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Brand New Day! Brand New Me! (2b)
July 21, 2005
5:02 pm
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star eyed
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2b,
congratulations! your experience is an inspiration to me!

star eyed

July 21, 2005
5:11 pm
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TC--Stay strong, love. I have to leave for the day, but I am going to my friends house tonight to use his computer. I will try to get on about 9:00 your time. Maybe Frayed will check in too. Can you make it til 9:00?

Thanks star eyed--I mean it--I want to share the good energy...love, 2b

July 21, 2005
5:13 pm
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Sure... 9:00 is fine.

Thanks,

TC

July 21, 2005
7:13 pm
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tc, my stbx did the same thing to me yesterday. she told me she was done with me in the morning. but when i told her that i would have a parting letter for her in a few days, she called. she wants me in her life as a friend and said shes not ready for me to disappear. she said she wouldnt read it until she reached that point. how fair is that? keep hanging in there. i'll be on here all night too

July 21, 2005
7:36 pm
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Hey 2B/TC/JL

I'm home but leaving in a few minutes. My buddy just called and his department is at a bar/restaurant in my neighborhood and has invited up for a beer (only, I'm not drinking anything but diet coke tonight). Anyway.. I told him I would stop by. I will check back when I get home. Probably won't be 9.

I have some interesting news.. My daughter left me a voice mail. Do you remember she had some information about my ex after having a conversation with my ex's daughter? Get this.... Here's the quote from my daughter. "Laine says her mom is, (qoute unquote), engaged to a guy named L_____. They are together all the time and her daughter never sees her mom". Now, mind you, this is a lady who was talking marriage to me 3 months ago..... My ex is so relationship shallow.. Now I know how easy it was for her to show me that she loved me like crazy.. Her "deep feelings" wouldn't fill a thimble. Anyway, thought you all might like to hear this. Best of all... I now know her leaving me was the best thing that ever happened to me..

TC... My thoughts are with you..... I hope you have a good night. I'm so happy 2B and JL will be there for you tonight. I will try to get back..

2B.. I'm not going to respond to the 2B thread... I don't think it's directed to me very much.. I understand and will support any decision you want to make regarding Orlando...

Frayed

July 21, 2005
8:03 pm
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2b, I wanted to wait to respond to this until I had a bit of time myself to really sit down and give it my fullest attention.

WOW.

In a matter of a few weeks, I feel what you are saying completely and am floored... I can't help but think that we just needed that extra bit of misery, that extra low point to truly slap us in the face and say "LOOK!!!!" Does that make sense? I think every one person can only take so much, and we must be amazingly strong for how much we took. A very close Cristian friend of mine asys often that God only gives you as much as you can take. And a close agnostic friend of mine says that you can only take as much as you can. Much wisdom IMHO to both of those observations. I am so happy for you that you feel that love and respect for yourself...when the fog of doubt and insecurity and self loathing lifts, you can really see yourself in your hearts mirror for how beutiful you really are...and it's no surprise to me that it is absolutely stunning from what I read in your post!!!

((((((2b)))))), Yippie for this day and what you choose to take from it!!!!

July 21, 2005
8:16 pm
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2b - that is so great to hear and very encouraging. I am so glad for you and you truly sound empowered. I only wish that I could skip ahead to that feeling where you are. I think I am on my way but sometimes I feel like I have more hard times to endure. Glad to know that with hard work and god you can achieve happiness again. Much love...

July 21, 2005
9:34 pm
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Frayed:
My oh my. If what you are saying is true about your ex, do you realize how fortunate and blessed you are?!? YOu have been saved from a life time of heartache, misery, and pain. You should be drinking Champagne tonight! I hope you are doing ok--you seem to be on very stable ground, I've seen it building in you steadily for the past two weeks--your ztatement on Saturday "I'm moving on" was an axis for me. I wonder if this was going on at the same time that she was seeing you? I am thinking of you...

Still on as planned. WILL NOT change my plans--again--I repeat: 2B IS NOT CHANGING HER PLANS FOR R&R in AUGUST...did not see the 2b thread, I was finished with that thread yesterday, will have to venture over there.

July 21, 2005
9:48 pm
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Exotic:

I was hoping you would post here today. Your suggestion for me to join a grief and loss support group was key for me to transition from anxiety and despair to Grieving a loss. I can't say it enough that I knew by my tears that I had changed. I cannot tell you how much relief I feel. I know the cleansing of grief has begun--and I know myself pretty well having lived through the tragic loss of a sibling--there is a wealth of growth that comes from it. It just took me four months to get it. I feel so liberated. I am and always have been a very strong person. I am the second oldest of eight children. I was the mother of the family when my mother was hospitatlized for severe depression and given shock therapy. There's been a lot of pain in my life, but I have CHOSEN to grow from it rather than be immobilized by it.

I was knocked down at first by the loss of this relationship, but I am back up. Not going back, no turning back.--2b

July 21, 2005
10:08 pm
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2B,

That is awesome. I am so proud of you and the achievement you've managed to come thru.

