Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Brokenhearted and alone, once again
March 6, 2007
10:26 pm
Avatar
tmv1109
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello all,
I've been here before and I feel like I am about to go crazy from heartache and depression.
I've been dating a man on and off for the past 10 years. He has always been a friend (or so I thought) even when we were not dating. I considered him my best friend. He knows everything about me and has accepted me for who I am (or so I thought), and has always been the first one on my side when something was went wrong. I always thought I could count on him. Because of this, I've loved him for a very long time. He gave me that "comfort" feeling and was personality type was the kind I was looking for. (He loves animals, a homebody, likes to eat!) And he could make me laugh more than anyone else. Anyways, I moved to Texas a few years ago, right after we had a falling out. He was famous for wanting to be with me, and then after a few weeks, he "just didn't know what he wanted". We always stayed friends, until recently. OK, anyways, he contacted me several times via email and I finally replied. We patched things up and repaired our friendship. After I broke up with someone else in Texas, I went back to my old state for Thanksgiving a couple years ago. He was there and cried like a baby when I was leaving, saying how he has always loved me and feels like he'll never see me again. Truly took me by suprised. (here is a man I have always wanted to hear those words from). He then came to Texas for Christmas and stayed for three weeks (he flew for the first time and felt this really meant something because he is terrified of flying). He kept extending his stay and came back a couple more times and wanted us to get married and have children and he was thinking of coming to Texas. I felt quilty, was scared of being in Texas because of a crazy ex, and so I decided I would come back to our home state. We planned for 7 months. He wanted me to plan on just moving in with him because "it wouldn't make sense to live any where else". So I saved all my money, and also spent some to buy things for what I thought would be "our home". Turned out, 2 weeks before I was scheduled to come home, he decided I shouldn't move in with him and that I could "just move in with my mom". So, upset as all, I did. (mainly because I loved him, thought we were going somewhere and my relationship with my mother is horrible) I moved all my furniture and things into storage. The first month seemed could, I was there almost 100% of the time. Then he bacame furious with me because I went to a funeral for my ex's father. He called me names I have never heard before, said my family was "wacko", said he hated everything about me from the way I dressed to the way I talked. Devestated, I told him never to call me again. Certainly of course, he did and cried and said how he was sorry. This up and down has continued for the past year and half. The most recent time we reconciled, I stressed to him how desperately I was looking forward to spending Valentines Day with him. (we have never, in 10 years spent birthdays, holidays, etc. together because he would get mad at me.) Also, I had found out last Thanksgiving that he had been seeing someone for 8 years behind my back and I never even knew she existed. That was the biggest blow I must say. Also, he was in counseling and wanted me so desperately to see his counselor. (He had been seeing her for 3 or 4 years) She would not because she felt it was a conflict of interest and also, I would not because J. was telling her things and she told him it sounded like I was co-dependent. (Not him of course) Anyways, back to Valentine's day, I talked about it so he wouldn't forget (because he forgot my birthday this year). A week before Valentines Day, I was looking on his computer. Because I have serious trust issues with him (that he claims he so much wanted to change), I checked his history box on his computer. There I found two porn websites. One for Teenagers and the other for lesbians. He clicked on both sites five times each. I was FURIOUS. Mainly because of the teen site!!!! I was disgusted. I didn't say anything because I wanted to see what else I would find in the next week or so. I didn't get a chance really. He was also making comments about me going back to Texas and find my cowboy because he knew that is what I really wanted. He said he said this because he saw me looking online at homes there. I told him of course I did but that I loved him and that's why I am here. He also has been online looking at homes in Indiana and Texas himself! So the day before Valentine's Day, I was feeling pretty down and he could hear it in my voice. I didn't want to say anything because anytime I have something I am bothered by that he does, he breaks up with me. Everytime. And everytime it's always the same comment "well I been thinking the past couple of weeks it wasn't going to work but I've been trying to be hopeful and putting my blinders on". Just so everyone knows, I don't do anything wrong. Seriously. He is the one who has issues. apparently with lying and secrets and he has always been able to suck me right back in somehow. Valentine's Day came, he didn't call until 1pm and said "Sounds like your still in a bad mood and if that's how your going to be" and I said "What? You don't want to spend the day with me? Valentines Day? How convientent!" He said, "Well I'm sorry, I'm not going to sit next to you on the couch if this is how your going to be" So I told him "you want to know why I am so angry?! Those websites you have been on. That's wrong and if I were to guess I would say illeal!!! Those are children! How could you!!!" He was most definately shocked and stumbeling. He said, calmly, "If you had just called me in when you found that, we could have talked about it". "Talk about what?!!!! You clicked on it five times so it was no mistake!!!!" So we argued and of course he broke up with me with the same "I've been feeling the past few weeks", etc. He said he didn't want to get married and he didn't want to have children. When I asked him why he did two years ago when I was in Texas, he said he was a very different person then. He said he doesn't need anymore therapy because he is "fixed". I told him I feel I have been lied to and I want my money it cost me to move back up here and he agreed to it. He has made two trips to return my items, but of course, no money. For the first time in 10 years, he will not respond to my emails. I emailed a sincere heart felt broken hearted email two days ago asking him to please send me some money so I can go back home where I have some support to get through this. ( my family here does not speak to me) He hasn't even responded and I must say, I am feeling lost and down and at times the thought of dying crosses my mind. I'm scared because that is not like me. I have had dreams where I have hung myself. I feel lower than I ever had. I am in a phase of panic, like I am struggling for air. I need help and I need support. I have no one here. I also have lost the only constant support I felt I only needed, him. ( I look back and he has done really mean things to me. He has talked about me behind my back to his friends and family-so they wouldn't like me, and he has always messed up every relationship I was in, even a very short lived one with his friend 9 years ago. He lied to his friend and said I was using him to get to him. Completely not true. When I finally begged him to tell me why he did that, he said it was because he didn't like the situation and that he wanted me for himself at all times, even though he had someone else on the side, which I never knew about) I am in desperate need of help. Please be kind with any kind of comments. I can't take any attacks because my self hatered at this moment is higher than it has ever been. I don't want to leave things up to fate anymore and I am really trying to focus on that when my thoughts sway. (which they always do) I cry at the drop of a hat because of the empty feeling I carry with me and the fact that NO ONE loves me, or cares, or even calls just to say hi. I really have no one. I spend about 100 hours a week at work because the moment I come home, I break down. I need some support, can someone out there please give me some meaningful, loving advice and support. Please.

