Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Bipolar exBoyfriend
December 29, 2007
8:40 pm
Avatar
Fake Smile
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't know exactly how to start this, I
have never done this before.

I dated him for 3 months. I know it doesn't seem very long, but for someone with commitment issues (me) it is a very long time.

He was up front and honest with me about being bipolar. I never knew anyone that was bipolar. I had a little knowledge about the disorder, but I had no idea what was coming. I went to the bookstore with him and we picked out a book about loving someone with the disorder. It didn't take me long to realize the book was written about a woman with bipolar disorder.

His first "fit" wasn't that bad, he knocked a hole in the wall. I thought to myself if this is as bad as it gets then I can handle it.

When he wasn't having a fit, he was the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. He would rub my feet, offer to do my laundry or cleaning, so that I could relax after work (This is my first year teaching).

It didn't take much time before the fits got out of hand. He started with mental abuse. He would tell me everything was fault and how awful I was. It did take much time for him to physical abuse me. At first he would just pull my hair really hard. Then he bit me. It was through a hoody and he bled. He looked more like a softball had hitten me that someone bit me. After the fit was over and he saw what he had done he cried. I held him when he cried.

It wasn't long before worse things happened. He made me have sex with him when I didn't want to. I was crying and screaming the entire time. Then when he was finished he said "see, that wasn't so bad ". He called the docotor and set up a appointment, so that he could gets some meds. When he went, they told him he wasn't bipolar that he had ADHD. That medicine made him worse. The final fight he said he was going to kill me, and I really thought he was going to. I don't remember how I talked him out of it. I don't know how I got him to give me my phone back or take me how either. I told that I couldn't be with him. He calls me all the time. He tells me he's going to kill himself. I'm scared and I'm not dealing well with this.

I have a problem talking about my feelings and letting people in. Last Night I was at a bar and lost it. I was cryin and couldn't stop. I just wanted to get so drunk that I couldn't rememeber anything. When I got home I took a bunch of different pills. I know I need help, but I have also issues.

I'm sorry it is so long.

Fake Smile

December 29, 2007
11:36 pm
Avatar
AQueen
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Stay away from this guy. Change your number, change your routine. I have a brother with bipolar disorder and he has put girlfriends through total hell and many times it has ended in a stand off with police. He now stays out of relationships since he likes to drink sometimes and doesn't like to take his meds when he drinks so he gets unstable and freak out sometimes. At least he knows enough to stay out of relationships at least for now. He's a good looking guy too but messed up bad. Your ex is dangerous. Straight up. It won't get better and you could get seriously hurt or end up dead. No joke. Bi polar disorder is a serious mental condition and unless the person is in serious long term therapy and consistent in taking their meds and accountable for their behavior they will continue to act out and chaos will rein.

As for your issues--therapy is wonderful for working through tough stuff. I'm in a therapy and it has helped me sooooooo much. I wish I had started sooner, I would have avoided a lot of pain if I had sought help earlier in my life. I'm 28 now, my brother is 22. We get into fights, sometimes physical, so we don't see eachtother much because I cannot stand his inability to take responsiablity for his behavior and his physical outbursts. This doens't just get better and people with this disorder can be highly manipulative and yes it's very common to threaten suicuide to try to get an ex to get back with them. My brother did this many times, he even went to a bridge and acted like he might step over the barrier. He later admitted it was all for attention and he had no intention of jumping or hurting himself.

No contact with this guy. Seriously. Get busy with new activities and friends. Drinking and taking pills never helps long term. I've been sober since July 06. I have been there and I can tell you that temporary escapes with drugs or drink only cause more problems in the end. Take care.

AQueen

Oh yeah, get a restraining order. If he violates it he will go to jail. I have one againist my own brother. He won't take his meds and since he won't take his meds I feel he's not taking responsiablity for his disorder and I just can't deal with his outbursts. I have a one year old that I have to protect.

December 30, 2007
3:22 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Fake Smile~

You don't have to do this. You are not committed to this man through marriage, kids, same home. You can get out of this,and you can get out of it right now. First year teacher? You can't do this! It's gonna take every ounce of energy you have to get through this first year and make a path to tenure. I know. Been there. I'm in my 11th year. Don't risk a wonderful teaching career for a 3 month relationship.

