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bro dying at xmas
December 19, 2000
10:28 pm
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misspiggy
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My brother has aids and only has about nine months to live. I miss him and love him, but he wont come over for xmas without my mother, who I dont like.
My mother has been cruel, selfish, abandoning and unloving to me and my children for years and she is constantly trying to force her way into my life to reak more of her emotional havoc upon me and my children.
My kids think shes "mean" and my husband hates to see me upset and hurt all the time when I try to do "the right thing" and end up being treated like crap.
We just brought a beautiful new home this year and my husband and I want to celebrate xmas alone with our children, but I feel terribly sad. I want my brother to enjoy himself and be with us, but frankly, I dont want to see him the way he is. I get all emotional and cant really function, combined with my mother ( horrible stress ) it just turns me into a basket case and my husband and my children and I all suffer because of it.
What should i do? This will probably be the last xmas with my brother alive.

December 20, 2000
7:09 pm
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Molly
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Perhaps you can go visit him before with out the mom, or you can put aside your anger and selfishness ( which is ok), for just one day, or just a part of a day. That doesn't seem like too much to me to some one who may never have the opportunity to celebrate again. Death is ugly, and we must put aside our personal fears, to give , isn't that what the holiday is all about? Put the love in your heart, in place and do the right thing. You can be polite to your mother for the short time that she is there, stay in the kitchen if need be, but make this your personal gift to your brother. Be Christ like for goodness sake, since you do celebrate Christmas. Pardon the harshness, but we do get petty sometimes, and for get the big picture, you don't want to live with the guilt, if you don't have to, and what the heck is a couple of hours, get big, and full of love teach that mom of yours how to be.Maybe this will be the last time you are forced to deal with her, but think of your brother...

December 20, 2000
8:39 pm
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janes
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Lots of us have spoken lately about our own relationships with our mothers and with our children as well.

It's tough for you because it may be your brothers last christmas...Don't give your mom the pleasure of ruining your day. Be like a duck ..let the comments roll off like drops of water.

If you don't want to do this have a special Christmas later for your brother. Or a Valentines Day Party or something you can handle.

Good luck.

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