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bipolar vs depression
June 6, 2006
7:38 am
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lollipop3
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Hi Mardoll,

As far as my understanding goes.....a person in a manic episode can go for days at a time without sleep. The difference between...say...insomnia....where a person IS tired and WANTS to sleep but can't.....and a person in a manic episode is that a manic can be awake for days WITHOUT feeling tired.

For anyone interested.....

All of this information can be found in the DSM IV.....which is THE book that psychologists, psychiatrists, etc...use to diagnose mental disorders.

Lolli

June 6, 2006
9:58 am
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pugs01
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Well your right Lolli, got into an argument last night and I realized that the reason for the escalation for the argument was my trying to get my s/o to see the problem and fix it. Will take me a while to "let it be".

June 6, 2006
11:48 am
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lollipop3
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(((pugs))),

I'm sorry things went badly last night. You are right....it will take a while to be able to let it go...especially if you are "codependent" and a natural born care taker.

There are a couple of really good books on the subject of codependency if you are interested.....

1. Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood

2. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

Both of these books were a great help to me and to many others on this site. Perhaps you could check them out and see if you relate to anything there.

You could also try Coda meetings. Coda is a free support group for codependents. I attend Alanon (which is basically the same but for friends and families of alcoholics), and have found it to be a tremendous source of support and encouragement. It also helps to give you the tools necessary for your own recovery (recovery from trying to "fix")

It's not easy and unfortunately....there is no quick fix but it certainly helps.

Take care,
Lolli

June 6, 2006
1:34 pm
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pugs01
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Thanks lolli, I have read codependant no more, great book and has helped greatly.It is just difficult to let someone self destruct. Her actions has affected her life, in a destructive manner, my life also. Sometimes it gets very difficult to "let it go". I dont think this time its a codependant thing, Her actions are destroying a marriage and a life, emotionally, financially, all aspects. Its directly affecting the family aslo. This time the need to "fix" the problem, I just do know.

June 6, 2006
5:23 pm
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lollipop3
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Pugs,

Have you considered seeing a therapist to help you deal with this?

I have been in therapy for over a year and it has really helped me tremendously....not only with my own issues but also with dealing with my b/f and the MANY issues that he has and refuses to acknowledge.

Forgive me for saying but I'm not totally sure if you are a man or a woman. Not that it matters one way or the other but I just wanted to say that if you are a man......Women Who Love Too Much, although geared toward woman, has information that applies to both genders and may still be helpful to you.

This site is also a wonderful place to come for encouragement, support, wisdom and insight....so keep posting.

Good luck,
Lolli

June 9, 2006
2:14 pm
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pugs01
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Im a man, and as you can tell very confused. Go figure.

June 9, 2006
5:42 pm
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lollipop3
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LOL Pugs......I'm glad to see you maintaining your sense of humor.

I hope you're having a good day.

June 10, 2006
8:11 am
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lollipop3
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Hi Pugs,

Just wanted to check in...

I hope things are okay with you.

Lolli

June 12, 2006
12:28 pm
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pugs01
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Thanks lolli. things are going OK. I guess. wont know untill tonight. were having a BIG discussion tonight. (at least were supposed to after the argument last night.

June 12, 2006
12:49 pm
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lollipop3
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(((pugs)))

Good luck....my thoughts are with you.

June 14, 2006
10:35 am
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pugs01
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well the evening started like this. she called me out to go shopping for plants for the garden. we went got the plants and planted the garden the whole time it was like we were never apart. we started discussing how we could work out the differences, I talked about trusting her again and she told me about her fears of me regressing back to old behaviors (prior to treatment for depression). Ended up in another argument where she says she doesn't know if she can ever feel about me the same way, and I dont know if I can ever trust her again. I brought up counselling and that was shot down. by 9 pm we hit an impasse and I left. Dont think there is any way to reconcile this marriage. i would like for this to work but dont think it will ever be a 50/50 relationship again. I dont know if its the right thing but I'm not calling her again and going to leave her alone. I'm putting the ball in her court and going on with my life. If I was in the state of mind I was 3 months ago I would have kissed her ass and done anything to be back together but I need her to meet me half way, were both adults (i think). Is that too much to ask?

June 16, 2006
9:36 am
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pugs01
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anyone want a date? :o) I quit.

June 16, 2006
11:55 am
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lollipop3
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Pugs,

I take it from you last post that things are not going so well?

Perhaps it's time to change the focus and instead of trying to make the relationship work...try to keep the focus on you.

What do you want? How have you contributed to the problems in this relationship? What issues/behaviors do you have that you would like to improve? What are your interests?

Easier said than done, I know....but well worth it in the long run.

Good luck,
Lolli

June 16, 2006
12:24 pm
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pugs01
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trying to focus on the future and dont want a repeat of the past, but everytime we talk about how to improve the relationship and the future we have to relate to problems in the past right. or should I jst forget about them and as new ones pop up deal with them at the tim????

June 16, 2006
12:40 pm
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lollipop3
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Well, I can only speak for myself here but in my own situation......

My b/f and I have had many, many, MANY problems in our relationship.

For a very long time, I held onto things he had done because I felt as though they were never "resolved". He refused to discuss it in a rational manner, refused to take any responsiblity and refused to apologize for the things he'd done. And because of that everytime a new issue arose....it brought back all the unresolved issues from before. So, instead of arguing about the issue at hand....we'd argue about things that had happened 5 years ago. It was a vicious, never ending battle that got played over and over and over.

I have been in recovery for almost 2 years and during that time....although it has been very difficult, I have made the choice to forgive him and to just try to deal with the new issues as they arrive. The way I see it....because I have CHOSEN to stay with himm I must try to let go of the past and when insecurities from past incidents rear their ugly heads.....I feel as though they are my issues to deal with. Especially considering...he has stopped doing a lot (not all) of the old behaviors. He has changed some of those behaviors....so although I never got the "apology" I thought I deserved...it was time to move on and let them go.

Also being in involved with Alanon, this site and going to therapy has helped me grow and mature in so many ways. It has helped me to keep the focus on myself...where it belongs...instead of focusing on trying to change my partner.

I think in any situation....we must first ACCEPT the situation AS IT IS....and then decide what we will do about it. As long as we continue to try to change others....we remain stuck.

I hope this helped.

Lolli

June 16, 2006
1:19 pm
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pugs01
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Thanks lolli, scary but I think you hit the nail on the head. My situation is almost the same. I know I'll never get an apology and If I bring up past experiences as an example I get my head ripped off and am told see you'll never change. So I will try your suggestion. It seems if I want to get anywhere that would be the only way. Thanks again, you have been a GREAT help.

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