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Broke the no contact rule
March 1, 2007
1:39 am
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RaggedyAnn
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Just need to vent....I broke the no contact rule and I feel lousy. I accomplished nothing by talking to him. I missed him so much after 3 months or more of no contact I broke the rule. I texted message him " I miss you", and "I want to see you". I don't know something just took over me. I felt lonely and then I gave in to my urge to call him. I feel like a loser because I got nothing back from him. I was expecting him to say he loves me and misses me so much that he wants to work it out but I got nothing back....I felt like I was begging, trying to make a case for myself about how he is making a mistake, how I am so valuable to him and how if he truly loved me he would not want to hurt me again. I accomplished nothing by talking to this person. I am now wishing I never met him, I wish I never called him. I only hurt myself by calling him, I am the one who feels lousy. He is probably asleep by now without a worry in the world and here I am feeling guilty and like a loser. Writing this blog at 1:30 in the morning cause I can't sleep.

Thanks for listening.

March 1, 2007
1:56 am
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jewel
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I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time. I remember doing the same exact thing before I met my fiance. Don't feel bad that you called. Put the past behind you and let tomorrow be another day. I know that this is hard, but you can do it. No sense in moping around over your ex. And you never know. He may want to call you back, but doesn't want to just to make you feel bad. I used to do that when I was younger. I will be here for awhile if you want to talk.

Jewel

March 1, 2007
1:58 am
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wannabe
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If a man doesnt want or love you nothing you do can change that. move on, he is...

March 1, 2007
9:06 am
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atalose
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I'm not sure of your circumstances for the no contact but it sounds like you havn't done any healing towards accepting this is over and moving on.
I think until a certain level of pain is felt over and over again, you'll keep holding on to the fantasy of what you want from a man who doesn't want the same thing.
The amount of pain we are willing to accept is up to us, we can't blame the person who doesn't want us, we need to figure out why we are not accepting it. And why we are obsessing over a relationship that is long gone and is not coming back.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 1, 2007
9:27 am
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hopeful for change
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If you broke the no contact, just start it over again now. Just like when you mess up on a diet lol 🙂 - Although you may be disappointed it will further your awareness that you need to stay away.

March 1, 2007
2:12 pm
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feelingfree
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Please don't be so hard on yourself. Been there, done that. Alot of us have. Loneliness does sometimes get the best of us (for me, if I had a drink or two- that would do it too).

Don't take the not-responding personally.. even tho I know it hurts like he&& and you analyze 'why' to death. There are alot of reasons he did not respond.. you're not a mind reader so don't tell yourself what he's thinking.

Take this for what it was. A GREAT LEARNING LESSON. You said it youself-"I gained nothing by doing this, I only hurt myself".
Perfect.
You got the lesson.

Now start over and put it out of your mind. 🙂

(((RaggedyAnn)))

March 1, 2007
2:28 pm
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taj64
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I know how you feel. I went through the same thing. YOu just have to realize that this feeling will pass and give it time. Now that you are even more aware of the damage it does to you and your self esteem when you do contact him, it will help you to go back to the no contact. The key is the longer you go, the easier it will become. Three months is still fresh in time. You probably need at least a year or so to keep away from him. The more hurt you feel about someone the more time you need to recover and not be around. It is very hard, I understand completely. I have been in no contact for quite a long time yet I still feel strongly about him. But I know the minute any contact is made those painful anxiety feelings will resurface and he was toxic for me. You will get back to the usual, just make a commitment back to yourself again. It is funny how this works that you want to prove yourself to him but ultimately you don't have a thing to prove to him only to yourself, that you can make it.

March 1, 2007
5:01 pm
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gracenotes
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Raggedyanne,

I think everyone who has tried No Contact has slipped up at least once. I did, but I got myself right back into No Contact.

And, it was a lesson. I always remember how miserable I felt breaking No Contact. Those yucky feelings are actually very healing, because they will remind you what you are going to feel like if you slip up again. Maybe you won't want to go through with it when you are tempted again.

Best thing to do is not be hard on yourself. You learned something, and today can be day 1 of No Contact.

March 5, 2007
12:04 am
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Matteo
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RaggedyAnn ~ Try to look at it from a different perspective. You contacted him because this is how you felt in the moment. You were truthful to yourself and your feelings. However, there is a reason why you were in NC in the first place. You needed just one more time to make sure that you are doing the right thing, and apparently he proved to you once again that you do. There is no point now in agonizing how/what he thinks about you, after all, as taj64 said, it is not important what he thinks but what you feel and think. The more you will beat yourself up, the more power over you are giving to him. He is not beating himself up that his behaviour caused your break-up, so why should you? He should feel extremely lousy that he didn’t have gumption to honestly respond to your message, (either way), which is something what people with integrity do: they don’t just dismiss others and their feelings, like he did. You didn't beg, you asked, there is a difference. You expressed your feelings; nothing wrong about it. You are the most important person to yourself, his opinion about you really doesn’t matter at all, for as long as it doesn’t matter to you what he thinks about you. You tried, he didn’t budge – move on - back to n.c. Healing takes time and it is not a linear process. Just start over again, it gets better over time; sometimes it takes very, very long. There is a light in the end of the tunnel, at least this is what they say, well, at least the tunnel gradually gets wider. Take care.

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