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Best Friend with BULIMIA
February 2, 2001
1:00 pm
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MINDA
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My best friend, 19 years of age is bulimic, and confessed this to me in the summer. She has not successfully completed therapy and has stopped going because she feels that it can not help her, and she feels better if she does things on her own...
So she has stopped throwing up... for about two months..so she says.
She is concerned about her weight gain. She is very focused on how she looks, she has a weird relationship with food..she eats, she doesn't eat...it's not regular plus she is a vegetarian.
She is my bestest friend, she's like a sister, we talk everyday...yet i'm finding myself feeling angry... confused...
i know that there is only so much you can do or say..and it's up to "her" to make changes.. and want help.
I'm afraid of relapses...will it go in a circle...will she begin binging to decrease her weight...or will she not eat at all.
will she ever be happy...with the way she looks and is it possible that she can overcome this herself?

how do i remain sane through all this because i know it's not over!

February 2, 2001
4:34 pm
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Layla
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Minda,

Obviously you care a great deal about your best friend and her eating disorder is very upsetting to you. I think all you can do is let her know you are there for her, and you will help her through this no matter what. Read as much as you can about bulimia so you understand what it is and what she is going through. I had a friend who died of anorexia, she definately couldn't handle it by herself. She needed (and off an on received) professional help, yet there wasn't much that her friends and family could do other than love and support her. By the time she ended up in the hospital, it was too late. (Not to scare you or anything). Thank goodness she confided in you. Has she told her family or anyone else? I think I would encourage her to try therapy again, maybe a different therapist. There are probably self-esteem issues that a therapist could really help her sort through while working on the bulimia. You also need to make sure that you don't become so stressed out about her situation that it starts affecting your well-being. Anyway, you sound like a wonderful friend.

February 3, 2001
12:23 am
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MINDA
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Thank you for responding, it's very appreciated. Her family does know but doesn't truly understand.They feel she's better because she says she's better and in control.I just feel she isn't, I will try to be positive and will continue to encourage her and be by her side because i know deep down she could overcome this.

I will try to remain sane...but it's hard when you feel your not understood or taken seriously. These eating disorders are so involved, its interesting....yet very frustrating.

But again...thanks for writing back.

February 3, 2001
8:24 am
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janes
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Number one ___"Her behavior should not affect YOUR sanity "----

There's a fine line between nurturing/support and codependence.

If you are not being mentally helathy then you are not helping her.

HER bulimia may make you sad but not insane!!!

If others are not hering you or you feel they are not...double check ..

And though other may thake you seriously they may also be in denial about her problems. So they might hear you...but not be able to act on what they hear.

Stay aware of your self in this.

Change what you can change and don't own what you can't.

good luck..she's lucky to have you!!

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