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brownie's response from the other post
November 5, 2004
12:18 am
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brownie
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Uh camer,you are really a sweet understanding person.I will not mention about talking too much or anything.Again,it's my codependency again.I really thank you so much for the hugs and prayers camer.that made me felt better.

As far as earlier,i had felt depressed concerning my oldest daughter.she is 15 years old and she has been cutting her classes and wanting to hang out with her friends and i keep telling her that she keeps doing this,she will get left back a semester.shes a sophomore.I had got a phone call from her guidance counselor tellin me that my daughter had potentials and she really likes my daughter,but she won't go to the 11th grade.Now,it sounds like shes projecting too soon.School just started 2 months ago.Then she knows about the situation that we been experiencing as far as housing.

So she mentioned about therapy for my daughter and i told her i had thought about doing that.i had tried to call for some 2 weeks ago.so she told me about this therapy place that's free and its right next to my daughter's school.so i called and they are social workers and they did an intake over the phone,so they are telling me that they have to come to your house every 3 months.four times a year.so i had told him that i would have to talk with my husband about it first.This is not my apartment.

I talked with him about it and basically telling him that our daughter needs to get help and so do we,so he had said that he will think about it.then he asked did i hear from the assembly woman yet and i said no.i had wandered why he would ask me that,when he seems like he wants us here but then there are times he don't act like he do as far as having time and space to himself.

So i told him to forget about telling his dad about it.i won't go through with it.cuz his father gets so paranoid over a little thing like that.he don't like for people to come to his house or if something is broken for example,he will not call the landlord to have it fixed.he would wait for the problem to get worst.also,guess what his reason is for that because he said he don't want people to know his business.thats not getting into your business.he does not make sense.this is why i see where my husband gets his ways and beliefs from.

So in the meantime,i tried to call back the guidance counselor and left a message and she never did called back,so i will call tom to see if she knows any other therapy places.So i will have to continue to wait.i and my kids are really homesick.we do not feel comfortable here,especially me.Knowing his family does not like me.i don't be want to be bothered with them.my sister in law lives next door,so you know shes an nuisance at times when her father is here.but hes not.so i will keep praying to god to give me strength in this trial and tribulation.

I will continue to pray for you camer and hope you have sweet dreams.i will talk to you tomorrow.i will also try to go to the meeting tom lord willing.(ALL HUGS TO YOU).

November 5, 2004
6:49 am
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CAMER
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((brownie)) just so i can understand, are you and your children living in the same apartment as your hubby?? if so, cant the social worker still come there 4x per year (and have your hubby not tell his dad, cuz this is about you and your family, not the father in law)?? cuz you did mention you would call in the am for other therapy places.

As for your daughter, gosh, does she seem like she is acting different, beside problems at school?? At that age I know I used to always love to hang with my friends and try to skip classes etc..I think it is a phase, but if she gets kept back, that is NOT good. Maybe you could try and talk with her.

Again, I will be back on computer this afternoon and this evening..so know that I am always here.

Till then...(((lotsa warm hugs, love and support and many prayers sent your way to you and your family)))

November 5, 2004
6:07 pm
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brownie
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Uh my sweet friend camer,i thought you knew that we lived in the same household?remember i told you that i wanted to wear that lingerie that time.i was already living there.i moved there back in september 9.My friend said i could have stayed there till sept 13 once school started,because she has 3 places she had to go to everyday and had to take her daughter with her.so she was gonna have a crazy schedule.

That does sound like a good idea camer.About not telling his dad about the therapist coming to the house but i don't know.my husband might be scared to do it because he might feel he will be put out of his dad's house.but i really don't think that will be the case.if anything,his father listens to him.my husbands the adult and his father is the child.they are real mixed up people.

AS for my daughter,i talked with her about it yesterday and she seems like she may consider going to therapy.The therapist called me back.cuz i was trying to call the counselor and she was not at her desk,so the therapist called and i told him my decision.I also asked him if he knows any other therapy place.he gave me one and i called and they are supposed to call me back.

So i will see what happens.if that therapy does not work out,then i will talk to my husband again about the other therapy place and tell him not to tell his dad about it.This is one of the main reasons why our daughter is the way she is now.she is looking for a father figure.someone who is available for her.to comfort her.the same thing with me except my situation was a little different.