Yes, the healing process is so difficult. I am sure thru God's help and our help; you will manage to go thru it with joy, tears of pride, reassurance, peace which will lead you to dignity and respect.

~Love, RAS~

July 21, 2005
10:22 pm
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(((Rasputin)))

My soul sister! Yes, the Higher Power is definitely at the top of my list to be my companion through the rest of this journey. Stormie's book--I'll never forget when I bought it and th first night I began reading it. I was at my darkest.The book was another facet of the kaleidoscope of healing.

Thank you Rasputin, and good night to you...2b

July 21, 2005
10:51 pm
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2b,

Something I am surprised I have not mentioned here that hit home when you said it...I too was the mother when my stepmother left me to clean (subject to literal white glove test), cook (if my father didn't like it, I was just too stupid to bother with directions because of my selfishness), care for my younger brothers (if of course I loved them enought to do it right, and when I failed I was not allowed to care for them again) while she worked on her AA criteria and babysat her sponseres children...yes, the pressure there has so much to do with never ever daring to think of myself now as an adult, the most important thing being the servitude to family from those of us too lesser to be worthy of our personal fufilment. In knowing this of you, so much of our own bond makes more sense to me, and so much of your own sense of personal triumph strikes me as amazing and I can see where you are so overjoyed...the child that was taught to give is takingfor herself, without having to be unhealthy to do so...BRAVO!!!! I want to cry again knowing this, I am so thrilled for you..And selfishly I can see in telling you this where it is true from me...I say it often and will again--Yea for progress!!!!

July 21, 2005
11:00 pm
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Hello all

I'm here. I need to catch-up a little

July 21, 2005
11:06 pm
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2B

I'm really fine with the ex news. I truly do feel blessed that I didn't experience the heartache she would have caused me later. I'm celebrating. But, just in mind and spirit. Not liquid spirits.. This news about her gives me so much closure.. I feel like I was in love with an emotional freak.. I have wondered if she was seeing someone also. It would have had to be at work. We spent so much time together outside of work. I just don't know the details... and, they don't matter...

FRAYED is on for Orlando.

July 21, 2005
11:54 pm
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I got the 19th off.....is it still on? and if it is are we banned?

July 22, 2005
9:05 am
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2B

Who won that Brewers/Cards game yesterday? I changed my mind and responded in the 2B thread.

TC

How are you doing today.. Better than yesterday morning?

JL

Have your emotions settled any?

Frayed

July 22, 2005
9:50 am
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Hello all--Happy Friday!

Frayed--Sorry I missed you last night. Isn't it amazing that once you make that commitment to turn away from holding on you are showered with clarity, and every day, something significant happens to support your new-found vision? All of my life I have believed that time heals everything, it's my daily mantra now. It's all good from here on Frayed.

One more thought on that subject: If your ex is an alcoholic, she may have latched on to someone who supports here dependency--perhaps another person who drinks? I have read that the addictive personality will not let anything come between them and there addiction, they seek situations and people to support it.

I think the Brewers one. Darn! They had to treat more than 100 people yesterday for heat-related trauma. It was 110 in the stadium.

I am going to respond again on the 2b thread. I read your post and want to applaud you for your well thought out response. I was pretty angry last night. I had to sleep on it.

Just Lost: How are you? Did you get any sleep at all last night?

TC: What's up this morning?

July 22, 2005
10:09 am
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2B

I'm sorry I missed the discussion last night also. I don't think I missed you guys by very much..

This news has really made me understand my ex's M.O and why she hasn't contacted me. She can change her feelings like a chameleon and jump into and out of very serious relationships.. Can you imagine if we were married and 3 years from now she pulled this stunt? I am so very fortunate that this experience happened just the way it did for me. It was a mental health wake-up call..

My mom... sister..... coworkers, etc. have all asked the same question about her finding someone she could drink with. I wonder the same thing. She knows I didn't approve.. Maybe the new guy is of her same mold?

Thank you for your comments about my post in the other thread.. I truly don't want to hurt anybody's feelings who responded in that thread. I think they mean well and love you dearly, 2B. They don't want to see you leave this site.. I don't want to see you leave this site. I'm going to ask the SC to let you stay..

Cards/Brewers.. A nice micro brewed beer sounds quite tasty...

Frayed

July 22, 2005
10:40 am
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Hey friend...

Can I just say this again? You are a wonderful person. I look forward to chatting with you--in person.

Interesting that your family and friends have asked the same question...What did they think of her as you mate? Most of my family did not dislike my ex, but they did not approve of the style of our relationship and the way the he treated me, and the way that I fawned over him. Count on families and friends to always have an opinion.

Sometimes, frayed, this site is heavy for me. If I am having a difficult day, I guess the phrase "misery loves company" fits. I can chime in a relate to many of the topics that are posted, and find comfort in solidarity in that. If I am feeling good, I find that I am sometimes weighted by the conversations and topics by the end of the day. I have a difficult time disengaging--I guess it has become such a habit--perhaps dependency is appropriate. I would like to begin stepping away.