March 7, 2007
1:00 am
Avatar
tmv1109
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know my thread was long, but could someone please respond? I really need some support. Thank you.

TMV

March 7, 2007
1:13 am
Avatar
Forever GF
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OMG...you sound a lot like me. I am so sorry that you are feeling the way u r feeling.
You are not alone because u always have yourself. You are all you need and don't forget that you are your own best friend and have to look out for your best interests to have a happy and fulfilled life.
This guy needs to get out of your life and u need to show him where the door is. I know it hurts but wasting 10 years is better than wasting 11. I had a similar situation and this last time he cheated on me with a woman I know and I finally had the smarts to move on. This just happened Feb 11th and I actually had a really bad day today but I will not stop moving forward. I will not let any person have that much power over my life anymore. I still love him and miss him so much that I cannot stop crying sometimes but why try to hold on to something that will never be what you need?
If you let him in you are delaying the inevitable. This guy, much like my ex, is not equipped to be a stable, loving, dependable, trustworthy man. He just isn't and nothing you do can change that. Only he can change. He sounds dysfunctional and negative. You are not alone anyway. I read your message and I cried because I have been there and felt what u r feeling. It will get better I PROMISE. Hang in there and do not hink of the good times. Stay focused on why you must keep him out of your life. Write alist of all the negative things that have happened or that he has done or said anything to keep you focused on the fact that he is a negative aspect of your life that you need to get rid of.

March 7, 2007
1:29 am
Avatar
turnabout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey tmv. This time of night (12:11am here) the board really slows down. I'm headed off to bed right now myself and can't carry on a conversation, but wanted to reach out to you. You really are not alone in this situation. Many, many women on these boards will be able to relate. Your ex is an insecure jerk, who apparently had to dump you everytime he got scared you were about to dump him. I'm so sorry that you've experienced this and his antics have damaged your self-esteem so badly, but you can be sure that being involved with him would have affected any woman the same way. You were just the lucky girl; Congratulations.