He is (my husband)the main reason for her acting this way.Otherwise,me and my daughter are close.she tells me everything.so we will see what happens,because me and my kids need therapy really bad.i don't want them going through life being in denial and ignoring their issues.i would like for them to deal with it now also instead of later.

Also camer,i am proud to say i finally got a chance to go to the meeting today.i spoke and it usually always be about relationships.so i really felt alot better.i want to go more often but my husband has school on mondays and wednesdays.the meetings are on mon,tues and fridays.tues meetings are not that good.it be a different person that leads the meeting.my friend leads the meetings on mon and fridays.

So i will get ready to take a nap.i am so tired from that strong wind today.thank you for your support camer.always.you are always in my prayer.i will talk to you later.Hugs To You.

November 5, 2004
9:50 pm
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"i and my kids are really homesick.we do not feel comfortable here,especially me." ooooh kay, i just thought when you mentioned this ubove post that maybe you were living somewhere else..just a lil confusion on my part.

Glad your daughter wants therapy, and its sad that you hubby/her dad is not being more of a dad, your hubby may be too closely attatched to his dad, and that could be causing alot of problems, trying to please you, his kids and his father, but you and the kids should be 1st!!!

I do hope all works out with getting therapy...keep checking out therapists and hopefully there will be one that you and your hubby can click with, that makes everyone happy.

Glad you got to your meeting, isn't it great to go!!! i love my meetings, just working so many hours during the day, i don't have time to attend them weekly.

Hope you have a good nap, you are doing all the right things!!! and my thoughts and prayers aze always sent your way for you and your family
(((camer))))

November 5, 2004
10:51 pm
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brownie
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Thanks camer.i am sorry for not explaining that situtation the right way.it was not confusion on your part.It's i have a tendency at times to not explain things in details.

It's the same thing for when i go to meetings to speak.I tend to either leave information out because i am so forgetful or i don't explain things specifically.

As for what you said about my husband,you are so absolutely right.he is too close to his dad and his ways.I was thinking the same thing today.He would need to leave from his dad's house,these dysfunctional ways.It is really pathetic how his dad and family is.They believe in taking advantage of people and using them to get what they want.they don't know right from wrong at that.And he's not gonna go for therapy with us.he's gonna stay in his dad;s crap.it be so frustrating staying here at times.but god is there for us.he really gives us strength in time of need.

He's been acting strange again.i don't know what to expect from him anymore.like for example,he's been distancing himself from me.i don;t know if he's tired of me or if he's frustrated.i know he has problems on his job for the longest.Alot of people don't like him.

So you see why it's extremely hard to keep the focus on myself and kids.we stay with him.

You are so supportive camer,i really i'm grateful for that.i am grateful that god sent you and this site to me.I need all the support i can get.I grew up in families where they were not there for me.I tend to feel so down at times.i am venting.i was almost gonna say that i was complaining.i'm trying to sound more positive.thanks for reminding me to vent.Are you gonna be up tonight,cuz i will.i'll talk to you later or if you won't be up tonight then either way i will check to see if you came back on or not.Hugs and Love to you.

November 6, 2004
1:49 am
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brownie
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Hi camer.i'm thinking you went to bed now,so i will go to bed myself.i am still tired from today.Anyway,i don't be getting enough sleep.i have a sleeping problem.So i will talk to you tomorrow lord willing and you have a good nights sleep.you are also in my prayers.(Hugs and Love and Support)Good nite.

November 6, 2004
9:48 am
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Hi Brownie, happy Saturday to you, yes I went to bed last nite around 11:30 and slept till 9:30 today,with working late every nite this week i needed it!!

Keep venting here, venting is so good, it keeps your mind open and doesn't let you bottle things up inside till you explode. Maybe your hubby is not happy with his job, I know the feeling, I used to have a job that I hated to go to, and it showed in my work, but I could not find another job...so I had a very bad attitude..eventually I did find a good job and am very happy.

You,Brownie, I think are doing all that you can, and it does suck with the living arrangements and your hubby practically being tied at his
dad umbilical cord....so to speak...Just know God is with you thru this, and I am glad that at least things are functionable, and I hope and pray they just get better for you.