I am very goal oriented--I've been that way all my life, I think that's why this process has been difficult for me--I've not been able to establish a time line for my recovery--just working it blindly. I absolutely loved your idea of graduating--it gives me a focus, a goal, something to work toward. And best of all--a reward!

(((((((((((frayedknot))))))))))))

Micro brew it is!

Hey, I was looking through some old threads--you used to have 76 on your moniker!

I think that is why I have kind o

July 22, 2005
10:56 am
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2B

I read your 2B thread response. Nobody can accuse you of not standing up for your feelings, beliefs, rights and choices... I believe codependent people struggle with that concept. That is a quality that I'm still working to develop.

You have had some great travel experiences. Spending time outside the states in different cultures gives us invaluable experiences.

TC

Haven't heard from you today... Hoping all is well. Have you made any fun weekend plans?

JL

I'm guessing you are sleeping. Hope it was a restfull sleep...

Frayed

July 22, 2005
11:12 am
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2B

Somehow, I had two monikers for a while. The site coordinator had to help me get rid of one. It happened because I work in two different offices (2 computers) during the day and then get online at home. The 76 was year of high school graduation.. not birth..

My family thought my ex was great because she is a master of deception. They only knew her via email. My sister did meet her one weekend. She can play the "perfect lady" card better than anyone I have ever know. I enabled by not telling, as Paul Harvey would say, the rest of the story..

My personal opinion.. We should all graduate from here. We shouldn't feel like we "need" this place forever. Coming back to help others is wonderful and fulfilling. Again, in my opinion, staying on this site too long can be a form of dependency.

I too look forward to chatting in person. I don't want to cause uncomfortable feelings for people on this site with our chatting. What do you think about me writing the SC next week? If he will let you remain, I will stop posting here...

Frayed

July 22, 2005
11:48 am
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My ex refused to attend my family functions--he got a little better in the fifteen months we were engaged. So they really didn't know him--which wasn't good. They only knew him in the way that I always defended him "Oh, he had to go out of town"...Oh, he had to help his dad..." Oh, he had tickets to the baseball game... I guess that painted a more accurate picture of him than I realized at the time.

Funny that you mentioned Paul Harvey. He lives near my parents. I used to see him all of the time! Page two.

I don't want people to feel uncomfortable either. I think you made a good point about the gender aspect. If we were both same sex--would there be an issue? Also, it was overlooked that other's were participating in the conversations about meeting, etc. I found that interesting.

Yes, frayed. If you feel comfortable writing SC, I am all for it. Just don't cut yourself off too soon. I am actually thinking of e-mailing, too. I need to focus on my work and creativity! This is too tempting. I will think about it over the weekend, though. I don't want to be too hasty.

Do you have any special plans for the weekend?--2b

July 22, 2005
11:49 am
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Good morning guys. I have been really trying to focus on my job this morning. I am actually being very productive today. Go figure... Come in to work and actually WORK??? Wow! Who'da thunk it??? Anyway, I've been having a very hard time with everything right now. Not just the ex, but with everything going on with this board.

2B and Frayed... I wrote yesterday about my thoughts about Orlando and my concerns with the both of you leaving this sight, etc. Not sure if you read it.

I feel like I am a voyeur on this thread lately. It feels like it has turned into a very private, one on one conversation between the two of you. Don't get angry with me for this next statement, but it feels very much like "foreplay"... some things I think I should not be reading!

I don't mean that in a bad way, at all! Honestly!! I just feel like I am butting into the middle of something I have no business in! I think it is great that the two of you are so excited to meet in person! You DO have a ton in common and who knows?? It could be the start of a beautiful relationship... but it will be the end of your relationship with this board (and ME!) and that saddens me...

I'm not really sure what I expect you to say to that. I just wanted you to know how I was feeling.

TC

July 22, 2005
12:02 pm
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Hi tc--

Did you mean to post this on "the other" thread? I just created this one yesterday.

Sorry you feel the way you do, tc. Again, I feel that some of you are reading into things. If you read many of the other threads here, there is quite a bit of innuendo. As I said yesterday, it happens frequently between women/women--men/men. What you read here from me is what you get. I am like this in all that I do in life. No secrets. No bull-s**t. No games.

When this process began for me, the only decision I could make for myself was that I was going to change. I have invested weeks in this, four months to be exact, working very, very hard EVERY SINGLE DAY AND NIGHT. It's the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life.

In my heart, I feel that it's time for me to move on from here. My needs are changing and I am going to follow my instinct. Thanks for listening.--2b

July 22, 2005
12:15 pm
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Gosh... I feel like 2B and I are dodging a lot of rocks lately.. I really don't want to be the cause of any hard feelings on this site. I will do some serious reflection over the weekend. I will respond a little more after lunch...

Hope everyobody is having a great day...

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