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Brokengirl made a stupid mistake
January 12, 2009
11:13 am
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brokengirl
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Hi Everyone~ I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays. Well I made a stupid mistake and gave LB another chance and of course it all blew up in my face. I have been seeing him for the past six weeks or so and thing have seemed pretty good.

Well that is actually a lie because one of the first nights we got back together he called me a slut because I had been dating.

Anyway this weekend I recreated new years since we didn't get it so spend it together. I made us a nice steak and seafood dinner and got us some champagne. We took a walk, played scrabble, watch some TV and snuggled on the couch. However I was sensing some distance.

He had lost his license for 30 days and his wife actually brought him down, so I know she knows about me.

Back to the story, I didn't hear from him until late Sunday night. I knew he was talking his 2 year old to the farm show. But when he called later I asked him who all went, he said him, his wife and son! He said he can't handle him on his own. Then I asked him what we were and he said he didn't think he loved me anymore and he really need to focus on his son and career but he cares about me deeply.

This morning he has been emailing me. I feel used and feel like he is trying to keep the door open for sex.

I know this is my own stupidity but it still hurts like hell 🙁

January 12, 2009
11:36 am
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CAMER
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hi broken...i am trying to remember your story....is this guy married and or separated?? and how long have you been together??

January 12, 2009
11:39 am
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brokengirl
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Hey Camner, They have been living in the same house but he supposedly lives in the basement and she lives upstairs. We have been on and off for 3 years. I was the one dating 'r' on and off for five years and he cheated on me and got another girl pregnant. When 'r' and I would break up he would find out and start conatcting me again. I have a hard time being alone and I tend to settle for whatever crumbs i get!

January 12, 2009
11:43 am
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CAMER
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so broken...do you think things will change "this" time.......and how are you with knowing him and x live at the same house and has another girl preggo??

January 12, 2009
11:53 am
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brokengirl
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Well 'lb' is the one living at home. He says he doesn't love me anymore so I guess that says it all it just hurts. He just made me feel like a bad person and he hurt me once again

'r' was the one who had the new girl living at the house and got another one pregnant. 'r' and I talk once in a great while but I am finally over him.

January 12, 2009
11:58 am
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sad sack
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HI Brokengirl,

I am sorry that you reverted back to your old behaviors. You admitted that you made a mistake.

Can you convince me that this time you will proceed differently? Do you not see that you do the same things over and over and get the same treatment over and over? When are you going to change your behaviors so that others will treat you differently? If you are not willing to make some positive changes, then I fear that your threads will be the same, just with different titles.

Hopefully, one day you will get tired of this shabby treatment.

I wish you well.

sad

January 12, 2009
12:09 pm
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CAMER
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ok broken you said LB doesn't love you anymore, then why would you want to be with him? so LB has a child, is HE married or separated?

January 12, 2009
12:25 pm
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brokengirl
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Hi Sad,

I thought I was making progress because I had gotten away from 'r'. I don't understand why I continued to do this. What do I need to do to break this cycle?

Part of my problem and regression is I don't feel good about myself because of my money problems and my DUI. LB accepted all of that and I feel like any other person is going to look down on me for those things.

January 12, 2009
12:27 pm
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brokengirl
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Camer~Sorry I put an N in your name before.

According to both him and his wife the have been seperated for over a year but living in the same house. But I guess really he is still married.

January 12, 2009
12:29 pm
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lovedlost
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Hi BG,

It is nice to hear from you, although I wish it was with better circumstances! I am sorry to hear about you and LB. You said that you have been dating him for awhile, how were things prior to this weekend? Did he express hesitation prior to this? It's obvious that his wife knows about you than if she took him there so they must be separated, why else would she do that?!

If he stated that he doesn't love you than get rid of him and move on! You deserve so much better than that. If I were you, I wouldn't even answer his emails anymore! Don't give him the chance to be in your life. He choose to move on so let him live with that choice. He doesn't get to have it both ways!! I'm afraid that if you stay talking to him than that may prevent you from moving on with your life and you've dealt with enough recently that you deserve to move on! Tell him to stop contacting you and that you've moved on now (even if you haven't yet)!