I am taking off for a while, to go to the park with the dogs, will be back online this afternoon, so know that I will be here.

((((sending warm hugs, lotsa support and love))))) camer

November 6, 2004
2:00 pm
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brownie
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Also good morning to you camer.I figured you was sleeping last night.that was funny what you said about my husband is being tied at his umbilical cord.lol.It is true.I really hate this living arrangement.It is gonna be hard to keep the focus on myself.but i can't complain,because i know god has something in store for me.i just have to be patient.it is really hard.i had stopped hugging him cuz when he leaves for work,he does not kiss me or hug me goodbye.

So i just let him be.i just do what i gotta do.but it hurts at times.

I am gonna get ready to go out too.my little sister called and said she is coming over today.i really did not expect it cuz i usually sends her a metrocard to come over here and she said she has money.she had got money from her sister.i don't bother to consider her a sister.After all the things shes done to me and how her mom spoils her rotten.

Shes forever in competition with me.now all the sudden,she gives my little sister money and don't want her to go back and tell me as if i care.

My little sister is in so much fear towards my mom or so called mom.i don't consider her a mother too much either.she still continues to talk down about me.Asking my sister when she comes over here what's going on with us basically to be noisy so she can continue to criticize me.She already criticizes my little sister as it is so in the meantime,my sister is scared.

i had mention to her to why don't she come stay with us when we get our place and shes afraid to stay with us because of what my mother is gonna say to her.i told her that she won't have my phone number to say anything to her.I told my sister that she has to be responsible for herself.i am there for her but i was doing alot of thinking with that and i realized i was caretaking her.

i told her that i am in recovery.i also mentioned that she should come with me to a meeting.shes also codependent.i will plan on taking her soon.

In the meantime,my mother and her favorite daughter is at it now.they recently had an argument.her daughter got smart with her.yelling at her about the money.they are experiencing money problems.so let her continue to depend on her dear daughter.when you do something wrong to a person,you reap what you sow.just like i did.

So she wanted to come over and i think they had sent my baby a gift so she wanted to come and bring it.

I will come back on and talk to you later on.i will take the kids and my sister outside.let my husband get some time to himself.i really don't see the reason why.it don't seem like hes thinking about situations concerning me and the kids.even though i still don't know him.he acts like a gemini now.

Warm Hugs to you.

November 6, 2004
3:48 pm
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CAMER
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hi Brownie, and yes, I have met alot of "men attached to the umbilical" cord...they kinda don't want to hurt mommy or daddys feelings, and they don't want to be independent either.

Looks like alot going on in the sisters dept....looks like mom & sis
will have to work things out on theier own.......I do hope you and your lil sister have a good day together....you are doing the right thing Brownie, let your husband be, and hopefully he will come around to recognize that yes, you are his wife, and he has your children, and
hopefully, he can act like a hubby.
Again, God is watching over all of us, and for you my friend, he has good plans for you, you seem to sound ok for now & I only wish you peace, happiness and comfort in this world. Not sure if I will be back on later..if not, will be on 2morrow for sure...till next time...My prayers, hugs and support go your way.

November 6, 2004
10:29 pm
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brownie
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Hi camer.if you are back on,i just want to say i had a pretty good time.I told her again that she cannot tell her mother anything we talk about or she will put us in a situation.I won't be able to trust her anymore,so she said that she will try,but i can't put myself through that.I got enough problems of my own.so we shall see.

Do you really think god has a plan.which i always believed he did,but there are times i get weary.not of god,but the situation.i really want to let this relationship go.i am sooooooooooo tired and overly drained camer.I'll talk to you tomorrow.have a good night.Hugs and love.

November 7, 2004
12:55 pm
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CAMER
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hi brownie, hope you are feeling ok today and glad you had a good time with your sister.

One of my close friends from CA always told me in order for me to get into a good relationship with a man, i need to put GOD first in my life, and then good things will happen. Well, sometimes I think that since I haven't done that, thats why
my life is a lil' crazy. I do pray to GOD daily and ask him for help, but maybe i should focus more on myself and my needs instead of worrying about men I am dating etc...maybe I am not ready to date.
All & all my life is pretty good, I seem content and happy, and I am just taking things one day at a time thats all I can do.