Actually, a true congratulations goes out to you for the opportunity to establish yourself completely independent of him and find out who you REALLY are. Be patient with yourself. Sounds like he's done quite a brainwashing job with the put downs, the push/pull games, the instability, the neglect, the undermining words and behavior. All this time he made you think things were about you when they were really about him. You'll have to retrain yourself, and it will take time.

I'm glad you're here, tmv. You deserve to have support, have people care about you, and to be encouraged towards your best self. If you can't move back home right away, I hope you can seek out people there who are supportive there where you live so you don't just have us alone. You'll need more than you can get here. Don't hide from the world. If you sought out support and found us in the virtual world, you can seek out people who will support you in the real world.

I wish you well. You'll be fine if you decide that's what you're going to be, depression and suicidal thoughts notwithstanding. Again, it takes time, but we find what we seek. That's just the way it is.

turn

March 7, 2007
1:32 am
Avatar
tmv1109
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh thank you so very much, from the bottom of my heart for responding Forever GF. Thank you for taking the time and reading it. I desperately need some positive words like you just gave me. I have tried to sit down and think all of the negatives he carries, yet this time around, I am so confused, like I'm drunk and this isn't really happening. He has been mean to me since I have known him really, and he's detrimental in my life. Why am I so stuck, unable to breathe! I'm really trying to focus on making myself the best I can, yet I know it's just to make him sorry for disposing of me, and those are not the right reasons, it should be for me, but I feel so numb. I feel like I've lost me. The fact that he has tossed me out of his life, it's like I was a broken chair or something. I am so glad you responded. I really have no one to turn to and although I know I have done nothing to deserve this, I have a deep feeling that I deserve this for some reason. I'm going to try and take it day by day, but it's so extremely painful when I leave work. Just getting in my car to come home, I don't want to do it. A home should be a place of warmth and comfort, and for me, it's just ugly and full of emptiness and pain. I am trying really hard not to focus or think of "what is it he is doing that I don't know about, or who is he seeing, he must be with someone else". A person like him deserves to be alone, not a person like me, so why is it happening? I have to keep focusing on me and learning to be selfish, but I was raised that being selfish and thinking of yourself is wrong. I just can't believe this is the way things have turned out, but I have to be honest with you, this is what keeps happening to me.

March 7, 2007
1:33 am
Avatar
hbdude2k
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have no idea why I read this whole thing. I guess it was interesting. Well, first of all, he needs help on the lying. He obviously doesnt want to be intimate with you at all. You have always been there for him and he took that and ran. Now really, you must not take it/him back. He will always tell you I will change, but in reality its just a simple sex proposal. You know your better than this. Turn any negative about you and turn it into a positive. Think of who and what made you laugh or just smile today or yesterday or before that. Why did they make you smile? because you are not a bad person. Look beyond punishing yourself. Let this be right now, you have to find you and be happy with you. It may take several days or months to make you happy, but try it starting now. Do a 90 day no contact with him and see if you can do it. I did it once to an X girl and let me tell you, you will find you and be happy. Don't let anybody tell you who your not, just tell yourself how great you are. There are many many people out there that can tell you one word and you will fall. Well, just take that comment and make a positive out of it. Your happy time is coming, your new you is there, you just need to uncover that big ass cover over your head and know that your a great person to be. Why are you sad now, look! you came on here because you know your a great person. This is the first step of uncovering who you are. The happy step was writing your thread. The other happy step is having no contact with him for 90 days. Love hurts and it always will when abused. Next time you fall in love, make sure you have all 6 things to tell that you are truely in love: 1. I can be me, 2. You can be you, 3. We can be us, 4. I can grow, 5. You can grow, 6. We can grow together. If you don't have these together, your just in LUST not LOVE. Well, good luck. Just smile and tell yourself DO WHAT YOU THINK YOU CAN NOT DO.....

