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Bisexuality: sorry might be a stupid question...
May 15, 2007
11:38 am
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karmapolice
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when dating a bisexual guy , are there more chances of catching a sexual desease?....

KP

May 15, 2007
11:49 am
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sleepless in uk
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I would say that depends on whether the guy is promiscuous or not.

I think the risk is more related to the numbers of intimate partners he has had than to the gender of any of those partners.

Whether staight, gay or bi...the incidence of unprotected sex is the major influencing factor

May 15, 2007
11:52 am
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risingfromtheashes
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not a stupid question.

ANY partner who has had unprotected sex carries a risk.

Condoms can only protect so much.

Dental dams are created to protect from oral transmission, condoms for others.

But neither is foolproof and only as good as how well you use it.

May 15, 2007
11:59 am
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karmapolice
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tks, you both, the thing is i am not sure wheter this guy will be open with me as to is bisexuality, and moreover to his sex past....i am planning to ask him to see if he can be open about this...

May 15, 2007
12:25 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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herein lies a bigger risk.

people who are bisexual "may not" always be satisfied by one partner.

If they choose a same sex partner, they may long for an opposite sex...if they choose opposite sex, they may long for same sex.

I dated a bisexual guy...and in the end, he chose to go for a male partner for long term because that's truly what he wanted...and just "dabbled" with women...but was more interested in men overall.

So, the reality is...will your new friend be interested in a monogamous relationship...or will he long to have something else?

this is assuming you are thinking of a relationship with him.

and I am not bisexual, so I am only talking about the knowledge I have with my ex...tho I am sure there are alot of variations for everyone.

If you aren't comfortable with discussing it, I don't advise getting sexual with him until you can.

May 15, 2007
12:38 pm
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Loralei
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I agree with what all the others have said. Being in a relationship with a bisexual requires a very open mind. He may very well be faithful to you as far as not seeing any other women, but be prepared for him wanting to dabble with other men all along. If you can handle that kind of a relationship or are willing to be a part of a three-some, then this relationship could very well work. But don't expect him to give up men altogether. You can't change who he is. Also know that it is doubtful that there is any emotional involvement in his relationships with men. Ask him about this so you will know where you stand with him.

May 15, 2007
12:48 pm
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karmapolice
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Tks you all, we are getting to know each other, we met in october online, and just saw each other for the first time las weekend, for a business deal actually, and later on he told me he was very atracted to me but didnt wanted to rush things. I heard from common friends that he sometimes implied to be bisexual, but he is not open about it, like he is in the closet, since he only dates girls openly, i still dont know where this will go, but i just want to be ready as to how to respond to him if things get phisical....

May 15, 2007
12:52 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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be careful here.

my ex was a closet gay...he only was attracted to women cuz he didn't WANT to be gay...the stigma attached.

so, he dated girls...but it wasn't what he truly wanted.

once he admitted to being gay, he left me and later found a guy.

the whole time, the relationship was really one sided....he didn't enjoy intercourse...and i only got satisfied a few times....in many years.

so be careful.

May 15, 2007
1:16 pm
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karmapolice
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Tks rising, i see ur point here, i know i must be very carefull, thank you all!

May 15, 2007
1:27 pm
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loverbee
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I think what you are truly asking is, does it make them irresponsible. I do know a bisexual guy that I had dated and the best thing to do is to ask. Say it up front. Do you use a condom every time you have sex with anyone every time no matter what the sex? Do you get tested for all the diseases and HIV regularly (At least once a year). Do you have a problem asking questions at the doctor because you are too embaressed. All these things would be good to know so that you are safe, however, you should get checked regularly too just because it is a responsible thing to do. And if you don't 100% know for sure if the two of you are monogomous, then you should use a condom anyway. Thats my input.

May 15, 2007
7:23 pm
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gracenotes
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karmapolice,

Please be careful, especially with your expectations. I was very involved with a bisexual guy and I think he was more in love with the idea of societal normality, meaning he wanted a wife, the kids, the house with the white picket fence, and lots of men on the side, but, at heart, he really was gay. Its just that the gay world didn't totally agree with his personal values. He dated me, he talked about marriage, I think, more because he wanted to live a straight life, but he was also much more open about his sexuality that this guy.

I am concerned that others know and he is not fortcoming about this to you. It sounds like he has some confusion, big issues about who he is, may be in the closet, not really living a life in integrity with himself. Red flag.

Also, be aware that gay/bisexual men are, in general, highly promiscuous. I'm speaking generally. I read several places that these guys can have a thousand plus sex partners. Smart intelligent men risk being picked up by the police for a quick sex job in a park public bathroom. I know of something like this from personal experience. I'm sure there are many similar things. There are also all there parties they may attend where they are very promiscuous, often mixed with drugs. And, even in that world, being HIV + is not necessarily a stigma either.

Just, be careful. What is he telling you? If he has this man attraction, he really cannot totally give his heart to you and there will be many, many complications. Are you willing to get yourself tested frequently and risk this? Just think before you dive it.

