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Boyfriend's best friend is an alcoholic. How can he help?
June 2, 2005
11:59 am
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artist 2
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Another thread about alcoholism.

My BF thinks his friend is an alcohoic. He and another friend are considering an intervention. What would you suggest as a part of the intervention?

I got angry the other day when my BF told me his friend puts whiskey into his coffee in the mornings. He often drinks beer while driving on road trips by himself.

I'm just really afraid he's going to kill someone while driving and then this will be something my BF and I will have to deal with as a part of our lives, not to mention his friend's.

The friend's wife hasn't confronted him on his drinking. They have a ten-year-old daughter and I wonder what home life is like for her now.

I tried to like my BF's friend, but my respect level has dropped nearly to none. If he goes to treatment or joins AA I will feel much better.

But, how do you get someone into AA? I know it's not my problem directly, but I sure don't want this as a part of my life.

June 2, 2005
12:22 pm
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lollipop3
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Unfortunately artist, there is nothing you can do.

He has to decide for himself if he wants/needs help, and only he can do it.

I'm sure it must be difficult to watch a friend going down the wrong path, but it really is not your problem.

You mentioned that if he kills someone, etc. than that is something you and your b/f will have to deal with. You really don't. Like I said this is not your problem.

The best thing you can do for him is to educate yourself on the disease of alcoholism, have compassion for him and his family and when the sh#$ hits the fan and he does find himself in trouble....let him deal with the consequences. Only when HE has to deal with the consequences of his drinking, will he consider getting help.

You can be supportive but he must deal with this himself.

If you find that you don't want him in your life because of his drinking/behavior, be honest with him. Tell him you don't like the way your friendship is going and you don't want to be part of it unless he gets help. Sometimes losing friends is one of the consequences of drinking.

I hope this helped....good luck.

Lolli

June 2, 2005
12:54 pm
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CAMER
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hi artist, the only thing you both can do is offer support. He sounds like he needs AA but may not be willing to admit there is a problem.

All you can do is "show" or tell him the right thing to do, the rest is up to him.

June 2, 2005
1:29 pm
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kathygy
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You have no control over this man or his drinking. An intervention sounds like a good idea. If you can get his wife to participate that could be very helpful. You don't have to be friends with him if you don't want to.

June 2, 2005
2:08 pm
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ACryForHelp
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I had a friend that had already been to rehab once and after I got my own place we agreed that he could move into my spare bedroom if he stayed clean and sober and paid rent/bills.

Well, the shock of being 'free' from his parents sent him into a spiral and after 2 months of no money and barely seeing him I walked into the house after work and found him smoking tweak in his room.

I spent 2 weeks talking to him, his friends, and his parents but he just kept doing it, but outside of my condo, and after he lost his job I had no other option then to kick him out.

He refused to go home so he just left most of his stuff where he put it and started living out of his pickup!

EVERYONE tried to help him but he thought he had everything under control so he got angry with US for trying to interfere!

Your B/F can show him proof, tell him their feelings, and rub his nose in it like a bad puppy but if the friend doesn't think the consequences outweigh the fun or he just refuses to admit he has a problem then there is NOTHING you can do about it.

It REALLY hurt me to kick Ed out of my condo. I didn't talk to him for more then 2 years because he liked his self-destruction more then the harsh reality of getting help.

It took him hitting ROCK BOTTOM and almost dieing to have that "Moment of Clarity" and start seeking help.

I hope it doesn't go that far for your friend but in the long run you need to realize that it is HIS problem and you can't force him to do anything he isn't ready to do.

Good luck.

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