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Believe In You
September 21, 2000
2:54 pm
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Molly
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I want to thank you all first of all for being here. I can't stress enough in the power of positive thinking. In the last couple of days-- hours actually, the miracles have been happening left and right. I have actually sold some of my writing, edited, ok. I have lined up three interviews for work, and my old clinic just called for me to start Monday morning, and I can't wait to get there. I was also informed that I am a canidate to replace the Director. The very best thing is that I actually got into an old pair of jeans with out having to lay down to zip and button. Its the little things. It all happened because I believed in me. Ok it is not easy, and I sat in my stuff for a while, but we must take a stand for ourselves, if we don't believe in us, why should any one else ???? We controll the power, we know what we need, and we can get it if we really want to. Just like the joke how many "shrinks" does it take to change a light bulb, the light really has to want to change. It helps to make it easier with friends like you in the background. So lets make this thread, a progress line so we can share, and encourage others that it is possible to make things different. Love light, and lots of prayer. Blessings Molly

September 22, 2000
12:07 am
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i'm progressing too. i'm suceeding in failing. or am i failing in suceeding? which ones is worse. i like doing these two timer phrases.
probably they're nonsense, or maybe some food for a philosopher type of person. hmm.
actually, maybe i'm suceeding but trickle by trickle. inivisible trickle, maybe its only in my mind.

September 22, 2000
10:29 am
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You at least have a sense of humor.

September 22, 2000
2:16 pm
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This message is for guest and others and i must say Molly you are an inspiration, you got your life back and you are LIVING it!!!! God bless you my dear, god has blessed you and always did, you just didnt know it...I pray that you will forever hold onto yourself
Practical Psychology is a weekly newspaper column I have been writing
for over 18 years. It is designed to address psychological topics
that are most useful to its readers. Please feel free to re-print any
of them in any form you wish. I ask only that you give the
information about how to subscribe and credit for authorship. Thanks.

PRACTICAL PSYCHOLOGY COLUMN #949

LAF

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

Each one of us could afford to LAF more. LAFing would add joy to
our lives, heal us, and create positive relationships. LAF is an
acronym for "Love, Accept, Forgive." Dr. Bernie Siegal, in his
bestseller, "Love, Medicine, and Miracles," put these three words
together as a prescription for healing. Perhaps not "curing," but
certainly healing.

In one sense, all physical, mental, and emotional sickness can be
said to result from a lack of love. Love is that wonderful energy
which brings life into balance and harmony. It is that special
feeling of caring which is so different from sexuality, attraction, or
any other kind of feeling experience. Love expressed changes the
world. It changes people's lives. It allows growth and peace and
freedom to flourish. Love is enhancement of awareness or
consciousness. It overcomes fear and hate. It is a biological
necessity for life to begin or continue.

Acceptance is not condoning or approval. We can learn to accept
events without approving of them or wanting them to happen again.
Acceptance means acknowledgement of what is. If you have an auto
accident, the instant it happens, it is over. No amount of anger,
frustration, upset, or yelling will change the fact that the accident
happened. When events happen, they are instantly over...locked
permanently into history. Realistically, they cannot be denied or
altered in any fashion. Acceptance is recognition of an event AS
IS...and a choice of how you wish to respond to that event.
Acceptance is realizing that something has happened and choosing not
to spend time or energy in a fruitless attempt to make it I/not to
have happened."

What a relief it is to accept! What energy it allows us to put to
other uses. What power it gives us over the quality of our lives.
Acceptance grants us the platform to change our present experience and
to plan for a future. Non--acceptance is a dead--end street.
Acceptance frees us to travel a path of choice toward where we want to
be.

Forgiveness is one choice available once acceptance is done.
Forgiveness is not for the one who is forgiven. It is for the person
doing the forgiving. If we forgive, we are free from continued anger,
resentment, and rage. If we forgive, we avoid creating pain and
suffering in ourselves. When we forgive, we allow ourselves to heal
from hurts, from dis-ease, from the ravages of stress.

Forgiveness is when we "give up for." We give up our hate for our
sake. We give up our vengefulness for inner peace. We give up our
pain for harmony. We give up our fear for the love we can thereby
develop. We give up our sadness for the joy it allows in.

LAF...Love, Accept, Forgive. We also might realize that the primary
method for developing these practical virtues is through laughter. We
know that laughter allows us to let our negative feelings and
thoughts, if for only a few moments. Laughter expresses our surprise
and delight at an event. If we did not see or acknowledge (accept)
the event, we wouldn't laugh.

