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Biggest mistake of my life
August 31, 2003
8:03 pm
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No he does not see anyone the way you or I do, he see's them as marks. Why else would he be so worried about what his "extended family" in Canada thinks, and he is now flooding me with letters to send on to them. He see's a perfect set-up. A single mother with a nine year old daughter. That is the perfect playground for someone like him. He is looking for the new place to live and commit more crimes.

Well, I will not facilitate this for him. I'm not forwarding any of these letters, and I have made these people aware of him writing, and such. I mean he has never ever ever met any of these people. They wrote to him for over a year, and he never answered once, not one single line saying "thanks" nothing, nada! Now all of the sudden, he is writing two and three letters a week, and wants to know what they said when they got them. He referred to them in this last crazy letter he sent as his extended family. Where in the hell did he get that from? I think he is hoping to ingratiate himself and just move on in. In this last crazy letter he said something like "oh, please send me pictures of all of my extended family in Canada, I talk about them all the time, but I don't have any pictures" - see what I mean?

Love,
Zinnie

August 31, 2003
10:57 pm
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He's one evil bastard, Zinnie. I don't even call people like this sick. I guess that is cold of me but I don't see them that way at all, they are just pure evil.

Of course he's looking for a place to run to and I don't know about Canada, about their extradition laws but what if he did get out for this little furlough and took off up there? What if he just broke out period?

Why do people turn the other way? Because they are spineless and because their own character is probably very close to what his is if not the exact "same". We're so used to the thing of it "looks" good, then it must be good or close to it. So if people assimilate into their persona some kind of good looking and good acting whatever - we buy all that and look no further.

We like to be sold to, as well. We are forever buying the fancy packaged whatever, knowing of course, that there is a very good chance we just got robbed and yet we do it anyway, time after time. It's the thrill of "getting something for nothing" I guess. Or maybe it's just we like the "goo" that people like him slime us with, all the false, syrupy, flattereing, ego sliming attention. Now THAT I call - sick.

But from what I've seen alot of people who look the other way are either victims themselves once upon a time or presently, OR they are perpetrators. You can't come against what you are still wrapped up with, have allowed, or are doing yourself. Just isn't going to happen. They will look away every time like - I didn't see anything, did you?

That's real, REAL hard to swallow because if you do buy that, then guess what that means? That means that this kind of predatory behavior goes on quite a bit more than we think it does or feel comfortable in examining. We'd just rather not - go there....

People have asked me before, so, in ten people, how many do you think have been sexually molested? And I go - 8 out of 10. And they gasp or even laugh. NO WAY they exclaim! Well....when I counseled at a pregnancy crisis center, I kid you not, let's say of the 30 women I might see a week - when I would ask them - because I usually do if I sense something - "who raped you?" - the answers I would get back (after they got over the shock that I knew this..) was overwhelming in the ballpark of that statistic. I would say at least 25 of the 30 would say yes to a one time thing. And that's just the women. Women talk, guys don't.

Because I have a certain kind of radar that picks up on these things when I meet someone, this isn't information that gets reported. The statistics come from those numbers, not from the real ones.

We have in our midst "this group" of people who are out there that either witnessed it happening in their family or whatever, or it happened to them and they never talked about it, or they did it themselves.

Then we just have people who really don't care. If it's not happening in their backyard, they could care less and when it does happen there - alot of them won't care - then.

Real life just isn't as rosie as we'd really like to paint it. And it doesn't help much to look at the little god in our living room that teaches people - soft porn is okay, it's okay for little girls to look like hookers and for things like Striparella to be on prime time during the evening. And we won't even go into what lurks on the web when children do searches or just check their email and see what Spam has delivered to them.

When we look at our reality shows for example........they are breeding nothing but psychopaths with what they are doing with these shows. Is amazing to me. They have a group of people that are supposed to start out as friends, make bonds and then turn around and stab each other in the back in order to get what they want and then that is rewarded.

Take a look at the all the dating shows, same thing. Blind date is a good example. Nothing but narcissists for the most part. Girls showing their boobs on the very first date. Guys asking if they ever did a threesome right off the bat or what sexual position they like best!

