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bloom
March 13, 2001
7:56 pm
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bloom
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I could use a little feed back. I have made a decision to leave my boyfriend after 3 years and he is an alcoholic. He has been physically violent to me in the past and I just need some options on how to leave. Give him notice? Pack and go?

March 13, 2001
8:56 pm
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gingerleigh
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Call a women's crisis hotline ASAP, they will have the straight dope on this. With physical violence, do NOT mess around.

March 13, 2001
9:29 pm
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pg lova
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Give him notice? What for, so he can try and beat you into staying? NO! Get outta there, and get out now!. If he has been physically violent to you before, he is a time bomb waiting to go off. For your own safety, get outta there! Get out, get out, get out!!!!!!!!!!! There are some women's shelters that you can stay in or go somewhere where you will feel safe and don't let him know where you're going.

PG Lova

March 13, 2001
9:51 pm
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Molly
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The woman's shelter is a good idea, they will give advice over the phone. The main thing is do not tell him where you are at, do not in a moment of lonlyness call or e-mail, cut it especially if you are going to split. You are only human and might get weak. Protect your self

March 16, 2001
9:00 am
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azza
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youve done a good thing...so there's no need to give signs that ure going to leave him....give priorities to yourself first and foremost....love yourself dear...

March 16, 2001
11:49 am
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Ladeska
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Nope. No notice. Just leave. No More - needs to mean "No More" from you. You can't bargain and negotiate with alcohol. It's a nasty mistress and won't appreciate you butting in. Your need to "be needed by him" is something you might want to looki closely at down the road. You need to think offensively here instead of defensively. This is "your" life that is being affected - so make your actions reflect - you taking care of you - first and foremost. He is making his own choices and you are not responsible for that. However, you are responsible for - your welfare and you need to leave like yesterday and stay gone. He needs to face himself and you will do him great harm by being his crutch. And he definitely won't respect you at all for allowing him to abuse you. Staying around hoping someone will change for you and because you have stuck it out with them and been their punching bag and martyr - says alot about what you think about You and what you deserve. You don't have to earn love, sweetheart. You don't have to pay your.....dues. Hold your head up and keep walking away from this type of scenario. Abuse isn't love. The "charming times" aren't worth all the times that you sit there and drown in your pain. Walk away and don't look back.

October 25, 2001
6:53 pm
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hortnector
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