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broken heart
June 6, 2000
9:34 pm
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carolynI
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I had the love of my life commit suicide four weeks ago. And it is so hard to accept and go on with my life. I was going over
to marry him from Australia I was only with him three and a half weeks before he did the
unthinkable. He had many problems such as
alcoholism, drug abuse illegal and legal
he also had the signs of abuser but that didnt come out until I got to him in early April. He didnt show signs of what i would of thought depression and when i asked he said he wasnt depressed but he did threaten to kill himself if I left him. But the thing is I never threatened it he just assumed I would. He had been married to the same women for 20 odd years but he controlled her so i found out later.I suppose this is my problem to get over i just wonder how other people cope with suicide

June 7, 2000
7:18 am
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Spirit
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Carolynl: One of the hardest things about suicied, for those close to the person, is the "if onlys." If only I had seen the signs, if only I had done something to help that person out of depression, if only I hadn't said those words, if only... There is no going back, only forward. One must accept that the suicide was not within their power to stop, otherwise it would not have happened. It is a selfish act of retreat from the here and now. It leaves others heartbroken and floundering for answers. My cousine committed suicide just days before he was to marry his pregnant girlfriend, whom he loved with all his heart. The poem he left was full of his reasons why. Nothing was left out, from the abuse he experienced as a child, to the feelings of isolation that he felt as an adult. He did not know where to reach out for help, he didn't even tell anyone in the family about his past, except his mom. She denied it could have ever happened. You see, for some it is the only way out of the hell they live in daily, in their minds. For other's it is a cry for much needed help. We can only accept. May your friend be held closely in Spirit's arms, and may you find the peace needed to accept.

June 7, 2000
9:36 am
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immortal beloved
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God is the only one who can give you the strength to bear this terrible loss. The bible says that he will not give us more than we can bear. This one of those trials and tribulations in life that will make you stronger. The best way to work on this is to pray, and try and reach out and help others in the world who also have problems. May God continue to meet you at your point of need.

June 7, 2000
10:07 pm
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carolynI
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thankyou to the two responses i have
recieved. You have no idea how it
has helped me to read your encouraging
words. And yes Spirit, I have been
through the if only's repeatedly.
It is just such a hard thing to accept
when people are in despair or troubled they can get help. It doesent have to be alone and the one they love the most should be the first one to turn to for help.

June 7, 2000
10:47 pm
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Spirit
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Carolynl: But it doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes people spend so much time putting up false fronts they get afraid to show any weaknesses, especially to the one they love the most. It's a tough thing being left in the dark as to the whys and wherefors of suicide.

My father committed suicide when I was 18, pregnant with my son, who looks a lot like his grandpa. I hadn't seen my father since I was 7, but I had tracked him down and had written him a letter. It, the letter, came back to me with return to sender written on it in his handwriting. Days later we got the call that he had pulled the trigger. He didn't die right away, he succumbed to pnuemonia 10 months later, after being in a vegitative state. I often wondered if my letter was the one thing that pushed him over the edge. Later, years later I learned the whole truth. He had continued living his life the same way he had lived it when he was married to my mom. Not a nice man, but my father none the less.

Take it from me, you had nothing to do with your friend's act. You must know that. Time, time to grieve, time to live. Peace be with you through understanding.

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