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Blame it on depression
December 30, 2010
12:00 am
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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advice... My live in boyfriend knows I take Anti depressants and I
suffer from depression. Been together 1 year. My kids don't talk to
me since I moved out last year. On Christmas eve, he calls his
Friend to go to the casino. Luckily his friend said no BUT if he
wouldn't said yes, my boyfriend wouldve spent Christmas wve w/ his
buddy instead of me. I brought this concern up to him the next day
and he said I was just depressed and looking for something to be
mad/sad about. Several times I tried to tell him my feelings were
hurt but he shot me down. So did I have a right to be upset? Don't
think he places very much value on our relationship.

December 30, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

No it
would not appear he places much value on your relationship or you,

Are you prepared
to move away from a not fulfilling relationship?


~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

December 30, 2010
12:00 am
It No Longer Matters
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

honey, atalose nailed it.

He is also using
the fact you take anti-depressants against you. ANYONE would have
been upset if their significant other wanted to spend time with a
buddy in a casino on Christmas Eve, but he made you question your

I would question
what is wrong with him that he would rather be in a casino on
Christmas than with people he "loves".


December 30, 2010
12:00 am
st regis falls, ny
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline


I think you
instinctively know the answer to this.

You had every
right to be angry and/or hurt by his choice. Being depressed
doesn't make your feelings any less valid or real. Depression
magnifies them and makes them seem more significant than they are,
but if you are taking meds and stable, then there is no reason to
discount your feelings or reactions.

My dad does this
to my mom. I can GUARANTEE you it won't change. They have been
married for 40 years and he always throws it in her face. He always
negates her feelings by using the depression as an excuse to
discount her feelings or statements. She stopped trying. She won't
leave him. And that's fine. She knows the consequences.

In your case, you
don't....but I can assure you nothing is going to

Your BF may be
ignorant or selfish or whatever. Some people don't understand
depression (ignorance) and they just use it as an excuse. Others
use it to manipulate the situation (selfishness) because they know
the person can't argue back. Either way, it may not

Yes, you were
valid in feeling slighted. But he probably will never admit

December 30, 2010
12:00 am
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
January 5, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

did have every right to be angry and upset. The problem with being
angry or upset by this situation is that in the end those feelings
of anger and hurt only serve to make matters worse for both you and
for your husband. Lashing out in anger for being betrayed or for
someone not thinking about your feelings never makes them really
stand up and take notice or change their behaviour because they
would only be changing for you. Obviously your husband has issues,
just as you might in other areas of your life. I have found that
anger and lashing out and even just feeling so resentful never
helped me in the end. I just felt worse after. I think you just
need to acknowledge your feelings in writing and then move on with
your day regardless of what he does next or what decisions he makes
for himself. Your reaction to his decisions might make a
difference. Try to stay calm for your own recovery.

June 7, 2012
9:41 am
Forum Posts: 31
Member Since:
May 17, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Common signs and symptoms of depression

  • Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
  • Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
  • Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
  • Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
  • Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
  • Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
  • Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
  • Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
  • Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
  • Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
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