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borderline personality disorder and codependency do not mesh well?
October 12, 2003
8:41 am
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amber3502
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I am new to this. I thought I might be codependent for years, and now I know I am. How do I break these patterns?
The thread name is my relationship with my husband of almost 20 years. I moved me and my kids away from him 4 months ago. He was verbally abusive to me and the kids.
Sometimes when the kids are getting to me and the world in general seems unfair, I feel like running back to him. But then I remember how we don't work well together. He takes and takes and takes, and I give and givve and give until I lose myself.
He is in counseling and is doing everything he can to get better, but I know in my heart that it won't last. ANd I don't feel strong enough right now to deal with his behaviors or fix him if he needs fixing.
Thank you for listening and any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

October 12, 2003
9:03 am
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justjane
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hi amber. the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is a real eye opener and i highly recommend it. i know where you are coming from. my husband sounds similar to yours, except mine is an alcoholic also. but he is very mentally and somewhat verbally abusive and he takes takes takes and the more you give the more he wants, yet he will tell you he is a very thoughtful giving person. it is almost laughable what a warped view they can have of themselves. but my best advise to you is to hang tough and be strong, and try reading that book. it is very helpful. and welcome to our group.

October 12, 2003
10:00 am
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mj
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Amber, glad you posted....we are here for you. Stay strong and trust yourself.

October 14, 2003
9:29 pm
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Hermione
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Hi amber - I'm interested to know more about BPD. Are you able to share what your husband is like? How your husband displayed his BPD? I would like to understand how it impacted on you and the kids.
You are right to trust your heart. Keep strong!H

October 15, 2003
2:33 pm
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unhappy camper
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Hi amber
My husband has BPD. Here is a link about it. I know that one aspect of my husband as show on this link is his attraction to magic or mystical things. This made him seem very special to me indeed.

But like yours, he takes and bleeds you dry like a vampire and cares nothing that he is draining you and you are dying. You are just there for his use. It's truly sick.

You have to listen to advise in the books, this forum, counselors, who will all tell you how the two of you are involved in an extremely unhealthy relationship and that life need not be so unfair, unpleasant, one sided and that you deserve to live with kindness and security and dignity and joy.

http://www.palace.net/~llama/p.....h/bpd.html

October 15, 2003
11:31 pm
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Danitim
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Hi, Amber.
I'm new to this to. My therapist just recently told me I was copdependent. Last January my husband moved out and we are getting a divorce. But I'm like you - when things get tough, I think about going back to him. It took me almost 20 years to get enough courage to tell him I wanted to separate. But I just could not take care of him anymore. I was losing myself. I'm trying to be strong now. I truly take one day at a time. I'm afraid if I give in and go back I will never again be able to get out of the pit that I was in. At times, I felt like there was no light, no hope. Even though I have times now where I'm down (and believe me, there's plenty of those), I don't feel as hopeless as before. One of the things I kept thinking about when I was still with him was - Do I want my son to think this is how married people are supposed to treat each other? When my therapist told me my husband refused to address the issues, I knew it was over. I have to believe my son will become a more healthy person, emotionally, without the exposure of our dependent/codependent relationship. Be strong. Take care of your children and yourself.

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