Don't get into the same problems that you had with R. Learn from that and move forward!!

January 12, 2009
12:35 pm
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sad sack
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He is married.

He does not love you.

He called you a slut (he has done this before).

Why do continually allow him back into your life?

January 12, 2009
12:43 pm
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Hello BG,

I've been following your story for quite some time now.. It's a little like a broken record... for broken girl...

LB has called you lots of bad names in the past.... and threatened you..

He calls you a slut.. Yet, he is married... living with his wife... and, having sexual visits with you!!!!.. What's that make him?

It's strange that his wife gave him the ride to your house.. Either she's a screwball. Or, she doesn't know he's visiting you for sex.

Anyway.. Someday... Maybe you will realize that your own company is better than the men you are choosing to share your life with right now.. When that happens, maybe you will meet a few men of substance..

Eventually.. This will happen for you.. You are young.. And, have lots to look forward to in your life..

It's a new year... Maybe time for a new BG??...

Frayed

January 12, 2009
1:15 pm
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brokengirl
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Thanks for writing. If I knew why I did this i would stop. I really just think I am afraid to be alone and I feel bad about myself for my money issues,my dui and on top of everything I have gained about 13 pounds. I keep thinking maybe I should just settle if someone is willing to accept those things. I think in my mind if I am not perfect no one will want me. I have always been in such critical relationship that I expect all people that I meet to treat me that way.

I was ready to start the New Year off right open my heart, give LB a chance to show he wanted to have soemthing with me. I don't know what is going on I am getting close to 30 and I am starting to hear the ticking. I have no idea what I want and I am not getting any younger.

Maybe I need to come up with some sort of game plan of things I need to work on.

The one positive thing is I started weight watchers last week and I have lsot about 6 pounds. As Frayed and LL know I have had an eating disorder my whole life so I am trying to do this the healthy way this time!

Plus I feel depressed,stranded and cut off from the world with no license. I know that is the consequences of my stupid actions but it still is hard.

January 12, 2009
1:25 pm
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atalose
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brokengirl,

I am sorry you are hurting us codies are great at continually hurting ourselves with the un-healthy choices of partners for our relationships.

Something you mentioned I think is the “key” for you to, once and for all learn, understand and accept one of the biggest problems you have is as you said “I have a hard time being alone and I tend to settle for whatever crumbs I get”. That’s your answer in a nut shell, stop settling, stop making excuses to settle (money problems and DUI). Your viewing your $ and DUI situation as bad, un-healthy and negative. And you feel that normal healthy quality un-married men will look down on you because of it. So in other words you are saying that LB is not quality, not healthy but you settled just to have someone.

Building self-esteem is step one, learning to be peaceful alone is step two.

You have wonderful support here but you have to really want it in order for it to work.

I would venture to guess that as soon as you went back to LB you stopped seeking help and support, please don’t make that one again.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

January 12, 2009
2:24 pm
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frayedknot
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BG,

It gives me a chuckle when you say you are almost 30... and, you hear the ticking..

Maybe your first order of business should be getting comfortable in your own company. You can't go anywhere because of your DUI.. So... Find something to do at home for yourself. Buy a work-out tape.. Read some books. Learn how to cook healthy..

Have a few girlfriends over to your place to play scrabble.. and, have a few drinks.. and, trash talk us guys... lol

Frayed

January 12, 2009
2:25 pm
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razor
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Brokengirl

You got away from R and you can get away from LB. You don't need to accept crumbs from anyone.

I know it sounds easy to say but you need to learn to love yourself and know that you can be happy by yourself. It will take some time but most of us are living proof that it can be done.

Please leave this loser alone and work on making yourself happy.

January 12, 2009
2:25 pm
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razor
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Brokengirl

You got away from R and you can get away from LB. You don't need to accept crumbs from anyone.

I know it sounds easy to say but you need to learn to love yourself and know that you can be happy by yourself. It will take some time but most of us are living proof that it can be done.

Please leave this loser alone and work on making yourself happy.

