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Breakup affecting my attitude about life
April 13, 2007
11:09 am
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VelvetHeart
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I broke up with exbf the end of last summer, had a few e-mails and phone calls but no contact now. Hurts to be in any contact. OK, my problem now is I don't even want to date and feel like all men are *ssholes. Just don't want to get hurt. At work, problems there too. I've retreated into myself and don't want to bother too much with going to lunch with people or making plans to do things. I feel stuck in my job, it's hard to change jobs since I work for the gov't and the system makes it very difficult, plus there is a hiring freeze. I guess I'm looking for some friendly advice, someone to commisserate with?
Velvet~

April 13, 2007
11:16 am
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reachingout
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Well here is a subject I am good at I have not been out in so long don't even know I was invited to a friends house tonight but don't even want to go whats the point everyone is married or boyfriend and then there's me.Don't really have any single friend to hang out with or go out with so I sit home just dreaming of a life my job sucks one person office for the most part I feel totally alone and don't have a clue how to change that

April 13, 2007
11:23 am
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nappy
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Hello Velvetheart,
I can understand how a breakup can change your attitude, and I can also understand why you may not like mens right now but that is understandable but don't stay stuck there.
Don't let that attitude take over in your mind because it would affect your life in the future.
Try and work through your feeling and to understand why you are feeling like this. There are some good mens out there but if you are not ready then you are not ready.
Don't put that wall up to high in front of you because then others may not see the wonderful person that is inside of you. As long as we are living on this earth, we will get hurt in life. But it is up to us to know how to deal with our own pain. We can choose to be happy or we can choose to be sad.

I don't know much about what is going on at your work, but if you look at your job with a difference attitude and just say that you are thankful for even having a job, then maybe things can look a little brighter to you. You don't have to retreat to yourself. That is a lonely place. If there are people that want to go to lunch with you, then put on a smile and go enjoy yourself. Make the most out of your job. Don't take it so serious because it is only a job and just do the best that you can. Make plans to do things, don't get set in your mind that you want to be lonely and then turn around and ask why am I lonely. Be around other people that can give you a lift in life. Life is one big teacher and we should learn from our misery, learn from our pain and strive real hard to get to happiness and stay that way. Then when the pain and misery of life do come your way, then you will be able to handle it and move on.
Don't take life so serious sometimes, because we only have just one ( 1 )
Nappy!

April 13, 2007
11:29 am
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revelation
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Sweety, give yourself time...I felt exactly the same way for about a year...your confidence has taken a beating...it will take lots of tlc to get it back where it should be...just take your time...baby steps...and if you feel like not going out, then don't! and if you feel like going out then go...just don't rush yourself!

April 13, 2007
11:31 am
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nappy
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Reaching,
Why sit at home dreaming about what you want your life to be like.
If you are invited to go with friends, then go and enjoy yourself. Ask some of them if they have any single friends that they would like to invite.
The more that you are sitting at home, your mind is telling you that you can't do better. I know that this is a lie. You can do more then you think that you can.
What do you want out of life? The only person that can feel that dream if you. You are the only person that is in charge of your attitude.
Pain don't feel good. But the only doctor that can cure that is god.
Nappy!

April 13, 2007
11:54 am
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reachingout
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Nappy

I so hear what you are saying but I don't know how to change I have been a wife and mother for so long I am still a mother but I always just pretty much did what my husband wanted to do when I was included now I am lost sounds pretty sad and even like a young teenager I am just a couple years away from being 50 and my life has been turned up side down I don't know what I even enjoy anymore trying hard to find my place but just not able to yet.Most of my friends are married and just home bodies don't really have any single friends cuz there all just married home bodies like I was.My little girl has a pretty active life so alot of times I have to be able to take her somewhere or pick her up she is my priority.

April 13, 2007
12:01 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Thank you for your replies!
Reaching, sounds like we're in the same slump.
Nappy and Revelation make some very good points, thank you both! I do feel grateful, but then when I have to deal with certain people here at work, it just feels like a slippery slope. Also makes it hard when part of the problem is my supervisor!
Reaching, have you heard of Meetup.com? Check out the website, it has groups of people with similar interests that get together for fun. I'm signed up but haven't gone to a meetup yet, don't feel ready. Let me know what you think.
Guess I'm impatient with myself and at the same time don't like how I'm feeling.

April 13, 2007
12:10 pm
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reachingout
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Velvet

Thank you No I have never heard of that site will check it out I go on the dateing sites I'm not on any of them just go read and look.That's another problem I have a young daughter and I'm probably not the most trusting person in the world.I am always thinking of her safety so I tend to keep people distant until they just go away I know it's me I just don't know how to change it.

April 13, 2007
12:41 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Reaching, the great thing about this meetup.com is the people get together and there's no pressure like if it was a date. You can get to know people while in a group and take it from there. I know for me I see there are lots of single people out there and I don't feel so alone thinking everyone out there is married or in a relationship.
I feel it is in your best interest to be careful about trusting people, they need to earn your trust and that of your daughter too.

April 13, 2007
1:31 pm
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nappy
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Reaching, you are at the peak of your age. I understand how you are feeling. I was once in your shoes. I was scared. I felt that I was stuck, but I wasn't. That was what I was putting in my head. I felt all alone and I knew that I was the one that had to so something about it.
I also understand about childrens but we also have to have a life because one day your daughter will find her and that will still leave you alone but that does not have to happen. Start trying to find it now. I'm sure that if and when you start looking to see if they have any groups in your community, you will meet lots of people. You just have to put one foot in front of the other so that you can start walking into the light.
Nappy!

April 13, 2007
2:07 pm
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reachingout
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Thank you both so much I will try.It is just so hard.I think about it all the time once in a while I'll even make plans then I cancel knowing sooner or later people will stop asking.But it is always just to go sit at someones house just us couple and me so I think what's the point I can just stay home and get things done.I alwways seem to talk my way out of it.And as you can see my job doesn't keep me very busy so all I do is think and that's not good

April 13, 2007
4:35 pm
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nappy
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Well when you start to think negative, hurry up and throw in the positive.
Give yourself that chance to see what you are able to do.
Face the fears and do it anyway.

We single start to looking at other people that are married and married people start looking at single people. Well we all will just be looking at each other because you have to make the most of your life.

If the doctors told you that you only had 6 months to live, wwould you be still sitting there wondering why your life is not going the right way or would you be doing what you wanted to do before you died?

Nappy!

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