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Being CoDep w/ Empty Nesting: Need CoDA support
July 27, 2007
10:44 am
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Butterflyfreedom
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September 27, 2010
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Hi,

I joined CoDA way back in the late '80s and have not been back since 1991. I am really needing some support as my last child leaves home after college. I am being very codependent with him and just really emotional. It seems that my personal happiness is being linked to him lately.....that's codependency to me. I live way out in the country, miles and miles away from the nearest CoDA meeting. Thanks for letting me share. I'm glad that I'm back. Butterflyfreedom

July 27, 2007
11:12 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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September 24, 2010
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butterfly,

I am sure you are NOT alone...empty nest syndrome is VERY common.

I would recommend that maybe you look into things you may want to do - like hobbies and such.

You spent all your life raising kids, living thru them, giving up your free time for them.

Now it's time for YOU!

Is there household projects you want to get done? Perhaps rearrange rooms, paint, remodel?

Is there hobbies you may have put off cuz you didn't have the time? dance classes, photography classes, cooking classes, exercising, etc?

Could you get a pet? pets are GREAT sources of comfort when you are lonely.

Is there volunteer groups you could join?

Do you belong to a church? You can get counseling there, but also find some groups to join thru the church.

Now is your time to shine...find out who YOU are.

And know that the kids DO come back!!!!

July 28, 2007
2:00 pm
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Butterflyfreedom
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September 27, 2010
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Hi Risingfromtheashes,

Thanks for you insight and feedback! You gave me a lot of ideas and thoughts to think about and consider.

I am jumping right into looking at new furniture for our family room/den since I promised my son the sofa and matching chair when he graduated. So this will be something to enjoy! Plus my husband and I will start painting a room that we never got around to finishing when we moved into this house.

Hobbywise: I quilt and am going to really get back into that. I am also joing the YMCA so that I can get back into swimming and TAKE CARE OF ME!!!

Pets, not a problem there since we have 3 dogs, 3 cats and 2 horses that we consider to be our children too.

But, I just don't want to be filling a hole with something else. I asked myself today if I was mourning normally for our last child to leave or am I then just going to re-fill any codependent holes in myself. Know what I mean?

ALso, I think that sometimes I'm having those codependent crazies (feelings) again....like am I going nuts or something? Do I need to get counseling again? God, I hope this passes!

Thanks for your thoughts again, let me know when I can be there for you too! I just needed to talk to someone!

Butterfly

July 28, 2007
4:09 pm
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wasabi
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September 27, 2010
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I feel you Butterfly*
I'm pre empty nester even thought 2 still kinda liva at home one out already .... Weekends are so lonley!
I have plenty of hobbies , project, animals & cleaning to do!I find myself waiting around for my husband to do something..... For him to say I'm tried what's for dinner.....
There is some big whole..... I could'nt wait for this time now it's so quite & lonley!
Your Not alone we are in the same boat!
Wasabi

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