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breaking away for good
October 23, 2001
11:50 am
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calicomoon
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September 30, 2010
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Letting go of my ex-wife has been difficult.
It seems I can't go to long with out talking to her. When I do sometimes we get along sometimes not. I have a little hope that maybe someday we might get back together. I know I must rebuild who I am and cotinue to grow. She must do the same. The hard part for me is to stay away of her. When I do this I go through streeks of loneliness, happiness, anger, confusion. Than when she calls me, it seems shes down and wants to talk cause no one is there for her. I give in to this behavior thinking wow shes trying to be nice, than some how things get turned around and boom where back to a mess. She continues to blame me forwhy we cant get along. Ispent one year hanging out with a priest and learned a lot about myself. Before we got devorced she came to counceling with me but than quit when confronted with her issues. She desided to devorce me saying I'll never change, but the truth is I have been trying to improve myself which I have. I work two jobs and I am involved in different activities. She moved back with her parents waiting to find a new place to live. She says she doesn't have alot of money to do anything. I Try to be there for her, but refuses to want anything to do with me, but yet wants to be apart of my life. Will I could go on and on and bore you, but if anyone has any suggestions on what to do for myself or how to handle my situation please comment.

October 23, 2001
12:01 pm
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Ladeska
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September 27, 2010
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Seems to me, from what little you've written here - that you want to grow, face yourself, your issues and she doesn't.

You can't fix that, can't fix her. And she will play the game of "push and pull" as long as you allow her to do that. That wouldn't be loving her. That would be stalling....the wall....which she really needs to hit - the sooner - the better. And you don't need to let the impact be softened by your body or your heart - being in the way.

And "being in the way" is what you would be at this point. She's not wanting to deal in truth and anytime you get connected with that and try to "help" - you'll just kicked in the butt for it - repeatedly. So...get out of the way and "let life teach".

She will either muster up what she needs in order to graps the brass ring or she won't. And again - you cannot do it for her....and it was never your place or your job to do so.

All you can do - is live your life as a silent example before her. If she wants to read the book - she will. Otherwise, there is nothing you can do.

You have to have boundaries with her and not allow her to throw you around like a rag doll anytime she feels like it. Again, this is not helping her, it is hurting her. She's like a spoiled child and you need to be firm for her sake and yours.

She's projected - who she is - onto you because she will not look into the mirror, afraid of what she'll see and knowing....that she is not ready to do what it takes. Until she gets to that point - softening her blows and allowing her to wool you around the block - isn't helping her. It's "enabling" her to stall in coming to the point of really getting help....of helping herself.

You....need to stop being codependent and realize - this isn't about you, because of - it's about her and her choices in life. And the sooner that you cut these kinds of strings and let her stand on her own two feet or fall - the sooner she will come to the point of opportunity - as to whether or not she grows ahead of where she is. I say "point of opportunity" because when she gets there - she will have to make a choice and some people don't choose correctly. Again - that will not be your fault and you don't need to be attached to the spin cycle of it all either.

You can love her enough - to let her be responsible for her own life. Otherwise - what either one of you do in the name of love - won't be love at all and both of you will suffer the consequences of that one.

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