May 15, 2007
7:32 pm
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Robert123
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And you would be betting your life on what aomeone assures you he did? My thoughts are that there is a higher risk. Mostly because of being in a higher risk group.

May 16, 2007
8:22 am
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risingfromtheashes
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And if you are anywhere close to being codependent....

you may find yourself trying to make him straight.

meaning, you may try to win him over to your side...get his love and loyalty.

but you can't.

if he has desire to be with men, he will be...at some point.

you have to decide if you are comfortable sharing.

I tell ya...when I was with my boyfriend...I was sooooo desperate to keep him...that I negotiated my values away.

I told him that if we got married, I would allow him to have affairs with other men...that as a woman, I couldn't give him what men could and I couldn't compete...I would NOT allow him to have affairs with women, as I felt he should be able to get all his needs from me.

He said that it could be an equitable agreement.

We separated so he could go to college...I had a baby by someone else....we got back together for a short time...and that's when I realized that my agreement was shortchanging me and that I could not live by it.

In the end, he is truly gay...he is happily in a partnership with another man.

He says now that the only reason he had relationships with women was to make it look normal from the outside...to please his family...to feel "normal" in the eyes of society.

It took alot for him to be honest about his sexuality.

This was my first real relationship and the good thing was that I had a boyfriend that I got to know slowly and enjoy the friendship...but once my hormones kicked in and I wasn't getting any sexual satisfaction (but spending alot of time satisfying him)...I realized things were very one sided.

I learned alot....but I also failed to learn alot...if that makes any sense.

May 17, 2007
3:54 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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I'm a gay man, and I'd say this guy probably could never be committed to you totally.

Loralei said, "Also know that it is doubtful that there is any emotional involvement in his relationships with men."

That is so NOT true. What makes you think that two men cant have an emotional relationship? It is not always about sex. It may start out that way, but sometimes it evolves into more.

And the fact that you say he implies he is bisexual but is not open about it, says to me that he is not totally comfortable with everyone knowing he likes men. I'd say dont get emotionally involved with this guy.

June 19, 2007
1:08 am
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fantas
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It all comes down to whether or not you use protection and whether you are monogamous or not. I imagine you might double your chances of catching certain strains of STDs that are predominant in either gender. I say abstinence until you are in a committed relationship for a period of time and even then get blood test before you are sexually active. It's your life that's at stake here.

August 4, 2007
5:58 am
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got2bmb
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What is it that makes it so hard for the bi men to be in a committed relationship? Can't they stay in a committed relationship & access their fantasies in order to reach orgasm? Reguardless of who (what sex) they are with? What happens & why can they not complete intercouse? Please someone help educate me.

August 4, 2007
8:36 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I am not sure what you mean about completing intercourse.

And I am not bi - so this is only speculation on my part.

I don't think a true bi person can be happy in a monogamous relationship - as they have needs that must come from BOTH genders - and if they are in a monogamous relationship, only one desire is fufilled.

I am SURE there are many bi people that this does not apply to - that can be happy in a monogamous relationship....as their needs may not be as strong or they may be happy being with only one person and ignoring their needs/attraction for the other sex.

However - perhaps the needs of some bi people are so strong that one person of one sex will not satisfy them.

Now - I mentioned TRUE bi - for one reason - there are SOME bi people that are really gay, but perhaps haven't really committed to the lifestyle - admitting it. For whatever reason. This comes from my own experience - where I was dating a guy who was not out of the closet - and was forcing himself to be with me - because he was concerned about fallout if he came out. Once he came out, he still wanted to keep up appearances...AND...he did love me on some level. He wanted to be married to me, but have men on the side. Things didn't work out for different reasons, but at one point, I was almost willing to make that compromise - realizing I couldn't meet his needs for having a man in his bed. We did have intercourse - it was rare - and unfufilling. He did it because he felt he should - as I was always pleasing him in ways he enjoyed. This was my first boyfriend, so I didn't know any better...I know that sounds stupid and naive...but it was true.

anyway, my point is - some people feel they have to keep up appearances, so they keep an opposite sex partner, and also have their same sex partners - who are usually kept quiet and out of the public eye.

I hope this helps....if not, share more of your situation so we can help more.

August 4, 2007
5:18 pm
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Worried_Dad
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I read an article a couple of years ago about a study--they showed photos of men and women to men and women who self-reported being straight, gay or bisexual. They also measured...physiologic response.

They found that men who self-identified as bing bisexual had an overwhelming preference for photos of men.

The conclusion supported was that bisexual men are actually homosexual, preference wise.

I have no idea if that is true, but it was an interesting study.

August 4, 2007
6:28 pm
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_anonymous
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In my education I learned that most bi-sexual people really perfer there own sex. They are really gay.

August 5, 2007
12:14 am
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ACryForHelp
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Well... To be completely honest I still roll under the title of "Bi" because of 2 things:

1. I am just not mentally able to cope with "Coming Out".
2. Once in a blue moon I find a guy attractive.

While discussing the topic with some women at a monthly discussion group I go to someone stood up and asked “How many women here are gay? How many are straight?” and when I didn’t raise my hand for either they looked at me odd…

I responded with “Labels close doors that have no reason to be closed. I am 100% not “Straight” but I am not 100% a Lesbian.”