Laughter-we know, plows the ground into which forgiveness may be
planted and begin growing. Laughter heals us. Norman Cousins
demonstrated that very dramatically as he healed himself from a
terminal, incurable disease through laughter. Laughter may not
directly cure disease, but doing it more certainly may heal us inside.

So think LAF! Thoughts are events. They create experiences inside
us. They color and create our perceptual world. They change how we
function. They change our attitudes. Thoughts are very powerful
events. So when we think Love, Acceptance, Forgiveness, and then
laugh, our entire psychological perspective will be altered. Maybe
the joy that LAFing brings might become a habit. In that event, you
can just stand back and watch the transformation in your own life and
in the lives of others.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and
Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area
presented in "Practical Psychology." As your Coach, his only agenda
is to assist you in creating the lifestyle you genuinely desire. The
initial coaching session is free. Contact him: (970) 568-0173 or
E-mail: [email protected] or [email protected]

If you found the above column useful, feel free to share it with
friends.

st say Molly you are an inspiration, you got your life back and you are LIVING it!!!! God bless you my dear, god has blessed you and always did, you just didnt know it...I pray that you will forever hold onto yourself.

September 22, 2000
2:18 pm
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I, myself, have also come so far in my own healing.
I am very pleased with how much I have accomplished and how much I have let go of trying to be god, and how much I have started to come into Brenda.
I feel, for the first time in my life, true power beginning to build up inside of me.

September 22, 2000
4:48 pm
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depressed
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Molly,
I agree with you 100percent Believe in you or no one else will. I have been going through the fighting of everyone Shut Up, Its my choice not yours! I beleive in my heart and I believe in LOve.

September 22, 2000
7:32 pm
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the sense of humor? maybe i do it only to get attention. i remember i used to make stupid jokes, and 'act out' in class when i was small. just to get attention cause i was hungry for it. i used any ways i knew just to get ppl's attention. maybe i'm doing this again so i dont know the real reason for my apparent sense of humour or is if hunger for attention? tez u said too that i'm funny at times. well what do u think? sense of humor or hunger of attention? whats driving me. hmmm.
molly just hope that this good thing keeps going on and on, whatever it is. i;ve also felt at top of the world but maybe for 15 seconds and then it died down. just hope it stays consistent..
i'm fighting and fighting. am i hitting against a dead wall?

September 23, 2000
11:31 pm
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sounds to me like you have mood disorders that need correction with meds guest, check it out to be sure.

September 24, 2000
8:34 am
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no i hate meds. they're mind changers or some other phrase tez used to describe them. i wont take meds! i dont agree with them! its not natural. i dont care what anyone says, i will not take meds! mood changers. thats not the right way to solve ur problems. its not. no matter what anyone says... no meds for me.

September 24, 2000
12:30 pm
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Molly
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guest_guest, you have been on these threads for as long as I have, sometimes you have real stuff to put out there, and some times you just put stuff out there. No different than the rest of us, part of the group. Funny, yes you are funny, attention seeking, who isn't ? We all need validation, and to communicate. The highs of life are short, and few and far inbetween, if not would we appreciate them? Just like the junkie, even those highs don't last long, so in a sense we are all hitting our heads against the wall. Or if we take a Buddist thought, is the wall hitting us, or, are we one with the wall, or Gasthalt, we have learned to find pleasure in the pain from hitting our head against the wall, or I am co-dependent with my wall, because of my mother, or Glasner I have chosen to hit the wall, or Jung, what did the wall in my dream really mean.Then about the meds, there is a time and place for everything, but no mostly, hey we could see the wall in a different light, with meds, we are only as crazy or as depressed, or as stuck as we need to be, today, is a beautiful fall day eh?

September 24, 2000
2:45 pm
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guest, if ur not willing to do the WORK that you really need to do because your moods are really hurting you, a chemical boost from some meds can jump start you thats all, im not saying you should stay on them, just enough to get you on your way to doing the work you need to do...
Molly, there is no wall, the wall and you are all manifest energy waves of same origin, we are all one says physics says spirit.

September 24, 2000
4:26 pm
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brenda what if i was hooked on meds? i ge something u say about jump starting. i really want a job and i cant find any. i'm SO tense. i just know if i get a job, i'll be fine, i'll be earning. but i dont wanna spend life on meds. still, they make sick. no meds... please... :(. i want to be able to do it on my own.

if i was messed up not my drugs but by behavior, then the correct way to heal should be by behavior, not by drugs. my heart says a silent painful 'no' to drugs. i want a job, thats it.