ADHD my butt. He physically assaulted you and raped you. I bet he did NOT tell his doctor what is actually going on. You'll deal with ADHD kids in your classroom, they're impulsive, when they act out, it's an impulsive ACT, as in ONE act- One hit, One bite, One kick. Their "fits" are screaming and yelling. They know they're impulsive and they stop themselves after an act. They can't think BEFORE that act. The rape you described was an ordeal and I've never heard ADHD or even bipolar used as a defense for rape. Maybe I'm wrong about that, but I'm not about this: Rape is about power and control. On the violence continuum, it is just below murder. Your boyfriend felt a need to completely dominate you by violating you emotionally and physically. There was no mercy.

Fakesmile, call your local rape crisis center tomorrow and talk to somebody there- ask to speak to an advocate. Tell her what happened. And listen to what she tells you.

(((fakesmile))) you take care of YOURSELF. This is really serious.

free

December 30, 2007
3:33 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh, and make sure you tell the advocate he is calling you all the time fakesmile. that you tried to break it off, he's threatening suicide, and he's calling you all the time.

k?

I'll be thinking about you. Keep posting, whether or not you make that call.

hugs

free

December 30, 2007
4:00 am
Avatar
Fake Smile
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thank you so much for posting. i finally feel like someone understands. i tried to talk about it with some friends. they didn't seem to realize. I am so scared. i sleep during the day and stay up all night, watching. I don't want to be alone.

When he had a "fit" he didn't remember anything he had done, is that typical?

the last time he threatened to kill me and got out a hunting knife. i don't remember what i did or said but some how, i talked him out of it. but i am so scared all the time.

i know that he was made to go to a physh ward or something before we met. but he only had to stay for a month and i heard he got worse after that.

good news today, no drinks, no pills, and he didn't try and call me today.

again thank yall so much!

December 30, 2007
12:53 pm
Avatar
Fake Smile
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

~Free~

I looked up the local hotline number. From what I read my county offers a lot of free support. I'm scared to call. Its a 24 hr hotline number, so I think I am going to try and call tonight. For some reason its easier to talk about and think about it when I am tired, weird huh?

As for working with students with ADHD, I teach students that are 3,4, and 5 with various disabilities. I have seen first hand impulses, and as you said it is one, his were over and over for minutes or sometimes hours, definatley not the same thing.

he sent me a text message this morning saying that he knew I was talking to someone else, creepy. He lives 45 minutes away from me. Its not like he could just see me in public with him on accident.

December 30, 2007
2:20 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi fakesmile~

I know you're scared to call. I'm gonna try to guess why. This might sound weird. This is something you have "protection" over, like when somebody breaks their arm, they cradle it and don't want anybody touching it. Kids especially do this and with a great deal of might they resist anybody touching that arm. Anybody touching it will only hurt that arm more. But we know as adults to let the doctor do his/her thing because we know it's the only way for our broken arm to get better. So we do and yeah, it hurts to do that. Same thing here. It's scary not knowing what they're going to say, what they might do, what might happen when and after you call. It's scary to think this might get "big." it might get "out of control."

Fakesmile, it already IS "big" and "out of control" you just don't realize it.

Rape injures the psyche- it's natural for you to cradle this injury with the same strength a child cradles a broken arm. As each day goes on, you'll protect this injury with more strength, and it will heal, but not correctly. Just like a broken arm will heal, but not correctly. You say you have committment and relationship issues, well rape is going to exacerbate that fakesmile.

It will manifest into trust, intimacy issues, and possibly Rape Trauma Syndrome, an equivalent of PTSD. Sleep problems, eating problems/disorders, panic attacks, nightmares, startle reflexes, flashbacks, alcohol and drug dependency (self-medicating): these are all symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome and of that injury healing incorrectly.