It's everywhere you look anymore. OH and forgot to mention the many mothers out there now who are making money off their little girls, some under the age of 12 - with their porn sites. Let's dress little Suzie up in all these revealing clothes and some are nude and then charge to let guys "have a look see". I've seen these mothers on T.V. talking about all this and - it's just another way to pay the rent. And like....okay, and people can find out where you live over the internet LADY!!!

We are just turning into a very depraved and warped society. We're already there. The boat has landed! But if you go back into history - it's always been the same thing. Children being sacrificed, all kinds of twisted perversions going on that would make your blood stand still. We say that - oh, we are "enlightened" now about child abuse. NO, we're NOT!!! We're just pretending to care. Otherwise pigs like your cousin wouldn't be walking out of prison and a million other atrocities that go on - all under the realm of - "we care". People want the right to do things to an innocent target that has no voice, that will be sooo messed up in their own mind that they can't even speak of it because they are "children" and who would believe them anyways since the perpetrator probably has them so hemmed in, confused, controlled and fearful that - chances are - they will get right away with it.

It's an extremely vile and evil thread that runs through humanity. The need to torture and feed off of it's own kind for the sheer pleasure of doing so. I can't be "understood" any better than that, Zinnie.

All you can do is educate people with a fire in your belly and if they look horrified, just get louder. And then deal with the poison when it comes into your neck of the woods like a she-wolf that hasn't eaten in a couple of weeks.

I'm very outspoken about these things and I could care less if I make someone "uncomfortable" doing it. I hope the hell they are! I remember vididly walking around the people that absolutely knew what was going on with me. And yet, they just went on with the little niceties of their life. I will never, ever forget that.

One woman was a Sunday school teacher. I went back to visit there years ago and I stopped in to see her. Was a very "interesting" visit. Let's just say that by the time I left - the real her - was coming out at me front and center like I knew that it would. Not such a "nice" person after all. She was quite vicious actually. I just laughed at her and said - just wanted to push your buttons so I could call out of you - what's been there - all along. And all I did was call her right on the carpet and beckon "her" to be accountable for her part of looking the other way and yet preaching to all who listen - God is love. I guess that only meant - God was - and not "her" in particular.

It would disgust you to know, Zinnie of all the men in power in this world and in our Govt., as well that - are into child sex rings and yes some of these children - are babies. It's quite the caviar of caviar. You arrive at the top and this is what you get to do, unabashed and scott free of any penalities. But like I said, this is nothing new in the realms of power. Has been going on - for a very long time. And these people go right home to their families and love them all up and go right on T.V. and present themselves to the public as - the moral backbone and fiber of all that is. Of course...there really is a teeny weeny little price for that priviledge. Something called - blackmail. Got you by the balls now Dude, so you better DO what I tell you to or - we show the world the tapes, okay?

We really don't want to "know" these things. It offends us. Yea, well...I was pretty offended, too...and alot of children like me were a tad bit "offended". And I will squeal like a pig about what I know and what I see until the day I die and people can glare at me all they want to. I'm rather used to that. Jaded I guess you would say. I see the pain of the children, nothing else.

Use the knowledge that you are gaining, Zinnie to just keep your eyes open in life. Believe me when I say - there is a reason you have gotten such an education. Someone, sometime, somewhere will cross your path and you will look twice....and there will be good reason for that.

September 1, 2003
12:33 pm
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Ladeska,

Interesting point about the reality shows. My husband and I cannot stand them! We are appalled by them. Then, he made an interesting point.

Are you ready?

He said "I wonder if anyone realizes, that the ultimate goal of these shows perpetrates the seven deadly sins."

What do you think?

Zinnie

September 1, 2003
12:44 pm
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True.

And frightening.

Arwen

September 1, 2003
2:44 pm
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OH you can bet the bank on that one, Zinnie. These shows don't just appear on the tube by fluke. There is MUCH design and purpose in what they perpetuate in people. I would tell you more about that but I realy can't here. Just trust me when I tell you - there is MUCH truth in that one. We are very much being "played" here and quite led and it's not just a conspiracy theory either.

