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Betrayed
October 17, 2001
6:12 pm
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Katherine
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Some of you are sure to remember me posting something similar to this a few months back. It's about porn and my husband. I found out a few days ago that he has spent over $300 on movies from pay per view this year. (That's for stuff like playboy TV and all kinds of porn - only porn.) He admits to that, no way he can deny it. He has also charged almost $200 on the credit card for "ifriends" which is a webcam chat thing - they only charge for the "adult" rooms. He is saying that he has no idea why they charged him, as he has never done that. Yeah, sure. So, where did the charges come from??? And why is he not cancelling his account with them (I called and found that he does have an account with them) and why not call the credit card company and raise hell for charges that you didn't make? Sorry, I'm just really angry.
Anyway, I have confronted him, obviously, and his response is that I don't trust him (duh) and that I never will and he cannot live with someone who he knows will never trust him, so we should just split up. The cowards way out. We have been married for 7 months, together for a year longer than that. Oh, and it only really started this year. Last year, there were hardly any movies on the bill - like 2 in 12 months. Now it's like 6 a month, except for the month we were married, then there is only one, 2 weeks after our wedding day.
Please, I just need some help here. I'm not ready to walk out on the committment I made to him, I love him, but I cannot trust him, or believe a single word he is saying. I am so hurt and scared and depressed...I just don't know what to do or think, or what to say to him... I am lost. Please, help me.
Kate

October 17, 2001
6:51 pm
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Ladeska
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Not alot of help for your situation, Katherine, if you will stay with a man who basically throws all this in your face. You can spin your wheels and your life trying to make him change, trying to make your love be the thing that changes him, makes him fly right, love you, etc., etc. - and you can be stamped a righteous martyr and he will probably look at you and go - Duh, she still around?

By staying - you give permission for him to continue. He's a liar, plain and simple and he thinks you're pretty stupid if you take it. He knows you don't want to split up, so he can talk big about leaving, breaking up. He knows you won't do anything but nag at him and obviously he's willing to put up with that.

So, I don't know what to say here. He's lying, you know it - you're still there. There are no consequences here. He's proably really getting off on the fact that you're steamed and yet - still with him. Is this the kind of life you really want to live? Good luck if you think you'll change him. This is who he is - period.

October 17, 2001
8:52 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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Got to tell you it just get worse, so face the music now or later. Once the trust is broken it is so hard to repair, and just when you get all comfey and cooshey in the nest, WHOMP,HE DOES IT AGAIN, then you get all comfey and cooshey, and WHOMP, HE DOES IT AGAIN,then you spend your time on the roller coaster of emotions, bipolar if you will, and you never really know, and shucks for that kind of money, you two could have had a really good weekend.

October 18, 2001
10:23 am
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pill
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Kate... some thing with me, only it was personal sites - not porn. But, basically the same sort of betrayal. It's insulting, above all. Believe me, I identify with you. You are all honorable with trustworthy for hi, why can't he be the same way?

He's a man and all men are boys inside. Boys will be boys and some are worse than others. No changing him. But, hey if you get yourself together and leave him because he's no good for you, he'll probably come back begging for forgiveness... dont' know - maybe.

All in all I think Molly is right. This is what you've got. Like a gift wrapped up in golden paper and ribbons, but inside it's only a dirty rock. There may be a way to find something special about it, but it is what it is.

You're not a bad person for "breaking the committment". Love is blind, some people take advantage of that fact. It's not you, but him.

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