I know you mentioned that you want your relationship to GO, I think that if that is true there will be a time in your life, when you will just let it go.

Keep praying to God and my prayers are always with you, hope you have a peaceful and relaxing day...you deserve it, will be back on later tonite, ok!!!

(((love & hugs & support)))

November 7, 2004
8:25 pm
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brownie
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Good evening camer,i had just came on.i did not get a chance to come on this morning.I was watching my spiritual on t.v.Every sunday,i watches my pastors and bishops on television.It's like,going to church to me except,it's on t.v.

You know,god was talking to me.when i watch these programs,there are times that god be talking to me thru them or other people.the messages today were being positive and praying to god in tight places.that definitely applies to me.i am in a tight place and i need to continue to keep the faith.god has a plan that is being worked out.i need to wait for his grace!!!!

With the positive,i need to reprogram myself.like turn my negatives into positive.i was brought in a negative family.they were very negative and ignorant.remember i was telling you a couple of days ago that i was so negative and it's a habit and that i am trying to be positive.it was really pointing at me with that.

I really enjoyed the messages.i felt alot better today.you are also right about putting god first before relationships.this is why it points to keeping the focus on yourself.but it is hard for me because i live here with him.i mean,it's not so hard all the time.like last night,i was not gonna really say anything to him too much.i had called my friend and she already had went to bed.so i had decided to watch him play the video games.he's startin to do that again since he brought this new game.but he still sent us to bed like around 4,which is surprising.he mention before that fridays he would send us to bed at 5 in the morning and sat 3:00.but fri,we went to bed kinda early like 2 something.we had a tired week.

so basically we talked while he played the game and it was nice.I just need to concentrate on what god has in store for us.I will just continue to be patient and try very hard to think what my pastors had said.i hate so much to be forgetful.i just need very much to be reminded of this.i feel i would be able to accomplish this more if i can remember it more often.

I will ask god continously in prayer.i will talk to you later.Hugs to you.

November 7, 2004
11:56 pm
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brownie
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Hey camer.I will talk to you tomorrow lord willing.i know you have to work tomorrow.I just want to say real quick that i learned a valuable lesson this time and that is i will keep my mouth shut for now on about situations going okay.

Everytime camer,when i mention about how things are working okay with me and hubby,things just turn back around to misery again.You and melody beattie are sooooooooooo right about one day at a time.And remember also about him changing and changing constantly,this is why i will keep my mouth closed for now on.

What i tend to do is disappoint myself again.set myself up for disappointments.i don't want to continue that again.

What happened was he had mentioned to me before about the money situation.that since his dad left the place to us,that it's up to us to pay the bills now.the thing is camer is that,i asked him what about the money hes startin to get from me(the check came yesterday)and my husband basically got an attitude with me as if i suppose to know these things already.he got an attitude tellin me that he will use my check to pay his wife.so you would figure he would take the check i give him and use that to help pay bills here and use his ssi check to pay his wife.Is it me camer?i'm i overlooking this situation or is it him.i don't get that much money.i am making ends meet.my husband he would have a free check if he knew how to budget his money right.

I am startin to feel negative again.i also feel like i'm being punished.these people are nowhere supportive and continues to be funny with me.then another thing happened before this came up.i asked if he can get me some ice cream and he said he is low on money and of course he should know i will pay him back.i told him i get paid again,i will pay him back.so he went and got it and also other things.i only mentioned ice cream.so he brought a couple of juices and a soda,bread.i was only gonna pay him 10.00,he asks me if i can give him 20.00.i felt he manipulated me.i had to definintley pay my cell phone.i kept backing off from paying it.so i gotta pay it this time.so i will also pay him.he is still sneaky and coniving.one more last thing,he tends to eat up my cookies or ice cream and don't want to pay me back for it,but it's okay for me to buy him cookies that he ate up from me.

I feel like crap again.i am gonna still try and keep the focus on me.this is gettin even harder and harder to deal with him.i will let you go now.you have a good nite.(All Hugs and Love)to you.you are also in my prayers.bye

November 8, 2004
7:08 am
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CAMER
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morning Brownie, gosh you did seem to take alot yesterday. Seems like alot of issues with money going on...esp when he got the ice cream and other things and wanted $20 instead of $10....i don't know, sounds very petty on his part. One good thing you mentioned was watching the spiritual TV, i love those shows on Sundays, they are so inspirational, they keep me closer to God and they give so much meaning in my life!!! keep watching them, they are definitely a positive thing.