September 24, 2000
8:16 pm
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Molly
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So what is the story about you getting a job, what is it that you want to do, or ??????

September 26, 2000
3:44 am
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any job. i just want to earn money for now. earn moeny so i can live alone, free of the dependence of my parents. its a pain asking them for money. i dont want to ask them. i'll spend money on myself, buy good thigns, clothes and ample food of all sorts. and also get into professional counseling or psychotherapy, which is a big erason i want to start earning money. professional guys cost money. yes i;ve heard that sometiems the non-professional ones are better OR that i shouldnt rely too much on counseling. but the thing is i've got it in my head that the next thing i should try as soon as possible is professional copunseling and therapy. maybe if i try that, that burden will be clear from my head. maybe its just something i need to get over with? i dont know.

money... hmm.. car too, independence, more freedom, less headache. right now i'm short of money and i havent asked my parents. man i'm hopefully gonna enjoy life instaed of living like a robot and marrying at 24 like my father did. he would come home and give all his money to his evil lying mother(she still lies). she puts blames on people who dont know how to defend themselves. e.g my mother doesnt know how to fight for herself cause she's mixed up herself.

ok so i'll try not to live like my parents lived. definitely not. not all like my mother and not like my father too. maried at 24, had his first child within one year, speration alerady happened in that one year. nice marraige huh.
that was the beggining!
now he's 52 and has 4 children including me. a daugher to marry off, a son who has just started college. and me, i have to find a job and then get married (get married according to him i.e.).

what a life. he's lived it like a robot. hes a workaholic. my mother.. a crack case. insecure... so much more too.

wanna get a job, get a license, solve my studies problems, solve my mental health problems. after the job, i want to improve on my health if my motivation allows it, which i dont have right now. improve my mental conditions to such an extent that i become a happy person, the one i want to be, and then get involved with someone nice with whom i can enjoy my life. i just want a job for now... that will start me on something. thanks for being interested. i gave a long answer to a short question. i do viceversa too. when ppl take interest in me, i withdraw, and dont want to answer much. have so much on my mind but i dont want to ramble on and on, as i am doing now. ok i've always wanted to do this on these threads. :

fdjkslfjsdfjsdklfal fsd ;df'slf' ';l sf'sl 'fsl;d lsfdkl ;flsk f;sdk ;sdkf ;skdfl ;sdfk;sdk fl;sd ksfld; fksdl; fksdl; vm,xc. vmxc,.fjsgjldfskgljdsfgkdlfjg
kdsflgjdsfkgljdfsgklsdjgklsdjgk
sdfl;gjdfkgljdklgjdgjdlgjdlgldjgdk
lfgjdfl

sorry. i was having a hint that if i might do this, it might help me get on with my life. yes.. sometimes i have ideas like these too. fjksdfljsdfklsdjf ooops.

September 26, 2000
6:49 pm
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Molly
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Its one of those'asdj'a a'wp4e9u09p z,cljmg'apout days, so I know how you feel, how old are you??????

September 26, 2000
8:42 pm
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24 .why ?? and u ?

September 26, 2000
9:24 pm
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At the age of 24 with as much as you complain about your parents, I am surprised you are still there. Don't they have many jobs in the area? I like your goals, they seem normal, and gosh and golly, sure know you won't end up like the dad, but you must do something. Have you gone to college, can you go live in a dorm? Just take any job, and save the money. Like the thread says believe in you. the a;sdfaower is just because I am tired, my sleep has been radically disrupted, and I can't nap. This job, my old one, that I am temporary at makes me get up at 3:30 am. Since I have had my own hours and definately need 8 hours of sleep, that I can't seem to get for the last few days, I am like a cranky baby, at the ripe old age, of almost 47. I asked your age, uncertain of your ability, to get the heck out of the house that you are in. Good thoughts to you

September 27, 2000
6:26 am
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i'm going to college. living with roomate. i'm searching for jobs. there are good jobs in my field. i'm sorry i dont inquire about ppl, so i wont ask about you. i just didnt feel like it. my mind is sort of numb.

September 27, 2000
2:59 pm
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guest,
I just wanted to say something on the subject of medication...You say medication is not natural...what is natural? Is a chemical imbalance in the brain natural? If my sister would go completely off of her medication, she has bipolar disease, she would absolutely not survive! Somewhere along the way a part of her brain has gone haywire and with the right medication she can function. Off of her meds... she can not controll her thoughts or behavior, she becomes very destructive and is unable to make sound decisions for her well being... I have been on prozac for about a year and has made me a better person, Will I continue to stay on it, I do not know, but right now I know that it is helping me cope, along with other things, in dealing with this hard life.
I have very strong feelings about this and you said that meds. are mind changers...and if someone else is reading this and they really need to be on medication it might influence them, or scare them into believing that all medication will change their mind...Maybe not realizing that it could change their mind for the better. No medication will not solve anyones problems, but it can help them survive through them.

