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Brand New Day! Brand New Me! (2b)
July 21, 2005
9:03 am
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2bstrong
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Hello friends:

Just want to say my kaleidoscope of recovery is working--it's changing my life. I truly feel that I'm on stable ground now. I sleep completely through the night, and I don't feel like this good feeling is going to go away as a I have in past weeks. It feels so good to feel good.

It's been hard work. Counseling, CODA Meetings, AL-Anon meetings (1), friends, especially an 84 year old man that I visit with once a week, a dear friend who never gets tired of me crying or repeating the same old stories over and over, and this web site.

I truly think the no contact was the beginning of the beginning so to speak. I trusted the experts like kc and peacesoul who swore that it would work, and they had the experience to back it up. Well, it does work. It is true detachment, and it allowed/forced me to put the focus on me. Not him or the relationship I had lost. That is very important for the grieving process.

Last weekend was pivotal. My tears turned from tears of anxiety and helplessness to tears of grief and mourning. There is a difference, tears of mourning are tears of acceptance--that was the big click I had been waiting for.

Another thing that was really pivotal in my recovery was having someone here who mirrored my feelings--it's amazing what seeing yourself in someone else can do for you! That would be Frayedknot. He saved my life and led by example many times. I understood his attitude, and it made me want to get out of the pit, so to speak.

And lastly, I have to mention my faith and spirituality. During those dark times--prayer, reading, and just plain belief in something greater and more in control was what kept me going. Thanks to all who shared there inspiration, prayers, and love with me.

I expect to still have difficult times--but I think the worst is over now. I will continue to grieve, and work on me--that's my brand new day!

Peace and love, 2b

July 21, 2005
9:34 am
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frayedknot
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2B

What a great post!!!!!

You have made a ton of progress..... I'm so happy and proud for you.. I can feel the new "skip" in your gait. The true thoroughbread is emerging..

Frayed

July 21, 2005
10:42 am
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2b-

Hoooray for you!!!! You have come so very far in such a short period of time because you committed to your own recovery and did the hard work. Congratulations! These days, feelings and moments will last longer and longer, and be more frequent, and even the down days will never be as low...but the highs will keep getting higher!

It's great that you posted...so many people early in the process see no way out of those dark days, and although it's hard to believe when you are in them, they do get brighter and better! You are proof of that.

Let it ride, girl!!

kc

July 21, 2005
10:49 am
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revelation
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2b, I'm so glad for you, I've seen your posts since the start, a few months ago, I bet you never would have imagined you'd feel this way.

My heart swells with joy for you.

July 21, 2005
10:50 am
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2B,

I am so happy for you!

It's inspirational to see how far you have come in the past few weeks. You are so full of hope and life, that it shines through in your writing. You are a ray of sun to me. Proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

You should be so proud of yourself... I know that I am proud of you.

Your friend,

TC

July 21, 2005
10:52 am
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Thanks, guys. I know that I won't let this rest--my work on myself that is.

I think there will be some difficult times in the year ahead--holidays are hard, but I think key for me is staying busy--and even then, I think they will be hard. I kind of like knowing what to expect, so maybe that will help.

I also want to say I have worked very hard at listening to others, being overly kind and going out of my way to say hello to people that I wouldn't normally acknowledge. I am trying to exude good energy and you just wouldn't believe the results! I want to create a good aura to attract the kind of people that I want to be around--does that make sense?

Thanks again--2b

July 21, 2005
10:58 am
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2B

People are attracted to those that make them feel good about themselves. Someone with a good attitude... a genuine smile.. who provides encouraging words and simply enjoys life is a very attractive person..

On a side note. My brother called me last night and left a voice message.. It was something about JJ's home run and nice double..., etc. It was loud and I couldn't hear him very well. I got an email from my mom this morning... Apparently, my brother was at the game last night. He had business in STL..

Frayed

July 21, 2005
10:58 am
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2b

That's really weird/cool! I have been doing the same thing! In line at the bank last week...an older man commented on the sunburn I had on my shoulders (bad kc) My initial response was defensive and irritated, but I made a conscious decision to respond kindly and converse with him. He was great! We had a lovely talk, he shared some sunburn soothing techniques, and I left feeling really good!

The more I like myself though, the nicer people seem to be! So I'm treating everyone the same...no matter what they look like or how they appear. I have been very humbled this last year to learn how judgemental I am....its' something I've committed to changing.

Thanks for sharing that! I totally understand!

kc

July 21, 2005
11:01 am
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Just Lost
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this thread is so uplifting and full of hope. I have read as 2b and Frayed have made progress through their struggles. I am somewhat sad though because I feel as though they have graduated and I am still here in school. I so very much want to feel that click that she felt last weekend. I am curious though as to how long it took. Maybe I am just being impatient about the whole thing. How long was it?

July 21, 2005
11:01 am
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hoping_2_feel_again
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Yea 2b!!

You sound so happy and uplifted. I can almost see the sunshine all around you! No dark clouds anywhere near!

šŸ™‚ Hope

July 21, 2005
11:10 am
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JL

It's been a little over two months since my break-up. Saturday will be 7 weeks with absolutely no contact. I still have moments that remind me of my ex. But, I'm not as controlled by those moments... And, they are fewer and further between.. Keep in mind.. We weren't married and even though it was intense, it was a much shorter relationship then most if not all posting here.

This board has provided so much insight for me. Hearing about the struggles of others and projecting myself in a longer term relationship with my ex has mitigated my expectations of a healthy relationhsip with my ex. That is huge for me...

2B's similar situation and the longevity of her relationship has provided considerable strength to me. My relationship truly paled to hers. The turn she has made should be very encouraging for all..