Again, things with the hubby, you cannot change anything about him, then again, you too do not have to put up with his behavior or anything that may bother you.

I think good focus is just take things one day at a time. Don't worry about 2morrow, its not here yet, just focus on today only, and keep alot of that focus on your own well being.

Gotta run to work now, will chat later.

(((hugs, support and prayers senty your way)))) camer

November 8, 2004
12:32 pm
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brownie
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Good afternoon camer.I appreciate always for the positive encouragement.I will continue to keep the focus.Also i was talking to a neighbor of mine.she is also spiritual and she had mentioned that she needed a time out when her husband get on her nerves.she withdraws also and that to her that means a time out.she said you be more at peace with yourself.that is so true.i had told her i do the same thing.And it can be very peaceful.

So i am doing that again.i will write him a note to let him know that i don't feel like talking now.that i need a time out.

i will talk to you later also.Hugs to You.

November 8, 2004
12:56 pm
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brownie, why is your husband telling what time to go to bed? Did I understand what you said? You are an adult. A relationship needs to be between equals. This is not equal. He is not your father.

Kathy

November 8, 2004
1:37 pm
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brownie and hi kathy, and thanks for joining...good for you for telling your hubby you dont feel like talking..just do things that make you comfy. I wish i could just make everything better in life, but as you know we have to work at it.

Good luck at home tonite & i hope all goes well, and give yourself a hug from me ok!!!

(((love and peace))) camer

November 8, 2004
6:47 pm
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brownie
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Hi kathygy and welcome.the situation is with that is i live in his dad's house and his dad put him in charge.i had lost my apartment last year,so we had to stay here and unfortunately,i have to listen.we also had went into a shelter last year and that place made my kids somewhat traumatized.So in the meantime,i am still waiting for another apartment to come through.believe me kathygy,i'm the kind of person that will not let no man tell me what to do.this is why we do not get along now.

Hey camer.i would like to ask if you can pray for me about getting my apartment.i prayed to god about it today and i will continue.I feel if i had my place,me and my kids would feel more at home.like i was telling kathygy,i don't let no man tell me what to do unless it's in a positive way.it's no place like your own.

That is what i will also be doing,keeping the focus also on my apartment.i will not talk to him too much.i want to be left alone.think things through.i really hope i can be like you camer.how you was able to be alone for a long time.i know it can get lonely.but i would need to be by myself for a long time.

I will talk to you later unless you are going to bed early.i'll check in anyway just in case you came back on.Hugs to You.

November 8, 2004
7:47 pm
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CAMER
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hi Brownie, i will try to make this as quick and understanding as possible. I always had boyfriends all my life, "bad boy" boyfriends...my last one was with Scott..We went out for 3 1/2 years and he committed suicide on 8/13/02...and that was a huge wake up call for me. He was gone, out of my life,never to hold or talk with, I was devastated, but somehow I did survive this, even though i wanted to kill myself at times too. I prayed to God daily, joined a suicide support group, talked with friends, and opened up more. At this point in my life, I could have just grieved and found another boyfriend a few months later (being so codependent that I am) this time I didn't, i decided to grieve and to work on myself, its funny, I used to be so scared of the anticipation of being alone if Scott "dumped" me...nothing compares to that when someone you love, takes there life, and there is nothing you can do to
get them back. I had a huge, huge, wake up call for the better. I tried to be kind to myself, I still pray to Scott each and everyday, I want his memory to live on. This was THE
worst pain ever. But somehow I felt that when Scott was taken from earth, part of his inner strength was passed onto me, and he gave me strength, I know he did. Strength to
survive and like myself and be alone....and I did survive...I took one year and 7 months off from not dating...that is the MOST in my life, i recently started dating, and I am not in a rush for anything too
serious, cuz I still have issues with codependency.

What I guess I am saying is keep God in your life, believe in yourself, and know you can live alone, and good things will happen, my case was pretty bad, I was with Scott at 10pm on Monday nite, finding out he was deceased the next day. It was so hard. And somehow, I needed to heal myself and make myself stronger, all alone, cuz I was alone, and I did it.