March 7, 2007
1:37 am
Avatar
tmv1109
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Turn,
I have tears in my eyes reading your thread. Thank you. This is just what I need so desperately....Someone just talk to and tell me nice things, as crazy as I know that sounds. Yes, brainwash and hurt me, yes, he has done that for so long. I really want to believe any girl he is with or has been with has gone through the same things, but I'm not so sure. I wish I knew so I could find some comfort in knowing it is him. Although my mind knows it to a degree, it still is killing me. Thank you for your advice, I can not thank you enough, I really needed it. Thank you......

tmv

March 7, 2007
1:45 am
Avatar
tmv1109
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

dear hbdude2k,
What exactly do you mean by intimate? We been on and off for 10 years, remaining friends the entire time. I always "thought" I knew everything about him, but as of last year, I found out he had severly lied to me for 8 years and felt he had no reason to discuss it and he said he was sorry, he did it, he went to counseling for it, so any insecurties are my issues, not his. That is word for word from him because we have continued to have this conversation since I found out last year. And as for the website with the teens on it I found most recently, I wonder now if there is something much creepier and deeper that noone knows about and maybe perhaps that's why I have been "completly" disposed of, not just "sort of" as before. When he was defending himself saying these girls were legal, I asked him how he would feel if I asked the police it was OK. He didn't like that very much and I can't help but wonder if he is scarred now and that's what the deal is too.

tmv

March 7, 2007
1:55 am
Avatar
turnabout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I stood in your shoes once, sweetie. It wasn't until I was dropped by the man I thought I could always depend on that I started becoming aware of how much I had lost my self-perception to his opinion of me. I felt like nothing when I came to feeling rejected by him, I had become so dependent on his regard for me. I know how suffocated the grief and fear is. It is so hard to imagine you'll ever live without it again, but I do.

And just remember that things are seldom as they appear. How many so-called "happy couples" do you know, for example? In fact, with guys like him, their lives revolve around keeping up appearances so much, there's no time for making those appearances into reality. They're constantly sabotaging themselves that way ... but of course, they would let you see that if they can help it

Now, it really is too late for me. I'm off to bed.

March 7, 2007
2:15 am
Avatar
Forever GF
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are not a broken chair that deserves to be tossed out. It doesn't matter who he is with. I know it hurts but whatever he is doing has nothing to do with you. He is an emotional abuser! You cannot live this way. No person can and keep their sanity. You do not deserve to be treated this way! You have to keep your support system together, virtual or otherwise. Stay strong and I know u don't want to but you have to cut him out totally. Take it day by day but remember that it will get easier as time goes by. You will have good days and bad days. Two steps forward, three steps back is normal. What u are feeling is a result of making bad decisions about who you let into your life. I know because I did the same for many years but I never understood why until much later in my life. Now I have vowed to make better choices on who I let into my life. I am fresh off of my emotionally abusive relationship (Feb 11) and it is soooo hard. Some days I want to skip work, stay in bed all day, not eat, call him 20 times to profess how wrong I am (even though he cheated on me with a girl I know), and email him pictures of us. In the end I know this much...he doesn't love me the way I love him because if he did he would'nt treat me in this way. They are abusers and we fell victim to them. But we need to stop the cycle today, right now. If we do not stop the toxic relationships we will kiss ourselves-our identity, our sanity, our spirit, our hope, and our future. Remember, it's only love if it goes both ways otherwise it is obsession.

March 7, 2007
2:17 am
Avatar
Forever GF
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

we need to stop the cycle today, right now. If we do not stop the toxic relationships we will kiss ourselves-our identity, our sanity, our spirit, our hope, and our future-goodbye. Remember, it's only love if it goes both ways otherwise it is obsession.

March 7, 2007
2:49 am
Avatar
tmv1109
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Forever GF,
Thanks for your care. I must say, and please don't be angry with me for saying this, but I have always hated that expression, "It's only love if it goes both ways". I disagree because I do love him and I have, it's not an obsession. It is absolutely possible to love someone who may in turn not feel the same about you. J. has been my constant, since 1997. At times he has been my only constant. Right or wrong, it's the reality, the comfort, my heartbeat, that I miss. I love him, and I can defiately say I am blinded by love because I have been willing to work through things and taking the fault for things, that weren't my fault, but just to get through the problems. The "perfect" mate, that's what I thought. I was, I mean, I think it is fair to say, I loved him with everything I had. I definately did everything that I could to the best of my ability with every inch of being I had. I can honestly hold my head up high and say, "I have no regrets" with my end of things. But then, at the same time, I feel like I can't hold my head up, like I'm embarrassed and ashamed because I wasn't good enough. Not pretty enough, not educated enough, I don't own my own home, etc. I guess if these three things were fulfilled, maybe I wouldn't feel so bad. I just can't get over the complete cut off, normally, I would get nasty emails, now nothing. I don't know which is worse. Sick huh? It's as if I don't exist.