This sparked a debate and one woman actually said some hurtful things and loudly proclaimed that I must obviously be “bi” for attention and that I was just a wanna’be or had low self esteem or was abused as a child… and a dozen other things before the other chicks there shut her up.

There is actually quite a bias against “bi” people in the LGBT community…

The same as if a Straight Man experiments back in college and has a same sex experience… He will never “live it down”… he will be branded for life as gay or bi or whatever… but never fully "Straight" again.

If a person claims to be gay and then goes and has a heterosexual encounter they are branded as not being gay… it can be just as biased in the community as in the straight community…

Over all it is a safety measure to call one self “Bi” to make it easier to wade through both the gay and the straight world.

I, personally, believe that every single “Straight” person in the world has same sex fantasies… If they want to admit to it or not is another story entirely… The same as each and every “gay” person in the world will periodically have a heterosexual fantasy. (Especially for women since our concepts of sexuality are more emotionally centered then physically centered and an emotional connection with either sex can spiral into sexual feelings.)

I have encountered this concept of being “Bi” personally… I was in love with a man once… I almost married the son of a bitch… I was with him for 4.5 years!!

I did find him very attractive on one level… He was able to turn me on and I really did my best to get as physically in to him as I was (originally) emotionally into him.

I tried and tried and tried but no matter what I fanaticized about, no matter what he did, I never once was able to orgasm with him…

In 4.5 years I never came once because of him…

I have since determined that though I did find him attractive physically it just wasn’t enough to satisfy me.

To this day I have no idea if I am attracted to either sex enough to be satisfied with a 1 on 1 relationship…

If I knew then what I know now I would have fielded the topic of being in a polyamorous relationship…

Some people call it “Swinging” but that term doesn’t really fit either…

A Polyamorous Relationship means simply that you can have 2 partners and everyone is aware and cool with the situation.

Monogamy is really not the most used relationship type in history… In a majority of the time humans have been on this planet we have done what we wanted… Not just for sex but because only now do we have a cushy enough life to not NEED 1 man and 2 women in order to just do all the daily tasks needed to live…

Back less then 100 years ago a woman had to sew ALL the clothes, fetch the eggs from the chickens, milk the cows, harvest the veggies from the garden, prepare the animal and vegetable products from scratch, cook everything from scratch, nurse the babies… Back then it wasn’t just a “I want to bang 2 chicks” mentality but it was necessary for two women to split the chores to get everything done between sun up and midnight!

We, as carbon based life forms, are not hardwired to be monogamous… Hell… the studies of the chemical reality’s of “Love” tell us that it is not a 7-Year-Itch but a 3-Year-Itch. We are biologically hardwired to go through 4 stages of love:

1. Screw like bunnies
2. Have the Baby
3. Support for child-rearing mode
4. Start Over Again

Our current culturally excepted form of “family” is more of a myth then anything else in history.

Everyone SAYS that they wish to have the Nuclear Family… 1 mom, 1 dad, 2.5 kids, 1 dog, 1 cat… But the reality of the situation is that in this country the concept of the traditional marriage is obsolete because of one simple fact:
Chicks can go out and do for themselves now!

Back in the day you had 4 choices:
Be an out cast
Marry a man to “provide for you”
Be a nurse
Be a secretary

That was about it.

Now that women can make it in almost any job a man is optional.

We are no longer REQUIRED to hook up with a man (no matter our personal feelings on the matter) in order to live comfortable life.

Therefore the roles of sexuality are up in the air yet we are still chained by the Western/Christian structures of the past… especially when it comes to men.

As a female with options I have no need to either confirm nor deny my sexuality. It is a non issue because it is assumed that I am one way or another, regardless of my true feelings and orientation. Yet men are still shamed, ridiculed, and abused, both mentally, emotionally, and physically if they even appear to be "Different".

A LOT of men have decided to either stay in heterosexual relationships because they can’t cope with being gay or they label themselves as “bi” in order to keep at least the appearance what our culture still considers “normality”.

I, personally, believe that if you label yourself as “Bi” you swing more on one side or the other. Nothing wrong with that… but it would be a LOT easier if we were “Allowed” in our society to state definitively one way or another and not be ashamed or ridiculed.

It would be a LOT easier if everyone could say “I’m gay but I periodically find a female attractive.”

It would have saved YOU the drama and emotional repercussions and it would have saved HIM the torment of trying to force himself to be something he is not.

As a “Bi” girl myself I can definitively say that though I may find a man attractive once and a great while I am a Lipstick Lesbian at heart… I’m not ashamed of this fact but I am ashamed at how everyone else seems to react when they figure it out.

August 12, 2007
12:26 am
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pearlseeker
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Yes, you definitely need to be very careful and protect yourself.
Are you sure you want to do this...I can see there might be problems ahead.
Think it through and be careful.Be good to yourself and be your own best friend.

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