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Broken trust, How do I rebuild
July 31, 2009
3:47 pm
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Sakti
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I'm sooooooooo screwed up in this moment. I'm at a place I have never been - with TRUST broken and attempting to rebuild and add that to the other issue's when they come up and OMG?

I’ve been thinking about my relationships with the women in my life and one of the most wonderful gifts of a relationship is the ability to trust—trust that they will be true to you emotionally; trust that they will do what they say they will do; trust that they are the same person on the inside that they present on the outside; trust we have each other’s interest in mind. Well heck! This creates safety, security and a deeper capacity to love. Successful relationships are built on trust and much more.

When you trust your friends, you feel so safe that you are careless—or free of concern—with him or her. You don’t have to hide who you are or be self-protective.

I use to have an extremely difficult time being vulnerable with women friends, but doing so gives them the chance to love and understand me.

I now have a bald spot on my head where I've pulled my hair out - I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm afraid.

Trust and truth go hand in hand. Deception of any sort is the biggest trust killer.

My trust has been broken with a long time friend and I'm very angry and hurt. Any suggestion?

I have not been around for a while because I've finally divorce my addict husband and have been going to meeting because I'm one too.

Blessing to you all,
Sakti

August 2, 2009
1:23 pm
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atalose
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Sakti,

Glad you are back but so sorry for the things going on in your life that brought you back.

I know you struggled for a very long time with your husband’s addiction.

I do understand the feelings that come from losing trust in a best friend. When I was going through my divorce for reasons I still don’t understand to this day I also lost my best friend.

It seems that after years of her telling me to leave him she managed to become his biggest supporter and betrayed me by telling him private things my attorney and I were working on in regards to the divorce. When I discovered what she was doing I stopped talking to her. The other thing I stopped doing was talking about her to friends because I was doing was keeping my hurt alive and staying in that drama. Instead I talked it out with some new friends who didn’t know her or my husband.

I think taking it all out might help, if you want to share here feel free. Trust can be re-built in time but only if both people involved are willing to work through it.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

August 3, 2009
9:40 am
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Lanigirl
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Sakti,

Losing a friend is hurtful. Even if you decide to stay in the realtionship, the friendship will be different.

Learning to see a person clearly is the biggest hurdel I've had. Then I need to trust that the person will act in a manner true to themselves. Then I need to decide if that works for me.

August 5, 2009
1:38 pm
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Sakti
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After further investigation the person I trust the least is myself.

When I was a little girl I learned to trust my caregivers because they provided for me with consistantancy, then as I got older I had a choice whether to trust someone or not based on their action or I can just get the "gut" feeling and know.

I broke down the 3 statements from my first paragraph and pointed the finger towards me.

1. trust that they will be true to you emotionally - this area is one I struggle with because of my CODA crap still hanging around, but one that I can work on and get better at.

2. trust that they will do what they say they will do - I do very well in this area and know I have the right to say yes, no, maybe and I can even change my mind.

3. trust that they are the same person on the inside that they present on the outside - this kinda almost like number 1. All I can say is I have no problem showing my emotion and I don't over do it.

4. Last but not least: we have each other’s interest in mind - I always have the other person's best interest in mind above mine in most cases another CODA trait.

Anyway after my hiccup I'm trying to stay positive about the issues that still show up in my relationships and try to remain grateful for them.

August 5, 2009
1:39 pm
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Sakti
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thanks atalose and Lanigirl for your posts

Blessings - Sakti

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