I really like what you said about being responsible about the people we let into our lives. That is a lesson I have not mastered yet, but I intend to. It is a hard balance I would imagine, trying to seperate yourself just enough, but not too much were you aren't caring towards others. That will be my biggest challange.

March 7, 2007
6:44 am
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

IF you want my opinion, he has several issues and the biggest one is commitment phobia or grass is greener on the other side syndrome. I myself have learned the hard lesson never love a person too much or love them more than yourself. If you love yourself then most likely you would not even bother with this man who doesnt know how to handle a real relationship. He can't. It looks like the drama of the relationship kept you tied in. You said you were best friends but I have a feeling that you may not have known him as well as you thought. It does taking living with a person to really know them.After all you have lived with your mom and you knew not to go there. Same thing here you, did not know what he was really like and part thats you do know well you have accepted who he is and unfortunately probably better idea to have set up some higher standards for yourself. Anyway it is now time to pick yourself up, be better to yourself and shame is no good. You cannot do anything with shame becuse it is a useless emotion. What is there to be shame for anyway? Think about it. Don't compare yourself to anyone right now. You did the best you could with what you have. It is today that counts and tomorrow. The past is just to teach us for today. This guy has too many issues. I believe obsession is when you focus your life around a man and you don't focus enough on yourself, and that involves trying to fix a relationship in your heart that you know you cannot fix and denying what is in front of you. This is my understanding and defination of obsession. I don't deny you love the guy but you cannot always be with the one you love, and it does not mean it is good love either. Accepting what is and moving on though hard seems to be an answer, though hard to hear. You never really alone. Plenty of people out there willing to listen if you try and let them in. I believe people that are obsessed, get so focused on that love that they put friends, family, and work aside and do tihs for so long that when the obsessed relationships doesn't work the person then feels very alone.But that is not true. You have yourself and if you focus on yourself learn to love yourself again, you always have your self to go to. You have faced a huge disappointment and you have tried here. You should be proud that you did try and now it is time to let go and move on. Learn about yourself. Pour all your energies into yourself and recovering from this loss. It does feel like a death and like a death it has to be mourned. And a hard lesson has been learned not to pour your whole life into a man. Love of a man should be part of your life, not your whole life. A couple means together but still separate, with your own independence and interests outside the relationship. This guy if you moved in with in, would have turned very ugly, even uglier than now. Be glad that he is out of your life even if right now it is painful. The pain will lessen in time. Time is the universal healer of all wounds. Take care.

March 7, 2007
8:14 am
Avatar
hbdude2k
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

tmv,
Its best to move on. Like you say, there is something deeper than you probably really want to know. You can remember all the good talk, but then u wonder what was lies. Well, good luck and I hope everybody has helped you on this site to make a wise decision.

March 7, 2007
8:28 am
Avatar
Forever GF
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

taj64 explained it really well what I meant about obsession.

March 7, 2007
8:41 am
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

tmv,

I didn't spend ten years with my ex, but a LONG two years.

And tho it wasn't kiddie porn, there were other red flags, equally as disturbing.

And in the last year since he left, I have learned more crap about him than in the two years we were together, even LIVING together...it SCARES me.

I shared a bed with this man...and he was NOT the man I knew.

My guess is that your guy had some deep dark secrets and you only scraped the tip of the iceberg...and once he realized that you were suspicious of him, you were a threat.

You deserve to much better than that...and any man that is looking at little kids online has serious issues that you need to steer very clear of.

You actually did yourself a HUGE favor.

In a ten year period, if a guy can't make an honest commitment, there is something seriously wrong...and it's best to let go.

Keep a log of the thoughts and ideas as they come to you....they will....you will recall times when things didn't make sense, and now they do....you will recall times he made you angry....said hurtful things.

Keep these notes, so down the road when he comes calling (and he very well may), you can remember WHY you need to rid this toxic person from your life.

I would recommend you talk to your family and see if they can help you move back...it may suck to admit you made a mistake...but if they are good people, they will help you get back on your feet.