Thats pretty much the story, and Brownie, you really have to want it for it to happen.

I will be online for a bit if you need to chat more.

(((hugs and love)))) camer

November 8, 2004
8:08 pm
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hey brownie,

I hope your apartment comes through quickly!! Your getting stronger sweetie, thats all that matters right now. I honestly don't know how you take your situation, just think about how strong you have been to keep your sanity through it all. I'm praying for you and your happiness,
magga

November 9, 2004
12:38 am
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brownie
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Hi camer.i am really really so sorry about what happened to scott.That hit me as if a bomb exploded in my face.I am really shocked.You camer are really a very strong positive person and you did survived.just like you said.It;s funny you say that,because for some strange reason,that song i will survive by gloria gaynor kept popping in my head lately.I really do believe more than ever that i can survive without him.

I feel god has strengthening me.It's just this codependency with me also.it can be very hard at times.but i am trying so hard to keep the focus on god.what he wants me to do.like tonight,i am so proud of myself.i was gettin upset at my father-in-law about the back rent.he have mentioned it to me before,but i forgot to tell you.so he wants back rent from august.my kids were here,but i wasn't.so i was gonna take matters into my own hands and not give him the money,but basically keep telling him that i forgot to give it to him.Then all the sudden,i thought about how god wanted me to go about it and i decided to give him the back rent.so i find myself feeling alot better.i really do.

Basically camer,if i can just be reminded of these things,i would be a whole lot better and seeing things more clearly.my memory is really bad.

So i really admire your courage and strenght.believe it or not,you and this site is an inspiration to me.like i mention before,your are a blessing.i can learn from you and your experiences.You are a beautiful friend.

Always know camer that i am always here for you too.i will always have you in my prayers.

I hate to get off but my husband will be home soon.so i will talk to you tomorrow.have a good nights sleep.All Hugs and Love to you.

November 9, 2004
12:44 am
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brownie
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Hi maggalisa.hey girlfriend how you been doing.i was looking for your post today and i did not see you was on.I am always glad to hear from you.

As far as the apartment it has not been easy.especially dealing with him.he has been on my nerves.i could not have done it without the grace of god.he was always their for us.

I am just trying hard to keep the focus on him and me.

how are you doing tonight?i believe things are still going good for you.I am really happy for you.you have been an inspiration to me too and know that you can come to me and the site anytime.we are here to support one another and uplift one another.

I hope to talk to you tomorrow.come post in.(Hugs to You).

November 9, 2004
12:11 pm
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CAMER
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hi brownie, and yes I am a survivor, and it was a hard road I had to walk on, dealing with Scotts death and my life of codependency. It was a struggle and I did the best that i could for myself. That's why when times get tough in life, I always look back and realize that I can be alone, i have been for one year and seven months in the past.

I am glad that you paid your father in law...even though I cannot understand why he would make such a big deal over it, you are his daughter in law and his grandchildren also. He just sounded a lil petty to me. Just my opinion.

If you ever feel down, know that you do have God in your life, and that is the best thought to pick you up, believing and knowing that no matter what you will be ok, and you are being good to YOU>

Lots of work to do today, hope you are doing well, I am proud of you!!!
you are doing the right things!!

till later..((hugs love and friendship)))) camer

November 9, 2004
5:23 pm
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brownie
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Thanks camer.it's something how you said i am doing really good.i appreciate it but i don't feel it now.but i'll keep prayin.

so tell me how things been with you and your friend and your life likewise.

I don't want to keep sounding like i'm complaining and i know you said that i am not,i am venting.I feel like i am complaining again.

Mainly tell me more about yourself.i will chat later.Hugs To You.

November 9, 2004
5:32 pm
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brownie
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Also camer,now i remembered what it was i wanted to ask you.it was something you said about not getting involved in a relationship because of being codependent.Is there really no cure for codependency?i'm just curious.I figured that codependency can be gettin rid of once you go through the ups and downs of it.and if anything camer,you sound like you are a recovering codependent.i had mentioned that at the meetings myself about me.but you really don't sound like your codependent anymore.will chat later.

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