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Being single is.... ok. ?
June 9, 2006
6:18 am
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blyxx
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I've been single for about 8 months now... I'm starting to be fine being alone. I have a couple friends, nothing else. I'm starting to be fine with that as well, friendless.

However, in the past when I'm ok with being single, that is right when a girl walks into my life. Well... The last 3 days has been the same thing as in the past... Except now it's my ex gf and another girl I went out with before.

Having known these people fairly well, and not talking to them in a while my judgement could be a little off... I know one of them wants us to start seeing eachother again, and my ex seems very interested in rekindling at least our friendship.

This is difficult for me. Both of them have one aspect that I really really hate. One smokes, the other drinks... They actually look fairly similar to eachother.

I know I couldn't handle being friends with either of them because of how jealous I get of my ex's when I see them with someone else. Being a friend just doesn't work.

SoulSister told me to make a list of things that I like/dislike about my ex.. I did make a mental list and the only thing I came up with for dislike is her drinking. She'll be turning 17 this year, and it makes me sad that she does enjoy drinking so much. However, this ex of mine was my only gf that I felt cared about me as much as I cared about her. I tried to tell myself that I hated her and could care less about what happened to her... Then she sent me a message, and bam! All the times I said I hated her all became lies.

I'm confused. Very very confused.

Why can I never just be happy being single? Because the moment I'm ok being single I suddenly become wanted again and the option to be single just seems ridiculous. Help me.

June 9, 2006
9:54 am
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1lost1
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hi blyxx, I have been out of the loop for a while. It sounds as if you have made peace with being alone.

Soul is pretty good with her advice. Do you remember what made you "hate" her? Possibly you need to relive those moments in your head.

I have to do that when my ex tries to enter my world. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

Being single is very hard. I have yet to master it. There are all sorts of ways to move on and be happy to be single. I search for things that interested me before my ex.

What did you do before your ex? What people did you interact with then? Search for things that you enjoy.

I think I may take my own advice...

Good luck sweetie!

June 9, 2006
10:00 am
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Randomwomen2
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You are so young sweetheart your 19 right. Try and not to stress to much about it you have a long life ahead of you to find the perfect girl.

June 9, 2006
10:51 am
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blyxx
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See... i'm ok with being single. Nothing to worry about, but then when I'm really ok with being single, some girl always seems to come along that is interested in me. When the choice to be with someone or be single is there... I really seem to want the relationship.

Before my ex... Hmmm, I was single for a while, hung out with friends from time to time. It was summer, I didn't do anything really. I went to parties with my best friend, met my ex while I was drunk. Hahaha, my first time and last time drinking. It was really really fun, but too fun to do it again.

Kinda just in an odd state right now.

I know I have my life ahead of me Random... but do I want to have any fun now before I leave for college? It's really throwing me for a loop.

June 9, 2006
12:09 pm
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1lost1
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It always happens when you are happy being by yourself opportunities arise to challenge you. Take small steps with whatever you decide.

Go out as friends and not as b/f or g/f. Enjoy your youth. I am with Random don't stress it.

June 9, 2006
12:49 pm
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turnabout
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blyxx said:
See... i'm ok with being single. Nothing to worry about, but then when I'm really ok with being single, some girl always seems to come along that is interested in me. When the choice to be with someone or be single is there... I really seem to want the relationship. (emphasis mine)

This contradiction indicates that you aren't really okay with being single ... you're just "making do" b/c that seems to be the only option open to you. It seems like you want the relationship whenever there is an option for one b/c it's a "rescue" from your singleness.

If you were really okay with being single, you wouldn't jump at a chance to be "rescued" from it just b/c it's there.

To clear things up in THIS situation, ask yourself if you would really WANT to be with either of these girls, or are you just thinking of taking the option just because it's there.

If you choose to be with anyone for any reason other than a desire to be with HER, it's insulting to her and to yourself. No one wants to be chosen just b/c they were available. EVERYONE wants to be chosen b/c of being valued for WHO THEY ARE. Don't you agree? So make sure this is the reason you get into a relationship ... b/c of how you value the person and how you feel valued by them, not to escape being single.

Blessings,
turn

June 9, 2006
1:26 pm
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blyxx
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I don't want a relationship with any of them, but I feel like I'd be pressured into one if I started talking to them. I stopped thinking about finding a girlfriend, and then I get all these phone calls and messages from them. Do they know? Are they trying to pull me back for some unknown reason?

I'm just really confused about it and why this is how it always seems to happen. I stop wanting a girlfriend, and then girls come to me. It's not fair.

It's hard for me to say no to them...

June 9, 2006
6:42 pm
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Rasputin
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You are still too young Blyxx - only 19 years old. You still have a whole life in front of you. Why are you worried and rushed?

You said something very wise in your post - Being single is better than being in unhappy relationship. I totally agree with this statement.

However, being in a relationship does not mean that you are needy...or lacking in self-confidence, as long as you're doing it bc you love that gal or you believe she is the right one for you.

The bottom line is to be convinced that you have made the right choice and have chosen the right person w/o any pressure from peers and anybody else.

It's your life, you need to make that choice!

~Ras~

June 11, 2006
6:20 am
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asc9
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I can really relate to this siuation. Funny thing is that when i'm unhappy in a relationship I am logical & can make the decision to end it if it's not working.

As soon as i am single i forget about why we split up & then often end up getting back together.

It's very easy to think it will be better next time!

If only i could hold out and wait for the 'right one' rather than continually have on-off relationships where i'm afraid of being single!

June 11, 2006
7:12 am
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blyxx
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I'm actually a fan of being single, mostly because it costs a lot less money. Although, some girls don't need any money, and those are the ones I really really like, who can just sit down with me... Hmmm, I guess that answered my question about these girls that kinda just came back. They are all too expensive to entertain. I know of one or two that require nothing and are completely happy with me, isn't that right Soulsister? hahaha. 😉

I'm just worried about being sucked into a relationship because I am completely friendless where I live. People say they are my friends, but they won't return calls, reply to texts, and heaven knows how fake they are when I run into them in public. "Oh look who it is. I haven't heard from you in a while." Bullshit, I've been calling you for 2 weeks you stupid... AGGG! I hate when people act like they've been trying to get a hold of you.

June 11, 2006
9:52 am
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on my way
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blyxx...it has been my experience that when i decide something for myself, as you have about being single, i am then it seems put through a series of character building tests if you will, to make it truly be me...for it is through experience that it becomes a part of you, and each time it becomes easier to stick with what you want and say no. So if you can look at this as a test to your character, then just stick with your original decision.

June 11, 2006
9:50 pm
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1lost1
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I am going to just say this because it is how I feel now.

BEING SINGLE SUCKS!!!

I may change my opinion later but, it was the feeling of the moment.

Best of luck to the rest of you!!!

June 12, 2006
7:15 am
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blyxx
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I agree with you 1lost1... In comparison to being in a *GOOD* relationship, being single does suck. However, until I find a good one, I'll say that being single is just ok.

thank you omw, i never looked at all these girls swarming into my life as a test, but you are truly right. I will say no to them, or not even talk to them, seeing as that is what I've been doing for a few months now.

June 12, 2006
7:47 am
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1lost1
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blyxx, I am ok also. There are moments when having someone is wonderful, when it is "good."

Just had to let it out yesterday. I am better today.

Take care sweetie...1L1

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