Otherwise, maybe you can sell some of the things you bought for "your home" and use the funds to get back home.

I have been in your shoes and it does suck...but there are BRIGHTER DAYS ahead of you...keep believing that.

Also, you may want to check into some kind of therapist...just to help you make sense of it all and help yourself learn how to spot these men and find a healthier partner and work on some of the esteem issues that your ex helped you create....help rebuild your confidence.

March 7, 2007
12:27 pm
Avatar
tmv1109
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks everyone, really, it means so much to me to know you all took the time to give me some VERY HELPFUL advice. Just listening to you all, opens my head a little, which is what I need. I haven't had anyone to talk to,so when everything like this goes down, I'm confused and completely lost, desperate for him to explain and love me. I just needed some friends to walk with me to the other side and hold my hand, and that is what you all have done, thank you.....

Rightfromtheashes,
I'm glad you responded. I feel he is most defiantely looking at underaged porn. He became angry with me when I told him how upset I was that of ALL the porn he could look at (not that I am a fan because I am not, I just know many guys find this interesting), this paticular site was completely unacceptable. He said "It's not like these are little kids, they are of legal age!" Told him he didn't know that and that even IF they were, these "children", at 18, are in situations that they probably don't want to be in, they could be on drugs, kidnapped and being forced and you are buying into this!!!!!! Again, he argued with me and said they are of "legal" age and he didn't like it that I was making him sound like some kind of pervert. Told him he obviously is and I am just wondering what else he wasn't telling me. Asked him if he would think it was OK if his 16yr old nephew was on these sites, and he said no of course not but he is not there age. Told him he is only two years younger and these are still children, even at 18!!!!!!! I was so angry and when I mentioned if I were to ask his family or the police if they thought that was OK, he said "Oh so now your going to go to the police, what if I tell your family some of the things you have done? Is this a challenge because I will win". Told him there is NOTHING that I have EVER done that I need to feel bad about, NOTHING!!!!! "Well niether have I, I mean I know it's not the nicest thing to do, but do you think I am the only man in America who is looking at these things? Your pretty naieve if you think that". Told him I didn't care that others were looking, just him and that it is wrong, morally wrong, and if you wouldn't want everyone to know you were looking, you shouldn't be doing it.

I do think there are things I don't know about because he has NOW, for the first time, completely cut me off. And he was so numb to me. When I was crying hysterically when he was breaking up with me, he says "Jeez! Do you want to come over? I don't think you should be alone!". I was shocked, (although I don't know why) that he was so removed and acted as if we had dated a couple times and that was it. That it was nothing serious. The more I talk about this with you all, the more my eyes are opening. I, clearly, was the one who has had blinders on, for awhile now. I am seeing things that I guess I couldn't, or wouldn't, look at. Keep talking to me all........

tmv

March 7, 2007
4:57 pm
Avatar
nappy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Since I have learned about codependent, it has made me laugh to know that I was acting like some of the traits that they under codependent. And all that I can say to you sweetheart is to LET THIS MAN GO.
Why do you think that this man treat you the way that he is treating you?

1.) Because you are letting him. You have let him do this to you for ten years. Why should he stop.

2.) You don't have family around, so he already knows how to treat you. As bad as he want to

See again, codependent is an illness and until you recongize that you have an illness, then maybe you can move on with your life.

Codependent people can be so consume with another person that if someone ask YOU how you feel, you is telling the person how your man is feeling.

We need to stop trying to fix someone else and start trying to fix on ourselves. If people would put that much effort into themselves and not into others. The word codependent would only be for a few.

If you know what type of person he is, then why are you still trying to hard to hang on to him.

And crying hysterically to him is only a form of control on your part. Why I say that is because you feel that if you cry like that to him, then he would feel sorry for you and tell you to come over.

You are the only one that can control you. And you do have choices. So the question is
since you already know that this person don't treat you right. Do I want to stay with him and don't complain, or do I want to move on in my life and let god direct it for me.

Oh, it not hard to get control. And I understand about being with someone who we may love and can't live without but why should you be the only one to love, when he is not showing you any.

If you are not living with him, then who cares what he is looking at on his computer. It is not your problem.
He is the one that will have to face his maker, him and him alone and there will not be you or anyone else standing there with him on judgement day.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
30
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714258
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information