September 1, 2003
8:01 pm
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Was just wondering if anyone ever read - Coming of Age in Samoa, by Margaret Mead? Or if anyone has seen the movie - Network?

September 1, 2003
10:00 pm
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No, I have not. Is this something I should look into?

Z.

September 2, 2003
2:57 pm
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Not necessarily, it just came to mind here. The book was one written back in the 1930's I believe and just gives a picture of how some things got started here. One of many things..... The whole story of what she did, who prompted her to do it and how she didn't really tell it like it was there in Samoa.... She comes back here - gives this song and dance to the the American public and basically it spurred on this whole mindset of - free sex, all kinds, uninhited, alduterous, whatever - just do it, don't worry about it, don't feel guilty kind of thing. The Samoans do it and they live wonderful carefree lives!!! Yea, right. She left out an incredible amount of truth in her book about what really goes on. The suicide rate there was out the room for one thing.

But our society has really been quite targeted. Especially the moral fiber. Let's just say that - for some agendas to progress - that gets right in the way of things.

And Network - just tells it like it really is "today" and that movie was done back in the 60's I think. They thought it was outlandish when they made it. It won all kinds of awards but it was over the top with what it said. You really need to rent this movie. It's quite eye-popping how well it fits us today.

I mean for starters........why is there no talk anymore on the news about the Weapons of Mass Destruction - when England for example is going great guns about it and really holding Blair to the wall demanding answers? Why is our news more about Madonna and Britney's smooch? I could give a rat's ass, okay? I WANT TO KNOW what's going on here with things that are important and for some reason - it's like - well....you don't have that right anymore. We tell you what we want you to know and other than that - shut the hell up because your voice will never be heard anyway!

We just have so much fluff and downright lies being fed to us every day. It's getting to the point of just being real blatant like they don't even care anymore. Like and so - whatcha gonna do about it - revolt?? (chuckle) yea right, that's what we got the Patriot Act and Martial Law for...and we thought it was for those terrorists?? LOL! God, we're stupid...

Oh well, I guess no one cares so why should I, huh? Anyways, it's a good movie, you really should rent it.

September 2, 2003
4:12 pm
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Caring is energy. Energy is the key. Don't stop caring, and please don't stop encouraging others to care. Your education is invaluable.

Arwen

September 2, 2003
4:32 pm
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It's not that I'm stopping caring, it's just that, people are just soo apathetic and what's going on is soooo blatant. I guess afterwhile if you don't defend your freedoms, you deserve to have them taken away from you. I'm not feeling very sorry for us anymore to be quite honest.

At least the Brits are making noise. Us? We just sit here watching reality shows and acting like puppets. It's just a shock to me but it's not like I haven't been shocked before in similar ways. I expect way too much out of people. I really need to stop that.

September 3, 2003
10:30 am
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"BaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHH! Almost our new National Anthem, eh, Ladeska?

September 3, 2003
1:03 pm
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It's all such a cycle that we keep repeating on this planet over and over again. We call it different things, we pull the wool right over our own eyes and we never break out of the circles. More than anything else, it's just interesting to look at and study. I don't think we're going to undo anything here. That's one reason why I'm not really bent on convincing anyone of anything anymore. On some levels, there were people who could and can now - very much do something about things but now....that something will come at a very great price. Kelly, the UN inspector paid that price. But there have been "alot" of people like Kelly that we just don't know about.

If we survive things here and if things do not become so sanitized and information completely destroyed, we may know someday - what really went on here....years and years into the future. But for most people to wake up now and start doing their homework and go back to the beginning with so much and swallow the brutal harsh truth about so many things...is a rather large task and I don't think they are equipped to do that very well psychologically speaking. And the powers that be - know all this. Psyche Ops is a very real science and strategy and it's take very seriously.

Some people are very much awake and are screaming from the rooftops but when the rooftops are bought and controlled by a certain few - that word and outrage - is never really heard. It's squelched. The media is very much controlled in this country, so what we hear and know is very, very biased and very sanitized.

I just sit here and wonder how many times we have to keep repeating these same mistakes as a planet here before we really lurch forward because our destruction is pending if we stay on this path. It's sad to me because I see the seeds of something altogether different in us and yet - it's not fostered on the big scale. In fact, it is very, very feared. Odd, huh? That we would fear the very things that would ensure our future, temporal and eternal.

September 3, 2003
8:35 pm
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Very interesting point. I consider myself pretty middle of the road politically. Well, when all of the talks of disarming began, I said if we do this we are nuts. Some friends were saying "but, oh... everyone else is doing so, they signed treaty's"

And Japan was here visiting when Pearl Harbor was bombed!

I don't know... right now aside from my crazy cousin, I am dealing with my younger sister who is getting married on Saturday and is turning everything into a complete fiasco!

I did hear from my cousin's attorney, he and I have kept in touch, but on a personal level. He told me that he ran into the Judge the other day. She said that she is receiving letters from him every single day. She told the lawyer he is a complete lunatic (cousin not lawyer).

Boy!

Love to all,
Zinnie

September 3, 2003
10:03 pm
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Sounds like your cousin is burying himself even deeper Zinnie. I am glad that you are pulling away from his situation. He is crazy when you step back and just look at what he is doing.

I hope that the wedding is beautiful. Is it this coming weekend? You sound like quite the chef in there making all the cookies. Take care and don't get too stressed out.
Love, TS

September 3, 2003
11:01 pm
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Thanks TS!

Yes, all he is really doing is burying himself deeper and deeper with each passing day. This last crazy letter he sent says something like "I have to do everything possible that I can to get out of jail!" WHAT???? He needed to do that two years ago, not now.

I don't get it!

Regarding my sister... I don't know. I was also supposed to do the wedding cake, which I had really been looking forward to. Well, I'm having some problems with my left hand and wrist, and will need surgery when we return from CA. Anyway... almost like my cousin here, Lord help me, it runs in the family. All of this time I have been asking her and her fiance what kind of cake they would like, etc. the just kept saying whatever, we will like anything. So the cake is supposed to be five layers. So I found some really nice note cards and I had printed them out depicting what layers were what.

So, she calls my on Sunday night, at midnight, yelling at me that I went behind her back and did this without asking her. I'm "big sistering" her to death, and why am I doing the cake if my wrist is bothering me. So I told her it is only the left one, and I'm on anti-inflamatory meds, and had a steroid shot. It finally got hairy. Anyway, I have learned so many lessons about manipulation since all of these things with my cousing started happening.

So, when she started yelling and screaming at me, I just hung up. I don't need to put up with that. Here I was doing her a favor, and gladly at that, and she is having a wooly worm fit. So, I called my Mom, to tell her what is going on, and for her to try to talk to my sister. So I guess somewhere along the lines my sister calls, and Mom asks her what is going on. She then proceeds to yell at my Mom, and told her to stay out of it. So, now I'm left with decisions. Do I go? If I go, am I supposed to make the cake? If I don't go, then I have been told by many members that I will be causing a serious family problem. Now when I got married not everyone could make it, and I had no problem with that.

I don't know... "middle child syndrome"

Who knows!

Love,
Z.

September 3, 2003
11:12 pm
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So if you don't make the cake then you don't feel like you could still go? Your sister sounds like she is going a little nuts right before the wedding. That is no excuse though to be so rude to you or your mom. Geesh!!

You don't really need the extra stress mentally or physically right now it sounds like. Maybe your wrist is the best reason to bow out of making the cake. Can she find someone else on short notice? Good luck with all of this. Talk about family stress!

Sorry that you are going through this right now. It is suppose to be a happy time but dealing with family isn't always easy.

September 3, 2003
11:20 pm
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NO kidding! I still have not heard word one from her. So... hubby and I have decided to go on Friday, and spend the day seeing the sights, and maybe even going to Tijuana, he has never been. Then, sleep in on Saturday, and the wedding starts at 2:45, which is when we will get there. We will stay for the wedding, and part of the reception as I want to see my brothers, then we will leave. Take a drive down by the beach, take a walk, just he and I.

Then we leave on Sunday, and we will be home by 5:00. All in all, I think we will enjoy that much more. Now that he and I have that all planned out, I am looking forward to it. Over the last four days between talking with my sister and my Dad, they both are just spoiling for a fight. Like I told my husband, that's fine, but it won't be with me!

Love,
Zinnie

September 8, 2003
4:30 am
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Back from wedding... did not make the cake, but found out that the new Mother-in-Law had one ordered, quite some time ago. Interesting the way some folks handle things. But, that's o.k. The "no calorie" cookies were a hit!

Sister was most beautiful bride I have ever seen, and a good time was had by most. Her new in-laws up-tight, but brothers (all eight) and parents had a great time. Hubby running around with camera, can't wait to see the pics.

Checked mail when got home, new letter from cousin... he is now writing Supreme Court about unfair trial.

At least good for some entertainment value I guess.

Ladeska, have you checked out "Obsession" yet? Read some on the plane. Scary how much this relates back to cousin.

Love to all, and I missed you guys!

Zinnie

September 8, 2003
8:47 am
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Welcome back Zinnie. Glad that everything worked out for the best at your sister's wedding. It sounds like you had a great time and I so enjoyed hearing about how you all danced and had a good family time.

Your cousin continues to amaze me at what lengths he will go to in all of this. I guess he has nothing better to do with his time right now but he sure is burying himself even deeper by what he is doing. It is sadly entertaining but so sick.

Have a great week and glad you are back.

September 8, 2003
12:43 pm
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Hi Zinnie! Welcome back, so glad everything went well!!! Sounds like you had a great time!!

No......haven't checked out Obsession. Is that a book or a movie?

September 11, 2003
12:32 am
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Hi Ladeska,

Obsession is a book I recommended earlier in the thread. It is really an eye-opener to see that so many are really after the same thing. Domination, manipulation and control.

Cousins mother called this morning at 6:00 in the A.M. I think I mentioned this was a new trick of hers. Calling after midnight or early morning, knowing that we will automatically answer the phones. Anyway, she is whinning because "he has no money, and feels like you have given up on him, and wants to know why you sent back the visitation forms marked "no visits planned." I told her if he could not figure it out, than he is worse off than I thought.

Oh well... hopefully, this too shall pass.

Love,
Zinnie

September 12, 2003
4:07 pm
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Received a mail package today containing about eight visitors forms to be filled and sent back. Returned them in the envelope with another note "no visits planned" -

What I cannot understand, is that for two years, when we thought we were helping... we did not know the full story; we begged him to do something, get off his keester and DO SOMETHING! Nothing. He would not provide info or references or anything of the sort.

Now that he is in, he is sending us crazy letters about how he needs to start working on getting out of there. He is writing to the Supreme Courts about his unfair trial, the unfair Judge, the fact that his lawyer did nothing for him, etc.

Does this make sense? Is this perhaps some form of delayed guilt?

Any thoughts?

Love,
Z.

September 12, 2003
4:44 pm
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Who knows, Zinnie....who knows the mind of a twisted piece of work like he is. I think what he's trying to do now is really - bait you with "you being Needed" thingie. Before, you were pretty roped in and he was all secure in that. Now, however, he's getting desperate and sees that you are pulling away so he's really turning up the heat of - please need to be needed, Zinnie!!!!

I think that's all it is AND the fact that he's just lost a major part of his support here. He's getting a wee bit panicky. Oh DARN!!! I'd put the phone on the message machine all night Zinnie. Just screen your calls, put it by your bed so you can hear "who" it is before you pick it up, or get caller I.D. But don't let her manipulate you like that. She wins when she finds a way "around" your boundary. I'd be damned if she'd call me that late and get away with it after you've made things rather plain here!! Geez people - aren't you listening or what??? You may have to change your no. eventually...you know that, right?

They are just control freaks from hell, all of them. And no, to them you don't have ANY rights at all except to do what they need you to do. Anything else from you is just noise. They could care less unless it profits them to care. That's just it, they don't care about anything or anyone except what they can get out of it.

So just keep putting them on "ignore" and letting it be real known that I SAID NO and I MEAN NO! It may come down to your husband having to really tell a few people right off, Zinnie. It might come down to that. These people don't seem to understand plain English and you being nice but firm. He may have to MAKE it ABUNDANTLY clear, ya know?

September 12, 2003
9:52 pm
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Hi All,

Ladeska, I can't remember if I told you, but last week we rec'd a letter from him, that apparently took him like a month or month and a half to write. He even makes a comment about that. Really on the ball that one.

Anyway, he not only wrote me a letter, but he also wrote a letter to my husband. He skips all over the place in this letter to me, so much so that it makes almost no sense at all.

However, the one point he keeps going back to is the phone being blocked. In his letter to my husband, he tells him that all of this time he had been telling me to pay our phone bill out of the money from his pension account. I don't know why he has this notion that he has all of this money. His mother was draining him each and every month, remember? Anyway, he goes on to basically blame ME to my husband about the phone bill being so high. He says "I told her all this time to pay the bills out of my account, I cannot believe she did not do that!" Bull! He knew his pension was only about $1100 a month. He has me sending his Mother close to a thousand a month, then paying his storage bill - for nothing but a storage locker of junk I kid you not, and then money for his commissary... what did he think he had left?

Anyway, of course in my husband's letter the first page goes on and on about how he never meant to be a pain, or cause any kind of problems between us. See, I agree with you there, I think he is trying to cover his butt here... "oh, poor me, I certainly NEVER meant to do anything to cause you problems." He then goes on to tell my husband about how horrible his lawyer is, and how he lawyer was in cahoots with the D.A. and the Judge, etc., etc., etc.

He ends the letter by saying something like "through the perjury and lies of my own attorney, I was falsely convicted." What a job this guy is. I know in my letter he says that he has rec'd the appeal paperwork from the appeallate division of the court. He then writes "what a bunch of lies everything here is, of course my lawyer lied about all of it." He is so ignorant, he does not realize that his attorney is trying to help him. He only see's everything as lies as he was convicted.

Ladeska, you work with these folks. Are they really this delusional? Do they really think like this? To me, I keep thinking he is trying everything he can to make us feel sorry for him(or so I think), but then there is another part of me, that wonders... does he really believe this crap?

I don't know. Although I think he has lied for so many years to everyone, and himself that he actually believe's these lies.

Such a sad case. There is still a part of me that is kicking myself in the behind for even falling for this. Although, I am coming to realize tht part of my personality for whatever reason, is that I will come to the aid of the "underdog."

I wonder what that says about me?

Love,
Zinnie

September 13, 2003
12:00 am
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unhappy camper
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Wowie....I just read through this whole thread from the beginning. I got to know you all a bit better.

I have a couple of questions. Zinnie was he ever near any of your kids? It seems like his mom should have been charged as an accessory.
Can't you get a court order against him and his mom - a restraining order? At first I think you said you wrote to him almost every day. Where you that close to him before he went to jail? He sure got his fix from you inadvertently.

My dad was behind me when I was around 12 years old in the kitchen, his back to the fridge and he was tickling me. He had been drinking. From out of nowhere he reached up with both hand and cupped by breasts. I only had fried eggs for breast then but I guess he had started to watch them grow and wanted at them. I was instantly morified to death. I pushed his hands away and felt sick and livid. I didn't speak to him and mom asked what was wrong and I said "nothing". She was totally dependent on him so I didn't want to make waves. There has been a wall between us ever since. I have not had a father since that second he did that. And mom went along and didn't press and it just hangs in the air. When I was about 18 or 19 I remember my family fighting and mom asking why I don't like my father and I didn't say anything but later heard him say "I never touched her!"

He didn't do much but it was more than i could bear. I felt so violated by my own father! I felt like garbage. How could he think so little about me? I hate him.

Also, Zinnie can you get a restraining order against him for when he gets out of prison so he can't come near your family? I am sure he will get arrested again. I hope you can cut ties with him completely and move on as best you can. Although it will be necessary to keep one eye open for him when he gets out.

All that was written here makes my problems seem small by comparison. I wish you all healing and peace.
camper

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