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Bitsy May 7,2009
May 7, 2009
10:45 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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A year ago I was devastated. I had broken up with the man I loved. I craved him. Literally craved him. Over the past year I have lamented the fact that no one held me, no one snuggled with me. I wasn't having sex. I wondered if I would ever have mind blowing sex again. I was miserable. I lied to myself and all of you that I was OK.

Tonight I went to a fundraiser. Part of the fundraiser was that they were auctioning off two bachelors. Several acquaintances went together to pool their money and buy me a bachelor/date. They didn't win the bid. Now I am home by myself in my own bed. Cat and Baby Boy Dog are with ex-husband. I AM OK. I don't crave someone holding me. I don't want to kiss anyone. I have no interest in sex. I AM OK. It hit me tonight that life is pretty good. If I could get my finances in line and actually start earning more money than it takes to support myself I would be OK. I don't need a man. I don't WANT a man. Sure I don't go out every Thursday night like I did. I don't go to concerts. I still manage to go out to eat every now and then. I did get a coworker to buy me a glass of wine tonight, but only because I explained my check card was out of date and I did not have time to go by the bank.

Bitsy May 7, 2009 is a totally different creature from Bitsy May 7, 2008

Bitsy

May 7, 2009
10:54 pm
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marypoppins
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((((Bitsy))))

woo hoo!! nice to see you writing these kinds of posts, Bitsy

you have grown so much

Mary

May 8, 2009
12:01 am
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sdesigns
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Its gratifying to be able to look back and see change and progress, isn't it?

Good going, Bitsy. I know how hard you've been working.

sd

May 8, 2009
1:25 am
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sunshine88
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hi Bitsy, big big cyber hugs for you! oh my, when you described yourself of last year, i thought you were reading my thoughts! and am very glad for you Bitsy that you've come a long way. they say that you know you are ready for a relationship when you feel you dont need it anymore. but, am not saying you should go there, if you dont want to. it's so satisfying to see you where you are, and it gives me hope that a year later from today, i could say the same thing.

love ya Bitsy!

May 8, 2009
12:51 pm
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Hange in there Sunshine.

Bitsy

May 8, 2009
4:23 pm
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bitsy, excellent!! see how much you have grown, i love reading back to "old posts" then you get ideas of how you felt at the time.

I am glad to see you growing and taking care of the important one, YOU!

May 9, 2009
7:15 am
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What do you think it means if you dream about a high school boyfriend who is now openly gay. In the dream he had sent me a letter that I refused to open because I was afraid it would hurt me. Somehow we were at some sort of gathering and he convinced me to read the letter in which he told me how much I had meant to him. He hugged me and held me and had momentos from my youth. He was trying to figure out if some of his memories involved me to another friend of our. He pointed out some negative things about me. but the dream ended with me curled up in his lap and him holding me but when I mentioned it being awkward he said it didn't matter, he didn't have "those" kinds of feelings and he knew I needed to be held.

Strange? Insightful? Just plain weird?

Bitsy

May 9, 2009
11:08 am
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sunshine88
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trying to find a safe place to satisfy the need to be cuddled. gay.

May 9, 2009
1:04 pm
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Not sure what you meant Sunshine about gay. He is in a relationship with another man. They are waiting to get married and are wanting to adopt children.

Bitsy

May 9, 2009
1:18 pm
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sunshine88
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hi Bitsy, it was just the first thing that came to mind. not all in a dream makes sense. just bits and pieces of hidden messages. i thought maybe there's a need inside you to be held, and you are afraid to satisfy this need with a man. so your brain identified a homosexual person, who doesn't have these feelings for u, and with whom you could get a safe hug.

anyway, it's just my opinion 🙂

lov ya Bitsy

May 9, 2009
1:44 pm
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Oh. OK. You are right. I AM AFRAID. I never dated much. I don't really know what to do or how to act on a casual date.

Bitsy

May 9, 2009
6:46 pm
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Somethng I have noticed about myself... when responding to these threads I sound like Pollyanna Sunshine. I really truly am making an effort to be more positive. Some days are harder than others.

Bitsy

May 13, 2009
12:44 am
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So, as if the universe is warning me. L who has always been there to listen and give advice is moving back to the area. He has asked about us going out several times. Monday night I told him to pick either Wednesday or Friday. He picked Wednesday. We decided we would talk Tuesday. Finally I called him. Didn't get an answer. About an hour later I sent a text Where? When? An hour later I got a text that he had been taking a course on line and he didn't know where and when. He is not someone I would consider a "romantic" interest. I wonder sometimes if he would like more, but I know I don't. I have arranged for Cat's dad to have her Wednesday night so I can do this, but considering the way things unfolded...He knows I set this time aside for him , but do I make myself unavailable since I didn't really hear from him tonight?

Then ex-Mr.Bossman calls tonight and calls until I answer the phone. He is sad and lonely and wants a booty call. I listened to his tales of woe in which he finally got to the point of his call. He really does think "I" am in need of some sex. I laughed and told him I wasn't on birth control, tonight wasn't a good night, and this is all after he told me that so and so thinks he is having sex with so and so. He wanted to come to my house and have sex in my [email protected]

Are they all stupid? Or is it me?

Bitsy

May 13, 2009
1:32 am
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No, its not you, most of them are stupid- j/k- sort of.

I think you know the answer to the Bossman and doing it in your car, right?

As for the other one, I think I'd wait and see if he responds - IN A TIMELY MANNER tomorrow- and if he doesn't, forget about him.

I was contacted by a guy that said he and wife no longer sleep together, she doesn't like sex anymore due to menopause, so he's out looking for "some".

And that is my problem WHY? No thanks!

sd

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