Jaskid

September 27, 2000
7:38 pm
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she cannot control her nehabior, is destructive as u said. how did these qualities come into her? was she like that from the begginning? what about you? how did u become like what u are right now? what do u attribute the things to? why are u like what you are right now? i mean, the chemical imbalance, is it there from the start when u were born or did it come later and why did it come? medication is a personal choice.

in my case, my characteristics were made in me because of my mother. a sick person, very negative and abusive, phy. and emotionally when it counted the most for me. i know where i learnt my negative thinking. it was her. it wasnt that my brain lacked in chemicals when i was born. if my negative thinking habits (doctors tern, chem. imbalance?) were due to lots of abue and lack of real love, then maybe the imbalance could be corrected by love, and learning to lvoe myself and accept myself. cause my mother told me i was a bad guy. if i can slowly convince myself that i'm good then things could be solved?

medications...
by medications i will not be learning to love myself, right? i'll just be on a high, and ignoring my negative feelings. i have to replace the negative feelings by +ve ones.
ok well i dont know, i'm just not comfortable with drugs. its like alocohol, that people take to relax themselves and when they dont take it, its even worse. for now, i can go on, and survive (its a hard task even that, cause i feel bad almost all the times), without drugs. if it becomes too serious, i might consider them, but still i want to do it 'on my own'. the -ve things were learned due to lack of love. what makes it look natural is that love will solve those things, not drugs. i dont know. whatever

September 27, 2000
8:14 pm
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There are chemical imbalances, and emotions cause the chemicals in our brain to change. I have heard, that environment can even change the DNA. some stuff you can choose and some stuff you can't, and even with meds, you have to work with them, there is no simple solution. There are genetic disorders, that would require balancing, and possible medication for life. Trama has been known to occur to the child while in the womb, and most definately after birth and the first 7 years, if indeed you have been traumatized, it is possible that meds could be the only solution. But the most important part, is that you must want to be different, and be willing to seek the solution, and that takes effort, it is easy to get stuck, and blame, and wish, and try, vs committ. some people gain from being a victim, and that too is often taught, there are so many variables.

September 29, 2000
3:04 pm
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guest,

I believe that it has been in my families genes...and like Molly said, the environment has alot to do with bringing these chemical imbalance out.
Now for my sister I believe her down fall was taking drugs and drinking at a very early age, if I started drinking and doing heavy drugs, I would most likely end up like her or worse. NO matter what you say...there are people in this world who need certain medications to be stabilized...Just like someone who has diabetes, they would not survive without insulin, or heart disease...these people need medication for their heart... the brain is an organ just like our heart and when it is missing something we can not function properly. I am sorry that you have had bad experiences with some medications you tried, but the fact remains, mental illnesses are brain disorders, not just behavioral problems that might need help with medications.

Jaskid

September 29, 2000
3:32 pm
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actually what iw as saying is that for example my mother abused me so much that i got this low self-esteem and depression due to that. slowly the chemicals in the brain also changed due to that. so maybe due my mothers abuse, i got the chemical imbalance. about ur sister. ppl get into drugs and drinking for an apaprent reason. they try to run away from some problems. drinking and drugs make u forget ur problems temporailiy. was ur sister just taking the drugs for fun or do u know of any thing that happend to her, for example abuse from parents (emotional abuse counts!).
actually i havent tried any medicines as yet. i'm afraid to do so. i dont want to go on them for my whole life, dont want to depend on them. but someone talked about a kick start, they might be able to give. if thats true really, i guess i would mind? but i'm not decided yet. for now i'll try counseling and see what happens.

September 29, 2000
5:49 pm
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The kick start works, and it is not really fast, it takes sometimes months, the counseling might identify what the disorder is, but you would need to see a psychologist, the big buck guys. I believe that you know what the problem is, like the abuse and low self esteem, the only way that changes is if you allow the love to come to you and own it. Look in the mirror, and say I am loveable and capable of loving, is a good start, get around folk, and be your self, whe your history, or mental tapes of victim hood, or unworthiness come into your head, create a mantra, like I am not going there right now, I am committed to being loved, and loving it, and that I am a good person who deserves love.

September 29, 2000
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hmm that was nice

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