Let someone else have a look at this "broken arm." Let them help you to heal it correctly. You can't do it on your own as it requires human interaction. the wound is caused by a human, to the psyche, and that part of your psyche is going to shut other humans out and try to heal on its own. So as hard as it is, ya gotta let a human in, one who knows this stuff. The people at the center know this stuff. They've been there.

This is what's going to happen when you call the hotline. If you call after hours, stay on the phone. You'll get the answering service and you'll be put on hold while they call an advocate at home or on her cell phone, who's on call. This freaks alot of callers out. When I first called I imagined calling to some building where there were all these people managing switchboards and i was afraid they might record me. Uh, that's a no. When the answering service gets the advocate, they will patch you two together and you'll be talking only to the advocate. She'll have a form she has to fill out for funding purposes. This paperwork freaks callers out also, but rape crisis centers get their funding from proving to the government that people call them. She may ask for your name, age, race, that kind of thing. As an advocate I fudge the paperwork- I never ask the callers kuz I know it might freak them out.

Know this: nothing will be done without your permission and active involvement. Nothing will be reported to the police. Nothing will be recorded. there won't be a "file" kept on you with your information. We know that doing so victimizes you again by taking control away from you. The people at the center are going to try to help you take control yourself and identify what it is that YOU need to do to feel that way. Some people need to report, some don't. Some people need to prosecute, some don't. Some people need to get restraining orders, some don't. they will help you find out what will make you feel in control, and the fear you feel right now will consequently subside.

Having an exboyfriend call all the time and threaten suicide is scary enough for ANY woman. This man is also your rapist and has threatened to kill you, even brandishing a hunting knife. Sweetheart, this would terrify any person.

Of course calling later tonight is more comfortable. You're trying to maintain control of your life. It's smart to call once the day's tasks are tended to. You WILL be okay fakesmile. You WILL.

Keep posting, even if you don't call.

k?

hugs

free

December 30, 2007
5:34 pm
Avatar
Fake Smile
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

you hit the nail on the head free, I finally got away from him for good 2 weeks ago. I felt so strong then and safe, I guess that now the reality as sunk in and I am in over my head. I know that I need help and that I can't do it by myself. I'm already have trouble eating and sleeping. Luckily since its the holidays I dont have to teach, but soon I will and this has to stop.

Thank you so much for telling what to expect, that makes it so much easier. It also scares me that I have to talk to a woman, I don't know why but I always feel more comfortable talking to a man. I know that its crazy, especially since it was a man that did it.

I will keep you posted 🙂

December 31, 2007
1:22 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi fake smile~

It doesn't sound crazy, wanting to talk to a man. Ask if they have a male advocate. I did better with a male advocate as well, and chose a male therapist for that reason. I find men's low voice more soothing or something, I never figured it out.

Most centers have male advocates but they are less in numbers than the female advocates, so there may not be one on call. But if they have one, they'll get him to call you tomorrow, and he will.

I'm rooting for ya!

hugs

free

December 31, 2007
2:19 pm
Avatar
Codi202
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Since when is a "Fit" something that indicates "Bipolar"
Bipolar is ups and downs. Highs and lows.

People have fits for a variety of reasons.

I had one a while ago because I couldn't stand the crazy people around me and the fit made them stop and take notice.

not to mention that they drove me crazy.

I think your friend has issues regarding his violent temper.
That is dangerous.

January 4, 2008
2:32 pm
Avatar
Fake Smile
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

all i know is what he told me, i thought bipolar was ups and downs, i could handle that, but this was far from it, when he got like that he didnt even look like the same person ...

January 4, 2008
4:27 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

been there b4, (with my last bf) had huge ups and huge downs, never knew what kind of mood he would be in, always walked on eggshells, didn't want to do or say the wrong thing, felt like I was a prisoner...but also
wasn't ready to end the relationship.

You can, its new and early and you don't need this. If he doesn't get a grip on "his issues" and dealing with his disorder, then you have
no choice but to either put up with it or get out.

Best to walk away. (((camer)))

January 4, 2008
5:35 pm
Avatar
Fake Smile
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i walked out camer, a few weeks ago actually, but the it haunts me

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
25
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110924
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38537
Posts: 714209
Newest Members:
delight1080, laticia1, Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer