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Beyond Embarassed
October 24, 2008
10:30 pm
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SadClownSmiles
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September 27, 2010
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Hi everyone. I just realized how much codependency has overwhelmed my life and overshadowed everything I love about me. When I'm on my own I do amazing things and make great progress, but as soon as I'm in a relationship everything starts careening off course and I become obsessive, jealous, mean, vindictive, and ultimately sick from the stress of it all. It doesn't help that the partners I choose usually have bigger problems of their own. I don't understand why I keep repeating something that I hate and is so unhealthy for me. I'm so angry all the time, I don't even recognize me. I looked up a CoDA meeting for tomorrow and maybe I can get a babysitter. I just feel so hopeless, ashamed of my behavior, and guilty about everything. Anyway, thanks for listening.

October 24, 2008
10:51 pm
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soofoo
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Me too! Thanks for sharing this. You are definitely not alone.

October 24, 2008
11:17 pm
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Healing.. and peace
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Sad Clown Smiles

You can get the help you need, and there are many people on this board that truly give good suggestions and will also give you a lot of support. Take one step at a time, it's great that your going to try to get to a meeting..Have you read the book "Codependant No More" it is a helpful book. Hope your feeling better soon, and that you keep posting.

Healing and peace

October 25, 2008
12:58 am
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marypoppins
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SadClownSmiles,

Reading, posting here, and meetings can all be very helpful. But without work with a therapist to understand the issues underlying your behavior, you will only go so far in recovery.

All the best to you.

Mary

October 25, 2008
11:53 am
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SadClownSmiles
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Thank you for replying. It helps to not feel so alone. I have read a few chapters of "Codependent No More" and it has really resonated with me. I bought it a long time ago and I'm just now getting around to reading it. I guess I wasn't ready. I'm taking the reins back. I've released my son's father from my death grip of manipulation, guilt and shame and started to work on me instead. I'm kind of excited that recovery can actually be fun and I'm looking forward to living for me again, it will be a refreshing change from what I've been doing. Anyway, thanks for the support.

October 25, 2008
1:25 pm
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marypoppins
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((((SadClownSmiles))))

Robin Norwood's Women Who Love Too Much is also very helpful, in my opinion. I've read it more than once. It ties everything together for me, brings me relief, and gives me hope for peace and sanity.

You can learn to love yourself and be happy regardless of what others do.

All the best!

Mary

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