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boyfriend with sexual addiction....and me a codependent
April 18, 2004
9:41 pm
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Sam7
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Hi Orchid,

Things are going ok. I have run into #1 twice, but I knew I was going to. I've handled it fairly well. I'm polite and I talk about related material, but that's it. He keeps acting like everything is fine and good, and it's really hard for me not to get sucked back into that mind set, but so far I'm resisting. I just keep telling myself that no matter what, we always end up back in that same spot, and I'm sick to death of being there. That I have to take responsibility for my actions, and take myself out of that situation. That I can't let my mind and my emotions be played with anymore. He can only do it if I let him! But it's tough cause I'm missing a good friend, which is making me kinda lonely, but I'm trying hard to keep busy. And I've kept the contact between us to an absolute minimum. Nothing outside of a class that we both go to, and even then, as minimal as possible. So I'm sticking to the goals that I outlined for myself and I'm pretty happy with that, even though it's hard.

The school thing has me mildly terrified, but I'm thinking it's something I would pursue even if I won the lottery and didn't have to work anymore, so I'm guessing I'm on the right track! But I'm horrified at owing that much money on top of my current student loans. Top it off with low earning power to start and possibly having to get together enough money for my own practice at some point, and it's a nightmare. That's what's causing me to drag my feet at this point in time. But I'm really hoping to come up with a solution that will enable me to minimize the debt.

It may or may not enable me to get away from #1...he's decided that he wants to enter the same field, which pisses the hell out of me. He wasn't interested in it till I was. I feel almost like he's following me. But I've stopped talking to him about stuff that I'm interested in so he can't copy or try control everything that I'm doing. But who knows? Maybe I'll be able to establish and maintain healthy boundaries and we'll be able to be friends again. I know that's not possible for me right now, and that's why I've told myself that I have to take at least a month away from the situation to do some serious thinking.

Current bf and I would work something out. I may stay here and go to school in the area or he may move with me or we may do the distance thing. Not too keen on the distance thing though. Depends on what's going on in his career, where I get accepted, $, etc etc. But we won't be splitting because of that.

Good job with not contacting the jerk! Keep it up! I know it's hard, but I'm starting to feel better emotionally. Not as angry and not as vulnerable and I feel like I'm startin to think more clearly. I'm trying to focus on that---the fact that out of the situation, my feelings are not being repeatedly trampled. Hopefully you're starting to feel better too. They can only make you feel like crap if you let them...I'm just not totally sure how to make it stop! 🙂 Good to hear from you and I hope you had a good weekend.

April 18, 2004
11:30 pm
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orchid
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Wow, that must be so hard for you having to be in the same class with boy#1. It's so much easier when you do'nt have to physically see them. Or hear their voice. It's so awesome that you are being this strong! If you do'nt mind my asking, what kind of contact were you having with him before this recent decision? talking on the phone a lot? hanging out? It sounds like your relationship with your current is pretty serious if he would consider moving somewhere with you!
I am starting to feel better emotionally too...up and down though. For instance, tonight, the ex's mom messaged me on MSN!!!! Just wanted to say hello, and tell me that I should go to this one church in the area so that I could meeet a nice Christian man. hahaha. It's almost like she feels responsible for my "singleness" because of her son so she wants to fix me up. Very cute of her, she's so nice. It is very hard to leave his family too. But I guess his mom and I can stay in touch, though i'm not sure if it's good for me. I started crying the minute we talked. But, she's very lonely and needs support too because of her husband recently dying, so i'd feel like a monster if I shut her out. I'm almost surprised she didn't remind me that it is his birthday tomorrow. But very glad she didn't mention it, because what was i supposed to tell her, that her son was an ass and didn't deserve my good wishes?????? AHHH...oh well, there's not much more I can do except make it through tomorrow without emailing! Then im in the clear 🙂

April 19, 2004
6:52 pm
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Sam7
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Hi Orchid!

Hope you're making it though today without e-mailing that guy. Talking to his mom may or may not be ok. i have not idea. I've never experienced it. But you could just play it by ear and see how it goes. Use your judgement; Although it is nice that she likes you enough to still want to talk to you.

Before this recent decision. I was usually talking to and/or seeing this guy at least once a day, usually closer to twice. We'd be in class together and exercise together and we'd usually talk on the phone at least once. All that has stopped, with the exception of being in class together. I'm not willing to change classes or quit going at this point in time (it's a good class) so I'll deal with that later if I need to. Hope you're having a good day!

April 21, 2004
6:31 pm
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orchid
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Hey Sam! I made it thru his birthday without emailing! I really didn't even have the urge to do it, though I did say a silent happy birthday to him to myself. And that made me feel better, because I did feel badly for ignoring it. I just starting reading the "MArs and Venus: Starting Over" book which about how to move on and learn to love again. I think it will be good for me, of course it's one thing to read how to do it, but another to actually be able to do it! It's funny how it says that usually after a serious break up women will tend to crawl into their shell and not want to love again so they wont get hurt, whereas guys move on as quickly as they can. I'm totally following the "never love again" model, and the ex is following the "love again as fast as you can". Oh well, best of luck to them! Now she has to deal with his crap not me.But I still miss him dammit. *sigh* It's been over 3 weeks with no contact now, and I'm waiting for it to get better.
How are you doing with your battle to keep the contact down? I cant believe you talked to/saw him that much and your current was okay with that. If I were him I'd be going crazy, especially since I know how "dangerous" ex's can be. He must really really like you! 🙂

April 24, 2004
5:17 pm
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Sam7
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Hi Orchid,

It's been an insanely busy week...12-15 hour days. Good to hear that you made it through the b-day. Hopefully you're starting to feel better! I'm managing. Came close to crumbling a couple times, but have managed to pull through with some support from the people around me. Let me know how you're doing!

April 25, 2004
5:22 pm
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orchid
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Hi Sam,
I'm doing okay thanks for asking! I've met lots of new people lately (girls and guys) and the summer is looking like it might be really fun with lots to do. I'm actually looking forward to it 🙂 Truth be told i was kind of dreading the summer when i was with my ex, because i'd have missed out on a lot of fun stuff with my friends...
It's good that you are keeping busy too...it probably makes it easier to not give in and contact boy#1. There's nothing worse than sitting at home alone and staring at the phone wanting to call!!!!! I am really starting to appreciate the value of having close friendships with girls...last night i had a quiet night drinking a glass of wine with a couple of other girls who i've just met and it was so much fun! Do you have some close girl friends that support you?
Anyways, time for dinner...take care and be strong this week!!!

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