her every demand, or do things you don't feel comfortable doing. It is not wrong of you to tell her that you cannot handle all three children at once, with your medical conditions. She should be able to understand that. It does sound like she is immature and selfish, wanting to make your son jealous that she'll be in a bar? That's my take on it...I don't like women who play games like that.

I hope things go well...a difficult situation, for sure. Hang in there, and follow your instincts.

June 5, 2007
6:57 pm
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Thank you for responding, ready. I've really been getting some good thoughts from the crybaby thread. I do need to acknowledge my depression and anxiety in this. Seeing yourself in "victim" mode and running from one person to another to tell your story until you feel validated is how I feel I've been behaving.

It was OK to not babysit. I think she did understand. She's pretty young to have 3 children, and I don't think she has had any opportunity for school beyond high school. She's been taking care of herself since age 14 really. Her mum was so alcoholic her dad threw her out. So she never had a decent mum. I see how much she needs a mother herself. She does have 2 sisters close in age, and they help each other out frequently. AND they have a mentally handicapped younger half-sister who will always need assisted living circumstances.

I really don't "get" her.

IF she is a girl who has sex with guys WAY too soon in the relationship, what does that say? Isn't that a cry for love by someone who just never felt they got enough?

I broke down in front of two friends last week. We were talking about being good "stewards" in the use of our time and resources. I said I really didn't want to babysit the older children because they are so difficult and I'm not willing to just take them for her so she can go work in a bar. That it felt like "enabling". But then I said I also wonder if that "need" of the one that IS our grandchild (a girl, btw) is the one need that supercedes all others.

How much good am I doing when I'm too tired to give them the patience and guidance they all need?

I took my niece out for a birthday lunch today. I LOVE them all, but I just don't much LIKE them. I feel like I feel that way about everyone these days. And I feel like they are polite but not crazy about me. Like it's mutual.

I think my H and sons have lost respect for me because the family business has been taking a beating and if I were working it would be pretty noticeable in relief for what my H and I have to take out to live on. My H spends too much. I pay bills but spend hardly anything. Our health ins. premiums are exhorbitant. So it looks like "we" are doing this to the sons. They can handle their dad on their own terms. I do not like that they might think badly about me.

I don't trust my H about our money situation either. I think he takes as much as he dares from the business, and then cannot give me what I need to keep up because there's not enough to cover his own spending. He makes excuses. We've just about cleaned out all our retirement trying to stay afloat. I say what I think. It makes me wonder if he is purposely withholding money now because I might be FORCED to get a job that way.

I never thought we could down-spiral to such unkindness. No one seems to remember about my meds. Or that my heart is now a risky problem as well. I wonder if my H thinks I'm "faking" it. He tells me HE is tired, too. HIS body hurts too.

I do NOT FEEL cherished. 🙂 Paranoia has become too familiar. There's no place to go with this stuff. I feel isolated from all of them because I can only love them from a distance. When I call they never talk longer than a few minutes. It's tense. Because they all work together daily, I feel intrusive if I want to see them too frequently outside of work. My H has gotten so "squirrel-like" -- his parents and only sister are gone now, and he feels that grief a lot. He seems erratic, compulsive and obsessive, up and down, absolutely anal sometimes. I think he is pretty alcoholic, but he runs a fantastic cover. I feel so sad.

But I'm every day trying to do stuff to make a difference, to not give up, to take a rest and then try to do a little more. I had stopped doing anything. I had stopped trying. I was really isolating and not talking to anyone. I am still not willing to talk about my/our family matters to others because of gossip. The business depends on our family being strong together.

So I find it difficult to trust this young woman and I'm thinking there's a reason our son is not willing to marry her. I wish our family was not connected to hers. Her father just married a Thai woman he met on business trips. She owned the bar he frequented there.

Our other son and his wife do not care for this young woman either. They have ALWAYS been close with his gfs before. How many red flags do we need?????? (gulp, take a breath)

I just learned that a woman I know actually took her own life recently. She was a good person, smart and witty and an excellent organizer. She planned her farewells, even called 911 and drove to the hospital parking lot before she pulled the trigger. She left instructions on cleaning up her car. She left her whole life in perfect order. WTF!!! This just unnerved me.....I am not capable of this. But I am really "down there" and understand this on some of my bad days.

I am truly grateful for every validation I get on this thread. I hate feeling this stuff.

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