Frayed

July 21, 2005
11:41 am
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Hi 2B: Thats wonderful. Its an exhilerating feeling, isn't it, after being consumed by something that controls us. Its a physical release as well as an emotional one, letting all the repressive negative stuff just flow right out of your being. Makes your step a little lighter, your heart not so heavy, even a frown turned upside down. I'm happy for you. SD

July 21, 2005
11:58 am
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glittered when he walked
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2B,

Congrats! I'm happy for you! It's really good to hear some good news for a change. Thanks for letting us know.

July 21, 2005
12:07 pm
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2bstrong
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Sending good mojo to all!

Frayed: Your brother was at the GAME?! That is so neat...maybe that's why JJ played so well! How cool...

kc--I used to get so angry when men would stare at me. I would glare at them thinking, "pervert!" There is a group of men at the park where I walk, they sit on the bench and stare at all of the women when they walk by, well I resented this for years! Yes, years. Now, I smile at them and think positive thoughts about them. It feels so good. You never know, that man who asks you that innocent question about the sunburn might ask you out to dinner, too!

Just Lost: Friend, You are going to be fine. I was exactly where you are just four short months ago. Even last weekend crying the proverbial river in my living room. It is hard work, but it is not impossible. My relationship with him was ten + years. No contact was the beginning. Once I truly committed to that--even though I didn't believe it and didn't want to do it--that's when things started happening. I can't say this enough: it's hard, it's painful, but TRUST. It works.

hope and sdesigns: Thank you and let's all ride the wave of positive energy!--2b

July 21, 2005
12:23 pm
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2B

Yes.. apparently my brother called me from the game.. He sounded like he was having a blast.. What I could understand anyway... Do they sell beer at that ballpark?

Sometimes, when we give advice to others, we learn more from providing that advice than we do from receiving it. You always give very good advice and as you can read today from the different threads... you are very much appreciated here.

Does St Louis have a football team?.... (Hee hee hee...)

Frayed

July 21, 2005
12:30 pm
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2bstrong
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frayed, I am not even going to answer the "BEER" question. : )

I'm sure your brother was supporting our local brewery because it is damn hot here right now.

Bets on, by the way. Betcha a beer or a glass of Pinot.

Does JAX have a football team?!?!?

July 21, 2005
12:32 pm
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2bstrong
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BTW: The game starts at 1:10 today...

July 21, 2005
12:43 pm
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2B

Thanks for the update on game time. The bet is on... Did you know you can watch a virtual version of the game on the computer? I think it's called "gameday link" Just go to the Cards website. You can probably see it on tv in STL.

Jax has a good football team (as you very well know). They should be much improved this year. We were hosts of the 2005 Super Bowl. That was fun.. I haven't checked the schedule for this year..

Frayed

July 21, 2005
12:45 pm
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Wow 2b, what a truly inspirational thread. I too have followed your threads on here over the last few months. Looking back, where you are now seemed impossible to reach back then but look at you now!

It is that 'click' isn't it? I had the same thing last week and although the no contact thing didn't work, (we are in fact giving it another go after she came running to me!!), because of that 'click', I took control of my emotions and my life and for the first time in 8 months, I was in charge of me!

I agree, there is a difference between tears of anxiety and helplessness and tears of grief and mourning. I have shed many tears over the last 8 months but after I had cried bucket loads of grief and mourning last Wednesday night, I felt in control.

I have to say you certainly inspire me as do many who post here. I agree it is so enlightening for 'newcomers' to read such posts because it truly shows there is hope for everyone here no matter how dark and gloomy it might seem in the early days.

Thank you so much.

July 21, 2005
4:08 pm
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Frayed: At this time, I am losing. : (

Glittered: Thank you--you are one of the people who pick me up when I am down! I always look for your threads as your wit is unrivaled--and just the thought that you put into your responses shows the sensibility in your approach to all of the issues of life. (((g)))

Willit: Thank you too. Doesn't it seem there is a deep cry that must be experienced before you can get to the next phase? I liken it to the scream of Chewbacca in Star Wars--it has to be that loud and that strong.

July 21, 2005
4:38 pm
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2B, Are you still at work???? I wanted to chat with you before you left.

July 21, 2005
4:40 pm
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TC---I'm still here! How are you right now? I have been thinking of you all afternoon!

July 21, 2005
4:43 pm
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2b,

Thank you. I also look for your posts as your insights are always keen. Besides, anybody who enjoys my wit simply MUST be good people

I would do well to take a page from your book and be more friendly w/ folks. Funny how I sometimes forget how good it can make me feel to be kind and friendly to others. thanks for reminding me...((2b))

July 21, 2005
4:47 pm
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I'm doing ok. I'm not sure if you read the No Contact thread, but I just posted there. He called me this afternoon, after he got my note telling him NOT to. Isn't that sick? I don't want someone who only wants me when I play "hard to get"! It is so tiring. I don't plan on answering his call. I have nothing more to say to him (especially after he had no response to the 4 page letter that I wrote him spilling my guts).... There is no mutual respect in this relationship. It's all me! I can't do it anymore. I am going to stick with the No Contact... even if it kills me.

The reason I wanted to chat with you is because I am worried that you are going to be leaving the board and I won't know how to reach you in the "real world". I was seriously considering going to Orlando and the day that SC posted the guidlines, I was actually on CheapTickets.com getting ready to book my flight. I was really looking forward to it and now I don't know what to do. I feel like you and I could be great support for each other in person, but I don't want to lose this wonderful support system here! I am so confused...

July 21, 2005
5:01 pm
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5:00... He just called again... did not answer...

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