January 12, 2009
2:53 pm
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brokengirl
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atalose~I don't want to be codie damn it! 🙂

I don't understand what is so hard about being alone in your own skin. Some days I feel good and other days I feel lonely.

How did you become peaceful just being alone?

That is a great point about LB I don't think he is up to par so I am willing to accept that because I am not happy with my issues. I never really thought about it that way.

Frayed~I don't know what the ticking is about. Maybe because all of my single friends are getting married and having kids. I truly don't even know if I want kids.

I have been trying to cook every night using my weight watchers recipes. It stinks I feel like I have lost friends since I can't go out, like that is all I was good for. That sort of hurts my feelings.
I feel like I need to make new friends who don't want to just go out and drink but its hard since I can't go anywhere, LOL

It's not always the guys fault, this was my fault for getting involved in this crap again! Speaking of scrabble I have been playing online against people for free at pogo.com, it is a lot of fun.

Razor~Thanks, I am just need to know where to begin with loving myself. How did you do that?

January 12, 2009
3:29 pm
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lovedlost
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BG,

Have you asked him about him and his wife? Are they maybe getting back together?

Either way you deserve better and you need to realize that you are a good person! Everyone has made mistakes and has had money problems. It is how you handle those problems that shows who you are, so be strong and prove to everyone that you are a strong and intelligent women who's worth having!!

January 12, 2009
3:49 pm
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razor
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Brokengirl,

That was hard for me to do too. I am still working on it. I think one of the best things I did for myself was to start hanging out with healthier people. I had starting going to alanon about that time so that is where I met my new friends.

It happened very slowly but it did happen. You can do this!

January 12, 2009
3:54 pm
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CAMER
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you become peaceful by being alone by.....loving yourself, knowing you are worthy, don't settle for crumbs...so what you lost your license, any true friend would not care....and any guy who is worthy wouldn't care either.....dont' let shame get the best of you 🙂

January 12, 2009
4:08 pm
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atalose
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It’s those “other” days that we feel lonely that do us in. We act out on our emotions with impulses that eventually do us “codies” in…. yes “us codies” ?

It’s not hard being alone, it’s our attitude and thoughts that make us think it’s hard.

I learned to change my attitude besides if I couldn’t learn to be happy alone I was never going to be happy with anyone else, at least not for the long run.

I took the focus off of dating/men/relationships and put all that energy into me, my home, my children, my career. I re-did my bedroom for example, I did it how I wanted it not how it was when I was married. I took some classes at night when I could to improve my ability at work. I got involved with my kids activities and did some fund raising, things that could support their sporting activities.

Sure there were times when I felt alone but those days were far and few and manageable once I gave myself the opportunity to learn to be alone.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

January 13, 2009
10:02 am
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brokengirl
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LL~He says they are not getting back together. I just think it is easier for him. He keeps up the facade of being married, he doesn't have to take of his son alone, she makes great money and she even takes him to his girlfriends house. I really think that is what it all comes down too.

Thank you to all of you for the slef esteem boost. I really needed that and I was just worrying that people will judge me because of those mistakes but all of you are making me see that if someone really loves me they will except all of those parts of me.

atalose~Maybe thats what I need to do take care of me. You are right about urges, I get those and they over take all of my common sense!

I am off this Friday-Monday, I think I am going to take some time to read and come up with some ideas on how to focus on me 🙂

January 13, 2009
2:47 pm
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lovedlost
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Hi BG,

It sounds like you are better today and I am happy for that! You need to move on from him once and for all! No offense, but it sounds like maybe he's still trying to make it work with his wife. He may be telling you that they are not getting back together, but how do you know that's the truth?? If they do have a child together than maybe they are trying to get back togehter? I wouldn't believe everything he says, if he wanted to leave her, he would have by now. Don't you think??? Do you really believe that they are living separate in their house, especially with their son there? Now, you are smarter than that, you know that all sounds very shady!!! Listen to yourself and believe in yourself.

You Derserve Better!!! Love yourself and love will find you soon enough and someone will love you just as much as you love yourself!

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